Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Have you heard of FAFO parenting? It's all about letting kids face the consequences of their actions without parental interference. Examples include letting children get soaked in the rain or experience the fallout of forgotten toys. However, this approach raises questions about its real effectiveness and potential harms. The conversation dives into the importance of fostering supportive environments that prioritize collaboration over punishment, aiming for healthier relationships and better decision-making in kids.

Join Laura Moore, an early years specialist and former teacher with 15 years in education, as she explores homeschooling and unschooling. She candidly shares her insights on the limitations of traditional schooling, the pressures kids face, and the joys of child-led learning. Laura discusses the balance between work and alternative education, how to nurture curiosity in children, and the importance of community support. With a focus on the benefits of slow parenting, this conversation will inspire anyone questioning conventional educational paths.

When Sara's four-year-old son started asking permission to use art supplies he'd always freely accessed before, she knew something had shifted. After a year in a (loving, high-quality!) preschool, her previously autonomous child was suddenly seeking approval for things that had never required it. Sara had never required this at home, and in fact it worried her because it didn't fit with her values to treat her son as a whole person.   If this shift was happening so obviously at home, what other changes might be occurring that she couldn't see yet - changes that might not align with what mattered most to her family?   Sara wished she could homeschool, but knew it wasn't in the cards. Seeing the shift in her son showed her that once her son started formal school, she was going to be the one who helped him to stay connected to learning that wasn't just based on rote memorization.   But how would she do this, when she wasn't a teacher?   In this conversation, Sara shares how she learned to step back from teaching and instead scaffold her son's innate curiosity about everything from astronauts to construction vehicles. As an architect and immigrant parent navigating cultural pressures around achievement, Sara's story reveals how supporting your child's interests rather than directing their learning can transform both your relationship and their confidence as a learner.   Whether you're working full-time, in school, homeschooling, or simply wondering how to nurture your child's curiosity without taking over, Sara's practical examples show that interest-based learning doesn't have to add a lot of work to busy family life. It becomes an organic part of how you connect and explore the world together.   Questions this episode will answer What does interest-based learning look like in real family life?How can parents support learning without taking over their child's exploration?What is scaffolding in education and how do you do it effectively?How do you identify and follow your child's genuine interests?What are learning explorations and how do they differ from traditional teaching?How can working parents implement interest-led learning with limited time?What role should documentation play in supporting children's learning?How do you overcome perfectionism when supporting your child's education?What does "following the child" mean in practice?How can parents build their child's creative problem-solving skills?   What you'll learn in this episode You'll discover practical strategies for supporting your child's innate curiosity without turning into the teacher. Sara shares specific examples of learning explorations around space and construction vehicles that show how to scaffold learning by asking questions instead of providing answers.   You'll learn to recognize when your child is truly engaged versus when you've taken over their exploration. The episode reveals how small shifts in language - things like pausing and saying: "Hmmm…I wonder?" instead of immediately explaining - can transform everyday moments into meaningful learning opportunities.   This simple shift transitions the responsibility for learning from you back to your child, and invites them to consider how their current question fits with what they already know.   It also establishes a habit of what we do when we have questions: we don't simply jump to Google or ChatGPT; we first work to understand whether we might actually already have the answer (or something close to it) ourselves. This protects our kids against the stupidification that research warns us is happening now that we can turn to AI to answer our every question.   Sara's journey from perfectionist parent (her parents' motto when she was a child: "Be The Best!") to confident learning supporter demonstrates how to observe your child's interests, provide just enough support without overwhelming them, and trust their inherent learning process. You'll understand why creative problem-solving and metacognition matter more than traditional academics for young children.   The conversation addresses common concerns about balancing alternative learning approaches with mainstream schooling, handling cultural pressures around achievement, and fitting interest-led learning into busy working parent schedules.   FAQ What is interest-based learning and how is it different from traditional teaching? Interest-based learning starts with your child's genuine curiosity rather than a predetermined curriculum. Instead of teaching facts, you support your child's exploration by asking questions, providing resources, and creating opportunities for discovery. Sara's space exploration example shows how this leads to deeper engagement than traditional instruction.   How do you scaffold children's learning without taking over? Scaffolding means providing just enough support for your child to succeed independently. This includes asking "I wonder" questions, offering resources like books or field trips, and connecting them with experts, but always following their interest level. The key is stepping back when they're engaged and only stepping in when they need specific information to continue.   What does "following the child" mean in practice? “Following the child” means observing what genuinely interests them through their play and questions, then providing opportunities to explore those interests more deeply. It's recognizing your child as a complete person with their own drive to learn, rather than someone who needs constant direction from adults.   What are learning explorations and how do you start them? Learning explorations begin with your child's question or interest. Your role is to avoid giving immediate answers and instead ask follow-up questions or suggest ways to investigate together. The goal is the process of discovery, not reaching a specific conclusion or "correct" answer.   How can working parents implement interest-led learning? Interest-led learning happens naturally in daily life during car rides, grocery shopping, or weekend activities. Once you understand your supportive role, it becomes effortless rather than an additional task. The key is shifting from teaching mode to curious companion mode in everyday interactions.   Why is creative problem-solving more important than traditional academics? Creative problem-solving and metacognition (thinking about thinking) are foundational skills that support all other learning. When children develop these abilities through interest-led exploration, they become confident learners who can tackle any subject with curiosity and persistence.  Most of what is taught in school is content, which is now easily accessible at the push of a button.   How do you overcome perfectionism when supporting your child's learning? Begin by noticing where perfectionism came from in you: most likely in response to a reward (praise when you complied) or punishment (threatened or actual withdrawal of approval/love) for performance.  Recognize that your child's learning process is naturally iterative. They observe patterns, theorize, and correct themselves over time. Trust their innate drive to understand the world. Focus on the exploration process rather than achieving perfect outcomes or answers.   What is the main purpose of documentation in learning? Documentation captures your child's learning journey so they can revisit and build upon their discoveries over time. It also helps you to feel more confident as a learning partner, because you’ll see how your own ability to support your child grows over time.  It's not about perfect record-keeping but creating a resource for your child to see their own thinking and growth patterns.   How do you balance alternative learning with mainstream school expectations? You can support interest-led learning at home while your child attends traditional school. Focus on afternoons, evenings, and weekends as opportunities to follow their curiosity.  It doesn’t have to take additional time: Sara’s son often uses the time in the car on their way to school to notice what’s happening in their town and make hypotheses about what’s happening. This approach helps build a more well-rounded approach to learning than the content-heavy focus children will follow in school.   What if I don't know anything about my child's area of interest? Not knowing about the topic is actually an advantage because it removes the temptation to teach! You become a fellow explorer, helping them find resources and asking genuine questions. This creates a more engaging dynamic than having an ‘expert’ parent lecture about the subject.   Ready to Support Your Child's Learning Like Sara? Sara's transformation from perfectionist parent to confident learning supporter didn't happen overnight. But it started with understanding how learning really works and her role in supporting it.   If you're inspired by Sara's journey and want to develop the same confidence in supporting your child's natural curiosity, the Learning Membership gives you everything you need to get started.   Inside the membership, you'll learn to: Identify your child's genuine interests (not just the random ones they announce when you ask: “What do you want to learn about?”);Scaffold their learning by asking the right questions instead of providing answers;Turn everyday moments into meaningful learning explorations;Document your child's discoveries without the overwhelm;Build their creative problem-solving and critical thinking skills;Support their learning even when they're in traditional school. Sara found her compass for navigating cultural pressures and perfectionism through the membership's monthly coaching calls and supportive community. You'll get access to the same guidance, plus step-by-step modules that walk you through your first learning exploration.   The best part? You don't need any special expertise. This approach actually works better when you explore alongside your child as a curious companion rather than trying to be their teacher.   We'll get you notified when doors reopen! Click the banner to learn more!     Jump to highlights 02:04 Introduction of today’s episode 05:03 Sara experienced the pain of conditional worth, where love and acceptance seemed tied to being "the best," which created anxiety when that impossible standard couldn't be met, and now she wants to support Som by following his interests instead of imposing external measures of success 13:40 How has ‘perfectionism’ affected both Sara and her parenting approach with her son, Som? 19:10 Definition of learning exploration from Sara’s perspective 24:29 How was Sara before being a member of the Learning Membership? 28:10 Through the membership, we learn about how learning happens and how a child observes patterns, theorizes, and extrapolates based on those patterns, and applies what he's observed before to new things that he sees out in the world 40:10 Our kids have capabilities if we can learn to see them right and if we can learn to be that person who provides just a little bit of support 49:10 What piece of advice would Sara give to Sara a year ago?

What if the best gift for your child isn't a college fund, but entrepreneurial skills? Ages 8-12 are perfect for kids to develop independence and real-world responsibilities. You'll learn how starting a business can teach communication, initiative, and organization. Hear about a young pet sitter who gains invaluable life skills while building a retirement fund. Plus, discover how to support young entrepreneurs without taking over, balancing guidance and independence for their growth.

Are you worried that social media is destroying your teen's mental health? You're not alone. Jonathan Haidt's bestselling book The Anxious Generation has parents everywhere wondering if smartphones are rewiring their kids' brains and creating a mental health crisis. But before you rush to ban your teen's phone, you need to hear what the research actually shows.   This summary episode brings together all the key insights from our 4-part series examining The Anxious Generation. We take a deep dive into the data behind the teen mental health crisis claims, giving you the essential findings in one convenient episode. You'll discover why those alarming statistics might not mean what you think they do, and why the correlation between social media use and teen depression is actually smaller than the correlation between eating potatoes and teen wellbeing.   We'll explore what really drives teen mental health struggles, from family relationships to academic pressure, and why control-based approaches like phone bans often backfire, pushing our kids further away when they need us most.   Questions This Episode Will Answer Is there really a teen mental health crisis caused by social media? The dramatic statistics may reflect better screening and diagnosis rather than new cases caused by technology.   Does social media actually cause teen depression and anxiety? Research shows the correlation is smaller than that between eating potatoes and teen wellbeing, explaining less than 1% of variance.   Should parents ban phones at school to help kids focus? Academic declines are tiny and international data doesn't support the phone-blame theory.   Will banning my teen's phone at home solve their mental health problems? Control-based approaches often backfire and damage the parent-child relationship.   What affects teen mental health more than social media? Family relationships, academic pressure, sleep, economic stress, and school environment have much bigger impacts.   How can I help my teen with technology without taking it away? Focus on connection, listen more, work together on limits, and address bigger stressors.   Why do teens turn to their phones so much? Phones provide autonomy, connection, and relevance that teens often don't find elsewhere.   What do teens who self-harm actually say about social media? Many feel frustrated by attempts to blame social media and see the narrative as wrong and unhelpful.   How can I create healthy technology habits without damaging trust? Include your teen in creating rules, focus on relationship building, and address underlying needs.   What should I do if I'm worried about my teen's phone use? Look at the whole picture, build connections through listening, and work together on solutions.   What You'll Learn in This Episode Why the "hockey stick" graphs showing teen mental health decline might be misleading, and what factors like better screening and diagnostic changes actually explainThe surprising truth about social media research - including why studies showing harm have major flaws and why effect sizes are incredibly smallWhat the international data really shows about teen mental health across countries with similar smartphone adoption ratesWhy family relationships, not screen time, are the strongest predictor of teen wellbeing according to emergency room dataHow control-based approaches like phone bans create sneaking, secrecy, and damaged trust instead of healthier habitsThe real reasons teens turn to phones - and how to address underlying needs for autonomy, connection, and relevanceEvidence-based strategies for supporting teen mental health that focus on connection over controlWhy different communities experience teen distress differently, and how this affects our understanding of social media's impactHow to have technology conversations with your teen that build trust rather than create power strugglesPractical approaches for creating compelling offline experiences and supporting your teen's individual needs   Dr. Jonathan Haidt’s Book The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Affiliate link)   Resources The Anxious Generation Resources   Jump to highlights 00:00 Teaser of today’s episode 02:52 There's a widespread misconception about the teen mental health crisis. People often misunderstand both the root causes and the appropriate responses. Essentially, there's a real problem, but we're looking in the wrong places for causes and solutions 05:08 What’s been covered in the previous episodes of The Anxious Generation Review series 09:06 Social media's mental health impact is small for most teens compared to family relationships, sleep, economics, and academics, though it can harm vulnerable teens while helping marginalized youth find community 12:36 Strategies that can help you support your child 14:44 Wrapping up the series about The Anxious Generation review 16:22 An open invitation to The Anxious Generation resources and scripts to help you talk with your kids about screen time in age-appropriate ways   References Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2016). Epi-Aid 2016-018: Undetermined risk factors for suicide among youth, ages 10–24 — Santa Clara County, CA, 2016. Santa Clara County Public Health Department. https://files.santaclaracounty.gov/migrated/cdc-samhsa-epi-aid-final-report-scc-phd-2016.pdf City of Palo Alto. (2021). City of Palo Alto: Suicide prevention policy and mental health promotion [Draft policy document]. Project Safety Net. https://www.psnyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/DRAFT-Palo-Alto-Suicide-Prevention-Policy-and-Mental-Health-Promotion-dT.pdf Clinical Practice Research Datalink. Clinical Practice Research Datalink (CPRD) is a real-world research service supporting retrospective and prospective public health and clinical studies. CPRD. https://www.cprd.com/ College Drinking Prevention. (n.d.). Prevalence. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. https://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/statistics/prevalence Community Epidemiology and Research Division. (n.d.). Just say no, DARE, and programs like it don’t work—So why are they still around?https://www.cerd.org/just-say-no-dare-and-programs-like-it-dont-work-so-why-are-they-still-around/ Concordia University. (n.d.). A brief history of women in sports. https://kinesiology.csp.edu/sports-coaches-and-trainers/a-brief-history-of-women-in-sports/ Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2022). Young people’s perceptions of their parents’ expectations and criticism are increasing over time: Implications for perfectionism. Psychological Bulletin, 148(1-2), 107-128. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000347 Durlak, J. A., & Wells, A. M. (1997). Primary prevention mental health programs for children and adolescents: A meta-analytic review [Archived document]. Indiana University. https://web.archive.org/web/20140824031650/http:/www.indiana.edu/~safeschl/ztze.pdf Eschner, K. (2017, August 26). The rise of the modern sportswoman. Smithsonian Magazine. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/rise-modern-sportswoman-180960174/ Evolve’s Behavioral Health Content Team. (2019, September 13). Long-term trends in suicidal ideation and suicide attempts among adolescents and young adults. Evolve Treatment Centers. https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/long-term-trends-suicidal-ideation-suicide-attempts-adolescents-young-adults/ Evolve’s Behavioral Health Content Team. (2020, July 27). Mental health and suicide statistics for teens in Santa Clara County. Evolve Treatment Centers. https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/mental-health-suicide-santa-clara/ Faverio, M., & Sidoti, O. (2024, December 12). Teens, social media and technology 2024: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat remain widely used among U.S. teens; some say they’re on these sites almost constantly. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/20/2024/12/PI_2024.12.12_Teens-Social-Media-Tech_REPORT.pdf Garfield, R., Orgera, K., & Damico, A. (2019, January 25). The uninsured and the ACA: A primer – Key facts about health insurance and the uninsured amidst changes to the Affordable Care Act. KFF. https://www.kff.org/report-section/the-uninsured-and-the-aca-a-primer-key-facts-about-health-insurance-and-the-uninsured-amidst-changes-to-the-affordable-care-act-how-many-people-are-uninsured/ Girls Leadership. (2023). Make space for girls: Research draft. https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/6398afa2ae5518732f04f791/63f60a5a2a28c570b35ce1b5_Make%20Space%20for%20Girls%20-%20Research%20Draft.pdf Gray, P. (2024, May 20). #63. More on moral panics and thoughts about when to ban smartphones. Peter Gray’s Play Makes Us Human. https://petergray.substack.com/p/63-more-on-moral-panics-and-thoughts?utm_source=publication-search Gulbas, L. E., & Zayas, L. H. (2015). Examining the interplay among family, culture, and Latina teen suicidal behavior. Qualitative Health Research, 25(5), 689-699. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732314553598 Haas, A. P., Rodgers, P. L., & Herman, J. L. (2014, January). Suicide attempts among transgender and gender non-conforming adults: Findings of the National Transgender Discrimination Survey. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Trans-GNC-Suicide-Attempts-Jan-2014.pdf Haidt, J., & Rausch, Z. Better mental health [Ongoing open-source literature review]. The Coddling. https://www.thecoddling.com/better-mental-health Haidt, J., Rausch, Z., & Twenge, J. (ongoing). Social media and mental health: A collaborative review. Unpublished manuscript, New York University. Accessed at tinyurl.com/SocialMediaMentalHealthReview Hunt, M., Auriemma, J., & Cashaw, A. C. A. (2003). Self-report bias and underreporting of depression on the BDI-II. Journal of Personality Assessment, 80(1), 26-30. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327752JPA8001_10 Johns Hopkins Medicine. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd KFF. (2024). A look at state efforts to ban cellphones in schools and implications for youth mental health. https://www.kff.org/mental-health/issue-brief/a-look-at-state-efforts-to-ban-cellphones-in-schools-and-implications-for-youth-mental-health/ Lilienfeld, S. O., & Arkowitz, H. (2014, January 1). Why “just say no” doesn’t work. Scientific American. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-just-say-no-doesnt-work/ Martin, J. L. (2002). Power, authority, and the constraint of belief systems. American Journal of Sociology, 107(4), 861-904. https://doi.org/10.1086/343192 Mims, C. (2024, March 29). Jonathan Haidt thinks smartphones destroyed a generation. Is he right? The Wall Street Journal. https://www.wsj.com/tech/personal-tech/jonathan-haidt-anxious-generation-book-smartphones-676bcadb Mueller, A. S., & Abrutyn, S. (2024). Addressing the social roots of suicide. In Life Under Pressure (pp. 191-218). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190847845.003.0008 Neufeld, G., & Maté, G. (2004). Hold on to your kids: Why parents need to matter more than peers. Knopf Canada.https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288 NHS Digital. (2020). Mental health of children and young people in England, 2020 [Data set]. UK Data Service. https://doi.org/10.5255/UKDA-SN-9128-2 Programme for International Student Assessment. (2024, May). Managing screen time: How to protect and equip students against distraction. OECD. https://www.oecd.org/content/dam/oecd/en/publications/reports/2024/05/managing-screen-time_023f2390/7c225af4-en.pdf Rosin, H. (2015, December). The Silicon Valley suicides: Why are so many kids with bright prospects killing themselves in Palo Alto? The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/12/the-silicon-valley-suicides/413140/ Royal College of Pediatrics and Child Health. (2020, March). Suicide. State of Child Health. https://stateofchildhealth.rcpch.ac.uk/evidence/mental-health/suicide/ Sarginson, J., Webb, R. T., Stocks, S. J., Esmail, A., Garg, S., & Ashcroft, D. M. (2017). Temporal trends in antidepressant prescribing to children in UK primary care, 2000–2015. Journal of Affective Disorders, 210, 312-318. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2016.12.047 Scottish Government. (2024, March 18). Supporting development of a self-harm strategy for Scotland, what does the qualitative evidence tell us? Gov.scot. https://www.gov.scot/publications/supporting-development-self-harm-strategy-scotland-qualitative-evidence-tell/ Smithsonian Institution. (1988, December). Arts to zoos: Child labor. Smithsonian Education. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/rise-modern-sportswoman-180960174/ Stevenson, B., & Wolfers, J. (2009). The paradox of declining female happiness [Working paper]. Social Science Research Network. https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1408690 Thomas, J. F., Temple, J. R., Perez, N., & Rupp, R. (2011). Ethnic and gender disparities in needed adolescent mental health care. Journal of Health Care for the Poor and Underserved, 22(1), 101-110. https://doi.org/10.1353/hpu.2011.0029 Townsend, E., Ness, J., Waters, K., Rehman, M., Kapur, N., Clements, C., Geulayov, G., Bale, E., Casey, D., & Hawton, K. (2022). Life...

The podcast dives into the impact of smartphones and social media on child development. It critiques traditional punitive methods, emphasizing that strict rules can alienate teens. Instead, it advocates for a compassionate approach that nurtures connection while addressing screen time concerns. Parents are encouraged to foster open communication, allowing kids some autonomy while still guiding them. Personal stories and empathetic strategies are shared to help navigate these challenging dynamics, ultimately aiming to support teen mental health in a tech-driven world.

This conversation dives into the increasing call for school cell phone bans, now being considered in 21 states. Experts discuss the mental health implications of smartphone reliance, revealing that concerns stem from unmet needs for choice and connection. Historical views on childhood play are challenged, as the idea of a 'golden age' is reconsidered. The dialogue highlights mixed research outcomes on the effectiveness of phone bans and emphasizes the importance of student agency, autonomy, and genuine engagement in the learning process.

Dive into the controversy surrounding social media and teen mental health. Explore how claims about its impact on anxiety and depression face scrutiny and how evidence may not support a direct causal link. Discover researchers' surprising comparisons of social media effects to eating potatoes and learn which factors truly drive youth mental health outcomes. The discussion emphasizes the need for comprehensive strategies that look beyond screen time to really support our kids.

Is there really a mental health crisis among today's youth or have we misinterpreted the data? The podcast takes a critical look at how mental health statistics, particularly around teen anxiety and depression, may be inflated due to changes in diagnostic practices. It explores the impact of smartphones and social media while questioning if they are the main culprits for rising mental health issues. The discussion also dives into the complexities of suicide rates across diverse communities, emphasizing the need for a nuanced understanding of youth mental health.

  Do you ever feel like your parenting is completely off track from where you want it to be? You promise yourself you won't yell, then find yourself yelling at your kids before breakfast.   You intend to be patient and present, but end up getting distracted by your phone, or snapping at your child. This disconnect between your parenting intentions and reality can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, and afraid that you're passing on intergenerational trauma despite your best efforts.   In this episode, we reveal the origins of our harsh inner critic and how cultural expectations set parents up for struggle. You'll discover practical reparenting techniques, step-by-step self-compassion exercises, and how recognizing your emotional triggers can transform your parenting journey.   This isn't about perfect parenting - it's about healing your own childhood wounds through a process called reparenting, so you can break intergenerational patterns and build the connection with your child you've always wanted.   Questions This Episode Will Answer How can I identify and manage my emotional triggers in parenting? Emotional triggers often originate from unhealed childhood experiences. Notice when you have outsized reactions to your child's behavior—these point to areas needing healing. The episode offers a self-compassion exercise to help you treat yourself with the same kindness that you treat others. Creating space between trigger and reaction allows you to respond intentionally rather than reactively.   How does my inner critic affect my ability to parent effectively? Your inner critic—which is often a voice of your parent/caregiver—triggers shame spirals that make it harder to parent effectively. It damages your relationship with yourself and teaches your children to develop their own harsh inner critics. Through reparenting, you can recognize this voice isn't truly yours, but one you absorbed from your environment. Learning to quiet this voice creates space for authentic connection with your child and breaks intergenerational trauma patterns.   What is reparenting and how can it help my relationship with my child? Reparenting is giving yourself what your parents couldn't provide during your childhood. It involves a five-step process: becoming aware of your patterns, accepting them without judgment, validating your childhood experiences, reframing your beliefs, and taking action to reinforce new patterns. When you heal your own emotional wounds through reparenting, you become more capable of meeting your child's needs without being triggered.   How do I break intergenerational trauma patterns in my parenting? Breaking intergenerational trauma starts with awareness of the patterns you inherited. Practice self-compassion exercises when triggered rather than self-criticism. Use the reparenting process to heal your own childhood wounds. Find supportive community to help you recognize when old patterns emerge. Each time you respond differently to your child than your parents did to you, you're disrupting the cycle of intergenerational trauma.   Can self-compassion exercises really help when I'm triggered with my kids? Yes, self-compassion exercises are powerful tools for managing parenting triggers. Dr. Susan Pollak's three-step self-compassion exercise can create the mental space needed to respond differently: acknowledge the difficulty ("This is hard"), remember your common humanity ("Other parents struggle with this too"), and offer yourself kindness ("What do I need right now?"). Regular practice builds your capacity to access self-compassion even in intense trigger moments.   What You'll Learn in This Episode How to identify your emotional triggers in parenting and their connection to intergenerational trauma A practical three-step self-compassion exercise for managing triggered moments with your children The complete five-step reparenting process to heal your own childhood wounds How schema therapy concepts explain the origins of your parenting triggers Why intergenerational trauma persists and specific practices to break the cycle Step-by-step self-compassion exercises you can practice daily to build emotional resilience How traditional parenting tools can unintentionally continue the cycle of intergenerational trauma Practical reparenting techniques to meet both your needs and your child's needs simultaneously   FAQs How do I know if I'm dealing with intergenerational trauma in my parenting? Signs of intergenerational trauma in parenting include having intense emotional reactions that feel disproportionate to the situation, finding yourself saying things your parents said to you despite promising yourself you wouldn't, or noticing patterns of behavior that resemble how you were parented. The good news is awareness is the first step in breaking these patterns, and reparenting techniques can help you heal.   What's the difference between reparenting and regular parenting skills? Reparenting focuses on healing your own childhood wounds by meeting needs that weren't met when you were young. Traditional parenting tools focus primarily on changing your child's behavior. Reparenting addresses the root causes of your emotional triggers, allowing you to show up more authentically with your child.   How do I practice self-compassion when I think I've failed as a parent? Start with a simple self-compassion exercise: put your hand on your heart, acknowledge the pain ("This feels really hard right now"), remember you're not alone ("Many parents struggle with this"), and offer yourself kindness ("I'm doing my best in a difficult situation"). Regular practice of self-compassion exercises builds your capacity to extend compassion to yourself even in moments of perceived failure.   Can I really change deep emotional triggers if they're connected to childhood trauma? Yes, you can change your response to emotional triggers through consistent reparenting practice and self-compassion. The five-step reparenting process helps you recognize triggers, understand their origins in your own childhood, and develop new responses. This work takes time and often benefits from community support, but thousands of parents have successfully reduced their triggering and broken intergenerational trauma patterns.   How do I start reparenting myself if I don't even know what I needed as a child? Begin by noticing when you're triggered with your child—these moments often reveal exactly what you needed and didn't receive. Pay attention to your emotional reactions and physical sensations when parenting feels hard. Try this self-compassion exercise: when triggered, ask yourself, "What did I need in similar situations as a child?" Then imagine giving that very thing to your younger self. Community support can also help you identify unmet childhood needs that may not be immediately obvious to you.   If you want help to break down the changes you want to make into tiny manageable steps and be held (gently!) accountable for taking them (or adjusting course if needed…), we’d love to have you join the group of likeminded parents in the membership.   Get the information you need and the support to actually implement it, all in what members call “the least judgmental corner of the internet.”   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when enrollment reopens in May 2026. Click the banner to learn more.       Other episodes mentioned: 122: Self-Compassion for Parents 245: Does praise help or hurt your child? What research actually shows 233: Time Outs: Helpful or harmful? Here’s what the research says   Jump to highlights: 00:54 Introduction of today’s episode 04:25 These difficult moments don't define you as a parent or prove you're doing something wrong. Parents everywhere, regardless of background, culture, or family structure, experience this same disconnect between who they want to be and how they actually respond when things get challenging 05:18 Self-compassion can actually create some breathing room that we parent desperately need rather that continuing the pattern with shame and self-criticism. Self-compassion allows us to hold our struggles with kindness and self-compassion isn't just something to make us feel better about ourselves. We can actually think of it as a circuit breaker for our brain that allows us to respond differently next time 13:53 When your self-critical voice takes over and tells you to shape your child's behavior, you risk losing your connection with them. That's why things seem like they're off track, because if they were on track, you would feel close to each other 15:40 Three-step process that Dr. Pollak uses to access some self-compassion in difficult moments 17:48 The deepest human need that we all share is to be truly seen and accepted for who we are, not for our achievements or for our good behavior, but for our whole authentic selves 22:39 One of the most powerful discoveries Jen have made in her parenting journey is that raising children gives us a huge opportunity to heal ourselves 23:46 Five main categories of schemas that affect how we see ourselves and others 26:40 Five-step process that we can use, that is drawn from schema therapy. 32:53 What Jenny experienced in the ACTion group and how it changes her parenting strategies 35:40 What advice Elyse would offer for a parent who has joined the membership and who hasn’t sure how to engage with all the resources available 38:07 Stephanie’s experiences in the ACTion group 41:20 An open invitation for Parenting Membership 42:58 Wrapping up the discussion