When sex feels like an obligation rather than a choice, it erodes intimacy, fosters resentment, and leaves partners feeling distant and disconnected. In this powerful Q&A discussion, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife explores the complexities of "duty sex" including what drives it and the detrimental impact it has on relationships. She discusses the powerful meanings we attach to sex, and how these meanings can either undermine desire by creating a sense of obligation or foster connection through choice and mutual desire. She offers insight into how both higher and lower-desire partners can step away from patterns of pressure and compliance and cultivate a more fulfilling sexual relationship built on mutual desire, authentic connection, and a sense of being truly chosen.  

Many women, especially those raised in sexually conservative cultures, receive the message—directly or indirectly—that being spiritual or “good” means distancing themselves from their sexuality. This framing often leads women to see their sexual nature as something to suppress in order to maintain their spiritual worth or desirability. As a result, many enter marriage believing that sex is a duty they perform for their husband rather than an expression of their own identity, pleasure, and well-being. In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Tanya Hale of the Intentional Living Podcast to challenge these cultural messages and offer an important reframe on women's sexuality. They discuss the ways these messages undermine women’s sense of self and self-respect and explore how integrating sexuality and spirituality allows women to reclaim desire, develop deeper self-trust, and cultivate more equal, fulfilling relationships. If you are ready to rethink your relationship to desire and sexuality, JOIN US for the Art of Desire Workshop in Gilbert, Arizona! Use the code DESIRE to SAVE $100 on your ticket! 

Dan and Marie were happy enough in their marriage, until they started listening to Room for Two. Listening to the Dave and Carly series woke them up to the fact that even though their marriage was peaceful and good, it wasn’t as honest as they had believed it to be, and they wanted to create something better. So they got to work – listened to podcasts, worked through courses, and even attended a couples’ workshop. Their efforts to bring more honesty and authenticity to the marriage paid off and they caught occasional glimpses of what their relationship was really capable of, but... old habits die hard, and despite the progress, they often find themselves slipping into their familiar pattern of trying to manage how they are seen and experienced, which leaves their sexual engagement feeling lackluster and “vanilla.” In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Jennifer works with Dan and Marie to help them better understand what their intimate relationship is exposing about their relational dynamic, and how honesty and authenticity will open the door for them to create the spark and passion that they long for. Want to hear the FULL episode? Subscribe to Room for Two and gain immediate access to this and over 100 other full-length Room for Two episodes!

A woman's arousal is highly connected to her sense of freedom in her relationship. Yet so many of us create relational realities where women don't feel free — where sex is about managing a spouse's sense of self or "needs." In this mindset sex becomes another job to do. And as Esther Perel says, "sex can be work or play, but it cannot be both." When you create a relationship with your spouse where you feel free to be who you are, free from managing their sense of self, and free to show your strength, sex becomes a place you want to be —a place of ease. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers questions about female arousal and orgasm. She discusses the impact of societal and personal beliefs on women's sexual experiences, the connection between emotional freedom and sexual well-being, and offers practical advice for overcoming common challenges women face such as performance anxiety, self-judgment, and the aftermath of sexual trauma. To learn more about this topic, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Art of Desire course! Or, better yet, join us for one of our upcoming Art of Desire Events! 

Many of those who develop a compulsive relationship with pornography aren’t just looking for sexual gratification—they’re looking for a type of relief.  These are often people who appear most put together on the outside—the responsible student, the dedicated churchgoer, the child who carries the family’s expectations. With little space to process stress or be truly known, pornography becomes a tempting, private escape from the pressures of life. But over time, this creates a growing divide between their public persona and private reality, reinforcing shame and deepening their sense of fracture and isolation. This pattern often carries into marriage, where rather than risk the exposures of real intimacy and connection with a spouse, porn continues to be an easy escape.  In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Taylor Chambers to discuss how we can turn challenges related to pornography into opportunities for personal and relational growth. They explore the systemic issues that contribute to porn use, the impact that unwanted porn use has on marriages, and how we can use conflict and crisis in our relationships as opportunities to learn more about ourselves and create meaningful growth in our capacity for real intimacy. _________ In the episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses the Zach and Kelly Room for Two series. Subscribe to Room for Two to listen to the entire 7-episode series! Dr. Finlayson-Fife also mentions her upcoming Art of Loving Retreat in St. George, Utah. You can join the interest list for that retreat HERE.

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, discusses the transformative journey of women in midlife. She highlights how physical changes can lead to a deeper understanding of self and relationships. The conversation delves into sexuality during menopause, urging open communication to enhance intimacy. They also explore balancing personal identities with nurturing relationships and the power of self-acceptance in fostering growth and authenticity in this pivotal stage of life.

Discover what keeps the spark alive in long-term marriages. It’s all about authentic connection, not just new tricks in the bedroom. Learn how self-acceptance and open communication can deepen intimacy. The complexities of women's sexuality are explored, emphasizing playfulness and genuine connections. The discussion encourages couples to cultivate desire while resisting societal pressures. This engaging Q&A delves into the heart of what it means to truly know and be known by your partner.

Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, dives into maintaining intimacy amidst the chaos of adult life. She discusses how intimacy goes beyond intercourse, emphasizing self-acceptance as crucial for healthy connections. The conversation tackles the effects of anxiety and antidepressants on desire, and offers insights on 'fighting fair' in marriage. Finlayson-Fife encourages couples to prioritize their partnership, allowing sexuality to flourish in everyday moments.

Talking to kids about sex isn't easy, but it's essential. Children look to parents for guidance in understanding their sexuality. Open discussions show that parents care and can tackle tough subjects. Insights on fostering a continuous and honest dialogue empower kids to make informed choices about their bodies and relationships. Parents are encouraged to embrace these conversations, promoting respect and a healthy grasp of evolving sexual identities.

Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, dives into the complexities of modesty and sexuality. She discusses how cultural misunderstandings shape perceptions of modesty and emphasizes mutual responsibility between genders. The conversation highlights the significance of teaching children about their sexuality in a positive light, promoting self-respect, and personal expression. Together, they explore the joys and challenges of raising daughters and the importance of fostering open communication about body positivity and individuality.