Why You’re Lacking Charisma & How To Create It w/Vanessa Van Edwards EP 1231
Feb 21, 2022
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In this engaging chat, Vanessa Van Edwards, Lead Investigator at Science of People and bestselling author, shares her insights on charisma and effective communication. She reveals the secrets behind building trust through social cues and explores the fine line between charisma and narcissism. With fascinating anecdotes from analyzing Shark Tank pitches, Vanessa emphasizes the importance of nonverbal cues and genuine interaction in fostering connections. Discover how body language, hand gestures, and empathy can elevate your communication skills and build impactful relationships!
Balancing warmth and competence in communication builds trust and credibility.
Word choice and nonverbal cues can foster positive emotional responses and build connections.
Using compliments strategically deepens connections and increases motivation.
Authenticity is crucial for genuine connection, rehearsed answers hinder it.
Deep dives
The Power of Warmth and Competence in Pitching
A successful pitch in Shark Tank often relies on the perfect blend of warmth and competence. Warmth is conveyed through gestures, such as handshakes or handing out items, which creates a nonverbal bridge to connect with the sharks. Competence is showcased through confident speech, avoiding the question intonation, and using inflection to underline important points. By striking a balance between warmth and competence, pitchers can build trust and credibility.
The Importance of Priming and Dopamine in Communication
Word choice plays a crucial role in communication. Using achievement-oriented words, such as 'win' or 'succeed', primes individuals to perform better and remain motivated. Acknowledging similarities and mutual interests in emails can also spark dopamine and build connections. Additionally, warm words and vocal inflection can create a positive emotional response in others, fostering trust and engagement.
Nonverbal Bridges and Creating Space for Trust
Creating nonverbal bridges, such as handing someone an item or guiding them physically, can deepen trust and intimacy within a conversation. These bridges must be done with permission and respect personal boundaries. Additionally, respecting personal space zones and avoiding close talking can help foster trust and make others feel comfortable. Being mindful of nonverbal cues and adapting to others' communication styles is crucial for building strong connections.
The Power of Compliments and Dopamine
Compliments and acknowledgments can spark dopamine in both the giver and the recipient, leading to increased motivation and bonding. Choosing warmth-oriented words and expressing genuine admiration can create positive emotional experiences and deepen connections. By using compliments strategically, individuals can build rapport and trust in their interactions.
The Power of Authenticity and the Dangers of Being Rehearsed
Authenticity is key in effective communication, as rehearsing answers can hinder genuine connection. When Simon pitched his idea on Shark Tank, he encountered skepticism because his rehearsed answers lacked authenticity. It is crucial to share ideas organically and from the heart to truly connect with others.
Differentiating Charisma and Narcissism
Charisma and narcissism can sometimes be confused, but they have distinct differences. Charismatic individuals skillfully use their social cues to genuinely connect with others and inspire trust. Conversely, narcissists use charismatic skills for manipulation and control. It is important to recognize the subtle cues of warmth and competence to identify true charisma versus manipulative behavior.
Spotting Danger Zone Cues and Nonverbal Leakages
Danger zone cues are nonverbal signals often used by liars and manipulative individuals. These cues include gestures like lip pursing, distance behaviors, and high blink rates. Being able to spot these cues helps protect oneself from manipulation. Additionally, understanding nonverbal leakages allows us to make informed judgments about others and their intentions.
The Impact of Body Language and Vocal Power in Leadership
Body language and vocal power are crucial in effective leadership. Leaders who display open body language, such as relaxed hands and an upright posture, convey warmth and trustworthiness. Additionally, utilizing vocal power, such as varied tone and volume, enhances the impact of leadership communication. By understanding and harnessing these cues, leaders can inspire and engage others more effectively.
Today’s guest is Vanessa Van Edwards, who is the Lead Investigator at Science of People and is the bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People. Vanessa works with entrepreneurs, growing businesses, and trillion-dollar companies. She is renowned for teaching science-backed people skills to audiences around the world where her mission is to help introverts leverage their strengths, show high achievers how to activate their secret skills and teach awkward people to feel more confident. She’s written a new book called Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.
In this episode we discuss:
How to instantly create trust and reliability.
What Vanessa learned from analyzing over 490 Shark Tank pitches.
The difference between charisma and narcissism.
The fascinating research about social cues and how to use them.
