Sex Therapy 101 with Cami Hurst Unraveling Duty Sex with Shadeen Francis
Jun 5, 2025
Shadeen Francis, a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist and board-certified sex therapist, dives deep into the complex world of duty sex. She uncovers how consenting to unwanted sex can lead to trauma and resentment, even without coercion. Shadeen emphasizes the importance of recognizing unmet needs and personal boundaries in relationships. The conversation highlights cultural dynamics, especially in marginalized communities, and stresses that transparent communication is crucial for healthier sexual dynamics, enriching both emotional well-being and connection.
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Resentment As Internal Information
- Resentment signals unmet needs or crossed boundaries and functions as information about what one requires.
- Shadeen Francis frames resentment as an 'accountability conflict with yourself' when you betray your own no.
The Cycle Of Acquiesce-Avoid-Dissatisfy
- Saying yes to unwanted sex creates a repeating loop of acquiescence, avoidance, and dissatisfaction.
- That loop worsens ability to assert later no's and increases internal distress even without external coercion.
Avoidance To Prevent Partner Disappointment
- Many people avoid saying no because they don't trust their partner to handle disappointment gracefully.
- Avoidance becomes a strategy to prevent conflict and preserve relational or social stability, at the cost of internal harm.