Sex Therapy 101 with Cami Hurst

What happens when we say yes to sex we don't actually want? In this deeply insightful exploration of "duty sex," I sit down with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fyfe to unpack the profound psychological impact of consenting to unwanted sexual experiences in long-term relationships.My research has uncovered troubling patterns: when partners (particularly women in this study) consistently consent to sex they don't desire, it creates harmful dynamics that damage both individuals and their relationship. Far from being a simple matter of compromise, these patterns often stem from cultural and religious teachings that frame men as having sexual "needs" and women as responsible for fulfilling them.Dr. Finlayson-Fyfe brings her expertise as both a PhD in counseling psychology and an LDS relationship coach to challenge our assumptions about sexual desire. She eloquently reframes sexual avoidance not as a disorder but as potential wisdom—your body signaling that something fundamental isn't working in your relationship. We examine how psychological control can create trauma-like responses even without physical coercion, and how both partners often unknowingly contribute to these dynamics.The conversation takes a hopeful turn as we discuss pathways toward healthier sexuality. We explore how desire naturally thrives in freedom rather than obligation, and how developing what Dr. Finlayson-Fyfe calls "sexual integration" requires cultivating an internal compass rather than merely following external authorities. For couples caught in these patterns, change becomes possible when both partners can honestly examine their contributions and take responsibility for creating something mutually satisfying.Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals and couples create greater connection and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly-reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person.Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health, and faith. She is also the creator and host of Room for Two, a popular sex and intimacy coaching podcast.

What if the problem isn't that you don't want sex, but that the sex you're having isn't worth wanting? This revolutionary perspective from Dr. Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel of Consent framework, challenges everything we've been taught about sexual desire.In this illuminating conversation, Betty explains why many women find themselves caught in a pattern of consenting to unwanted sex, leading to resentment and even trauma symptoms over time. She reveals how cultural conditioning teaches women "to be wanted, not to want" while simultaneously disconnecting men from their own sensuality and emotional lives. The result? A widespread sexual dynamic where "he thinks he's serving and she thinks she's allowing" - with neither partner getting what they truly desire.Betty unpacks how our earliest experiences teach us that touch is something that happens to us without our consent, setting the stage for passive relationships with physical intimacy. She challenges the limiting "gatekeeper model" of consent and offers a more expansive framework where both partners explore what they genuinely want to give and receive.Most powerfully, she reframes sexual dissatisfaction not as a disorder but as valuable information. If you don't want the sex available to you, "it's actually a good sign that you don't want it" - your body is telling you something important! Through her Three Minute Game and other practices, Betty shows how couples can discover new forms of pleasurable connection that move beyond our cultural scripts about sex.Betty Martin has had her hands on people professionally for over 40 years, first as a Chiropractor and upon retiring from that practice, as a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®. You can find out more at www.bettymartin.org 

What happens when women repeatedly consent to sex they don't want? Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, founder of the Northwest Institute on Intimacy and author of "Sex, God and the Conservative Church," joins us to explore this question with unexpected depth and historical context.This conversation takes a fascinating turn as Dr. Tina traces how patriarchy, politics, and religious messaging converged to create a profound disconnect between women and their sexual agency. She reveals how the rise of the religious right in the late 1970s wasn't just about faith but part of a calculated political strategy that fundamentally changed how Americans view sexuality. While abstinence-only education created "a vacuum of actual knowledge," media deregulation flooded culture with harmful messaging about gender and sex.Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers is a licensed sex and gender feminist psychotherapist, best-selling author, researcher, emeriti professor, and media personality whose expertise spans sex therapy, spiritual intimacy, parenting, medicine, and social justice. Her revolutionary perspectives have been expressed on platforms such as Spirituality & Health, Refinery 29, Vocal, Medium, and Bust Magazines, along with many podcast, radio, news, and TV outlets. Known for exposing theimpact of patriarchy and sexual shame on our ability to securely attach to our partners, and instruct our children to attach to theirs, Dr. Sellers’ book Sex, God, & the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy hashad a global impact. Her latest book, Shameless Parenting – Everything You Need to Raise Shame-free, Confident, Kids and Heal Your Shame Too! was a New Release Bestseller in eight categories. She speaks throughout the world on how to heal, and how to raise shame-free relationally confident children. In 2015, Dr. Sellers founded the Northwest Institute on Intimacy, a post-graduate institute to train psychotherapists, educators, clergy, and physicians in sexualhealth, healing sexual shame and trauma, and understanding their sexual biases. In 2023, Dr. Tina founded InannaRising.org - A private membership community for psychedelic assisted therapists and medical providers toget ongoing clinical consultation, collaboration, training, and support in creating scholarships for the under resourced, and participation in an indigenous reparation fund. Dr. Tina can be followed on Instagram@DrTinaShameless. At Facebook  facebook.com/TinaSSellers  Online at www.TinaSchermerSellers.com

Research on consenting to unwanted sex reveals surprising trauma symptoms and resentment even without coercion, creating an internal "accountability conflict with yourself" when betraying your own boundaries.• Shadeen Francis explains resentment as information revealing unmet needs or crossed boundaries.Shadeen Francis is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist and a board-certified sex therapist. Her expertise spans the domains of mental health, emotional intelligence, and the intersection of sexual wellness and social justice. A sought-after voice in her field, Shadeen has been featured on major networks including ABC, NBC, and CBS, and has been the subject matter expert for prominent brands such as Essence, Bumble, Tinder, and Teen Vogue. Shadeen's work extends beyond the therapy room, influencing nationally implemented curricula, global media strategies, and public health policies. Known for her signature brand of warmth and humour, Shadeen’s work is inspired by her commitment to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure.  You can find her at www.shadeenfrancis.com

We dive into the complex world of "consenting to unwanted sex" with Al Vernacchio, a comprehensive sex educator who brings unique insights from his position at a Quaker school. Our conversation explores why many women agree to sex they don't desire and the cultural influences that create these situations.Al Vernacchio, MSEd teaches at Friends' Central School in Wynnewood, PA. He is the Coordinator of Gender, Sexuality, and Consent Education, a Senior Staff member in the department of Institutional Diversity, Equity, and Justice, and is also a member of the Upper School English department.  Al is forthright, funny, and compassionate as he supports students, school communities, and families to develop healthy sexuality in young people of all ages.A nationally recognized expert in human sexuality education for over 30 years, Al has lectured, published articles, and offered workshops throughout the country. His work has been featured in “Teaching Good Sex”, a November 20, 2011 cover story in TheNew York Times Magazine. Al has given four TED Talks, and has appeared onnational programs such as NPR’s “Morning Edition”, “1A”, and “Radio Times”.He is the author of For Goodness Sex: A Sex-Positive Guide to Raising Healthy, Empowered Teens published in a revised and expanded edition in April, 2023.Al earned his BA in Theology from St. Joseph's University and his MSEd inHuman Sexuality Education from the University of Pennsylvania.

What happens when women repeatedly say "yes" to sex they don't actually want? The answer might surprise—and disturb—you.Dr. Cami Hurst pulls back the curtain on her groundbreaking PhD research examining the hidden consequences of "duty sex" in long-term relationships. Drawing from over 1,300 women's experiences, she reveals striking findings that challenge our understanding of consent and sexual health.Most disturbingly, 53% of women who consented to unwanted sex with their partners developed moderate to high PTSD-like symptoms, despite no history of sexual assault or physical coercion. These women reported significant emotional distress, relationship strain, and sexual aversion that compounded over time. One participant captured this perfectly: "The cycle of duty sex and resentment has killed any kind of emotional intimacy in our relationship."The research illuminates a troubling reality—that unrecognized verbal and emotional coercion permeates many bedrooms, with 82% of participants experiencing pressure after initially refusing sex. As one woman put it, "He was never coercive, only pouty and mad at me. It was easier to consent than to deal with his emotions."This episode serves as an introduction to an upcoming series featuring diverse cultural experts exploring how different communities experience this phenomenon. Dr. Hurst aims to expand beyond her homogeneous sample to understand how cultural factors may contribute to or protect against these patterns.Whether you're struggling with sexual desire discrepancies in your own relationship, working as a therapist with couples facing intimacy issues, or simply interested in relationship dynamics, this research provides crucial insights into why consent alone isn't enough. Share your experiences or thoughts by emailing cami@camhurst.com, and join us as we explore this important conversation over the coming year.

In this episode Dr. Cami Hurst discusses all things male sexual dysfunction including the male arousal cycle, Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and Premature Ejaculation (PE). You'll learn what's actually normal, what you can do on your own to help and when to seek professional help. 

How much sex should I be having? Does watching gay porn make me gay? How can I help my partner see the benefits of masturbation?Cami Hurst, PhD, LMFT,CST, (she, her) and Braxton Dutson, LCSW, CST, (he, him) carefully answer and deconstruct these anonymous questions submitted by listeners. Even if you haven't asked these specific questions, Cami and Braxton offer a wealth of education and resources as they relate these questions to larger sexual health topics. If you would like to submit an anonymous question, you can contact Cami and Braxton at sexplorerspodcast@gmail.com.To access the Monday morning 9am (MDT) livestream:https://www.youtube.com/@sexplorerspodcast

Delve into the ups and downs of postpartum health, with a special focus on mental well-being and communication strategies for new parents. Discover how family dynamics shift and the importance of nurturing adult relationships during this transition. Learn about changes in intimacy and sexual health after childbirth, including pelvic floor therapy and alternative practices. Explore the struggle of balancing motherhood with personal identity, and the importance of self-care and support in this new chapter.

Braxton Dutson, LCSW, CST, (he, him) and Cami Hurst, PhD, LMFT,CST, (she, her) provide a guide for holistically understanding and exploring your sexual self. This episode is full of questions to facilitate self-reflection. You can find the Monday 9am (MDT) livestream at:https://camihurst.com/https://www.youtube.com/@sexplorerspodcast