Cultural Perspective on Consenting to Unwanted Sex with Amy Furuyama

Notes from my guest Amy Furuyama:

• “I want to acknowledge that many interracial relationships between Asian women and white men are loving, respectful, and not rooted in fetishization. What I’m sharing here comes from the experiences of some of my clients, not a reflection of every interracial relationship.”
• “Japan has formally acknowledged its role in the wartime sexual enslavement of Korean women. However, many Koreans feel that the apologies offered to date have not been sufficient or fully accepted.”

Episode Description: 

What happens when cultural values of harmony and collectivism collide with personal sexual boundaries? Amy Furuyama, a Korean American sex therapist, provides a revealing glimpse into how Asian American women navigate consent and unwanted sex within relationships shaped by traditional expectations.

The conversation explores how collectivist values in Asian cultures often prioritize family harmony over individual desires, creating situations where women feel obligated to consent to unwanted sex. "There's this idea of what keeps the family units in harmony," Furuyama explains, noting that women are frequently expected to yield to maintain peace, particularly within marriage. This cultural dynamic creates a troubling pattern where women's boundaries become secondary to relationship stability.

 The discussion delves into how historical trauma, like the "comfort women" phenomenon during Japanese occupation of Korea, may contribute to intergenerational patterns affecting bodily autonomy today.

Beyond cultural factors, the conversation examines how the hypersexualization of Asian women in Western media complicates matters, particularly in interracial relationships. These stereotypes often lead to objectification and assumptions about compliance that further undermine consent. Yet despite these challenges, Furuyama sees hope in younger generations who are determined to "break the generational trauma" and reclaim their sexual autonomy.

For clinicians, educators, and anyone concerned with healthy relationships, this discussion offers crucial insights into supporting women from collectivist cultures as they navigate the complex terrain of sexual consent. The conversation underscores that preventing trauma from unwanted sex requires comprehensive education about consent, boundaries, and communication that begins in childhood and respects cultural contexts while empowering individual choice.

Amy Furuyama is a 1.5 gen Korean American immigrant, licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist in Orange County, California. Amy is passionate about working with Asian American and BIPOC communities to help individuals reclaim their sexuality in a way that is empowering and life affirming.