The importance of validation with therapist Caroline Fleck
Feb 18, 2025
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Caroline Fleck, a clinical psychologist at Stanford and author of "Validation," dives into the importance of recognizing and affirming emotions in building stronger relationships. She explores the distinctions between empathetic validation and exaggerated praise, highlighting that sometimes less is more. The conversation also touches on the challenges of oversharing, the need for emotional boundaries, and how social media alters our connection styles. Ultimately, she emphasizes empathy and mindful communication as keys to fostering genuine connections.
Effective validation strengthens relationships by fostering emotional safety and allowing individuals to express their true feelings without fear of judgment.
Understanding the difference between validation and approval helps individuals seek healthy forms of acceptance, recognizing that their feelings are legitimate and deserving of acknowledgment.
Deep dives
The Importance of Validation in Relationships
Validation is crucial for building better relationships, as it communicates acceptance and belonging without the need for individuals to contort themselves for approval. It helps individuals feel seen and understood for who they are, as opposed to just what they achieve or contribute. Validation focuses on the person's experience rather than their performance, which fosters deeper connections and emotional safety. This understanding encourages individuals to express their true feelings without fear of judgment.
The Misconception of Seeking External Validation
Seeking external validation is often misconstrued as a negative behavior associated with a need for praise or approval. However, validation should be viewed as a way to fulfill the basic human need for acceptance and belonging. It is vital to distinguish between validation and approval, as validation simply acknowledges a person's feelings and experiences without judgment. Recognizing this distinction can help individuals feel more comfortable about seeking validation from others in healthy ways.
Effective Strategies for Validating Others
Utilizing strategies such as contextualizing and equalizing can enhance the process of validation. Contextualizing involves understanding a person's emotions in relation to their circumstances, effectively acknowledging the logical nature of their reactions. Equalizing reinforces the idea that their feelings are legitimate by expressing that anyone in a similar situation would likely respond in the same way. These techniques not only help validate emotions but also pave the way for constructive conversations about how to navigate those feelings.
Navigating Validation and Problem-Solving
It is important to discern when to validate someone's experience versus when to dive into problem-solving. Many people instinctively approach emotional challenges with solutions, which can inadvertently invalidate the emotional experiences of others. Before offering solutions, it is beneficial to first create space for validation, allowing individuals to share their feelings without interruption. This dual approach ensures that individuals feel supported while still opening the door for practical discussions about potential solutions.
Seeking acceptance is a natural part of the human experience — but do you know how to dish it out? Clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck believes that validating others is a key to building stronger relationships. She and Adam discuss strategies for recognizing another person’s feelings, the distinction between empathetic validation and exaggerated praise, and why sometimes saying less is more.