Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Dr. Caroline Fleck, a licensed psychologist and adjunct clinical instructor at Stanford, discusses the concept of validation in parenting. She explains how validating children's emotions can enhance relationships and emotional intelligence. The conversation covers practical techniques for supporting kids during meltdowns, emphasizing empathy and mindfulness. Dr. Fleck also addresses the societal implications of invalidation and the importance of consent-based relationships, ultimately advocating for respectful and understanding parenting approaches.

Discover strategies to prepare kids for the complexities of the real world while honoring their authentic selves. Learn how to navigate the challenges of food habits and screen time without creating negative relationships. Explore how societal pressures shape children's emotional development and promote genuine expression. Delve into the flawed perceptions of body size and the importance of critical thinking. This insightful discussion emphasizes connection over control, helping children thrive amidst external pressures.

  What truly matters in a baby’s first year? This episode explores the top seven things parents should focus on, helping you set priorities with confidence.   Questions this episode will answer How much influence do parents really have on their child’s development? What parenting practices actually make a long-term difference? Should you be worried about hitting developmental milestones on time? How can you support your baby’s emotional well-being from day one? What are the best ways to foster a strong parent-child bond?   What you’ll learn in this episode Parenting advice changes constantly, often reflecting shifts in culture and scientific understanding. In this episode, we take a research-backed approach to uncover what truly matters in your baby’s first year—and what doesn’t. The Myth of the Perfect Parent: Learn why the definition of “good parenting” has evolved and how cultural expectations influence parenting choices. Nature vs. Nurture: Discover the surprising role genetics and socioeconomic factors play in shaping a child’s future. The Truth About Developmental Milestones: Understand why comparing your child to others can be misleading—and what really matters for long-term success. Helping Your Baby Feel Secure: Explore the key elements of emotional safety and how they support healthy development. Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection: Learn practical strategies to foster trust, communication, and bonding with your baby. Making Parenting Easier: Get clarity on what’s actually worth stressing about—spoiler: fancy baby gear isn’t on the list.   Join us as we use our values to understand how to get parenting right from the start for your baby and family.   If you’re ready to dive even deeper into these ideas and get hands-on guidance in your parenting journey, our Right From The Start course that I run with Hannah & Kelty of Upbringing is here to help.   It’s designed to give you the confidence and tools to support your baby’s emotional well-being, strengthen your bond, and parent with intention—right from the start.   You'll get access to nine modules of content on topics like supporting baby's sleep, feeding with confidence, and supporting a strong sibling relationship. You'll also learn how to meet your own needs - because you're a whole person with needs, not just your baby's parent.   Right From The Start is available anytime, and you get access to a group coaching call once a month for a year after you join. You can give the course as a gift - it might be the most useful baby shower gift anyone can receive (besides the industrial strength laxatives and nipple shields!)   Click the image below to learn more about Right From The Start:   Other episodes mentioned 081: How can I decide which daycare/preschool is right for my child? 079: What is RIE? 084: The Science of RIE Q&A#5: What really matters in parenting? Part 1   Jump to highlights 01:25 Introducing today’s episode 03:35 Socioeconomic status can make a large contribution to children’s outcome 04:57 Traumatic experiences mostly happen among poor families 09:27 Non-exhaustive list of things that don’t matter enough to be worth worrying about for parents who are expecting a baby or have one under the age of one 16:05 Verbalization of comparing each baby's milestone can create the conditions that we know can arouse shame in a lot of people surrounding the baby 21:23 Childcare is the sixth most important thing that can make an impact on a baby’s life in their first year of existence 26:42 Dividing the workload as a parent is one of the essential things that is crucial for the babies 33:39 How do our childhood experiences affect how we discipline our children? 39:53 Approaches in planning the baby’s first year of existence is the third most important idea that matters 43:31 Learning how to interpret someone’s behavior as an expression of their need can be crucial for babies 46:42 Identifying parent needs is the most important factor that matters for the baby's development 52:01 Wrapping up the discussion   References American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (n.d.). Suicide statistics. Author. Retrieved from: https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/ DeSilver, D. (2013, December 19). Global inequality: How the U.S. compares. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2013/12/19/global-inequality-how-the-u-s-compares/ Hirth, J. M., & Berenson, A. B. (2012). Racial/ethnic differences in depressive symptoms among young women: The role of intimate partner violence, trauma, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of women's health, 21(9), 966-974. National Institute of Mental Health (2023, July). Major depression. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression#:~:text=disorders%2C%20or%20medication.-,Prevalence%20of%20Major%20Depressive%20Episode%20Among%20Adults,more)%20races%20(13.9%25). United Nations (n.d.) Inequality – Bridging the divide. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.un.org/en/un75/inequality-bridging-divide#:~:text=The%20measurements%20and%20impacts%20of,urbanisation%20raise%20urgent%20policy%20challenges.  

Feeling Overwhelmed by Parenting Stress? You’re Not Alone. If you’re exhausted, stretched too thin, and struggling with the stress of parenting, you’re not the only one. Many parents—especially mothers—find themselves running on empty, constantly trying to meet everyone’s needs while their own go unnoticed. Parenting stress can leave you feeling frustrated, drained, and even angry at your kids, whom you love so much.   In this episode, we’re unpacking why parenting can feel like too much and what we can do about it. We’ll explore the hidden pressures that push parents toward burnout, the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves, and small shifts that can help you feel more supported, more present, and less overwhelmed by the daily stress of parenting.   Questions this episode will answer Why does parenting feel so much harder than I expected?Is it normal to feel resentful or emotionally drained from the stress of parenting?Am I an angry parent? Is this just who I am?How can I take care of myself when my kids need me all the time?Why do I feel guilty when I set boundaries or ask for help?What small, doable changes can I make to feel more balanced and present?   What you’ll learn in this episode Why so many parents feel like they’re drowning—and why it’snot your faultWhat’s really behind that constant exhaustion and frustrationPractical ways to lighten the load without adding more to your to-do listHow small mindset shifts can make parenting feellessoverwhelmingHow to recognize when parenting stress is turning you into an angry parent—and what to do about it   This isn’t about striving for perfection or forcing yourself to do more. It’s about finding simple, meaningful ways to care for yourself while still showing up for your family.   Parental Burnout Quiz Here's the quiz mentioned in the episode: https://en.burnoutparental.com/suis-je-en-burnout   If you snap at your kids more often than you'd like...   If your anger seems to come out of nowhere, and you can't stop it...   If you've promised your kids you won't yell at them as much, but keep on doing it...   ...the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help.   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!       Core episodes we reviewed: 111: Parental Burn Out130: Introduction to mindfulness and meditation with Diana Winston122: Self-compassion for Parents186: How to meet your needs with Mara GlatzelSYPM 009: How to Set Boundaries in Parenting   Other episodes referenced 193: You don't have to believe everything you think121: How to support your perfectionist child017: Don't bother trying to increase your child's self-esteem   Jump to highlights 02:21 Introduction of episode 04:05 Four key symptoms of parental burnout 05:00 Factors why the parents in some countries burnout more than others. 06:02 Kelly's burnout experience 08:55 Cortisol level on burnout parent 09:28 Important risk factors for burnout 11:30 The roles of societal expectations on parents 12:58 Personal strategies to address burnout 13:37 Mindfulness awareness 20:25 Self-compassion for parents 21:43 Parents debilitating perfectionism 24:20 Strategy for achieving self-compassion 25:54 Introduction on parental neediness 29:33 The common barrier to prioritize needs 31:31 Need that often gets neglected 34:50 Difference between boundaries and limits 38:36 Why we default to limiting so much 39:59 What happens when parents don’t set boundaries 43:13 Reasons why parents feel overwhelmed 49:00 Ideas to bring out to life

Struggling to get your child to open up? Discover 8 key reasons kids resist sharing their feelings—and actionable strategies to create real connection.   Why Your Child Won’t Open Up—and What You Can Do As parents, we deeply want to support our children, but when we ask, “What’s wrong?” and get silence or resistance in return, it can feel frustrating and confusing. Why won’t they just tell us what’s going on? Whether your child is too young to articulate their emotions, brushes off your questions, or reacts with defiance, you’re not alone.   In this episode of Your Parenting Mojo, we explore the real reasons children struggle to express their feelings and how we, as parents, might unintentionally make it harder for them to share. You’ll learn practical, connection-based strategies to shift these dynamics, helping your child feel safe enough to open up—without forcing the conversation.   The episode builds on the ideas in my book Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World.   Questions This Episode Will Answer: Why does my child shut down when I ask about their feelings?How can I encourage my child to express emotions—even if they can't or don't speak?Could how I talk to them make them less likely to share?How should I respond when they say,“I don’t care”or“Stop talking like that”?How can I build long-term trust so they confide in me more?What common parenting habits discourage open communication without us realizing it?What strategies can I use to make problem-solving conversations feel safe and collaborative?   What You’ll Learn in This Episode 8 key reasons why kids resist sharing their emotions.How to recognize when your childwantsto open up but doesn’t know how.The hidden impact of parenting focused on getting the child to behave correctly—and how to shift toward emotional connection.How to reframe conversations so your child knows you see, know, and love them for who they really are.Actionable tools to help your child feel safe expressing their emotions.   Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,   the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.   Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!       Other episodes mentioned: 207: How not to be a permissive parent209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner226: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1227: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2075: Should we Go Ahead and Heap Rewards On Our Kid?   Jump to highlights 01:25 Introduction of episode 02:17 How to problem solve with children who cannot verbally share their feelings 04:34 Children might resist sharing their feelings because we’re focused on changing their behavior 07:53 Children might not participate in the conversation because we judge them 11:51 Children might resist participating in conversation because we have already decided what the “correct” solution is in advance 13:30 We haven’t taken time to understand the child’s needs 16:43 The child might not tell how they feel because they don’t know how they feel 19:56 The child might not tell you what’s wrong because you’re asking them in the heat of the moment   References Lisitsa, E. (2013, May 13). The four horsemen: Contempt. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved from: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/ Brittle, Z. (2023, May 29). D is for defensiveness. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/d-is-for-defensiveness/#:~:text=Defensiveness%2C%20defined%20as%20any%20attempt,righteous%20indignation%2C%20counterattack%20and%20whining.

How to heal the anger in your relationship with your spouse Parent Laurie was doing really well when she had two kids. She had been with her partner for a long time, she had just achieved her first managerial role at work, and things were going great - so they thought it would be a good time to add a third child.   Then: Pandemic. Two kids under three. The oldest child started school and had problems that were diagnosed as ADHD and Autism. Navigating all the appointments and calls from school took so much time that Laurie dropped down to part-time work, so her salary would no longer cover the cost of childcare. She quit her job and became a stay-at-home parent.   The Anger Begins Then the anger and rage began. Laurie had always had anger throughout her whole life, and thought she knew how to handle it - but this rage was a different story. It felt like she wasn't in control, which is the complete opposite of how she wanted to show up as a parent and as a partner - so she felt deeply ashamed of it.   Her husband Jordan bore the brunt of it - for big issues and small. They had a mouse problem...and one day he left Goldfish crackers out. Laurie was like the villainous octopus witch Ursula from The Little Mermaid who wanted to tear everything down - to tear HIM down.   The Impact of Anger on Laurie's Kids Of course her kids heard all of this. Not long after his diagnosis, her oldest son had given a presentation to his class about his family, and he introduced Laurie by saying: "No matter what happens, my Mom is calm and unflappable and she can handle it." It was Laurie's parenting dream come true, since she didn't grow up in a calm house.   Laurie felt so ashamed that she wasn't the calm center of the family anymore, and that her kids were afraid of her.   Where the Anger Comes From Then she started to learn the sources of her triggered feelings from waaay back in that not-so-calm household. She also learned that getting her husband to change his behavior was not the answer - even though she very much wanted it to be the answer!   She started to heal from the hurts she's experienced, and has learned how to sit with her rage without making it her husband's fault. And from there, she's begun to feel the rage less often.   Now there are more 'magical' moments in their relationship, as they share silly texts like they used to before they had kids.   How to Repair After Anger Laurie shares her story in this extraordinarily revealing interview. And at the end I coach her on a challenge she faced that very morning: she's now aware of the difference between feelings and fake feelings (that are really judgments in disguise). But even though she knows the difference she can't always stop herself from directing the fake feelings judgments at her husband - which had started a fight that day.   We talked through how to avoid the judgments next time - and how to repair effectively with her husband later that night. I also share a message Laurie sent me about how the repair went!   I hope you enjoy this inspiring conversation.   Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,   the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.   Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!       Other episodes mentioned: 232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers   Jump to highlights 01:55 Laurie’s introduction 13:40 Laurie’s intentions when she joined the Taming Your Triggers workshop 23:17 The tools that Laurie put into practice and found helpful 34:32 The changes that Laurie has seen in her family 39:18 Importance of recognizing fake feelings and needs 45:25 Doing difficult behavior to receive connection 49:54 Seeing when you feel agitated in your body 54:26 Starting a non-judgmental observation

Children’s threats: What they mean and how to respond "If you don't give me a lollipop, I won't be your friend anymore.”    Said to a sibling: “If you don’t come and sit down, I'll take your toy.” “If you don't give me candy before dinner, I'll hit you.”   Has your child made threats like this (or worse ones) when things don't go their way?   Whether it’s yelling, “I’ll never be your friend again!” or threatening to hurt you, hearing these words can stop you in your tracks.   Why do our kids say things like this? Where do they even get the idea to use threats, when we've never said anything like this to them and we don't think they've heard it from screen time either?   In this week's episode we'll dig deeply into these questions, and learn how to respond both in the moment the threat has happened - as well as what to do to reduce future threats.   You’ll hear: A step-by-step strategy to deal with a real-life example - from the parent whose child said "If you don't lie down with me I will shatter your eyeballs!"The phrases we use with our kids that might unintentionally encourage this kind of behaviorSpecific, practical tools to use in the moment - and long before tensions escalate   Are you ready to turn these tough moments into opportunities for deeper connection?   Tune in to the episode today.   And what happens to you when your child threatens you?   Do you lose your mind?   Do you freak out that you might be raising a child who needs help to defuse violent tendencies, and then yell at them because their threats are SO INAPPROPRIATE?   Hopefully this episode reassures you that that isn't the case. But that may not eliminate your triggered feelings - because these don't always respond to logic.   Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,   the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.   Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.   Sign up now   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!     Other episodes mentioned: SYPM 013: Triggered all the time to emotional safety232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers   Jump to highlights: 03:03 Introduction of Reddit post about a child threatening his parent 19:27 The child listens but doesn’t do what they’re told 36:21 Recognizing the signals 42:42 Recognize the background stress   Need help with serious credible threats? Get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline.   References: Centers for Disease Control (n.d.) About sexual violence. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/sexual-violence/about/index.html#:~:text=Over%20half%20of%20women%20and,experienced%20completed%20or%20attempted%20rape. Lunasduel (2020). 3.5 year old giving violent threats. Reddit. Retrieved from: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/doma9m/35_year_old_giving_violent_threats/ Rutherford, A. (2018, September 17). What the origins of the ‘1 in 5’ statistic teaches us about sexual assault policy. Behavioral Scientist. Retrieved from: https://behavioralscientist.org/what-the-origins-of-the-1-in-5-statistic-teaches-us-about-sexual-assault-policy/#:~:text=Referring%20to%20the%20number%20of,prevent%2C%20and%20prosecute%20sexual%20assault.

The Problem with Time Outs: Why They Fail, and What to Do Instead Recently, in Part 1 of this two-part mini-series, we began looking at a question from listener Melissa: "Can time-outs ever have a place in a respectful parenting approach?  (And if not, what else am I supposed to do when my kid looks me in the eye and does something he knows he’s not supposed to do?)" That episode looked at the academic research on the effectiveness of time-outs, what else might account for the research that finds them ‘effective,’ and whether time-outs might harm children even if the research says they don’t.   Today’s episode builds on Part 1 by exploring why time outs often fail to address misbehavior effectively - and may harm parent-child relationships. Key points include: We often don’t understand the distinction between misbehavior and emotional distress: Researchers agree that we should use time-outs when children misbehave, but not when they’re emotionally distressed.  But what if we aren’t as good at telling the difference between those two states as we think we are?Understanding why children do things we tell them not to do: We look specifically at what Melissa’s 3 ½-year-old son is doing - things like poking her face, throwing a toy when she’s told him not to, and dropping food on the floor during dinner, as well as pulling his sister’s hair, and hitting/kicking her.How alternatives to time out are even more effective: Even in controlled lab settings, compliance after time-outs often doesn’t exceed 60%.  We’ll meet parent Kendra, whose child had an Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnosis that she no longer believes is true now she’s using the tools we discuss in this episode. Drawing on research and these real-life stories, this episode offers actionable insights for parents who want effective alternatives to time-outs.Whether you’re dealing with boundary-testing toddlers or older children’s challenging behaviors, this episode provides tools to help you deal with your child’s misbehavior by creating empathy and trust, rather than disconnection and resentment.Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉  Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate   Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free quiz to see how these strategies could work for you!     Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,   the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.   Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!     Other episodes mentioned: Episode 227:Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2Episode 226:Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1Episode 213:How to stop using power over your child (and still get things done)Episode 207:How to not be a permissive parent   Jump to highlights: 01:52 Review of previous episode on timeouts 05:41 Understanding emotional distress and misbehavior 15:51 Addressing misbehavior without timeouts 19:30 The role of emotion regulation in parenting 36:02 Alternatives to timeouts   References: Allen, K. D., & Warzak, W. J. (2000). The problem of parental nonadherence in clinical behavior analysis: Effective treatment is not enough. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 33(3), 373-391. Bostow, D. E., & Bailey, J. B. (1969). Modification of severe disruptive and aggressive behavior using brief timeout and reinforcement procedures. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2(1), 31-37. Brown, G. D., & Tyler Jr, V. O. (1968). Time out from reinforcement: A technique for dethroning the “duke” of an institutionalized delinquent group. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 9(3‐4), 203-211. Burchard, J. D., & Barrera, F. (1972). AN ANALYSIS OF TIMEOUT AND RESPONSE COST IN A PROGRAMMED ENVIRONMENT 1. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 5(3), 271-282. Carraturo, F., Di Perna, T., Giannicola, V., Nacchia, M. A., Pepe, M., Muzii, B., ... & Scandurra, C. (2023). Envy, social comparison, and depression on social networking sites: a systematic review. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 13(2), 364-376. Corralejo, S. M., Jensen, S. A., Greathouse, A. D., & Ward, L. E. (2018). Parameters of time-out: Research update and comparison to parenting programs, books, and online recommendations. Behavior therapy, 49(1), 99-112. Everett, G. E., Hupp, S. D., & Olmi, D. J. (2010). Time-out with parents: A descriptive analysis of 30 years of research. Education and Treatment of Children, 33(2), 235-259. Kendall, S. B. (1965). Spontaneous recovery after extinction with periodic time-outs. Psychonomic Science, 2, 117-118. Knight, R. M., Albright, J., Deling, L., Dore-Stites, D., & Drayton, A. K. (2020). Longitudinal relationship between time-out and child emotional and behavioral functioning. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 41(1), 31-37. Larzelere, R. E., & Raumrind, D. (2010). Are spanking injunctions scientifically supported. Law & Contemp. Probs., 73, 57. Larzelere, R. E., Gunnoe, M. L., Pritsker, J., & Ferguson, C. J. (2024). Resolving the Contradictory Conclusions from Three Reviews of Controlled Longitudinal Studies of Physical Punishment: A Meta-Analysis. Marriage & Family Review, 60(7), 395-433. Leitenberg, H. (1965). Is time-out from positive reinforcement an aversive event? A review of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 64(6), 428. Lieneman, C. C., Girard, E. I., Quetsch, L. B., & McNeil, C. B. (2020). Emotion regulation and attrition in parent–child interaction therapy. Journal of child and family studies, 29, 978-996. Morawska, A., & Sanders, M. (2011). Parental use of time out revisited: A useful or harmful parenting strategy? Journal of Child and Family Studies 20, 1-8. Risley, T. R. (1968). The effects and side effects of punishing the autistic behaviors of a deviant child. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 1(1), 21-34. Roberts, M. W. (1988). Enforcing chair timeouts with room timeouts. Behavior Modification, 12(3), 353-370. Roberts, M. W. (1982). Resistance to timeout: Some normative data. Behavioral Assessment4, 239-246. Roberts, S. (2021, June 3). Arthur Staats dies at 97; called ‘time out’ for unruly kids. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/03/health/dr-arthur-staats-dead.html Rubenstein, L., & Mourino, A. P. (1983). Time-out: an evaluation of a behavior management technique. Pediatr Dent, 5(2), 109-112. Samra, A., Warburton, W. A., & Collins, A. M. (2022). Social comparisons: A potential mechanism linking problematic social media use with depression. Journal of Behavioral Addictions. Sanders, M. R., Bor, W., & Morawska, A. (2007). Maintenance of treatment gains: a comparison of enhanced, standard, and self-directed Triple P-Positive Parenting Program. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 35, 983-998. Siegel, D. (2014, October 29). You said WHAT about Time-Outs?! Dr. Dan Siegel. Retrieved from: https://drdansiegel.com/you-said-what-about-time-outs/ Spitalnik, R., & Drabman, R. (1976). A classroom timeout procedure for retarded children. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 7(1), 17-21. “The Colombo Family,” Supernanny. Season 7, Episode 9. Ricochet Television, 2011. U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Essentials for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/about/index.html U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Tips for Time Out. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/time-out/index.html U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Treatment of ADHD. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/treatment/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/treatment.html Vander Schaaf, S. (2019, March 9). The man who developed timeouts for kids now stands by his hotly-debated idea. Washington Post. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-man-who-developed-timeouts-for-kids-stands-by-his-now-hotly-debated-idea/2019/03/08/c169439e-3159-11e9-8ad3-9a5b113ecd3c_story.html Webster-Stratton, C., Reid, M. J., & Hammond, M. (2004). Treating children with early-onset conduct problems: Intervention outcomes for parent, child, and teacher training. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology, 33(1), 105-124. Weinberg, M. K., Beeghly, M., Olson, K. L., & Tronick, E. (2008). A still-face paradigm for young children: 2½ year-olds’ reactions to maternal unavailability during the still-face. The journal of developmental processes, 3(1), 4. Willoughby, R. H. (1969). The effects of time-out from positive reinforcement on the operant behavior of preschool children. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 7(2), 299-313. Willoughby, R. H. (1970). The influence of different response consequences on children's preference for time-out. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 9(2), 133-141. Wolf, M., Risley, T., & Mees, H. (1963). Application of operant conditioning procedures to the behaviour problems of an autistic child. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 1(2-4), 305-312. Wolraich, M. L., Hagan, J. F., Allan, C., Chan, E., Davison, D., Earls, M., ... & Zurhellen, W. (2019). Clinical practice guideline for the diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 144(4). Xu, Jingyi, Lucy A. Tully, and Mark R. Dadds. "Generation time-out grows up: young adults’ reports about childhood time-out use and their mental health, attachment, and emotion regulation." European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2024): 1-9.

Time Outs: Helpful or harmful? Here’s what the research says Pediatricians and researchers commonly recommend that parents use time outs when kids misbehave.  Time outs are promoted as an effective, evidence-based parenting strategy - although the real reason they’re so highly recommended is that they cause less damage to children than hitting.But if we’re already using respectful/gentle parenting strategies most of the time, could there be any benefit to adding time outs when our children don’t comply with more gentle methods?   This episode delves into the research on: Which children and families researchers think time outs are effective for(it’s not the same group of children who are usually study participants!);The precise time out script that has been shown to be effective(and why it works);Whether time outs harm children or not(this is one of the biggest controversies in the Gentle Parenting world)   If you’ve heard that time out is an effective strategy to gain children’s cooperation but weren’t sure whether it fits with your Gentle Parenting approach, this episode will help you to decide for yourself whether it’s a good fit for you and your family.   Taming Your Triggers  If you see that your relationship with your child isn’t where you want it to be because you: Speak to them in a tone or using words that you would never let other people use with your child…Are rougher with their bodies than you know you should be when you feel frustrated…Feel guilt and/or shame about how they’re experiencing your words and actions, even though your intentions are never to hurt them…   …the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you.   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!     Other episodes mentioned: Episode 231: How to support baby’s development after a Wonder WeekEpisode 230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research saysEpisode 154: Authoritative is not the best parenting styleEpisode 148: Is spanking a child really so bad?Episode 072: Is the 30 Million Word Gap Real: Part IIEpisode 066: Is the 30 Million Word Gap real?   Jump to highlights: 00:03 Introduction 10:23 Historical context and research on timeouts 17:26 Critical analysis of timeout research 28:36 Effective implementation of timeouts 33:59 Challenges and limitations of timeouts 41:49 Jen's personal experiences and emotional impact 49:29 Alternative perspectives and values 57:39 Conclusion and next steps   References: Allen, K. D., & Warzak, W. J. (2000). The problem of parental nonadherence in clinical behavior analysis: Effective treatment is not enough. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 33(3), 373-391. Bostow, D. E., & Bailey, J. B. (1969). Modification of severe disruptive and aggressive behavior using brief timeout and reinforcement procedures. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2(1), 31-37. Brown, G. D., & Tyler Jr, V. O. (1968). Time out from reinforcement: A technique for dethroning the “duke” of an institutionalized delinquent group. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 9(3‐4), 203-211. Burchard, J. D., & Barrera, F. (1972). AN ANALYSIS OF TIMEOUT AND RESPONSE COST IN A PROGRAMMED ENVIRONMENT 1. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 5(3), 271-282. Carraturo, F., Di Perna, T., Giannicola, V., Nacchia, M. A., Pepe, M., Muzii, B., ... & Scandurra, C. (2023). Envy, social comparison, and depression on social networking sites: a systematic review. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 13(2), 364-376. Corralejo, S. M., Jensen, S. A., Greathouse, A. D., & Ward, L. E. (2018). Parameters of time-out: Research update and comparison to parenting programs, books, and online recommendations. Behavior therapy, 49(1), 99-112. Everett, G. E., Hupp, S. D., & Olmi, D. J. (2010). Time-out with parents: A descriptive analysis of 30 years of research. Education and Treatment of Children, 33(2), 235-259. Kendall, S. B. (1965). Spontaneous recovery after extinction with periodic time-outs. Psychonomic Science, 2, 117-118. Knight, R. M., Albright, J., Deling, L., Dore-Stites, D., & Drayton, A. K. (2020). Longitudinal relationship between time-out and child emotional and behavioral functioning. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 41(1), 31-37. Larzelere, R. E., & Raumrind, D. (2010). Are spanking injunctions scientifically supported. Law & Contemp. Probs., 73, 57. Larzelere, R. E., Gunnoe, M. L., Pritsker, J., & Ferguson, C. J. (2024). Resolving the Contradictory Conclusions from Three Reviews of Controlled Longitudinal Studies of Physical Punishment: A Meta-Analysis. Marriage & Family Review, 60(7), 395-433. Leitenberg, H. (1965). Is time-out from positive reinforcement an aversive event? A review of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 64(6), 428. Lieneman, C. C., Girard, E. I., Quetsch, L. B., & McNeil, C. B. (2020). Emotion regulation and attrition in parent–child interaction therapy. Journal of child and family studies, 29, 978-996. Morawska, A., & Sanders, M. (2011). Parental use of time out revisited: A useful or harmful parenting strategy? Journal of Child and Family Studies 20, 1-8. Risley, T. R. (1968). The effects and side effects of punishing the autistic behaviors of a deviant child. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 1(1), 21-34. Roberts, M. W. (1988). Enforcing chair timeouts with room timeouts. Behavior Modification, 12(3), 353-370. Roberts, M. W. (1982). Resistance to timeout: Some normative data. Behavioral Assessment 4, 239-246. Roberts, S. (2021, June 3). Arthur Staats dies at 97; called ‘time out’ for unruly kids. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/03/health/dr-arthur-staats-dead.html Rubenstein, L., & Mourino, A. P. (1983). Time-out: an evaluation of a behavior management technique. Pediatr Dent, 5(2), 109-112. Samra, A., Warburton, W. A., & Collins, A. M. (2022). Social comparisons: A potential mechanism linking problematic social media use with depression. Journal of Behavioral Addictions. Sanders, M. R., Bor, W., & Morawska, A. (2007). Maintenance of treatment gains: a comparison of enhanced, standard, and self-directed Triple P-Positive Parenting Program. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 35, 983-998. Siegel, D. (2014, October 29). You said WHAT about Time-Outs?! Dr. Dan Siegel. Retrieved from: https://drdansiegel.com/you-said-what-about-time-outs/ Spitalnik, R., & Drabman, R. (1976). A classroom timeout procedure for retarded children. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 7(1), 17-21. “The Colombo Family,” Supernanny. Season 7, Episode 9. Ricochet Television, 2011. U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Essentials for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/about/index.html U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Tips for Time Out. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/time-out/index.html U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Treatment of ADHD. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/treatment/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/treatment.html Vander Schaaf, S. (2019, March 9). The man who developed timeouts for kids now stands by his hotly-debated idea. Washington Post. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-man-who-developed-timeouts-for-kids-stands-by-his-now-hotly-debated-idea/2019/03/08/c169439e-3159-11e9-8ad3-9a5b113ecd3c_story.html Webster-Stratton, C., Reid, M. J., & Hammond, M. (2004). Treating children with early-onset conduct problems: Intervention outcomes for parent, child, and teacher training. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology, 33(1), 105-124. Weinberg, M. K., Beeghly, M., Olson, K. L., & Tronick, E. (2008). A still-face paradigm for young children: 2½ year-olds’ reactions to maternal unavailability during the still-face. The journal of developmental processes, 3(1), 4. Willoughby, R. H. (1969). The effects of time-out from positive reinforcement on the operant behavior of preschool children. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 7(2), 299-313. Willoughby, R. H. (1970). The influence of different response consequences on children's preference for time-out. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 9(2), 133-141. Wolf, M., Risley, T., & Mees, H. (1963). Application of operant conditioning procedures to the behaviour problems of an autistic child. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 1(2-4), 305-312. Wolraich, M. L., Hagan, J. F., Allan, C., Chan, E., Davison, D., Earls, M., ... & Zurhellen, W. (2019). Clinical practice guideline for the diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 144(4). Xu, Jingyi, Lucy A. Tully, and Mark R. Dadds. "Generation time-out grows up: young adults’ reports about childhood time-out use and their mental health, attachment, and emotion regulation." European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2024): 1-9.

What Dog Trainers Know That You Don’t! Ever felt stuck figuring out how to respond to your child’s challenging behavior? What if the key lies in techniques used by master dog trainers? In this episode, we explore how strategies designed to nurture trust and communication with dogs can revolutionize the way we parent. From co-regulation to building a culture of consent, you’ll learn actionable steps to create a harmonious home environment.   What you’ll learn: Read dogs’ non-verbal cues to prevent bites - and how reading your child’s can prevent meltdowns. Never yell at dogs—and what they do to get cooperation instead. Calm anxious dogs—the same technique can reduce your child’s tantrums. Build trust and gain consent with dogs—which can also strengthen your relationship with your child. Stay calm under pressure—their strategies can help you navigate parenting stress as well.   This episode ties together the science of behavior with empathy to show that parenting doesn’t have to mean power struggles. By understanding your child’s needs (just like dog trainers learn to understand their dogs), you’ll build a connection that lasts a lifetime.   Don’t miss out on this unique perspective on parenting! Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉  Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate   Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free Quiz to see how these strategies could work for you! Click the banner below. Book mentioned in this episode: Affiliate Links The Other End of the Leash by Dr. Patricia McConnell How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend by The Monks of New Skete Parenting Beyond Power by Jen Lumanlan     Mentioned Episodes Episode 215: Why will no-one play with me? Episode 201: How to create a culture of consent in our families     Jump to highlights 00:03     Introduction to Your Parenting Mojo Podcast 03:09     Acknowledgment of Listeners and Financial Support 04:39     Jen's Experience with Dog Training at the East Bay SPCA 06:47     Introduction to Dog Training Hacks 10:30     Hack 10: Creating a Culture of Consent 10:42     Hack 9: Not Dominating Our Children 15:38     Hack 8: Identifying Pressure Points 19:09     Hack 7: Don't Repeat Yourself 20:19     Hack 6: Shouting Doesn't Gain Compliance 22:42     Hack 5: Not Expecting Immediate Compliance 26:30     Hack 4: Getting Comfortable with Dysregulation 31:55     Hack 3: Co-Regulating with Your Child 34:30     Hack 2: Supporting Skill Building in Stressful Situations 39:40     Hack 1: Understanding Non-Verbal Communication 49:28      Conclusion and Call to Action   References McConnell, P. (2002). The other end of the leash: Why we do what we do around dogs. Random House. The Monks of New Skete. (2002). How to be your dog's best friend: A training manual for dog owners. Little, Brown and Company. Lumanlan, J. (2023). Parenting beyond power: How to use connection and collaboration to transform your family—and the world.