Love, Loss, and Living Life on Life's Terms: A Conversation with Dr. Adam Miller
Oct 24, 2023
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Dr. Adam Miller, a professor of philosophy, joins Dr. Finlayson-Fife for a thought-provoking conversation on love, loss, and living life on life's terms. They discuss topics such as love as an action, the connection between courage and love, the intersection of love, intimacy, and spirituality, the unmasking power of sex, and the challenges of self-love and understanding.
Love is an unconditional commitment to doing what is good and giving the good that is needed, regardless of whether someone deserves it or is a friend or enemy.
By shifting the focus away from the pursuit of personal satisfaction and instead focusing on sacrificial love, individuals can experience a different, more profound understanding of love that transcends personal desires and expectations.
Deep dives
Love as a Commandment
Love, according to Dr. Adam Miller, is not a conditional reward or an unconditional reward. It is a commandment, the heart of every commandment. Love is an unconditional commitment to doing what is good and giving the good that is needed, regardless of whether someone deserves it or is a friend or enemy. This perspective challenges the common belief that love is a reward to be earned, emphasizing instead the importance of focusing on what is needed and what is good in every situation.
The Importance of Facing Loss
Love requires confronting and accepting the inevitability of loss and the realization that satisfaction cannot be attained. Dr. Miller explains that the key to finding love is to embrace the losses and suffering that occur in life and transform them into acts of love and giving. By shifting the focus away from the pursuit of personal satisfaction and instead focusing on sacrificial love, individuals can experience a different, more profound understanding of love that transcends personal desires and expectations.
Vulnerability and Intimacy
Intimate sex and deep witnessing in a relationship require courage and vulnerability. Dr. Miller emphasizes that intimate sex unmasks individuals, revealing their vulnerability and unfinished selves. It challenges the paper-thin fictions people create and exposes their intimate strangers. Engaging in intimate sex and true intimacy means letting go of control and validation, and instead embracing the exposure, honesty, and acceptance that comes with genuinely loving and being loved.
Self-Love and the Journey to Understanding
Understanding oneself requires a lifetime of discovery and embracing the honesty that comes with acknowledging failures and imperfections. Dr. Miller suggests that self-love lies in letting go of the need to prove one's worthiness and focusing on what is needed for personal growth and unconditional love. By shifting the perspective and living in honesty, individuals can experience freedom from the ego-driven question of self-worth and instead find fulfillment in the shared journey of understanding and love.
Last month, Dr. Adam Miller joined Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Room for Two subscribers for an interactive discussion about love and loss.
The conversation was simply too incredible to keep contained on the Room for Two podcast, so we are releasing it here today on Conversations with Dr. Jennifer for EVERYONE to enjoy. This beautiful exchange of ideas between Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Dr. Miller will change the way you think about love in the best possible way.
Dr. Adam Miller is a professor of philosophy at Collin College in McKinney, Texas. He earned a BA in Comparative Literature from Brigham Young University and an MA and PhD in Philosophy from Villanova University.
If you would like to take part in future conversations like this one, consider subscribing to Room for Two!
This podcast episode discusses the Zack and Kelly series, found on Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast. You can listen to a portion of the first episode of the series without a subscription HERE.
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