Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

I am heartbroken to share with you on this Mother’s Day that recently my mom was diagnosed with a serious illness. An illness that will take her from us sooner than any of us had expected. Sherrae Phelps and I recorded this podcast episode last year, long before my mom’s diagnosis. The plan was always to publish the episode for Mother’s Day, but it feels particularly poignant to be releasing it now, in light of this diagnosis–to be celebrating my mother’s impact on me as I confront the reality of losing her. I am so grateful for my kind-hearted and generous mother. When I was young, it seemed to me that my mom had less influence than my dad (he was a professor, a church leader, and had a more dominant voice in our family). But, over time, I have come to see and appreciate just how influential my mom has been—not only in my life but in the lives of countless others.  My mom has the tremendous gift of being able to see the good in others. She genuinely cares about people and easily celebrates them for who they are, however divergent their backgrounds and beliefs may be. Throughout my childhood, my mom would welcome those who were in need of friendship or support into her life. It wasn’t uncommon for us to have visitors staying at our house or sitting around our dinner table. Caring for others comes easily to my mom—the genuine friendship and acceptance that she offers has blessed the lives of so many. Because of my mom’s ability to see the good in others, it has always been clear to me and to each of my seven siblings that we are cherished by her. She relates to us as gifts in her life and believes that we are inherently worthy (even when we have been sure she was mistaken). She never tried to turn us into anything different than who we were—she didn’t pressure us to be people who would make her proud. She was already proud of us, just for being hers. Having a parent value me so unequivocally fostered a belief in myself early on. Through the way that she has lived, she has taught me to care for others and to trust in a God who loves and accepts me, even when others may not. Although an unassuming person, my mom has always been determined to create a meaningful life. Consistent with her focus on the Good, she’s an optimist, one who looks towards possibilities. For example, in her seventies, she started a raw vegan snack food business; at age 89, she signed up for ballroom dance classes–even though doing so terrified her–and she has danced nearly every day since. Lately, she has been focused on improving her German and studies it regularly. She is always trying to expand her life. And even in the face of a devastating diagnosis, Mom has remained hopeful and resolved to live every remaining moment wholeheartedly and without despair. The truth is, my behind-the-scenes mother has had a tremendous positive impact on the world. She has spread her influence by living wisely and through her honest care for others. This disposition has been supported by her faith which has asked her to love others and to live hopefully.   At ninety years old, she is a woman full of life and genuine beauty–she exemplifies feminine radiance and intuitive wisdom. Her life has demonstrated that the power of love, humility, and grace can make the world a better place. I am so grateful for her–grateful for her influence on me and on others. Grateful that she is who she is, and that she has shown up in her life the way that she has. She has given me so much.  Thank you, Mom. I love you so very much.

**Click HERE to subscribe to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!** The challenges in your sexual relationship can offer a glimpse into the unhealthy dynamics playing out in your life and marriage. Understanding and addressing your role in these difficult interactions will help you create an intimate relationship that can be a place of solace for both parties—where each partner feels desired, valued, and cared for. 

In this new podcast episode, I join Melissa of the Family Brand podcast to discuss our ability to find fulfillment in sexual relationships and how couples can overcome common roadblocks that interfere with desire, passion, and connection.  

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:      •    Meanings that interfere with desire and sexual connection     •    Becoming more capable of desire and connection in marriage     •    Navigating intimacy during every phase of marriage—from newlywed to empty nest     •    Balancing our need for autonomy with our need for connection (making room for two in marriage)     •    Self-authoring and its relationship to desire      •    Increasing eroticism and connection with our partners

**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course** Many of us have been taught the misguided idea that to be virtuous we must be desireless. Not all desires are created equal, and there is an important distinction to be made between our lower and higher desires. Lower desires are driven by our ego—they are self-serving, driven by our need to feel good, and are antithetical to spiritual development. Higher desires, on the other hand, encourage our growth and expansion, these are the desires that promote our development and increase our ability to love those around us. The pursuit of our higher desires is not only worthwhile, it’s imperative to our psychological, emotional, and spiritual development. In this episode, I joined Ryan and Jordan, hosts of The Stoic Dad podcast, to discuss the difference between higher and lower desires, the important distinction between wants and desires, productive and unproductive suffering, as well as what defines mature masculinity and the dynamics of attraction.

**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!** The brief years of young adulthood are a vitally important period of our development.  These are the years when we learn how to self-define. A time when we take the ideas and beliefs that were offered to us by parents, peers, and society and really sort out what we think about those ideas, and how we want to relate to them as we go forward.  As most adults will remember, this can be a turbulent process, for both young adults and their parents.   I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Isaac Burton, a bright young college student, to discuss several topics on the minds of many young adults. During the conversation, we discuss dating, career choices, the importance of self-definition, and more.

A few months ago, I had a fantastic conversation with Monica Packer (@aboutprogress) about the uncomfortable, rewarding, and essential process of self-expansion. As human beings, we have a strong drive to develop, create, learn, and grow. But the uncertainty of growth keeps many of us afraid to start the enriching process of developing who we are. And, to be clear, it IS a process. Self-expansion isn’t about meeting metrics or checking off goals. It’s a mindset. It’s about striving, staying open to possibilities, and being courageous enough to tolerate the inevitable bumps along the way. In this episode, I discuss with Monica the importance of expanding ourselves and how constricting this process and taking refuge in stasis and what is familiar, limits not only our peace with ourselves but also our ability to whole-heartedly love our partner.  Listen to the full episode to learn more about how the courage to grow will impact every aspect of your life, including your intimate relationship.  To learn more about this topic, consider enrolling in my Art of Desire course for women!

**Click HERE to learn more about our 2023 Art of Loving Retreat (for men)** In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Richard Ostler to discuss the experiences in her early life that shaped her personal, professional, and spiritual journey—including her shift from following cultural expectations to following her own heart and desires.  Listen to the full episode to learn more about: -Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s personal, professional, and spiritual journey -Boundaries  -Spiritual Maturity  -Self-Definition  -Obedience vs Integrity 

If you feel anxious about sexuality, you are definitely not alone. The trepidation that many of us feel makes a lot of sense, given that most of us got very little guidance about sexuality during our formative years. And the guidance we did get, often came from a place of fear and anxiety–ultimately doing more harm than it did good.  While I am sure that these messages were well intended, they resulted in a lot of fear and confusion, both of which interfere with our ability to accept our bodies and sexuality for what they really are –incredible gifts from our Heavenly Parents.  If we want an intimate connection with a spouse, we have to be at peace with our sexuality. Because If you don’t know your sexual self, you won’t be able to share an intimate connection with another–we can’t share what we don’t have.  The good news is that this is an area in which we can and should grow. It’s not too late.  And I assure you that every effort that you make to come to peace with your God-given sexuality will pay incredible dividends in your life and in your marriage.  Recently, I joined Dr. Paul Jenkins of Live on Purpose Radio to discuss the role that peace with our OWN sexuality plays in our ability to create a soulful and sustaining connection with our spouse. In the episode, we discuss several roadblocks that couples face as they try to create sexual and emotional intimacy–these roadblocks are more common than you might think and the good news is that they can be overcome.  You can listen to the full episode to learn more about:  * What REAL intimacy is and how you can create more of it!  * The keys to creating real sexual and emotional intimacy in marriage  * The gift of coming to peace with your own sexuality

**JOIN US in Spring City for the 2023 Art of Desire Retreat! Click HERE to learn more** The highest, most beautiful form of our sexuality requires both freedom and discipline.   While freedom and discipline seem like competing ideas, the reality is that they actually work alongside one another. When sexuality goes awry, it can usually be attributed to either excessive freedom or excessive rigidity. Both extremes are anti-spiritual positions that keep sex from becoming the rejuvenating, soul-sustaining experience it has the potential to be.  In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast to discuss the divine gift of sexuality and the important role that our sexuality plays in our spiritual development. Listen to the full episode to learn more about:  *The divine gift of sexuality *How to create real connection through sexuality  *Theological principles of sexuality and joy  *The important balance of freedom and constraint  *The important connection between sexuality and spirituality 

In this special Valentine's Day edition of MormonLand, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, McArthur Krishna, and Bethany Brady Spalding join Peggy Fletcher Stack and David Noyce, hosts of the MormonLand Podcast, for a thoughtful discussion on the nature of Latter-day Saint marriages and an exploration of the content found in the recently released ebook "In the Image of Our Heavenly Parents: A Couple's Guide to Creating a More Divine Marriage." Listen to the full episodes to learn more about how couples can work together to create more heavenly marriages. You can purchase your copy of the book HERE. Be sure to use code JENNIFER10 to save $10 at checkout!

Just mentioning masturbation can make many of us uneasy. The word is charged in a way that often elicits fear, shame, and confusion, especially among those of us who grew up in a sexually conservative culture. But, In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On podcast  (@getyourmarriageon) for a deep dive into the topic of masturbation. During the episode,  Dr. Jennifer explores the reasons why there is so much anxiety surrounding masturbation and offers insight on what we can do to make decisions around our sexuality that are wise and make us stronger. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Helpful ways to think about the topic of masturbation. * Why labeling masturbation as “right” or “wrong” isn’t as clear as you think * How you can overcome sexual shame * Understanding and achieving sexual Integrity  * Increasing intimacy in marriage