Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Exploring social skills training for neurodivergent children, challenges in teaching social skills, importance of peer interactions, using Social Stories, understanding monologuing in autistic children, strategies for helping children engage in play situations, and supporting social skills development while respecting consent.

In this episode, Alvin discusses his autism self-diagnosis and its impact on his relationship with humor. He shares insights on his Filipino-American identity and race perspectives. The podcast reveals hilarious stories of sending a chicken into space and unexpected pregnancy news. Tune in for a candid and entertaining conversation about navigating parenthood and personal identity.

Ditch Punishments and Rewards for Respectful Parenting Do you hate punishing (with Time Outs, withdrawing privileges, or even yelling at) your child?   Do you feel guilty after you punish them, wishing there was a way to just get them to listen?   And do bribes ("If you brush your teeth now, you can have 5 minutes of screen time...") feel just as awful?   But what other choice do you have? Your kids don't listen now, so how could not rewarding and punishing them possibly help?   That's what parent Dr. Houri Parsi thought when I first met her. (Houri's doctorate is in clinical psychology, focused on behaviorist-based reward and punishment systems.) She wasn't ready to believe that abandoning the tools she'd been trained in would create a better outcome, when she measured her success as a parent by whether she got immediate compliance from her children.   She ended up not completely abandoning these tools - because they still fit within her vision and values for her family (her vision is a bit different from mine, which is OK! The important thing is that she is living in alignment with her values!).   But Houri's relationship with her children is profoundly different today than it was a couple of years ago. Her children have deep insight into their feelings and needs, and most of the time they're able to find ways to meet all of their needs. She no longer uses her power over them to get their immediate compliance - and that doesn't mean she gets walked all over either.   Houri sees that this approach has built a deep reservoir of trust in their relationship - but occasionally a parent will slip, and will force the children to do something they aren't ready for. When you hear Houri describe how her daughter punished her husband for forcing an injection before she was ready, you might never look at your own child's misbehavior the same way again.   You'll even find a new way to approach the age-old struggle of tooth brushing in this conversation that gets Houri's childrens' teeth brushed every morning without a fight!   If you'd like to ditch the rewards and punishments (and also know that the teeth will still get brushed!) then I'd love to help you make that happen.     You'll get: A new module of content every month Access to an amazing community of supportive parents, in what they've described as "the least judgmental corner of the internet" Answers to your questions in the community, via a video, or a 1:1 consult for especially thorny issues (recorded to share with the community; there's a library of these available for you to watch as well) Group coaching calls where I'll coach you live on your specific challenges (or you can lurk if you prefer...) ACTion groups: Up to five parents and an experienced peer coach meet weekly to help you plan how you'll achieve your vision A 20 minute 1:1 call with community manager Denise right after you sign up, so she can direct you to the resources that will help you most!   It's gentle parenting that's also gentle on you (and isn't permissive!). Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the banner to learn more.     Other episodes mentioned: 009: Do you punish your child with rewards?   Jump to Highlights 00:53 Introducing this episode’s topic and guest 04:09 Dr. Houri Parsi has been applying evidence-based parenting methods from the Your Parenting Mojo podcast for two years. 08:54 Dr. Houri talks about their initial parenting beliefs and later exploring respectful and mindful approaches as their children grew older. 16:24 Dr. Houri changed her parenting approach after joining the Parenting Membership, moving away from using rewards or punishments and focusing on understanding and trusting their children's needs instead. 27:11 Dr. Houri initially struggled with giving up rewards and punishments due to her behaviorism background but eventually shifted her parenting approach, opting for a collaborative and respectful parenting style. 39:46 Dr. Houri discussed her parenting style, focusing on aligning with personal values rather than enforcing compliance. 52:18 Dr. Houri encouraged parents to shift from guilt-driven authority to collaborative parenting.

Sustainable Family Change: Parenting Framework for Lasting Results Here's a little thought exercise: think back to what you were doing this time last year, right around Mother's Day (in the U.S...I know it has already passed in other places!).   What kinds of things were your children doing that were really endearing?   What kinds of things were they doing that drove you up the wall?   What kinds of fights (resistance, back-talk, stalling, tantrums, etc.) were you having with them a year ago?   Are you still having those same fights now (or variations on them)?   Do you wish you weren't still having those fights? That you could get out of the endless cycle of trying an idea you saw on Instagram, seeing a small change, and backsliding to where you were before?   Do you have all the tools you need so that a year from now you can look back and know, without any shadow of a doubt, that things are different now?   Today I'm going to introduce you to several parents who have made exactly this shift, and a framework you can use to make it for yourself.   It's not complicated. There are only five elements to it, and when they're all in place you can make sustainable change in parenting, as well as your own personal issues, work, and anything else you like.   It really is very possible to make sustainable family change in parenting happen by yourself. But all of the five elements have to be in place, and operating consistently, to make it work.   Losing focus on each one of the elements creates a different outcome, none of which are good: Confusion Anxiety Making slow progress Frustration Being on a treadmill   If you can see already that one or more of these things are happening for you, the Parenting Membership will help you make the kind of sustainable change you want to see in your family. The first thing you'll do after you join is have a 20-minute private call with my community manager, Denise, who will see which element you're struggling with the most right now, and connect you to specific resources to help.   Many of the parents who signed up this time last year are now in an entirely different place. Things like this are happening: Their preschoolers can use a picture-based list to accurately identify their own feelings and needs; Parents are recognizing how their own actions are creating shame in their children, and are working to address this; Parents see which parts of their co-parenting struggles are theirs to own, instead of blaming their difficulties on their co-parents; They can also see which parts are not theirs to own, make requests to get their needs met, and practice accepting their co-parent for who they are; Siblings are fighting less, because they understand each other's needs and can find strategies to meet both of their needs.   Of course these parents still have hard days...but none of them looks back on who they were a year ago and thinks: "Aside from the fact that my kids are older, I don't really know what's different now from what it was a year ago." I want this kind of sustainable family change for you, too. It's so much more than taking a short course to learn a new skill. It's a fundamentally different way of being in the world. Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the image below to learn more.     Other episodes mentioned 042: How to teach a child to use manners 175: I’ll be me; can you be you? 206: How to find yourself as a parent 209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner 210: The power of learning in community   Resources mentioned: Sustainable Change Diagram   Jump to Highlights 00:56 Introducing today’s topic 02:01 Parent Niloufar's positive transformation in parenting through the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop 08:56 Parent Lucinda, a member for five years, shares how the membership transformed her self-awareness and empathy towards others' needs. 14:21 The elements of sustainable family change in parenting: vision, skills, motivation, resources, and a plan 15:02 Understanding your family values can make parenting easier and more intentional. 21:14 Skills like managing behavior and communication help parents handle challenges. 33:10 Motivation drives positive changes and fosters resilience even in challenging situations. 36:07 Resources are vital for lasting change. The Parenting Membership helps align values with actions by making smart use of resources for meaningful progress and sustainable change. 42:10 A clear plan is essential for lasting change. It acts as a roadmap, guiding actions toward goals and ensuring alignment with values. 50:23 Invitation to the Parenting Membership 53:45 Member’s testimonials  

The podcast discusses the concept of shame in parenting, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and self-love. A parent shares their journey of parenthood and sailing, emphasizing unconditional love and breaking generational patterns. Strategies for healing shame, building community support, and balancing personal needs in parenting are explored. The benefits of communication, community support, and empowering parenting are emphasized throughout the episode.

  Do you have a core group of parent friends who are always there for you? Friends who might not be 100% aligned with your parenting philosophy, but they're close enough that you know that when they do offer suggestions you would at least consider doing them?   And on the days when you just want to just vent and not hear any advice at all, you know that it'll be totally fine for you to vent. They won't take offense and they'll just empathize and reassure you that you aren't a terrible parent; you're a great parent having a difficult day - because they've seen you on your good days as well.   In this episode I'll introduce you to SIX parents who have just this kind of relationship. Katherine, Rachel, Beth, Peju, and Kati live in the eastern United States and Jody is Australia, and they meet once a week on Zoom for 40 minutes, and each of them talks for just five minutes...and in that time, they've become incredibly close friends. The relationships they have with each other are among the deepest and most profound ones in their lives.   If you need a supportive community like this in your life then I'd love to see you in the Parenting Membership, which is where Katherine, Rachel, Beth, Peju, Kati, and Jody met.   Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the image below to learn more.       Jump to Highlights 01:43 Introducing today’s episode 03:19 The Parenting Membership features ACTion groups that meet weekly, offering valuable support and insights into effective parenting strategies. 04:50 The ACTion Group is about parents coming together weekly to share their parenting progress, challenges, and goals in a supportive and accountable environment. 19:21 The ACTion Group's collaborative problem-solving and support for parent Rachel's challenge with her son were showcased, emphasizing a collective effort in addressing parenting difficulties. 26:54 The ACTion Group supports Beth in addressing her holiday break challenge and need for rest, fostering solutions and self-awareness. 33:13 The ACTion Group helps Peju integrate changes by realizing the importance of apologizing to her son and holding herself accountable to her family values. 39:40 The Action Group explored Jody's challenges with his parents, highlighting the shift towards acceptance instead of forgiveness, leading to a sense of relief and reduced emotional reactivity for him. 47:11 The group shared how the ACTion group has positively impacted their parenting journey through accountability, celebration, and community support. They emphasized the non-judgmental environment, learning from each other's experiences, and the value of consistent participation in personal growth. 01:06:59 Invitation to join the Parenting Membership  

The podcast discusses common arguments between parenting partners, exploring communication challenges and ways to align parenting strategies. Insights from the Gottman method are shared, addressing destructive behaviors like criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. It provides tips on effective communication, building a culture of appreciation, and navigating responsibilities and emotional validation within relationships.

Discover why setting limits is challenging for parents and how it can be detrimental to children's emotional well-being. Explore alternative approaches to setting boundaries that prioritize understanding and meeting children's needs over control and consequences.

The podcast explores a listener's struggles with permissive parenting and unruly children. The host delves into the delicate balance between meeting children's needs and setting boundaries. Practical tips are shared to help parents navigate challenging family dynamics and promote respectful interactions.

Struggling with parenting challenges? Tune in to hear real parents share their experiences and get valuable insights from a coaching call. Explore topics like setting limits, balancing needs, handling judgment, fostering connections, and understanding children's emotions. Find support, empathy, and practical advice in this engaging episode.