Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Thanks to those of you who completed the recent survey on how I can serve you better, some changes are coming to the YPM world!  While most respondents said they loved the length of the episodes because they appreciate how much detail we can get into in that time, a number of people said they had trouble finding the time to listen to longer episodes, as well as share them with others.   Our long episodes aren’t going anywhere; I love being able to truly understand an issue and have deep conversations with experts. But I hear you that it can be hard to find an hour to listen! That’s why I’m going to start creating summary episodes. This first one summarizes the last two episodes on the topic of video games - both the conversation with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin, and my narrated episode on what children learn from video games.   You’ll get my take-home ideas from both episodes in less than 12 minutes! If you’re starting to see the deep learning that children are doing while they’re playing video games and want to support them in having more of these kinds of experiences…but without using screens all the time, the Learning Membership will help you.   The membership helps you to support your child’s intrinsic love of learning, while also equipping them with the skills they’ll need to succeed in the age of AI.   You’ll learn how to see and follow your child’s interests so you can support them in deep inquiries.  You won’t have to drag them through it like you would a workbook or a curriculum (so no need to reward them with screen time!) because they will WANT to learn. They’ll be excited to do it, and they’ll bring you along for the ride.   Ready to transform how you support your child's curiosity? While we're all trying to figure out what's really behind rising teen anxiety and whether phones are the problem, there's something we can do right now that helps nurture our children's natural curiosity and intrinsic motivation to learn.   The You Are Your Child's Best Teacher masterclass shows you how to do exactly that without adding pressure or creating elaborate activities that exhaust you.   When children feel competent and engaged in learning that matters to them, they develop resilience that serves them well, whether they're facing social media pressures, academic stress, or the general challenges of growing up in today's world.   Click the banner to learn more!       Jump to highlights 01:26 Introducing today’s episode 02:06 Balancing kids' screen time is a gradual process of sharing responsibility and making adjustments based on their abilities. 03:35 Children are drawn to video games because they meet needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness. 03:54 There is no strong evidence that video games cause violence. 05:27 Children can learn about cultural issues like misogyny and violence from video games and other media. 07:19 Video games allow children to actively engage in learning by exploring unique systems and strategies, similar to real scientific thinking. 08:41 Children develop creativity and persistence through video games. 09:18 Invitation to the free You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher workshop

How Video Games Shape Learning and Children’s Development Last week, parent Nicole and I talked with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin about the challenges we can have when our kids love video games.   I had also hoped to ask Ash a lot of questions about what children learn from video games but we completely ran out of time, so I spent a fun day reading 10 books on the topic at the University of New Mexico library (non-students can’t check out books!).   I wanted to know a lot more about: Why do children find video games so attractive?  And can we use that information to make the transitions away from screen time easier - as well as support their off-screen learning?Even if video games don’t lead children to violence, are they picking up ideas that aren’t aligned with our values?What useful skills are our children learning from video games, and how is this different from school-based learning?   Ready to transform how you support your child's curiosity? While we're all trying to figure out what's really behind rising teen anxiety and whether phones are the problem, there's something we can do right now that helps nurture our children's natural curiosity and intrinsic motivation to learn.   The You Are Your Child's Best Teacher masterclass shows you how to do exactly that without adding pressure or creating elaborate activities that exhaust you.   When children feel competent and engaged in learning that matters to them, they develop resilience that serves them well, whether they're facing social media pressures, academic stress, or the general challenges of growing up in today's world.   Click the banner to learn more!       Jump to highlights 00:45 Introduction to today’s episode 04:13 Children are drawn to video games because they fulfill their needs for independence, skill-building, and connection. 13:00 Children learn about gender roles and social behaviors from video games, which reflect societal misogyny and violence. 28:55 Video games foster active learning through problem-solving and experimentation. By connecting gaming identities to real-world learning, children can enhance their educational experiences. 40:00 Children learn best when they are engaged in activities they care about, and the You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher workshop will help parents recognize and support this learning. 50:01Wrapping up   References Benedetti, W. (2012, July 12). Anti-bigotry gaming site hacked, defaced by bigots. NBC News. Retrieved from: https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/anti-bigotry-gaming-site-hacked-defaced-bigots-flna910262 Brown, H.J. (2008). Videogames and education. Armonk, NY: M.E. Sharpe. Condis, M. (2018). Gaming masculinity: Trolls, fake geeks & the gendered battle for online culture. Iowa City: University of Iowa Press. Gee, J.P. (2007). What video games have to teach us about learning and literacy. New York: Palgrave Gee, J.P. (2007). Good video games + good learning: Collected essays on video games, learning and literacy. New York: Peter Lang Gillin, L.E., & Signorella, M.L. (2023). Attitudes toward sexual orientation and gender identity in online multiplayer gaming spaces. Psychological Reports, 00332941231153798. O’Leary, A. (2012, August 1). In virtual play, sex harassment is all too real. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/02/us/sexual-harassment-in-online-gaming-stirs-anger.html Rigby, S., & Ryan, R.M. (2011). Glued to games: How video games draw us in and hold us spellbound. Santa Barbara: Praeger. Richard, G.T. (2017). “Play it like a girl”: Gender expression, sexual identity, and complex expectations in a female-oriented gaming community. In B. Ruberg & A. Shaw (Eds.), Queer Game Studies (p.163-177). Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press. Schaffer, D., & Loparo, K.A. (2007). How computer games help children learn. Palgrave Macmillan. Self-Determination Theory (2024). Theory. Author. Retrieved from: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/theory/ Sliwinski, A. (2007, February 26). Gay gamer survey results with large hetero inclusion. Engadget. Retrieved from: https://www.engadget.com/2007-02-26-gay-gamer-survey-results-with-large-hetero-inclusion.html Suellentrop, C. (2013, December 13). In the footsteps of Lara Croft. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/15/arts/video-games/chris-suellentrop-on-the-year-in-video-games.html Yunkaporta, T. (2021). Sand talk: How indigenous thinking can save the world. New York: HarperCollins.

In this episode, @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin and parent Nicole discuss struggles parents face with kids playing video games, including dysregulation, managing screen time, intrinsic motivation, using screens for breaks, and modeling appropriate screen time behavior. They also touch on the impact of violent games, promoting emotional regulation, and balancing leisure with other activities to foster intrinsic motivation.

How do I know if I'm perimenopausal? A few months ago a member in the Parenting Membership shared a whole bunch of symptoms she'd had, from fatigue to rage to dry eyes. She'd been on a four year journey to figure out what was going on before finding out that she was in perimenopause, and wanted to save other members from the same experience she'd had.   That sparked a huge discussion in the community, with other members wondering whether the symptoms they were experiencing were also related to menopause - and whether this was going to be yet another thing they were going to have to educate their doctors about to get appropriate treatment.   In this episode we answer questions about: What roles do hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone play in our bodies? What is menopause, and what is perimenopause? What are some of the most common symptoms of perimenopause? (Hint - it isn't hot flashes) What are the benefits of Hormone Replacement Therapy, and who should consider it? Is HRT dangerous? What impacts does culture have on the experience of menopause?   In our next episode on this topic we'll look at a non-medical, holistic approach to menopause.   Dr. Newson’s books Preparing for the perimenopause and menopauseMenopause: All you need to know in one concise manualThe Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause   Jump to Highlights 01:26 Introducing the topic and featured guest for this episode 03:48 Hormones play a crucial role in menstruation. 08:28 Dr. Newson explores the definitions and challenges of menopause and perimenopause, emphasizing the wide-ranging symptoms and long-term health implications associated with hormonal changes. 12:10 Dr. Newson discusses recognizing perimenopause symptoms amid busy lifestyles and the importance of early awareness, regardless of age variability in menopausal onset. 16:05 Dr. Newson explains how hormonal birth control can obscure natural hormone patterns, potentially leading to misunderstood symptoms like mood changes and reduced energy. 18:26 Women face challenges in receiving timely diagnosis and treatment for perimenopause and menopause symptoms, underscoring disparities in healthcare and the importance of seeking medical help despite societal barriers. 22:46 Hot flashes, often associated with menopause, are not the most prevalent or severe symptom. They result from brain disruptions and vary widely among individuals, with many experiencing cognitive and psychological symptoms instead. 27:28 Perimenopause and menopause often bring cognitive symptoms like memory lapses, tied to hormonal shifts that impact brain function, yet frequently disregarded in medical care and treatment. 33:41 Hormone replacement therapy has been found to be effective in managing menopausal symptoms and offering potential long-term health benefits, despite past concerns about risks associated with older synthetic hormone studies. 44:47 Hormone replacement therapy, especially with natural hormones, is often prescribed long-term for health benefits, contrasting with synthetic hormones implicated in higher risks from the WHI study. 47:43 Dr. Newson emphasizes that while non-hormonal treatments like antidepressants and therapies can alleviate symptoms, they don't address the underlying hormonal deficiency that hormone therapy effectively restores for overall health. 49:41 Jen and Dr. Newson discuss cultural views on menopause, emphasizing the need for accurate medical support over stereotypes or inadequate treatments like antidepressants. 57:21 Wrapping up the discussion   References Attia, P. (2022, August 20). Menstruation, menopause, and hormone replacement therapy for women. Carson, M.Y., & Thurson, R.C. (2023). Vasomotor symptoms and their links to cardiovascular disease risk. Current Opinion in Endocrine in Metabolic Research, 100448. Cramer, D.W., Xu, H., & Harlow, B.L. (1995). Family history as a predictor of early menopause. Fertility and Sterility 64(4), 740-745. Dominus, S. (2023, February 1). Women have been misled about menopause. The New York Times Magazine. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/01/magazine/menopause-hot-flashes-hormone-therapy.html Gilberg-Lenz, S. (2022). Menopause bootcamp: Optimize your health, empower your self, and flourish as you age. New York: Harper Wave. Herstasis (2024). Menopause symptoms. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.herstasis.com/symptoms/ Kolata, G., & Petersen, M. (2022, July 10). Hormone replacement study a shock to the medical system. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2002/07/10/us/hormone-replacement-study-a-shock-to-the-medical-system.html#:~:text=A%20rigorous%20study%20found%20that,a%20decrease%20in%20colorectal%20cancer. Lobo, R.A. (2013). Where are we 10 years after the Women’s Health Initiative? The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism 98(5), 1771-1780. Manson, J., Bassuk, S., Kaunitz, A., & Pinkerton, J. (2020). The Women’s Health Initiative trials of menopausal hormone therapy: Lessons learned. Menopause 27(8), 918-928. Mosconi, L. (2024). The menopause brain: New science empowers women to navigate the pivotal transition with knowledge and confidence. Knox, ME: Center Point. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2015, November 12). Menopause: Diagnosis and management. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/chapter/Recommendations Newson, L., & Lewis, R. (2021). Delayed diagnosis and treatment of menopause is wasting NHS appointments and resources. Newson Health. Retrieved from: https://d2931px9t312xa.cloudfront.net/menopausedoctor/files/information/632/BMS%20poster%20Louise%20Newson%202021.pdf O’Reilly, K., McDermid, F., McInnes, S., & Peters, K. (2022). An exploration of women’s knowledge and experience of perimenopause and menopause: An integrative literature review. Journal of Clinical Nursing 32: 4528-4540. Stute, P., Marsden, J., Salih, N., & Cagnacci, A. (2023). Reappraising 21 years of the WHI study: Putting the findings in context for clinical practice. Maturitas 174, 8-13.

Exploring social skills training for neurodivergent children, challenges in teaching social skills, importance of peer interactions, using Social Stories, understanding monologuing in autistic children, strategies for helping children engage in play situations, and supporting social skills development while respecting consent.

In this episode, Alvin discusses his autism self-diagnosis and its impact on his relationship with humor. He shares insights on his Filipino-American identity and race perspectives. The podcast reveals hilarious stories of sending a chicken into space and unexpected pregnancy news. Tune in for a candid and entertaining conversation about navigating parenthood and personal identity.

Ditch Punishments and Rewards for Respectful Parenting Do you hate punishing (with Time Outs, withdrawing privileges, or even yelling at) your child?   Do you feel guilty after you punish them, wishing there was a way to just get them to listen?   And do bribes ("If you brush your teeth now, you can have 5 minutes of screen time...") feel just as awful?   But what other choice do you have? Your kids don't listen now, so how could not rewarding and punishing them possibly help?   That's what parent Dr. Houri Parsi thought when I first met her. (Houri's doctorate is in clinical psychology, focused on behaviorist-based reward and punishment systems.) She wasn't ready to believe that abandoning the tools she'd been trained in would create a better outcome, when she measured her success as a parent by whether she got immediate compliance from her children.   She ended up not completely abandoning these tools - because they still fit within her vision and values for her family (her vision is a bit different from mine, which is OK! The important thing is that she is living in alignment with her values!).   But Houri's relationship with her children is profoundly different today than it was a couple of years ago. Her children have deep insight into their feelings and needs, and most of the time they're able to find ways to meet all of their needs. She no longer uses her power over them to get their immediate compliance - and that doesn't mean she gets walked all over either.   Houri sees that this approach has built a deep reservoir of trust in their relationship - but occasionally a parent will slip, and will force the children to do something they aren't ready for. When you hear Houri describe how her daughter punished her husband for forcing an injection before she was ready, you might never look at your own child's misbehavior the same way again.   You'll even find a new way to approach the age-old struggle of tooth brushing in this conversation that gets Houri's childrens' teeth brushed every morning without a fight!   If you'd like to ditch the rewards and punishments (and also know that the teeth will still get brushed!) then I'd love to help you make that happen.     You'll get: A new module of content every monthAccess to an amazing community of supportive parents, in what they've described as "the least judgmental corner of the internet"Answers to your questions in the community, via a video, or a 1:1 consult for especially thorny issues (recorded to share with the community; there's a library of these available for you to watch as well)Group coaching calls where I'll coach you live on your specific challenges (or you can lurk if you prefer...)ACTion groups: Up to five parents and an experienced peer coach meet weekly to help you plan how you'll achieve your visionA 20 minute 1:1 call with community manager Denise right after you sign up, so she can direct you to the resources that will help you most!   It's gentle parenting that's also gentle on you (and isn't permissive!). The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now!     Other episodes mentioned: 009: Do you punish your child with rewards?   Jump to highlights: 00:53 Introducing this episode’s topic and guest 04:09 Dr. Houri Parsi has been applying evidence-based parenting methods from the Your Parenting Mojo podcast for two years. 08:54 Dr. Houri talks about their initial parenting beliefs and later exploring respectful and mindful approaches as their children grew older. 16:24 Dr. Houri changed her parenting approach after joining the Parenting Membership, moving away from using rewards or punishments and focusing on understanding and trusting their children's needs instead. 27:11 Dr. Houri initially struggled with giving up rewards and punishments due to her behaviorism background but eventually shifted her parenting approach, opting for a collaborative and respectful parenting style. 39:46 Dr. Houri discussed her parenting style, focusing on aligning with personal values rather than enforcing compliance. 52:18 Dr. Houri encouraged parents to shift from guilt-driven authority to collaborative parenting.

Sustainable Family Change: Parenting Framework for Lasting Results Here's a little thought exercise: think back to what you were doing this time last year, right around Mother's Day (in the U.S...I know it has already passed in other places!).   What kinds of things were your children doing that were really endearing?   What kinds of things were they doing that drove you up the wall?   What kinds of fights (resistance, back-talk, stalling, tantrums, etc.) were you having with them a year ago?   Are you still having those same fights now (or variations on them)?   Do you wish you weren't still having those fights? That you could get out of the endless cycle of trying an idea you saw on Instagram, seeing a small change, and backsliding to where you were before?   Do you have all the tools you need so that a year from now you can look back and know, without any shadow of a doubt, that things are different now?   Today I'm going to introduce you to several parents who have made exactly this shift, and a framework you can use to make it for yourself.   It's not complicated. There are only five elements to it, and when they're all in place you can make sustainable change in parenting, as well as your own personal issues, work, and anything else you like.   It really is very possible to make sustainable family change in parenting happen by yourself. But all of the five elements have to be in place, and operating consistently, to make it work.   Losing focus on each one of the elements creates a different outcome, none of which are good: ConfusionAnxietyMaking slow progressFrustrationBeing on a treadmill   If you can see already that one or more of these things are happening for you, the Parenting Membership will help you make the kind of sustainable change you want to see in your family. The first thing you'll do after you join is have a 20-minute private call with my community manager, Denise, who will see which element you're struggling with the most right now, and connect you to specific resources to help.   Many of the parents who signed up this time last year are now in an entirely different place. Things like this are happening: Theirpreschoolerscan use a picture-based list to accurately identify their own feelings and needs;Parents are recognizing how their own actions are creating shame in their children, and are working to address this;Parents see which parts of their co-parenting struggles are theirs to own, instead of blaming their difficulties on their co-parents;They can also see which parts arenottheirs to own, make requests to get their needs met, and practice accepting their co-parent for who they are;Siblings are fighting less, because they understand each other's needs and can find strategies to meet both of their needs.   Of course these parents still have hard days...but none of them looks back on who they were a year ago and thinks: "Aside from the fact that my kids are older, I don't really know what's different now from what it was a year ago."   I want this kind of sustainable family change for you, too. It's so much more than taking a short course to learn a new skill. It's a fundamentally different way of being in the world.   The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now!       Other episodes mentioned: 042: How to teach a child to use manners175: I’ll be me; can you be you?206: How to find yourself as a parent209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner210: The power of learning in community   Resources mentioned: Sustainable Change Diagram   Jump to highlights: 00:56 Introducing today’s topic 02:01 Parent Niloufar's positive transformation in parenting through the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop 08:56 Parent Lucinda, a member for five years, shares how the membership transformed her self-awareness and empathy towards others' needs. 14:21 The elements of sustainable family change in parenting: vision, skills, motivation, resources, and a plan 15:02 Understanding your family values can make parenting easier and more intentional. 21:14 Skills like managing behavior and communication help parents handle challenges. 33:10 Motivation drives positive changes and fosters resilience even in challenging situations. 36:07 Resources are vital for lasting change. The Parenting Membership helps align values with actions by making smart use of resources for meaningful progress and sustainable change. 42:10 A clear plan is essential for lasting change. It acts as a roadmap, guiding actions toward goals and ensuring alignment with values. 50:23 Invitation to the Parenting Membership 53:45 Member’s testimonials

The podcast discusses the concept of shame in parenting, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and self-love. A parent shares their journey of parenthood and sailing, emphasizing unconditional love and breaking generational patterns. Strategies for healing shame, building community support, and balancing personal needs in parenting are explored. The benefits of communication, community support, and empowering parenting are emphasized throughout the episode.

Do you have a core group of parent friends who are always there for you? Friends who might not be 100% aligned with your parenting philosophy, but they're close enough that you know that when they do offer suggestions you would at least consider doing them?   And on the days when you just want to just vent and not hear any advice at all, you know that it'll be totally fine for you to vent. They won't take offense and they'll just empathize and reassure you that you aren't a terrible parent; you're a great parent having a difficult day - because they've seen you on your good days as well.   In this episode I'll introduce you to SIX parents who have just this kind of relationship. Katherine, Rachel, Beth, Peju, and Kati live in the eastern United States and Jody is Australia, and they meet once a week on Zoom for 40 minutes, and each of them talks for just five minutes...and in that time, they've become incredibly close friends. The relationships they have with each other are among the deepest and most profound ones in their lives.   If you need a supportive community like this in your life then I'd love to see you in the Parenting Membership, which is where Katherine, Rachel, Beth, Peju, Kati, and Jody met.   The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now!       Jump to highlights: 01:43 Introducing today’s episode 03:19 The Parenting Membership features ACTion groups that meet weekly, offering valuable support and insights into effective parenting strategies. 04:50 The ACTion Group is about parents coming together weekly to share their parenting progress, challenges, and goals in a supportive and accountable environment. 19:21 The ACTion Group's collaborative problem-solving and support for parent Rachel's challenge with her son were showcased, emphasizing a collective effort in addressing parenting difficulties. 26:54 The ACTion Group supports Beth in addressing her holiday break challenge and need for rest, fostering solutions and self-awareness. 33:13 The ACTion Group helps Peju integrate changes by realizing the importance of apologizing to her son and holding herself accountable to her family values. 39:40 The Action Group explored Jody's challenges with his parents, highlighting the shift towards acceptance instead of forgiveness, leading to a sense of relief and reduced emotional reactivity for him. 47:11 The group shared how the ACTion group has positively impacted their parenting journey through accountability, celebration, and community support. They emphasized the non-judgmental environment, learning from each other's experiences, and the value of consistent participation in personal growth. 01:06:59 Invitation to join the Parenting Membership