Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

193: You don’t have to believe everything you think

Oct 2, 2023

In this podcast, the host teaches a magic trick to challenge negative thoughts and see that things aren't as bad as they seem. Listeners share personal examples of how questioning negative thoughts has helped them. The importance of questioning our stories, gaining distance from thoughts and feelings, and managing triggers in parenting is also explored.

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Introduction

00:00 • 4min

Learning to Challenge Negative Thoughts

04:19 • 16min

Questioning Our Stories and Fostering Understanding

20:20 • 10min

Gaining Distance from Thoughts and Feelings to Improve Emotional Regulation

30:33 • 5min

Enrollment for Taming Your Triggers Workshop

35:34 • 3min

In this short episode, I'm going to teach you a real, legit, bona fide magic trick.

And unlike most magic tricks which rely on sleight of hand to convince you of something that has happened when it really hasn't, this one actually works. It helps you to see that things are not as bad as they seem, and that you can cope, even when things feel incredibly difficult and that you're failing as a parent.

I asked four listeners to help me explain the concept to you, and how it has helped them, and one even went above and beyond and did a live demo for us!

Then I walk you through it step by step, so you can use it when you need it later.

Taming Your Triggers

If you need help with your own big feelings about your child's behavior, join our Taming Your Triggers workshop.

We’ll help you to:

✅ Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them

✅ Use new tools to find ways to meet both your needs and your children’s needs

✅ Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered

Jump to Highlights

00:43 Introducing today’s topic 02:04 Words can influence our perceptions. 04:02 Anne shares three instances where questioning negative thoughts helped in avoiding unnecessary worry and misunderstandings. 09:46 Elizabeth, a Parenting Membership member for two years, highlights how Jen's advice, using the phrase "I am having the thought that...," helped her cope with a challenging parenting situation. 11:54 Melissa used self-compassion and questioning negative thoughts to find self-compassion and regain confidence. 13:11 Melissa highlights the core aspect of the "magic trick" by framing these thoughts as "I'm thinking" rather than absolute truths. 14:46 Jen calls listeners to try a mindful exercise where "I'm thinking that..." is added before self-judgments or judgments about others. 20:20 Adding "I'm thinking that..." before judgments can foster understanding, compassion, and better relationships, as demonstrated by Jen’s dishwasher experience. 25:07 Nicole shares how her meditation practice led her to explore the concept of not believing everything she thinks 27:47 Recognizing our perspective isn't the only truth can help us shift from self-centered thinking when hurt by someone. 28:36 The concept of not believing everything we think promotes a balanced perspective on our life stories.

Other episodes referenced

113: No Self, No Problem

141: The Body Keeps The Score with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

175: I’ll be me; can you be you?

SYPM 014: The power of healing in community

Reference

Loftus, E., & Palmer, J.C. (1974). Reconstruction of automobile destruction: An example of the interaction between language and memory. Journal of Verbal Learning and Verbal Behavior 13(5), 585-589.