When someone asks us to do something we don’t want to do, we often say yes even though we want to say no, because we think that saying no will feel terrible. But my guest, Dr. Vanessa Patrick, says the opposite is true: we actually feel great when we say no.So why do we have such a hard time doing so?Today on the show, Vanessa, who’s the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life, answers that question and more. She shares how to categorize the asks you get into quadrants to determine whether you should say yes or no to them. And she explains how to give an “empowered refusal” — a no that’s phrased in a way that makes it less likely to create offense or pushback — so you can start saying no to the things that don’t matter, and spend more of your time on the things that do.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: How to Firmly Say No Without Coming Off Like a JerkAoM Article: A Better Way to Say NoSunday Firesides: Give the Gift of NoAoM Article: Quit Being a Pushover: How to Be AssertiveAoM Article: There Is No Indispensable ManConnect With Dr. Vanessa PatrickVanessa’s websiteVanessa on LinkedInVanessa on TwitterVanessa on IGVanessa’s faculty page 

As you move through time, you exist as a present self who makes decisions, an in-between self who should carry out those decisions, and a future self who will benefit from those decisions. Yet as we all know, in-between self often fails to follow through on what present self resolves, leaving future self pretty bummed out.The solution to this dilemma, my guest says, is for your present self to become much better friends with your future self.His name is Hal Hershfield, and he's a professor of marketing, behavioral decision making, and psychology, and the author of Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today. Hal and I spend the first part of our conversation taking a really interesting philosophical dive into what the self even is. We talk about why our future self can feel like a stranger, why it's hard to know what he'll be like, and what this dilemma has to do with becoming a vampire. We then discuss how building a stronger connection with your future self makes your present self more willing to help him, and how you can become closer to your future self by engaging in mental time traveling. Hal shares a couple techniques that can facilitate this mental time travel, three mistakes people make in taking this cognitive trip, and how to start making tomorrow better today.Resources Related to the Podcast"The Self Is Moral" by Nina StrohmingerTransformative Experience by L. A. PaulYuta Chishima and Anne Wilson on writing a letter to and from your future selfThe End-of-History IllusionstickK.comAoM Podcast #731: A Futurist’s Guide to Building the Life You WantConnect With Hal HershfieldHal's Website

While studying history back in the 1990s, Neil Howe and the late William Strauss noticed something: there seemed to be a pattern to history that repeated itself again and again. Howe and Strauss developed a theory that history moves in 80-100-year cycles divided into four 20-25-year "turnings": the High, Awakening, Unraveling, and Crisis.Neil Howe argues that we are currently living through a Fourth Turning, and today on the show, we unpack what that means. Neil is a historian, demographer, and economist, and his latest book is The Fourth Turning Is Here. The crisis of the Fourth Turning isn't a historical event — it's a generation-long era that sometimes seems to be getting better, sometimes seems to be getting worse, and moves through several phases before reaching a climax and resolution. Neil explains what these phases look like, which ones we've already been through and which are still to come, and when he thinks our Fourth Turning will end and the cycle of history will start over. In the second part of our conversation, Neil talks about what cultural changes he thinks we'll experience as the Fourth Turning progresses, including how he thinks gender roles will shift. We also discuss what happens if the crisis ends in disaster, and the most important thing to do to successfully navigate a Fourth Turning.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM article: The Generations of Men — How the Cycles of History Shape Your Values and Your FutureNeil's last appearance on the show: Episode #256Connect With Neil HoweNeil on TwitterNeil on LinkedIn

Lately, I've been talking to my son Gus about considering a career in the trades. A lot of the white collar jobs out there don't seem very fulfilling, and A.I. is going to make more and more of them disappear. But skilled tradesmen are in demand, and that demand is only going to grow. One option I've floated to Gus is to still go to an affordable college, for the mind expansion and social opportunities, but then, instead of going on to get a graduate degree, as so many young people do, he could go to trade school instead.That's one potential route should he be interested, but I sure wish he could be exposed to the trades while he's still in secondary education. All states have forms of what's called "Career and Technical Education," or CTE, but in most places, it's set up in a patchwork fashion; the programs are run by local schools that partner with other institutions that offer instruction in the trades.The state of Connecticut does things differently. They have a one-of-a-kind CTE system, which, as one journalist recently put it, could serve as a national model for how to put the trades back in school. The Connecticut Technical Education and Career System, or CTECS, includes 17 high schools that are all headed by a single agency. Each school offers an education in both academics and the trades on the same campus. The students who choose to attend these special high schools spend half of their time on the former and half of their time on the latter, so by the time they graduate, they've earned both a high school diploma and certification in a trade. And the size and organization of CTECS allows it to partner with hundreds of employers in the area who furnish students with paid work on actual projects, so they can get plenty of hands-on, real world experience.Today on the show, I talk to Brent McCartney, who oversees the architecture and construction trades at CTECS, about how the program works and how it benefits both the students and the community.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM series on working in the tradesAoM Podcast #642: Finding Money and Meaning in the Blue Collar TradesAoM Podcast #308: The Case for Blue Collar Work With Mike RoweRecent New Yorker article that featured CTECS: "The Great Electrician Shortage"Connect With Brent McCartney/Learn More About CTECSConnecticut Technical Education and Career SystemBrent on LinkedIn

If you’re an athlete, you know that it can be helpful to get psyched up before a big game. But getting in the right mindset is important in any kind of high-stakes scenario, whether you want to perform your best in a big meeting, presentation, interview, audition, or conversation.My guest has some tips he gleaned from interviewing athletes, soldiers, entertainers, and executives on how to find that mindset. His name is Daniel McGinn, and he’s the author of Psyched Up: How the Science of Mental Preparation Can Help You Succeed. The first step to getting into an optimal mindset is managing negative emotions, so we begin our conversation with what works in mitigating stress and anxiety. From there we talk about how to get others psyched up with an effective pep talk and why the leaders who came out of WWII used the classic rah-rah style more than leaders do today. We then discuss the role of music in getting yourself psyched up and what Daniel learned from the DJ for the Red Sox about crafting the perfect pump-up playlist. Daniel shares how visualization and having a personal highlight reel can put you in a positive headspace, and whether or not anger, competition, and trash talk improve performance.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Podcast #569: How to Perform Your Best Under PressureAoM Podcast #757: How to Achieve Cognitive Dominance With Mark McLaughlinAoM Article: Competition — The Fuel for GreatnessConnect With Daniel McGinnDaniel on LinkedInDaniel on Twitter

The last time we had entrepreneur, professor, and author Luke Burgis on the show, he discussed the concept of mimetic desire, which says that we want the things we want because other people want them. Since that time, Luke has continued to explore the idea of mimesis, and how to resist its negative consequences, in his Substack: Anti-Mimetic. Today on the show, Luke and I dig into these ideas and discuss ways we can step outside the tempo, cadences, and priorities that the world would foist upon us and establish our own rhythms for our lives. Luke unpacks what it means to have “thick desires” and become a “political atheist” and how these concepts can help you live a more anti-mimetic life.Resources Related to the PodcastWanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke BurgisLuke’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #714 — Why Do We Want What We Want?Leisure: The Basis of Culture by Josef Pieper Deceit, Desire, and the Novel by René GirardThe Red and the Black by StendhalAoM Article: What Do You Want to Want?AoM Article: Freedom From…Freedom ToAoM Podcast #215: Becoming an Individual in an Age of Distraction With Matthew CrawfordAoM Podcast #796: The Life We’re Looking ForAoM Podcast #847: Overdoing DemocracySunday Firesides: Not Everything Is PoliticalConnect With Luke BurgisLuke’s WebsiteLuke’s Substack: Anti-Mimetic

Throughout each day, all of us make little shifts in our roles and responsibilities; we take off one hat and put on another. Sometimes these shifts are physical, as when we commute from home to the office. Other times, the shifts are mental, as when we finish working on an administrative task and start working on a creative one.My guest calls these little shifts “microtransitions” and says that mastering them is a significant key in living a happy, fulfilled, and successful life. His name is Dr. Adam Fraser and he’s a peak performance researcher and the author of The Third Space. As Adam explains, in each microtransition, there are three spaces: the first space which is the task, role, or place you’re leaving behind, the second space, which is the task, role, or place you’re transitioning to, and the third space which is the in-between transition itself. To make an ideal microtransition, you break that third space into three phases, and Adam walks us through how to execute each one so you can show up as your best self in the second space. We talk about how to make microtransitions between different work roles, and spend a lot of our conversation on how to improve the microtransiton between work and home — even if you work from home — so you can arrive ready to engage with your partner or family.Resources Related to the PodcastSunday Firesides: Your Routine Needs Rites of PassageAoM article on how to use a “Homeric bath” as a transitional “homecoming” ritualAoM article on how Alexander Graham Bell used “locational prompts” to be more productiveAoM article on doing different kinds of work in different placesSunday Firesides: Give Them the CreamConnect With Adam FraserAdam’s Website

When Americans think back to the War of Independence, most are apt to feel that, had they lived back then, they would have been Patriots for sure. In retrospect, the decision to rebel and get out from under the thumb of British rule seems inevitable. Yet only around a third of colonists ever declared themselves as revolutionaries, and even among the country's Founding Fathers, it wasn't always obvious if they would stay loyal to Great Britain or become rebels, right up until the signing of the Declaration of Independence.As H.W. Brands, historian, professor, and author of Our First Civil War explains, the decision to align with the side of the Loyalists or the Patriots was complex, and not only had to do with the kind of policy issues we often think about in regards to the war, but also personal factors related to respect and ambition. He talks about how George Washington and Benjamin Franklin were actually very unlikely Patriots and what ultimately got them to embrace the revolutionary cause, and why Franklin's son chose differently and remained a Loyalist. We also discuss why John Adams threw in his lot with the Patriots, and why Benedict Arnold flipped sides.Connect With H.W. BrandsH.W.'s Substack: A User's Guide to HistoryH.W. on TwitterH.W.'s faculty page

When you’re walking in the woods, you’re often surrounded by trees. But you probably don’t notice them much, and when you do spot some irregularity, like a strange bulge in the trunk of a tree, you likely don’t have any idea how it got there. But my guest says that these trees you’re passing by have all kinds of stories to share, and once you learn their language, they can tell you all sorts of secrets about the world, and even help you navigate it.Tristan Gooley is an adventurer, expedition leader, natural navigator, and author of How to Read a Tree. Today on the show, he unpacks the clues in a tree’s shape, branches, bark, roots, and leaves, what they can tell you about the environment, and how they can help you find your way. We also talk about what looking at a tree stump can reveal, the hidden seasons in trees, and the first place to look in a tree to spy fall foliage. We end our conversation with how to get started with reading trees today.Resources Related to the PodcastTristan’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:Episode #343: How to Read Nature — Awakening Your Senses to the OutdoorsEpisode #563: How to Develop Your Nature InstinctConnect With Tristan GooleyTristan’s Website: The Natural Navigator

My flight was awful. The restaurant's service was terrible. The traffic was horrible. My boss is the worst. Our culture is the stupidest.Whenever we get together with other people, we hear lots of complaints, and plenty come out of our own mouths.All this complaining may be ubiquitous, but it's not entirely innocuous. Complaining puts us in a negative mood, hurts our health, and damages our relationships.If you've ever wanted to complain less, my guest today has some advice on how to break the complaining habit and embrace a more positive and proactive life. His name is Will Bowen, and he's the founder of the Complaint Free movement and the author of A Complaint Free World. Today on the show, Will first defines what constitutes a complaint. He then shares the five main reasons people offer complaints, so you can learn to recognize what triggers yours. Will also explains how to deal with being on the receiving end of each type of complaint, so you don't have to listen to the complaining of others.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: Never Complain; Never ExplainAoM Article: Why Negativity Is a Social KillerDr. Robin Kowalski's researchA New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart TolleConnect With Anthony ArvanitakisA Complaint Free World WebsiteWill's Website