Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a leading researcher in emotion science and author of "How Emotions Are Made," joins the discussion to unpack the origins of emotions. She highlights how understanding emotional processes can transform parental approaches to children's feelings. Dr. Barrett emphasizes the importance of emotional granularity, teaching kids to accurately label their emotions, and the role of body budgeting in emotional regulation. She also offers practical tools for parents to help kids navigate their feelings and support emotional understanding during conflicts.

In this enlightening discussion, Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a distinguished professor at Northeastern University and an expert on emotions, delves into the origins and complexities of our feelings. She challenges the idea that emotions are universally displayed through facial expressions, highlighting that reactions vary significantly among individuals. The concept of a 'body budget' is introduced, illustrating how physical needs impact emotional states. Dr. Barrett also emphasizes the importance of helping children understand their complex emotions, promoting emotional literacy in parenting.

Dive into the challenges of parenting and the impact of our childhood experiences on our responses to our kids. Discover how a moment of pause can prevent explosive reactions during conflicts. Learn about the journey towards empathy, forgiveness, and acceptance in parenting, highlighted through personal stories. Explore practical mindfulness strategies to enhance emotional resilience. Finally, uncover the power of considerate communication to meet mutual needs and strengthen family dynamics.

Dive into the tangled emotions of motherhood, focusing on the phenomenon of 'mom rage.' Explore societal pressures that heighten frustrations and the importance of reframing these feelings. Personal anecdotes shed light on navigating intense emotions and the need for self-compassion. Discussions highlight the challenges of modern parenting, from unrealistic expectations to the importance of community support. Discover practical strategies for managing anger and the critical role of self-care in fostering a healthier parenting experience.

Today's episode comes from listener who submitted an emotional voicemail on the Ask Jen a Question button on the Your Parenting Mojo homepage, which boils down to:   Am I damaging my child? The messages you can leave are limited to two minutes in length, so we get just a taste of what the parent is struggling with: a difficult relationship with their neurodivergent son, because he triggers the parent and then the parent feels triggered again by the guilt and shame that some of the challenges the son is facing might be the parent's fault.   In this episode I walk though neuropsychologist R. Douglas Fields' LIFEMORTS framework of rage triggers - because if we understand the kinds of things that trigger us, we can avoid some of those triggers entirely and then see the rest of them coming and resource ourselves before they arrive.   I link these rage triggers with broader social issues that we may be carrying in the backs of our minds without even realizing it, and the energy it takes to constantly manage our thoughts about these issues is energy we don't have to spend meeting our children's needs - or our needs.   I also offer a set of three steps you can use to help you navigate triggering situations with your children more effectively.   Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,   the Why You're So Angry with  Your Child's (Age 1- 10) Age-Appropriate Behavior - And What to Do About It masterclass will help you make this shift.   Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.   Click the banner to learn more!   Other episodes mentioned: 207: How to not be a permissive parent224: How to heal your Mom Rage (coming up)   Jump to highlights 00:58 Introducing today’s topic 01:17 Listener recorded question 02:55 Jen empathizes with the parent's stress and dual triggers of misbehavior and self-judgment, acknowledges potential trauma or neurodivergence, validates their experience. 18:26 Understand your triggers by exploring nine categories (LIFEMORTS): life or limb, insult, family, environment, mate, order in society, resources, tribe, and stopped, as outlined by Dr. R. Douglas Fields. 34:02 Mom rage, deeply intertwined with systemic gender and racial inequalities, reflects broader societal issues and significantly impacts women's health and parenting. 46:06 Intergenerational trauma affects all communities, passing down violence and its impacts through generations. 46:55 Three ways to support parents dealing with their own trauma and its impact on their children.

What to Do When Parenting Tools Don’t Work? I know that when you start using new parenting tools, things don't always go according to plan. Your kids don't say what you think they will, or maybe you perceive that their behavior is just kind of crappy, or maybe your partner isn't on board with your ideas. In this episode I address what to do about all of these challenges, as well as how to use the tools I work with to address difficult topics like children wanting ever more snack foods, ever more screen time, and refusing to go to school. We hear from parents who have managed to address tricky challenges - including a child with a skin condition who must take a bath daily and who was successfully extending the dinner/running around/reading books process until bedtime was delayed as well. Once the child's parents came to see what needs the child was trying to meet, bath time suddenly wasn't a problem anymore. I share some realizations that parents have had about their place in the world as they've engaged with my work and how I plan to shift the ways I talk about these issues moving forward. I also invite you to celebrate with my book Parenting Beyond Power's first birthday by baking (or buying) some cupcakes! One of many parents' favorite ideas in the book was the feelings and needs cupcakes, which makes it easy to visualize your most common feelings and needs. We've made some flags you can print and use with your children to identify your (and their) feelings and needs. Share them on social media and be invited to a group coaching call with me later in September, and stick them to the fridge as a reminder of how to connect with your kids - and yourself! Finally, a couple of invitations. The Right From The Start course, which I run with Hannah and Kelty of Upbringing, is now available whenever you need it (rather than waiting for the next cohort to begin. If you're expecting a baby or have a child under the age of one, Right From The Start will help you to get clear on your values and goals around raising your child so you can put the systems you need in place before you get to the really tough toddler years. Parent Annie said: "I am so jealous (but excited for others)... that there is something like this for first time mothers. I wish I had it with my first born as it would have been so helpful for my nerves and anxiety surrounding my new profession of 'child raiser!" Learn more and sign up - you can also gift the course to to a friend or relative who is expecting or has a baby under the age of one. We have sliding scale pricing and a 100% money back guarantee! And if you're interested in doing explicitly anti-racist, patriarchy-healing, capitalism-busting work with me (which I know isn't for everyone!), I'd love to invite you to join me for the Parenting Beyond Power book club hosted by Moms Against Racism Canada. It's a 'book club' in that we'll be working with the ideas in Parenting Beyond Power (we couldn't think of what else to call it...which is also how I ended up with Your Parenting Mojo!), but it's really a set of six 90-minute group coaching calls on Friday evenings where we'll explore how we've been harmed by systems of power, and how we can be in relationship with our children in a way that's aligned with our values. If you (and maybe the folks in your community as well?) have been wanting to know more about how to take anti-racist action with your kids but weren't sure how to do it, the book club will help you to do it. If you'd like to invite your crew, we can give you a special link and when five people use it to sign up, your own spot will be free. Other episodes mentioned: 179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu 207: How to not be a permissive parent 209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner 217: How to end the video game struggles with Ash Brandin   Jump to highlights 01:37 Introducing today’s episode 05:21 Parenting Beyond Power challenges traditional parenting by connecting social justice issues like White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism to parenting methods, advocating for tools that promote equality and understanding. 17:17 The book shows how conscious and compassionate parenting can reshape family interactions and influence broader societal change. 28:49 The book helps readers tackle judgmental parenting habits, fostering more compassionate and understanding relationships with their children. 34:26 Some readers find it harder to change communication patterns with their partners than with their children; they struggle with deep-rooted patterns and differing strategies when handling tough situations. 44:45 Parenting Beyond Power helps parents understand and address their child's resistance by focusing on meeting both the child's and their own needs. 52:04 Wrapping up with two options for further support: on-demand Right From The Start course for new parents and Parenting Beyond Power book club with coaching on social issues in parenting

Understanding Menstrual Cycle Awareness This episode was...unplanned. :-) A couple of months ago I interviewed Dr. Louise Newson on the topic of menopause. Dr. Newson is a medical doctor and focused very heavily on Hormone Replacement Therapy as a treatment that everyone who menstruates should at least consider, and I knew I wanted to do an episode with someone who doesn't hold that belief as well.   I found Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer of The Red School, and really appreciated their book Wise Power. As I usually do before recording an interview I read their other co-authored book Wild Power, and I realized there was a 'missing' episode on the topic of Menstrual Cycle Awareness. We can't really talk about being aware of the changes that are happening to our bodies during menopause if we don't know what has happened to our bodies throughout our menstruating years.   When I read Wild Power I felt a deep sense of sadness that I was just discovering this now, as my own years of menstruation wind down - but also a deep sense of hope that I can help Carys develop a much closer relationship with her own body than I had with mine.   We'll answer questions like: What phases does my body go through each month? How can I start becoming more aware of these phases through Menstrual Cycle Awareness? How can I align my activities with my energy levels, creativity, and arousal - even in the real world, which wants me to go-go-go all the time? How is my inner critic aligned with my cycle, and how can I use its knowledge to help me? How can I navigate Menstrual Cycle Awareness if I've had a difficult relationship with my periods and with fertility?   I'd encourage you to listen to this episode if: You menstruate and want to better understand how menstruation affects your life You're raising a child who will menstruate and want to prepare them to feel 'at home' in their bodies You love someone who menstruates and want to be better attuned to them You're raising a child who will never menstruate, but you want them to appreciate menstruation and know how to effectively support people who menstruate. In other words, everyone will get something out of this episode!   Learning Membership The Learning Membership will open again soon!  The membership helps you to support your child’s intrinsic love of learning, while also equipping them with the skills they’ll need to succeed in the age of AI. You’ll learn how to see and follow your child’s interests so you can support them in deep inquiries.  You won’t have to drag them through it like you would a workbook or a curriculum (so no need to reward them with screen time!) because they will WANT to learn.  They’ll be excited to do it, and they’ll bring you along for the ride. If you already know you’re in, you can sign up for the Learning Membership. Click the banner to learn more!   Alexandra and Sjanie’s books (Affiliate Links): Wild power: Discover the magic of your menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power Wise power: Discover the liberating power of menopause to awaken authority, purpose and belonging   Jump to highlights 00:46 Introducing today’s topic and featured guests 03:39 Menstruation is the monthly process where the body sheds the lining of the uterus, and it also brings emotional, psychological, and even spiritual changes. 17:18 Menstrual cycle awareness is about understanding and respecting our natural rhythms, which can improve our well-being and productivity by honoring the need for rest and reflection in our lives. 31:20 Recognizing and respecting your menstrual cycle can improve your well-being by allowing you to adjust your activities and manage your energy more effectively. 40:10 The inner critic gets stronger during the pre-menstrual phase of the menstrual cycle. Knowing this can help you take better care of yourself and manage parenting challenges. 53:09 Menstrual cycle awareness can help with personal healing and self-care, even for those who face challenges like heavy periods or grief, by fostering connection with one's own body and experiences. 58:52 Wrapping up the discussion   References Alfonseca, K., & Guilfoil, K. (2022, July 19). Should people of all genders be taught sex education together? Educators weigh in. ABC News. Retrieved from: https://abcnews.go.com/US/people-genders-taught-sex-education-educators-weigh/story?id=87021246 Andrews, S. (n.d.). Should schools separate sex ed classes by gender? NextGenMen. Retrieved from: https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/should-schools-separate-sex-ed-classes-by-gender

Explore the vital role of parental advocacy in achieving educational equity. Discover how parents can enhance their child's learning without traditional classroom involvement. Gain insights into the systemic challenges faced in schools, especially for marginalized families. Learn effective strategies to engage with school leadership and foster collaborative communities. Hear success stories of parents rallying for transformative change, promoting anti-racist policies, and ensuring every child receives a fair chance in education.

Why Movement Matters More Than Exercise for Kids A few months ago my daughter had a routine checkup at the doctor, who asked how much screen time she gets in a day (which is more than typical recommendations but way less time than children spend sitting in school).   The doctor told her (but really she told me): “You should get more exercise.”   Carys isn’t a team sports kind of person.  She doesn’t love hiking, and she only really likes biking when friends are with us.   Something about the ‘get more exercise’ advice didn’t sit quite right with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.   Then I found Katy Bowman’s work and suddenly it all made sense.   Katy points out that movement and exercise are not the same thing.   Even if we aren’t getting enough exercise, what we need far more than exercise is movement.   In this episode, we discuss questions like: What, exactly, is movement?What does it mean for our children to move…and how about us?How do we get more of it when our days are already so full?  (I knowIthought that, but I’ve found ways to incorporate a daily stretching routine without taking any time away from anything else I do.  We discuss how in the episode!)   What children learn through movement Our children learn through movement.   Yes, they learn how to move.   They also learn what our society thinks about movement, which is likely to set them up for a lifetime of not-moving, unless we support them in doing things differently.   Finally, they come to understand their bodies better when they move.  They learn how their body signals ‘this feels great’ and ‘this doesn’t feel right.’  They learn to interact with physical things: Dr. Roger Kneebone (no joke!) at Imperial College London has observed that medical students have seemed less comfortable doing delicate tasks with their hands since smartphones became popular.   In other words, they learn to trust themselves.   We have a whole module on Full-Bodied Learning in the Learning Membership where we come to understand much more deeply what children learn with their bodies, and how to help them do it.   And that’s just one of the 12 topics you’ll cover in your first year, as you become an expert on topics like scaffolding your child’s learning, nurturing critical thinking, and supporting metacognitive learning.   Ready to Support Your Child's Natural Learning Whether this episode has you considering unschooling, reinforced your commitment to traditional schooling, or left you somewhere in between, one thing is clear: every child deserves to have their natural curiosity and love of learning nurtured.   Just like Laura discovered, learning happens everywhere - in everyday conversations, through helping with household tasks, during visits to museums, and in those spontaneous moments when your child asks "why?".   The challenge for parents isn't choosing the "right" educational path, but knowing how to support meaningful learning wherever your child is.   The Learning Membership gives you the tools to nurture your child's development whether they're in traditional school, homeschooled, or unschooled.    You'll discover how to: Turn everyday moments into rich learning opportunities (just like Laura does with her daughter)Support your child's interests and curiosity without becoming the "teacher" parentCreate a home environment that enhances rather than competes with whatever educational approach you choose   Inside the membership, you'll find research-backed strategies that work alongside any educational setting, helping you become the parent who nurtures learning rather than forcing it.   Your child's curiosity is precious - don't let it get lost in debates about educational methods.   Click the banner to learn more.     Katy’s books referenced for this episode (affiliate links) Dynamic aging: Simple exercises for whole-body mobilityGrow wild: The whole-child, whole-family, nature-rich guide to moving moreMovement Matters: Essays on Movement Science, Movement Ecology, and the Nature of MovementMy perfect movement plan: The move your DNA all day workbookThe Move Your DNA Podcast Downloadable Permission to Move signs   Jump to highlights 00:54 Introducing today’s topic and featured guest 03:07 Movement is like food for our bodies, keeping them healthy, while exercise is a special type of movement that's planned to help us get stronger. 12:14 Kids learn best when they can move around, not just sit still like in school. 16:42 Incorporate movement into your daily routine by making walks a family event or turning everyday tasks into opportunities for activity. 34:50 Children sit because it's expected. To change this, create spaces that promote movement and actively support their natural activity. 41:17 Instead of focusing on "don'ts," use signs that show where movement is allowed, creating spaces that encourage physical activity and support movement. 42:19 Extracurricular activities should complement a child's overall movement diet, ensuring a mix of structured and unstructured play. 47:06 Outdoor movement aligns with our evolutionary needs, offering natural light and varied physical activities that indoor environments can’t provide. 51:59 If walking isn't possible, adapt with alternatives like biking or using a wheelchair to ensure some form of outdoor, human-powered movement. 53:31 When feeling tired, consider gentle, enjoyable movements like walking, dancing, or outdoor chores. Choose activities that you find meaningful, not just for calorie burning. 57:59 Three practices to try to incorporate more movement into your daily life.   References Caspersen, C.J., Powell, K.E., & Christenson, G.M. (1985). Physical activity, exercise, and physical fitness: Definitions and distinctions for health-related research. Public Health Reports 100(2), 126. Hidding, L.M., Altenburg, T.M., Van Ekris, E., & Chinapaw, M.J. (2017). Why do children engage in sedentary behavior? Child- and parent-perceived determinants. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 14(7), 671. Hollander, K., Elsabe de Villiers, J., Sehner, S., Wegscheider, K., Braumann, K-M., Venter, R., & Zech, A. (2017). Growing up (habitually) barefoot influences the development of foot and arch morphology in children and adolescents. Scientific Reports 7, 8079. Jayanthi, N.A., Post, E.G., Laury, T.C., & Fabricant, P.D. (2019). Health consequences of youth sport specialization. Journal of Athletic Training 54(10), 1040-1049. Kafer, A. (2013). Feminist, queer, crip. Indianapolis: Indiana University Press. Maitland, C., Stratton, G., Foster S., Braham, R., & Rosenberg, M. (2014). The dynamic family home: A qualitative exploration of physical environmental influences on children’s sedentary behavior and physical activity within the home space. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity 11, 1-12. Scully, J.L. (2004). What is a disease? EMBO Reports 5(7), 650-653.

Discover why traditional education may fall short in preparing kids for a tech-driven future. The discussion centers on 56 essential skills outlined by McKinsey, highlighting adaptability, empathy, and digital fluency. Explore the critical need for experiential learning and creative environments, especially for neurodivergent children. Learn how fostering emotional awareness and understanding digital ethics plays a vital role in guiding children through complex online dynamics. It’s all about equipping them for an evolving landscape shaped by AI.