Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Embracing Perfectionism with Katherine Morgan Schafler

Aug 19, 2024

01:20:00

Snipd AI

Katherine Morgan Schafler, a therapist and ex-Google mental health expert, dives into the double-edged sword of perfectionism. She unpacks how it can be both a superpower and a stumbling block, emphasizing the need for a positive shift in our self-criticism language. Katherine discusses the five types of perfectionists and challenges the notion that perfectionism is merely a defense against criticism. She advocates for self-compassion over self-punishment and explores how to keep perfectionism in check while pursuing meaningful goals.

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Quick takeaways

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword, where adaptive perfectionists draw inspiration from ideals while maladaptive ones set unrealistic standards that breed anxiety.

Understanding the distinction between the five types of perfectionists helps individuals recognize their tendencies and develop a healthier relationship with their aspirations.

Fostering self-compassion over self-punishment encourages personal growth and emotional resilience, allowing perfectionists to align their striving with genuine values.

Deep dives

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be seen as a dual-edged sword, possessing both positive and negative qualities. It is not inherently a disorder, but rather a natural and human characteristic that manifests differently across individuals. Healthy perfectionists view their ideals as sources of inspiration, while unhealthy or maladaptive perfectionists confuse ideals with goals and feel pressured to achieve them. This confusion leads to anxiety and frustration, as they often set unattainable standards for themselves that can hinder their overall well-being.

Embrace Your Wholeness

00:58

Perfection Is Wholeness, Not Flawlessness

00:56

Calm Conversations Create Clarity

01:21

Perfectionism: An Ideal to Inspire, Not a Goal to Achieve

01:21

Intro

2min

The Dual Nature of Perfectionism

25min

Transforming Self-Criticism Through Compassionate Strategies

6min

The Essential Role of Self-Compassion in Personal Growth

5min

Embracing Self-Compassion

7min

Integrating Mindsets for Behavioral Change

2min

Embracing Imperfection: Navigating Perfectionism

33min

Forrest explores how we can harness perfectionism’s strengths without getting captured by its vulnerabilities with therapist and author Katherine Morgan Schafler. They talk about perfectionism’s bad branding, and how our relationship with perfectionism can lead to it being either a superpower or a stumbling block. They discuss the different types of perfectionists, the limitations of defining perfectionism merely as a defense against criticism, and the importance of shifting our language around self-criticism. You’ll learn about the difference between power and control, why self-compassion beats self-punishment, and how to keep perfectionism in check while still reaching your goals.

About our Guest: Katherine is a psychotherapist, former on-site therapist at Google, and author of the recent book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:35: Defining perfectionism

6:00: Ideals, identity, and asking yourself how and why you’re striving

12:40: The five types of perfectionists

21:55: Why defining perfectionism as a ‘defense against criticism’ falls short

28:20: Changing our vocabulary around self-criticism

34:00: Why self-punishment doesn’t work

38:10: The difference between power and control

44:40: Splitting vs. scaling, and reaching out for connection

49:10: When perfectionistic tendencies invade our relationships

54:10: The intention that drives real goals, and finding your metric for measuring success

1:07:10: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.

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