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The Science Of Grief: What Helps, What Doesn’t, And Why We Don’t Talk About It Enough | Cody Delistraty

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Dec 2, 2024

Guest

Cody Delistraty

Cody Delistraty, a talented writer and speechwriter known for his insightful pieces in publications like The Wall Street Journal Magazine and The New Yorker, dives deep into the often-ignored topic of grief. He discusses why our culture struggles to address loss openly and explores innovative coping mechanisms such as laughter therapy and psilocybin. Delistraty also challenges societal expectations of grief, emphasizing the significance of rituals and community support in navigating this complex emotion. It's a thought-provoking conversation that redefines our understanding of grief.

01:12:36

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ANECDOTE

Cody's Mother's Illness

Cody Delistraty's mother was diagnosed with cancer at the start of his college experience.
She passed away four years later, shaping his perspective on grief and motivating him to explore various coping mechanisms.

insights

INSIGHT

Cultural Repression of Grief

American culture often encourages a quiet and stoic approach to grief.
This can lead to repression and a sense of needing to 'move on' quickly, hindering the grieving process.

insights

INSIGHT

Prolonged Grief Disorder

The DSM's inclusion of prolonged grief disorder sparked Cody's deeper exploration into grief.
This highlighted the cultural conversation around grief and its potential pathologization.

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Navigating the Complexities of Grief and Loss

05:35 • 2min

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Navigating the Landscape of Grief

07:48 • 21min

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Exploring Laughter as a Therapeutic Approach to Grief

29:07 • 6min

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Healing Through Laughter: Navigating the Complexities of Grief

34:56 • 3min

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Navigating Grief in the Digital Age

38:07 • 22min

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Navigating Grief Through Rituals and Community

59:42 • 4min

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Redefining Grief and Memory

01:03:13 • 16min

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Closing Remarks and Promotions

01:19:42 • 3min

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The Grief Cure

Looking for the End of Loss

Cody Delistraty

In 'The Grief Cure: Looking for the End of Loss,' Cody Delistraty delves into the complexities of grief, drawing from his personal experience of losing his mother. The book questions the conventional five stages of grief and instead highlights the unique and personal nature of the grieving process. Delistraty examines cultural, historical, and scientific approaches to grief, including innovative therapies such as psilocybin, AI, and memory deletion. He also discusses the societal pressures that influence how we mourn and the importance of open communication and community in the healing process. The book emphasizes that grief is not something to be cured but rather integrated into one's life, and it provides a guide for readers to approach their own grief with a fresh understanding.

Lovely One

Ketanji Brown Jackson

A Grief Observed is a collection of C.S. Lewis's reflections on his experience of bereavement after the death of his wife, Joy Davidman, in 1960. The book explores the processes undergone by the human brain and mind during grief, questioning the nature of grief, faith, and theodicy. Lewis writes candidly about his anger and bewilderment towards God, his struggle to maintain his faith, and the gradual reacceptance of his theories on suffering. The book is compiled from four notebooks Lewis used to vent and explore his grief, offering profound insights into the human experience of loss and the search for meaning in the midst of suffering.

The Great Believers

Rebecca Makkai

The Great Believers follows two intertwining storylines. The first is set in 1980s and '90s Chicago, where Yale Tishman, an art gallery acquisitions manager, navigates the devastating effects of the AIDS epidemic on his community. The second storyline takes place in Paris in 2015, where Fiona Marcus, a secondary character from the first storyline, searches for her estranged daughter and grapples with the long-term consequences of the epidemic on her life. The novel explores themes of loss, betrayal, friendship, and survival, and it is known for its detailed portrayal of the emotional and social impacts of the AIDS crisis.

Funny Story

Emily Henry

In 'Funny Story', Emily Henry tells the story of Daphne Vincent, a children’s librarian whose life is turned upside down when her fiancé, Peter, leaves her for his childhood best friend, Petra. Daphne moves in with Petra’s ex, Miles Nowak, a chaotic and laid-back winery employee who is the opposite of Daphne’s practical and buttoned-up personality. As they form a tenuous friendship and engage in a pretend-lovers plot, they navigate their emotional baggage, childhood traumas, and the complexities of love and relationships. The novel is set in the beautiful small town of Waning Bay, Michigan, and explores themes of self-discovery, meaningful friendships, and the growth of the characters.

James

Percival Everett

Percival Everett's "James" is a powerful and thought-provoking novel that reimagines the classic tale of Huckleberry Finn from the perspective of Jim. Everett's writing is both sharp and witty, blending humor and pathos to create a compelling narrative. The novel explores themes of race, freedom, and identity in a way that is both timely and timeless. Everett's unique voice and perspective offer a fresh take on a familiar story, challenging readers to reconsider their assumptions about race and American history. The novel's unexpected twists and turns keep readers engaged until the very end, leaving a lasting impression long after the final page is turned.

1984

None

George Orwell

Published in 1949, '1984' is a cautionary tale by George Orwell that explores the dangers of totalitarianism. The novel is set in a dystopian future where the world is divided into three super-states, with the protagonist Winston Smith living in Oceania, ruled by the mysterious and omnipotent leader Big Brother. Winston works at the Ministry of Truth, where he rewrites historical records to conform to the Party's ever-changing narrative. He begins an illicit love affair with Julia and starts to rebel against the Party, but they are eventually caught and subjected to brutal torture and indoctrination. The novel highlights themes of government surveillance, manipulation of language and history, and the suppression of individual freedom and independent thought.

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A journalist explores one of humanity’s most brutal and unavoidable experiences.

Cody Delistraty is a writer and speechwriter, most recently working as the culture editor at the Wall Street Journal Magazine. He has written for The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Atlantic, and was the European arts columnist for The Paris Review. He has degrees in politics from New York University and in history from the University of Oxford. British Vogue named him a best young writer of the year, and he has given talks about art and creativity to companies like PwC. He lives in New York City.

In this episode we talk about:

Why our culture is so repressed when it comes to grief
We dive into the many experiments that Cody launched to help cope with loss; from book and laughter therapy, to psilocybin and AI
The concept of grief as an addiction
The importance of rituals
The scientific possibility of deleting our memories to avoid pain
And how to live along side of grief when there is no cure

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Abby Wambach On: Grief, Addiction, And Moving From External To Internal Validation

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