The High Performance Podcast

How Asking One Hard Question Builds Deeper Trust, with Alain de Botton

90 snips
Jun 4, 2025
Alain de Botton, a modern-day philosopher and co-founder of The School of Life, delves into the power of uncomfortable questions in building trust. He argues that asking, 'How have I annoyed you?' can deepen relationships at home and work. The discussion emphasizes the importance of emotional generosity, honest listening, and vulnerability. Listeners learn how awkward inquiries foster deeper connections, the science behind emotional closeness, and the transformative potential of being truly heard in both personal and professional spaces.
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ADVICE

Ask the Hard Question Kindly

  • Ask the question "How have I annoyed you?" to deepen trust and open honest dialogue.
  • Listen without defensiveness and reflect back what you hear to make others feel understood.
INSIGHT

Power of Sharing Backstories

  • Sharing personal backstories about difficulties humanizes people and reduces conflict.
  • Calm explanations of why behaviors happen make everyone appear more lovable and worthy of understanding.
INSIGHT

Power of Mutual Self-Disclosure

  • Sharing personal stories in a gradual reciprocal way builds emotional intimacy.
  • Mutual self-disclosure creates trust as people reveal meaningful information bit by bit.
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