The charge to be well-mannered, to treat others with civility, kindness, and respect, is perennial. But the rules for how to carry those manners into action, the rules of good etiquette, change over time.Given all the cultural and technological changes modern society has experienced, it's not always easy to know the best practices for a contemporary gentleman. Here to offer some guidance on that front is Thomas Farley, aka, Mr. Manners. Today on the show, Thomas offers some answers to the frequently asked questions around modern etiquette, including when to send a handwritten thank you note, whether "no problem" is an appropriate response to "thank you," if it's okay to ghost someone, how to deal with our ever proliferating and out-of-control tipping culture, whether it's okay to exclude kids from your wedding, if you should still open a door for a woman, and more.Resources Related to the Podcast Extensive Manners and Etiquette ArchivesHow Manners Made the WorldThe Importance of Good MannersHow to Acquire Good MannersThe Art of Thank You Note WritingThe Unclassified Laws of EtiquetteHow to Accept a Compliment With ClassThe Ins and Outs of Opening a Door for a WomanA Primer on Wedding EtiquetteHow to Tame the Timing Anxiety Around TextingPodcast #718: How to Use Digital Body Language to Build Trust and ConnectionPodcast #162: Digital Manners & Etiquette For the Modern ManPodcast #422: Men & Manners — Tipping, Emojis, and Much MoreConnect With Thomas FarleyThomas' website

Do you feel stuck in life — that you aren’t making progress in a relationship, job, or goal and you don’t know how to fix the problem and move forward? Well, perhaps you can take a little solace in the fact that it’s a universal human experience, even amongst history’s highest achievers. Indeed, when Adam Alter, a social psychologist and professor of marketing, looked at the lives of successful actors, musicians, writers, filmmakers, and entrepreneurs, he found that they all had passed through times in their lives and careers when they felt totally stuck.Today on the show, Adam, who’s the author of Anatomy of a Breakthrough: How to Get Unstuck When It Matters Most, explains why getting stuck is an inevitability in life, as well as mindset shifts and practices to escape from stuckness. We first talk about what contributes to getting stuck, including the goal gradient effect, and how the illusion of the creative cliff can keep you from seeing that you may end up doing your best work later in life. We then talk about dealing with the emotional angst of feeling stuck, and how it can be better to initially accept your stuckness than kick against the pricks. From there, we turn to some tactics for getting unstuck, including doing a friction audit and copying the work of others. In my favorite part of the conversation, we discuss the importance of recognizing when to move from exploring to exploiting, and vice versa. We end our conversation with why the mantra for getting unstuck is “action over all.”Resources Related to the PodcastAdam’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #420: What Makes Your Phone So Addictive & How to Take Back Your Lifea-ha’s video for “Take on Me”Giannis on whether he considers this season a failureAoM Article: Meditations on the Wisdom of ActionAoM Article: Want to Become a Better Writer? Copy the Work of OthersAoM Article: Solvitur Ambulando — It Is Solved By WalkingAoM Podcast #418: How to Get UnstuckAoM Podcast#432: How to Achieve Creative SuccessAoM Podcast #512: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized WorldConnect with Adam AlterAdam on LinkedInAdam on TwitterAdam’s website

America’s national parks are one of the country’s greatest treasures, and many people have it on their bucket list to visit one or more of these gems. But figuring out where to go and how to execute a national park experience can sometimes feel a little overwhelming.Here to offer some really helpful advice on both visiting and camping in the national parks is Jeremy Puglisi, co-author, along with his wife Stephanie, of Where Should We Camp Next?: National Parks: The Best Campgrounds and Unique Outdoor Accommodations In and Around National Parks, Seashores, Monuments, and More. Today on the show, Jeremy walks us through how to navigate the complex reservation system some of the parks have in place and what it takes to secure a campsite inside the parks. He then shares his best tips for getting the most out of a national park experience in general, as well as when you’re visiting some of the country’s most iconic destinations, including Yosemite, Yellowstone, and the Grand Canyon. At the end of our conversation, Jeremy shares the national parks he thinks are underrated, and if you want to avoid the crowds of the national parks, he also shares his picks for the country’s best state parks.Resources Related to the PodcastJeremy’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #711: — How to Plan the Ultimate Road Triprecreation.govnps.govKOA campgroundsAoM Article: Beat the Crowds (And the Fees) With Dispersed CampingConnect With Jeremy PuglisiThe RV Atlas websiteThe RV Atlas podcastRV Atlas on InstagramRV Atlas on Twitter

We don't often think of work when we think of Henry David Thoreau. We think of Thoreau living with his family, or loafing around at a cabin at Walden, and mostly spending his days walking and enjoying nature. We know he did some writing, sure, but often think of him as being largely the abstract thinker type.But Thoreau was a man of much practical skill, who lived a life of both thought and action. He did lots of kinds of work — from carpentry to surveying to helping raise Ralph Waldo Emerson's kids — and thought a lot about the nature of work, both the paid variety and the kind that's necessary for simply sustaining day-to-day life. Today on the show, John Kaag, a professor of philosophy and the co-author of Henry at Work: Thoreau on Making a Living, shares some of Thoreau's insights on work with us. We discuss what Thoreau can teach us about the value of resignation, the importance of continuing to work with your hands to maintain what Thoreau called your "vital heat," what makes for meaningful work, and the trap of working in bad faith. We end our conversation with a call to consider what you're really being paid for in your job and the true cost of the things you buy.Resources Related to the PodcastJohn's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:AoM Podcast #480: Hiking With NietzscheAoM Podcast #576: A Treasure Trove of American PhilosophyWalden by Henry David ThoreauEmerson's eulogy for ThoreauAoM Article: How to REALLY Avoid Living a Life of Quiet DesperationSunday Firesides: The Cost of a ThingShop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew B. CrawfordConnect With John KaagJohn's faculty page

When men think about optimizing their hormones, they tend only to think about raising their testosterone. But while increasing T can be important, an ideal health profile also means having testosterone that's in balance with your other hormones as well.Today on the show, Dr. Kyle Gillett joins me to discuss both of those prongs of all-around hormone optimization. We start with a quick overview of the different hormones that affect male health. We then get into what qualifies as low testosterone and how to accurately test yours. We also discuss what causes low testosterone in individual men, and how its decline in the general male population may be linked to both birth control and the world wars. In the second half of our conversation, we discuss how to both raise testosterone and get rid of excess estrogen, including the use of some effective supplements you may never have heard of. We then get into the risks and benefits of taking TRT, before ending our discussion with what young men can do to prepare for a lifetime of optimal T and hormonal health.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM series on testosterone, including How I Doubled My Testosterone Levels NaturallyAoM Podcast #761: How Testosterone Makes Men, MenAoM Podcast #878: The Fitness Supplements That Actually Work Connect With Dr. Kyle GillettKyle on IGGillett Health Podcast on Spotify and AppleGillett Health on YouTubeGillett Health website

When Daniel Zia Joseph decided to join the Army at the unusually late age of 32, he solicited advice from his buddies who had served in the military on how to succeed in the experience and become a good officer and leader. Today, he passes on these leadership lessons to us.Dan is the author of Backpack to Rucksack: Insight Into Leadership and Resilience From Military Experts, and he first shares why he decided to join the Army at an older age and what he would tell other guys who keep thinking about doing the same thing. We talk about how he prepared himself to be a leader and how getting his masters in organizational psychology helped deepen his development. We then discuss the lessons his military mentors imparted to him, including why you should pursue attrition, the importance of command climate, using psychological jiu-jitsu, and the difference between garrison and field leadership.Resources Related to the PodcastDan's video about joining the military after age 30AoM Podcast #875: Authority Is More Important Than Social SkillsAoM Article: Are You a Strategist or an Operator?Once an Eagle by Anton MyrerConnect With Dan JosephDan's website — Combat Psych

Writing an email while on a Zoom call. Talking on the phone while walking. Scrolling through social media while watching a movie.In both our work and our play, we’re all doing more and more multitasking. Doing two things at once makes us feel as if we’re more efficient and getting more done.But my guest would say that all this task juggling actually makes us less productive, while diminishing the quality of our work and stressing our minds, and that we’d be better off curbing our multitasking in favor of monotasking. His name is Thatcher Wine and he’s the author of The Twelve Monotasks: Do One Thing at a Time to Do Everything Better. Today on the show, Thatcher explains the illusions around multitasking and the benefits of monotasking — that is, bringing our full focus to a single task at a time. We discuss why reading is a foundational part of becoming a monotasker, and then get into some of the other activities Thatcher recommends monotasking, including walking, listening, traveling/commuting, and thinking. Thatcher argues that doing things like listening to a podcast while cleaning your house isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but that you may want to try stripping everything away from your daily tasks except the primary tasks themselves to observe the resulting effect and to strengthen your “monotasking muscles” and rebuild your attention span. Once you’ve experimented with doing a task alone, you can then decide to layer back in the second activity, or, maybe decide you actually liked giving it your all.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM podcast episodes with Cal Newport on Deep Work and Digital MinimalismAoM podcast with Oliver Burkeman on Time Management for MortalsAoM podcast with Nicolas Carr on how the internet affects our minds and attentionAoM series on how to improve your listeningAoM article on the benefits of being fully presentAoM article on working when you work, and playing when you playConnect With Thatcher WineCompanion Website to the Monotasking BookThatcher’s WebsiteJuniper Books

Different generations love to cast aspersions on each other. Boomers think Millennials and Gen Zers are fragile narcissists. Those younger generations think that Boomers are selfish, closed-minded pinheads who helped themselves to economic success and then pulled the ladder out for everyone else.But are these and other generational stereotypes true? Here to unpack that question for us is Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology and the author of Generations: The Real Differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents—and What They Mean for America’s Future. We begin our conversation with some background on the study of generations and why Jean thinks the Strauss-Howe theory of generational cycles has been disrupted. We then work our way through the generations, from the Silent Generation to the present, and talk about the characteristics and particular challenges of each cohort. We dig into the myths and truths of the generations, such as whether Boomers are doing financially well and Millennials are doing financially poorly. We talk about why Gen X gets overlooked, why there’s such a sharp break between Millennials and Gen Z, why Gen Zers are taking longer to get their drivers’ licenses and feel darkly pessimistic, and much more.Resources Related to the Podcast AoM article on the Strauss-Howe generational cycle theoryAoM Podcast #236: What the Generational Cycle Theory Can Tell Us About Our Present Age (With Neil Howe)AoM Article: A New Generation of Prigs, Prudes, and SquaresAoM Article: How Millennials Could Be the Next Greatest Generation of Personal FinanceAoM Podcast: #751: The Rise of the Religious “Nones” (And What It Means for Society)Atlantic article by Jean: “The Myth of the Broke Millennial” Connect With Jean TwengeJean’s website

When John Bowe learned that his extremely reclusive cousin, who had lived for decades in his parents' basement, had moved out and gotten married at the age of fifty-nine, John was extremely surprised. What made him equally surprised was how his cousin had finally launched his life. It hadn't been meds or therapy. Instead, he had joined his local Toastmasters club.Duly intrigued, John set off on his own Toastmasters journey, as he details in his book I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection. Today on the show, John shares how he discovered that the ethos of this nonprofit organization parallels the tradition of rhetoric espoused by the ancient Greeks, especially by Aristotle, and why the ability to speak, whether in the context of giving a formal speech or simply having a conversation, continues to be such an essential skill in the modern age. In my favorite part of the show, we discuss how our ideas of authentic speech can actually get in the way of expressing our authentic selves. We then turn to the techniques for better speaking that John learned from joining Toastmasters and how Toastmasters ultimately transformed his own life.After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/toastmastersResources Related to the PodcastToastmasters InternationalAoM Podcast #698: The Secrets of Public Speaking From History’s Greatest OratorsAoM Article: An Introduction to Public SpeakingAoM Podcast #639: Why You Should Learn the Lost Art of RhetoricAoM series on classical rhetoricRhetoric by AristotleThe Fall of Public Man by Richard SennettAoM series on overcoming shynessAoM Article: How to Minimize Your Uh’s and Um’sSunday Firesides: Want to Solve Your Social Problems? Get Over Your Self"How to Speak in Public" — article in Psyche magazine by JohnConnect With John BoweJohn's website

When most people think of psychopaths, they think of uniformly monstrous characters who lack empathy and conscience.But my guest says that those characteristics are just one part of the spectrum of traits that make up psychopathy, and while always having these traits turned up high is indeed bad, when employed to certain degrees in certain circumstances, they can actually be utilized for adaptive, positive ends.Kevin Dutton is a researcher of experimental psychology at Oxford and the author of The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success. Today on the show, Kevin first defines what makes psychopaths, psychopaths, and how they differ from sociopaths. He describes how psychopathic traits can be particularly useful in some professions and which professions attract the most psychopaths. In the second half of our conversation, Kevin lays out his argument for why he thinks the Apostle Paul was a psychopath and how that’s actually what made him such an effective evangelist. At the end of our conversation, Kevin offers a test that assesses psychopathy; stay tuned to find out if I’m a psychopath and take the test yourself to see if you are.Connect With Kevin DuttonKevin on TwitterKevin on IGKevin’s website