Tricky Questions About Grief: Is There A Right Way To Do It? What To Say To People In Grief? And Can You Grieve For Things? | Sloane Crosley
Dec 13, 2024
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Sloane Crosley, a bestselling author known for her witty takes on grief, joins with Dr. Bianca Harris to unpack the complexities of mourning. They delve into cumulative grief, sharing personal anecdotes of loss and the challenges of acceptance. Crosley critiques traditional grief models and emphasizes the therapeutic power of literature. They also discuss the emotional hurdles of experiencing grief during the holidays and the importance of candid conversations about sorrow, challenging societal taboos around expressing deep emotions.
Grief encompasses not only the loss of loved ones but also non-human losses, challenging the perception that it is solely linked to death.
Cumulative grief illustrates the emotional complexity individuals face when enduring multiple losses in succession, complicating the grieving process significantly.
Effective communication about grief can be improved by asking open-ended questions rather than relying on common yet unhelpful phrases of condolence.
Deep dives
The Reality of Grief
Grief is portrayed as an unavoidable aspect of life that can manifest in many different ways. It encompasses not just the loss of loved ones but also the loss of belongings and experiences, challenging the common perception that grief is solely tied to death. The discussion emphasizes the importance of acknowledging grief as a multifaceted emotion that everyone will face at some point, rather than a taboo that individuals should shy away from. Engaging with this reality can provoke a deeper appreciation for life and the relationships we hold dear.
Understanding Cumulative Grief
Cumulative grief refers to the complex experience of enduring multiple losses in succession, creating an accumulation of emotional pain. This concept is illustrated through the experiences of losses, such as the theft of personal belongings followed by the suicide of a close friend. The intertwined nature of these experiences can complicate the grieving process, as individuals might feel they lack permission to grieve for non-human losses. Exploring this type of grief allows for a broader understanding of how various forms of loss intersect and impact emotional well-being.
Navigating Conversations About Grief
The episode highlights the challenges faced in conversations surrounding grief, particularly the struggle to find the right words to express condolences. The hosts discuss the discomfort that often arises when addressing someone's loss, leading to well-meaning but sometimes unhelpful responses. Suggestions for more meaningful engagement include asking open-ended questions that invite sharing rather than defaulting to common phrases like 'I can't imagine.' This approach fosters a connection and validates the griever's experience, improving the quality of communication during difficult times.
Re-examining the Stages of Grief
The traditional five stages of grief, initially designed for the dying, are critiqued for their applicability to those left behind. The guest shares a perspective that these stages should not be viewed as linear or definitive, recognizing that grieving is a highly individualized and non-sequential process. By reframing these stages to reflect personal experiences, including the addition of elements like anger and acceptance, a more nuanced understanding of grief emerges. This approach validates the complexity of emotional responses instead of adhering strictly to a formula.
The Role of Humor and Literature in Healing
Humor is recognized as a vital element in coping with grief, providing a means to navigate painful situations and find solace amidst suffering. The conversation also emphasizes the therapeutic power of literature, with memoirs and novels serving as tools for understanding personal grief experiences and fostering connection with shared human emotions. Bibliotherapy is introduced as a valuable resource, highlighting the benefits of engaging with stories that reflect one's own struggles. Through literary exploration, individuals can find comfort and validation in their experiences while also nurturing their emotional health.
A famed author and humorist takes a deep dive into grief (with Dr. Bianca Harris as co-host).
Sloane Crosley is the author of The New York Times bestselling booksGriefIsforPeople,How Did You Get This Number, and I Was Told There’d Be Cake. She is also the author of Look Alive Out There,Cult Classic and The Clasp, both of which have been optioned for film. She served as editor ofThe Best American Travel Writing series and is featured in The Library of America's 50 Funniest American Writers,The Best American Nonrequired Reading, Phillip Lopate’s The Contemporary American Essay and others. She was the inaugural columnist for The New York Times Op-Ed "Townies" series, a contributing editor at Interview Magazine, and a columnist for The Village Voice, Vanity Fair, The Independent, Black Book, Departures and The New York Observer. She is a contributing editor at Vanity Fair. She has taught at Columbia University and The Yale Writers’ Workshop.
In this episode we talk about:
A series of consecutive losses that Sloane endured