669: Three Practices for Thriving in Negotiations, with William Ury
Feb 26, 2024
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William Ury, a world-renowned negotiation expert and co-author of 'Getting to Yes,' shares his insights on thriving in negotiations. He asserts that embracing conflict can lead to better outcomes and encourages listeners to examine their own barriers in tough discussions. Ury highlights the power of pauses and reflection, using historical examples to illustrate composure in high-stakes situations. By uncovering deeper interests behind positions, he reveals how understanding motivations can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth.
Conflict can be beneficial in negotiations, leading to better decisions.
Internal obstacles, like impulsiveness, are the main hindrances in negotiations.
Examining underlying interests, not just stated positions, aids in conflict resolution.
Balancing internal alignment and external negotiations is crucial for successful outcomes.
Deep dives
The Naturalness of Conflict and Its Transformative Potential
Conflict is viewed as a natural aspect of human life essential for growth and development. Embracing conflict and leveraging curiosity and creativity can lead to transformation and resolutions that benefit all parties involved. William Urey emphasizes the importance of not avoiding conflict but rather handling it constructively through creative negotiation strategies.
The Cuban Missile Crisis: A Lesson in Pausing and Considering Consequences
During the Cuban Missile Crisis, a crucial moment was highlighted by the restraint of a Soviet naval officer, Vasily Alexandrovich Arkhipov, who prevented a potential nuclear conflict. His ability to pause, consider the situation, and resist reacting impulsively averted a catastrophic outcome. This event illustrates the power of restraint and thoughtful decision-making in the midst of intense conflict.
Recognizing Internal Obstacles in Negotiation
William Urey reflects on his pivotal learning that personal obstacles often hinder negotiation outcomes more than external factors. The internal challenges, such as impulsive reactions and self-sabotage, can significantly impact negotiation success. Acknowledging and addressing one's own barriers is crucial in achieving effective negotiation results.
The Importance of Reflective Pause and Strategic Perspective
In negotiation contexts, the ability to pause, reflect, and adopt different perspectives can lead to successful outcomes. William Urey advocates for individuals to 'go to the balcony', stepping back from reactive responses to gain clarity and consider long-term interests. By zooming in on underlying motivations and zooming out to grasp the broader picture, negotiators can navigate conflicts effectively and foster trust among parties.
Moving Beyond Surface Positions to Understand Deep Interests
Distinguishing between surface positions and underlying interests is pivotal in negotiations. William Urey emphasizes the importance of focusing on the 'why' behind stated desires to uncover core motivations. By delving into the deeper interests rather than fixating on explicit demands, negotiators can achieve mutually beneficial outcomes and foster understanding across parties.
Enhancing Negotiation Success Through Internal and External Alignment
Achieving alignment and trust internally within an organization is essential for successful negotiations externally. William Urey stresses the significance of addressing internal conflicts and gaining internal consensus before engaging in external negotiations. By recognizing and resolving internal tensions, negotiators can project unity and coherence, enhancing their position and influence in external negotiations.
The Multi-Dimensional Approach to Negotiation: Balancing Perspectives and Interests
Negotiation success lies in balancing the perspectives of all involved parties and addressing the interests that underlie diverse positions. William Urey's approach emphasizes considering the three negotiation tables - the external negotiation, internal alignment, and understanding underlying motives. By integrating these dimensions effectively, negotiators can navigate conflicts with clarity, empathy, and strategic insight.
Utilizing Conflict as a Pathway to Opportunity and Growth
William Urey's strategy reframes conflict as a potential avenue for growth and positive change by leveraging curiosity, creativity, and strategic negotiation. Embracing conflict with a constructive mindset can reveal new possibilities and facilitate transformative outcomes for individuals and organizations. Viewing conflict as a catalyst for progress rather than a hindrance can lead to enhanced relationships and sustainable resolutions.
William Ury: Possible
William Ury is one of the world’s best-known experts on negotiation, and the co-author of Getting to Yes, the all-time bestselling book on negotiation with more than 15 million copies sold. He is co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation and has served as a negotiator in many of the toughest disputes of our times. He has taught negotiation to tens of thousands, and consulted for dozens of Fortune 500 companies, the White House, the State Department, and the Pentagon.
William has served as a negotiation adviser and mediator in conflicts ranging from Kentucky wildcat coal mine strikes to wars in the Middle East, Colombia, Korea, and Ukraine. He is an internationally sought-after speaker and has two popular TEDx talks with millions of views. He's also the author of Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict*.
We often assume that conflict is bad, but William says we actually need more conflict, not less. In this conversation, we explore three practices that will help you thrive in the toughest negotiations. And no surprise — the biggest obstacle in getting what we want is almost always ourselves.
Key Points
We need more conflict, not less. The best decisions often emerge from a negotiation.
The biggest obstacle in negotiation is ourselves. Pauses and silence prevent us from reacting without thinking.
Zoom in to examine the interests that are behind your stated positions. This often elicits meaningful steps.
Rarely are conflicts about surface issues. Uncovering your deeper motivations will help you approach negotiation more productively.
Negotiation doesn’t only happen at one table. Zoom out to at least two other tables: the internal negotiations of both sides.
Resources Mentioned
Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict* by William Ury
Interview Notes
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Related Episodes
Negotiate As If Your Life Depended On It, with Chris Voss (episode 262)
How to Find Confidence in Conflict, with Kwame Christian (episode 380)
How to Negotiate When Others Have Power, with Kwame Christian (episode 416)
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