Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

David has been battling a pornography compulsion for much of his life. He’s read the books, listened to the podcasts, joined the groups, and tried every program he could find. But despite his best efforts, his behavior continues. The repeated use—and the cycle of disclosure that follows—has taken a toll on their marriage.  David is upfront when he slips—but this is in the form of turning to Alexa for forgiveness and reassurance. When Alexa distances following his disclosure, he often grows impatient. In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with David and Alexa to better understand what’s keeping them stuck. She offers David a new perspective—that he would benefit from acknowledging the part of him that wants the escape of pornography, and that until he confronts that reality, genuine change will remain out of reach. Subscribe to Room for Two to listen to the FULL episode (and the rest of the David and Alexa series) 

Many people long for more ease and passion in their sexual relationship—but unknowingly bring meanings to sex that interfere with both. When sex becomes a duty to fulfill, a performance to manage, or a tool to reassure a partner, it loses the very energy that makes it feel alive. The pressure to produce intimacy, validation, or an orgasm can quietly unravel the conditions that desire needs in order to thrive. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife uses questions from her audience to unpack why so many of us struggle to feel ease and desire in our sexual relationship—and what we can do to can create a more soulful and passionate connection with our partner. ___ Join us for the Art of Desire Workshop in Gilbert, Arizona next week! Use code DESIRE to SAVE $100

It's hard to know how to address doubts, concerns, or frustrations about the church, especially because we tend to link "goodness" with being unquestioning.   Many worry that sharing their experiences or voicing their concerns will be misconstrued as a lack of faith or a full rejection of the gospel. The temptation is to stay silent in an effort to preserve harmony—or to speak up but in ways that ultimately shut down understanding, but neither of these approaches allow for the type of meaningful conversations that are requisite for creating positive change. In this powerful conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Amy Watkins Jensen of Women on the Stand to discuss how women can engage in meaningful and honest conversations about their experiences in the Church and how daring to do so is what will allow us to create more honest and inclusive faith communities. ___  Join Dr. Finlayson-Fife in Arizona for the Art of Desire Workshop! Click HERE and use code DESIRE to SAVE $100

When sex feels like an obligation rather than a choice, it erodes intimacy, fosters resentment, and leaves partners feeling distant and disconnected. In this powerful Q&A discussion, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife explores the complexities of "duty sex" including what drives it and the detrimental impact it has on relationships. She discusses the powerful meanings we attach to sex, and how these meanings can either undermine desire by creating a sense of obligation or foster connection through choice and mutual desire. She offers insight into how both higher and lower-desire partners can step away from patterns of pressure and compliance and cultivate a more fulfilling sexual relationship built on mutual desire, authentic connection, and a sense of being truly chosen.  

In this discussion, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, challenges the cultural narratives that compel women to suppress their sexuality for spiritual acceptance. She emphasizes the need for women to reclaim their sexual identity and desires, which can enhance connection in relationships. They delve into the impact of menopause, societal pressures, and how embracing sexuality promotes self-respect, ultimately offering a roadmap for women to achieve fulfillment in love and intimacy.

Dan and Marie were happy enough in their marriage, until they started listening to Room for Two. Listening to the Dave and Carly series woke them up to the fact that even though their marriage was peaceful and good, it wasn’t as honest as they had believed it to be, and they wanted to create something better. So they got to work – listened to podcasts, worked through courses, and even attended a couples’ workshop. Their efforts to bring more honesty and authenticity to the marriage paid off and they caught occasional glimpses of what their relationship was really capable of, but... old habits die hard, and despite the progress, they often find themselves slipping into their familiar pattern of trying to manage how they are seen and experienced, which leaves their sexual engagement feeling lackluster and “vanilla.” In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Jennifer works with Dan and Marie to help them better understand what their intimate relationship is exposing about their relational dynamic, and how honesty and authenticity will open the door for them to create the spark and passion that they long for. Want to hear the FULL episode? Subscribe to Room for Two and gain immediate access to this and over 100 other full-length Room for Two episodes!

A woman's arousal is highly connected to her sense of freedom in her relationship. Yet so many of us create relational realities where women don't feel free — where sex is about managing a spouse's sense of self or "needs." In this mindset sex becomes another job to do. And as Esther Perel says, "sex can be work or play, but it cannot be both." When you create a relationship with your spouse where you feel free to be who you are, free from managing their sense of self, and free to show your strength, sex becomes a place you want to be —a place of ease. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers questions about female arousal and orgasm. She discusses the impact of societal and personal beliefs on women's sexual experiences, the connection between emotional freedom and sexual well-being, and offers practical advice for overcoming common challenges women face such as performance anxiety, self-judgment, and the aftermath of sexual trauma. To learn more about this topic, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Art of Desire course! Or, better yet, join us for one of our upcoming Art of Desire Events! 

Many of those who develop a compulsive relationship with pornography aren’t just looking for sexual gratification—they’re looking for a type of relief.  These are often people who appear most put together on the outside—the responsible student, the dedicated churchgoer, the child who carries the family’s expectations. With little space to process stress or be truly known, pornography becomes a tempting, private escape from the pressures of life. But over time, this creates a growing divide between their public persona and private reality, reinforcing shame and deepening their sense of fracture and isolation. This pattern often carries into marriage, where rather than risk the exposures of real intimacy and connection with a spouse, porn continues to be an easy escape.  In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Taylor Chambers to discuss how we can turn challenges related to pornography into opportunities for personal and relational growth. They explore the systemic issues that contribute to porn use, the impact that unwanted porn use has on marriages, and how we can use conflict and crisis in our relationships as opportunities to learn more about ourselves and create meaningful growth in our capacity for real intimacy. _________ In the episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses the Zach and Kelly Room for Two series. Subscribe to Room for Two to listen to the entire 7-episode series! Dr. Finlayson-Fife also mentions her upcoming Art of Loving Retreat in St. George, Utah. You can join the interest list for that retreat HERE.

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, discusses the transformative journey of women in midlife. She highlights how physical changes can lead to a deeper understanding of self and relationships. The conversation delves into sexuality during menopause, urging open communication to enhance intimacy. They also explore balancing personal identities with nurturing relationships and the power of self-acceptance in fostering growth and authenticity in this pivotal stage of life.

Discover what keeps the spark alive in long-term marriages. It’s all about authentic connection, not just new tricks in the bedroom. Learn how self-acceptance and open communication can deepen intimacy. The complexities of women's sexuality are explored, emphasizing playfulness and genuine connections. The discussion encourages couples to cultivate desire while resisting societal pressures. This engaging Q&A delves into the heart of what it means to truly know and be known by your partner.