Worklife with Adam Grant

How to say no

405 snips
Apr 29, 2025
In this engaging discussion, Vanessa Bonds, a Cornell Professor and author focusing on influence, teams up with Sherry Liu, founder of the Eldest Daughter Club and a recovering people pleaser. They dive deep into the psychology behind saying no, highlighting the emotional toll of people-pleasing and the cultural pressures faced by women. The duo shares effective strategies for setting boundaries, emphasizing that asserting oneself can lead to healthier relationships and personal well-being.
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ANECDOTE

Adam Grant's People-Pleasing Story

  • Adam Grant shares his personal experience as a chronic people pleaser who said yes too much out of fear of losing approval.
  • He realized this behavior was due to caring about others' opinions, not their needs.
INSIGHT

Why Saying No Feels Risky

  • We say yes so often because rejecting a request risks appearing uncooperative and damaging our reputation.
  • This pressure is paradoxically higher with acquaintances, as the relationship is uncertain but still significant.
ANECDOTE

Sherry Liu's Journey to Saying No

  • Sherry Liu shares her background as an eldest daughter of an immigrant family navigating people-pleasing pressures.
  • She learned to say no at work with her manager's support to focus on impactful projects and avoid secretarial tasks.
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