Conversations with Dr. Jennifer Extended-Family Relationships | Q&A with Dr. Jennifer
Nov 25, 2025
The discussion dives into the complexities of extended-family dynamics during the holidays. Enmeshed relationships, like mother-son triangulation, are explored, alongside strategies for navigating intrusive in-laws. Listeners learn how to set boundaries and prioritize their marriages amidst family pressures. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also addresses coping with grief and the importance of shifting validation from family to partnership. The conversation emphasizes honest communication, self-validated intimacy, and protecting children from manipulation during challenging times.
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Marriage Exposes Differentiation Fault Lines
- Marriage forces a leave-and-cleave that deeply tests differentiation and personal identity.
- Extended-family pressure often triggers old belonging needs that compete with forming a new marital unit.
Triangulation Replaces Missing Marital Intimacy
- Triangulation happens when marital intimacy is lacking and a third party provides validation.
- Children often become that third party because of dependency and admiration dynamics.
Bring Issues To Your Spouse First
- Start by addressing boundary problems within your marriage before confronting the in-law.
- Tell your spouse concretely how the parental closeness undermines your partnership and ask them to prioritize the marriage.
