Hunter Clarke-Fields, author of 'Raising Good Humans' and 'Raising Good Humans Every Day', discusses the differences between her two books. The chapters in her new book are short, making it easy to read and implement ideas. She emphasizes the need to shift from controlling children to teaching and guiding them. They explore the benefits of connection-based parenting and reflect on their experiences as parents. They also touch on the importance of embracing and managing anger, asking for help, and being present and supportive for children.

Do you ever feel triggered by your partner's behavior?   (No? Just me? 😬)   Many parents who join the Taming Your Triggers workshop sign up for help navigating their children's behavior...and then once they're inside they confess that their partner's behavior is even more triggering than their child's.   As you might imagine, many of the participants in the Taming Your Triggers workshop are women. (Classic patriarchy at work: caregiving is women's work, and so is managing the emotional climate of the family, so why does a male partner in a cisgender, heterosexual relationship need to bother?)   So I've been especially glad to see that more and more men are taking the workshop - and last time around we also had several couples participating together.   Elizabeth and Marshall are physical therapists who travel and work to pay off their student loan debt. They had a three-year-old, and then became unexpectedly pregnant - with twins!   Both Elizabeth and Marshall had fairly typical middle class childhoods...they had enough with out being rich, but underneath the veneer that 'everything's fine' lurked disconnection from parents, unexpressed anger, and mental illness - as well as the societal messages of getting out of debt and preparing for retirement.   Elizabeth had no idea she had anger issues until she became a parent. Suddenly she felt both anger and shame about her anger, not understanding that the anger was wrapped up in her childhood.   Since Elizabeth and Marshall have organized their entire lives around paying off their student loan debt, it was hard to commit to spending money on not just one but two enrollments in Taming Your Triggers. Up to that point, Elizabeth often felt she was the one doing the work and dragging Marshall along...but he saw how important this was to her, and went all-in alongside her.   They've noticed profound shifts in their capacity to be with their children - as well as with each other.   Elizabeth knows not just in her head but in her body that it's OK to be in uncomfortable situations and not fix everything immediately.   She talked with her mom about a shame-filled situation from her childhood that Elizabeth thought she would "take to her grave" - and now the issue doesn't impact her anymore.   Marshall is able to let go of problems that used to really bother him, and engages the children in using the concepts from the workshop.   They can work through the challenges they're facing, both as a couple and as parents. Their now have the space for conversations about their parenting values, instead of just reacting to the latest emergency.   Elizabeth wrote to me that it's taken a long time for her to realize that investing in parenting education is just as important as paying for good food. She's shifted her mindset by realizing that: If you're a man reading this, we'd love to see you in the workshop. You won't be alone, and we may be able to create a men-only discussion space for you. (I know it can be hard to talk about things like anger issues with women around.)   If you're a woman in a cis-het partnership, you can absolutely participate alone - and you'll learn a LOT. Most people do it this way.   But you'll get even more out of it when you and your partner are on the same page. Marshall says: Hear Elizabeth and Marshall describe the work they've been doing - and how it has helped - in this new episode.     Taming Your Triggers Ever find yourself reacting to your partner's behavior or your child's actions in ways you wish you didn't? You're not alone! Many parents come to the Taming Your Triggers workshop hoping to manage their kids' behavior but quickly discover it's also about dealing with those partner-triggered moments! Parents just like you are already signed up for a journey to a happier, calmer family life. This workshop could be the game-changer you've been waiting for! Remember, you'll get the best results when you bring your partner along! Sign up for the waitlist now. Click the banner to learn more.     Jump to Highlights 01:20   Introducing today’s topic 01:47   Elizabeth and Marshall introduce themselves and their family 04:00   They talk about experiencing burnout from continuously helping others in their profession. 06:06   The couple discussed how their upbringing influenced their parenting style. 11:27   They shared about their experience with going through the Taming Your Triggers program together and how they decided to do it. 16:52   Marshall explains why parenting is hard for them 23:24   The couple talks about how parenting has improved over the past few months. 28:20   Elizabeth talks about how her perspective on her relationship with her mother changed. 41:47   The couple share their experience with AccountaBuddies 48:03   Jen encourages couples to take the program together, believing it creates a shared experience and language for improving their relationship dynamics.   

In this podcast, the host teaches a magic trick to challenge negative thoughts and see that things aren't as bad as they seem. Listeners share personal examples of how questioning negative thoughts has helped them. The importance of questioning our stories, gaining distance from thoughts and feelings, and managing triggers in parenting is also explored.

The podcast discusses the popularity of Polyvagal Theory and the lack of evidence supporting it. It explores alternative theories and suggests a path forward. It also covers the concept of the window of tolerance, strategies for managing emotions, and the limitations of science. The podcast raises concerns about the implementation of Polyvagal Theory in therapy and explores indigenous perspectives.

Parenting Beyond Power is officially available today! Come join a mini-celebration with me in this podcast episode, and TODAY on Zoom at 11am Pacific/2pm Eastern/8pm Central Europe, and in-person this weekend if you're in the Bay Area! Do you celebrate your achievements? I don't know about you, but I find it pretty difficult. I didn't celebrate getting into Berkeley or Yale, or graduating from either of those places either (in fact, I think I was in the car driving away from each of those places when the graduation ceremonies happened). I didn't celebrate getting U.S. citizenship, or have a baby shower, and Alvin and Carys buy or make me a birthday cake every year because they want to, but I don't really celebrate that either. I didn't celebrate signing a book deal two years ago, and when we rolled over 3 million downloads recently I asked someone on my team to make a quick social post...and that was it. So celebrating the book's launch feels...weird to me. But apparently people who write books do it, so I'm giving it a try - Jen style. I invited a listener, María José (MJ) Durán, to ask me whatever questions she had about the book and the writing process for a mini-celebration. (I did slip in a couple of questions for her as well, and I have to say that her response to me asking what she got out of the book was really meaningful for me - she now understands her own Mom in a way she hadn't been able to until now, which has brought María José (MJ) Durán some measure of relief.) Come join one of our mini-celebrations! Listen to the podcast episode today!   Jump to Highlights00:43   Introduction to today’s episode04:13   What sets Parenting Beyond Power apart for long-time podcast listeners and Parenting Membership members05:01   What Jen wants to accomplish in writing Parenting Beyond Power08:56  How the needs cupcake came about11:38    How Jen came up with the book’s title14:26  María José (MJ) Durán shares a positive change in setting boundaries with her daughter and questions why the same advice, given a year apart, yielded such different results21:58   How the book addresses common parenting challenges35:18   Jen’s perspective on neurodiversity in the context of the book's approach41:01   The importance of addressing privilege and White supremacy in parenting46:10   The feasibility of meeting everyone's needs in society52:30   Wrapping up  

One of the questions I'm asked most often about Parenting Beyond Power (preorder bonuses are available for just a few more days!) is:So when a group of listeners volunteered to get together to discuss what they got out of the book, that was the first thing I wanted to ask them. The core premise of the book is that the social forces of White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism have really hurt us - they're the biggest reason why we feel so much pain and shame. And we will pass on those hurts to our own children unless we do something different - and most of the book is about what we actually do differently to make parenting easier today, and work toward creating a world where everyone belongs. Eliza began:Kat added:Elizabeth concluded:We talked about the needs cupcake, and how we can use that to understand the needs that both we and our children are trying to meet on a regular basis. Eliza found that she's able to be more regulated by managing the level of sound around her - which she hadn't realized was a 'cherry' need for her until now! Eliza coached Elizabeth through a struggle she's having with her daughter not wanting to go to bed, and Kat talked through a beautiful story of how she's supporting her children, who have been fighting with each other a LOT. Now they fight a lot less, because their needs are met more often. We're lucky that we heard Kat share that story before her phone battery died!Parenting Beyond Power The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:  Jump to Highlights00:43 Introduction to the podcast02:04 Guests introduce themselves05:00 Longtime participants discuss how the book differs from the podcast and other resources, emphasizing its unique value.08:05 Participants share their the tools they learned from the book and any resulting parenting changes.08:48 Elizabeth applies book tools like problem-solving conversations and the needs cupcake diagram, but grapples with addressing her daughter's need for community during bedtime routines.11:46 Elisa and Elizabeth discuss adapting bedtime routines to balance tasks and the daughter's need for connection.16:13 Jen offers suggestions for Elizabeth on meeting her child’s needs while setting her boundaries.19:26 Kat shares her struggle with boundary-setting due to being a people-pleaser, aiming to create a boundary-respecting environment for her children. 21:17 Elisa finds the "needs cupcake" concept valuable in recognizing and addressing recurring needs for herself and her children.27:14 Kat applies the "needs cupcake" concept to understand her children's primary needs, enabling her to address conflicts more effectively, encourage problem-solving discussions, and redirect behaviors towards meeting those needs.38:58 They highlight the significance of acknowledging and addressing unique family needs, challenging gender norms in parenting, and prioritizing the fulfillment of needs for both children and parents to cultivate positive relationships.43:08 Participants discuss their ongoing journey of personal growth and parenting transformation, highlighting the significance of self-compassion and aligning actions with values.48:10 Elisa asks about potential content that wasn't included in the book, and Jen explains the challenge of balancing content while emphasizing the importance of practical tools. 50:48 Jen underscores the significance of consistent efforts based on personal values rather than perfection, emphasizing the uniqueness of every parent-child interaction.53:15 Jen wraps up as she reflects on the question of whether parenting is easy.  

Do you try to give your children messages about gender that are aligned with your values? Do you tell your daughter that she can do anything she wants to do, and look for shows that have equal representation of male- and female-presenting characters? If so, you're off to a good start. And...there's so much more to do. One of the core ideas in my book, Parenting Beyond Power, is that we parents pass cultural messages on to our children. We do that through the books we read, the actions we praise, and the conversations we have (or don't have). I don't censor the books I'm reading to Carys - we just talk about them. Right now we're reading Wild Born, Book 1 of the Spirit Animals collection. (I did check to make sure that the concept of 'spirit animals' isn't disrespectful to Indigenous people...it turns out it's a concept that White people made up, and it's only disrespectful if we try to link it to Indigenous practices.) Here's an excerpt from the beginning of Chapter 3: "Meilin sat on a cushion before her looking glass, meticulously applying facial paint. She didn't mind letting her handmaidens prepare her for festivals or banquets. But today was important. Today she wanted to look just right. And when you wanted something done right, you did it yourself. After finishing the accents around her eyes, Meilin inspected her handiwork. It was a work of art atop a work of art. People always remarked that she was stunning. She had never needed paint on her face to earn compliments. But now she possessed an allure beyond her natural beauty." It goes on to describe the strategic imperfection in her hair that made it "more appealing," and then she practices the looks she will display during her ceremony. There's a lot going on here... It starts with the White supremacy-based idea that if you want something done right you can never rely on others but only do it yourself. (This book seems to be primarily about relationships, so I assume it's marketed to girls. And we wonder where women and mothers get the idea that they have to do it all themselves if we want it done right?) The book opened with a male character who obviously cared a lot about his clothes who waited impatiently while a servant connected forty eight clasps. No male character's face is described in this level of detail. No male character puts paint on their face. No male character is introduced to the reader as an object to be looked upon with desire. This is how cultural ideas are passed on. This is how girls learn that being pretty has currency. That it's a girl's job to create and use their appearance to manipulate others. And if any boys happen to be reading, they learn that their job is to judge the performance. These messages are harmful for all children, because they say that certain behaviors aren't acceptable in certain children - for no other reason than it doesn't match their genitals (of all things!). What messages are your children learning about gender from the books you're reading to them, or that they're reading by themselves? In this episode Virginia Mendez, author of Childhood Unlimited: Parenting Beyond the Gender Bias (affiliate link), helps us to see examples like this in books, films, toys, and even in the language we use around and toward our children. Join me for this fun conversation with Virginia as we learn how to raise children who won't be constrained by their gender, and who can express their full selves.  Virginia Mendez's Book:Childhood Unlimited: Parenting Beyond the Gender Bias (affiliate link)Parenting Beyond PowerThe wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:Jump to Highlights00:39Introduction of this episode’s topic and guest01:28Sex involves biological traits while gender is a diverse social identity that defies binary categorization.04:01Children's gender differences are largely influenced by societal norms and upbringing.09:11Pink's gender association shifted historically due to color symbolism, marketing, and cultural influences.10:42Despite some progress, children's media retains subtle gender biases and stereotypes.24:18Embracing non-binary identities, using inclusive pronouns, and challenging traditional gender categories can promote a more respectful and inclusive society.30:01Virginia Mendez's book highlights the societal constraints on children's potential due to gender stereotypes.43:15 Those new to the concept of non-binary identities should focus on cultivating awareness and curiosity about non-binary identities, while those already familiar can continue having open conversations with their children and encouraging exploration for an inclusive and understanding environment.46:59Embrace discomfort as a sign of personal growth and be open to adjusting to non-binary language and identities.

In this episode we hear from listener Lindsay who wonders whether it's safe to delay math learning, since (they've heard) there's a 'critical window' for learning language. Would delaying math learning mean that our child can't catch up later? Will they develop a negative view of their own learning? What if they can't get into college? We address all of these questions and more. Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. Enrollment will open again soon. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Jump to Highlights 01:10 Listener Lindsay asks the question, “How safe is it to neglect math education until your child shows some kind of interest in wanting to do it?” 01:48 Jen gives her academic history in math and admits to applying problem-solving strategies without full comprehension. 07:44 The critical period for learning seen in animal research also applies to children with severe language deprivation during early months. 08:51 The critical period for language development and second language acquisition is questioned in relation to math learning. 12:58 Sudbury School's anecdotal evidence suggests children can learn math quickly when motivated, sparking questions about early teaching, fostering a love of learning, and the impact on future opportunities. 15:54 Emphasizing intrinsic motivation over forced comparisons in math fosters self-awareness, more vital for a fulfilling life than specific skills. 19:31 Cognitively Guided Instruction values children's math knowledge, encourages pattern exploration, and validates individual methods, fostering a deeper understanding of math concepts. 22:09 Fostering children's intuitive understanding of math through collaborative learning and self-developed algorithms is a powerful approach. 24:01 Don't worry about formal math instruction; children will naturally develop their own strategies and algorithms when provided with a supportive learning environment. References Singleton, D., & Lesniewska, J. (2021). The critical period hypothesis for L2 acquisition: An unfalsifiable embarrassment? Languages 6(3), 149.

Dr. Moira Mikolajczak, an expert on parental burnout, discusses the societal failure to support parents. Kelly reflects on the connection between school-based learning and burnout, and shares how she prioritizes important life lessons for her child. The podcast explores topics like critical thinking, meeting multiple needs, and learning from the world around us.

  Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere are in the middle of summer now, with the whirlwind of cobbled together childcare and kids at home saying: "I'm booored!".   What's happening for them when they're saying this?   And, more importantly, what should we DO about it?   We don't want to have to entertain them, but what other option is there besides threatening chores?   This episode will help you to answer their question during the summer months in a way that supports their wellbeing, and also address boredom that crops up at other points in the school year. Like when they're in school.   Because while I approached this episode from the perspective of navigating summer holidays, it turns out that most researchers can't include the word "child" and "bored" in a study without also including the word "school."   Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click here to learn more! Jump to Highlights 00:59      Introduction to today’s topic 02:32      Dr. Peter Toohey's book explores various definitions of boredom, including one tied to predictable circumstances and another linked to existential despair. 04:16      The concept of boredom has evolved over time. 07:57      Boredom can be linked to dopamine levels in the brain. 10:45      Boredom is connected to negative outcomes and low dopamine activity, leading to depression, anxiety, addiction, and poor performance 13:51       Boredom in children, particularly in school, has negative consequences on academic outcomes and well-being 23:32      Exercising autonomy and pursuing assignments aligned with personal interest and relevance can foster intrinsic motivation and enhance student performance and well-being 29:53      The traditional school system prioritizes conformity over individual interests, leading to disengagement and boredom 35:47      The Learning Membership offers support and resources for parents to cultivate their child's intrinsic love of learning, whether they are in school or not 38:18      Students can combat boredom in school by gamifying tasks, finding personal meaning in them, and recognizing the value of boredom as a guide to more engaging activities 42:54      Boredom serves a purpose in learning by promoting exploration, enhancing performance on creative tasks, and signaling the need for novelty and change 45:26      The Warlpiri people in Australia embody a cultural mindset of infinite patience and being fully present in the moment, where boredom seems non-existent as they engage with their surroundings and find meaning in the immediate place and time 48:17       As explored through the lens of Buddhism, embracing boredom allows us to gain insights into our minds and self-identity, fostering a sense of peace 52:40      To wrap up, the response to a child's boredom depends on their environment–whether they are in school or at home     References https://www.gotoquiz.com/results/boredom_proness_scale Begnaud, D., Coenraad, M., Jain, N., Patel, D., & Bonsignore, E. (2020). “It’s just too much”: Exploring children’s views of boredom and strategies to manage feelings of boredom. In: Proceedings of the Interaction Design and Children Conference (p.624-636). Brankovic, S. (2015). Boredom, dopamine, and the thrill of psychosis: Psychiatry in a new key. Psychiatria Danubina 27(2), 126-137. Danckert, J. (2022). Boredom in the COVID-19 Pandemic. Behavioral Science 12(1), 428. Healy, S.D. (1984). Boredom, self, and culture. Rutherford: Farleigh Dickinson University Press. hooks, b. (1994). Teaching to transgress: Education as the practice of freedom. New York: Routledge. Joseph, N.M. (2022). Making Black girls count in math education: A Black feminist vision for transforming teaching. Boston: Harvard Education Press. LaCapra, D. (2016). Trauma, history, memory, identity: What remains? History and Theory 55, 375-400. Lehr, E., & Todman, M. (2008). Boredom and boredom proneness in children: Implications for academic and social adjustment. In: M. Todman (Ed). Self-Regulation and Social Competence: Psychological Studies in Identity, Achievement and Work-Family Dynamics (p.75-89). Athens: Athens Institute for Education and Research. Lin, Y., & Westgate, E.C. (2021). The origins of boredom. Unpublished manuscript. Retrieved from: https://psyarxiv.com/bz6n8/download?format=pdf Lomas, T. (2017). A meditation on boredom: Reappraising its value through introspective phenomenology. Qualitative Research in Psychology 14(1), 1-22. Lomas, T. (2017). A reappraisal of boredom: A case study in second wave psychology. In: N.J.L. Brown, T. Lomas, & F.J. Eiroa-Orosa (Eds.), The Routledge International Handbook of Critical Positive Psychology (p.213-226). Abingdon-on-Thames: Routledge. Musharbash, Y. (2007). Boredom, time, and modernity: An example from Aboriginal Australia. American Anthropologist 109(2), 307-317. O’Hanlon, J.F. (1981). Boredom: Practical consequences and a theory. Acta Psychologica 49, 53-82. Pfattheicher, S., Lazarevic, L.B., Westgate, E.C., & Schindler, S. (2021). On the relation of boredom and sadistic aggression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 121(3), 573-600. Toohey, P. (2011). Boredom: A lively history. New Haven: Yale University Press. Waterschoot, J., Van der Kaap-Deeder, J., Morbee, S., Soenens, B., & Vansteenkiste, M. (2021). “How to unlock myself from boredom?” The role of mindfulness and a dual awareness- and action-oriented pathway during the COVID-19 lockdown. Personality and Individual Differences 175, 110729.