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Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson on Building Lasting Relationships

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Nov 16, 2022

Guest

Sue Johnson

Dr. Sue Johnson, a renowned clinical psychologist and the author of "Hold Me Tight," discusses the synergy between Stoicism and Emotionally Focused Therapy. She illuminates how acknowledging emotions strengthens relationships and the vital role of communication. The conversation touches on personal anecdotes from Winston Churchill's complex family dynamics and how nurturing influences shape adult bonds. Johnson advocates for vulnerability and cooperation in resolving conflicts, emphasizing human connection's importance in personal growth.

01:05:13

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Episode notes

insights

INSIGHT

EFT and Stoicism

Stoicism isn't about suppressing emotions, but processing them.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps understand and regulate emotions for better connections.

insights

INSIGHT

Emotional Balance

Honoring and understanding deep emotions creates emotional balance.
This balance allows for risk-taking in connecting with others, not mere catharsis.

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ADVICE

Understanding Triggers

Understand emotional triggers to avoid impulsive reactions like jealousy or anger.
This understanding allows for conscious choice in responses.

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Navigating Emotions and Stoicism

03:43 • 22min

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The Journey of Mental Health and Human Connection

25:27 • 4min

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Navigating Emotional Dynamics in Relationships

29:07 • 20min

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Navigating Relationships: Communication and Growth

49:11 • 10min

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Exploring Winston Churchill's Complex Relationships and Attachment

59:00 • 3min

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Navigating Emotional Landscapes in Parenting

01:02:08 • 4min

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Fostering Connection Through Stoic Philosophy

01:06:21 • 2min

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Getting to yes

negotiating agreement without giving in

William Ury

Roger Drummer Fisher

Bruce Patton

Getting to Yes, written by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton, introduces the concept of principled negotiation. This approach separates the people from the problem, focuses on interests rather than positions, invents options for mutual gain, and insists on using objective criteria. The book provides strategies to manage emotions, avoid common negotiation traps, and deal with 'dirty tricks' used by other parties. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the other side's perceptions, managing misperceptions, and creating a collaborative environment to reach agreements that satisfy both parties.

The Enchiridion

Epictetus

Tony Darnell

Thomas Wentworth Higginson

The Enchiridion is a concise summary of the basic ideas of Stoic philosophy and provides techniques for transforming these principles into a way of life. It was compiled by Arrian from the teachings of Epictetus and is notable for its practical advice on moral conduct in various life situations. Unlike the Discourses, which present Epictetus' teachings in a more dynamic and situational context, the Enchiridion is a more structured and concise guide to Stoic living.

Letters from a Stoic

Seneca

Seneca's "Letters from a Stoic" comprises a collection of personal letters offering practical advice on living a virtuous life according to Stoic principles. Written to Lucilius, a friend and student, the letters cover a wide range of topics, including dealing with adversity, managing emotions, and finding inner peace. Seneca's writing style is engaging and relatable, making complex philosophical concepts accessible to a wider audience. The letters offer timeless wisdom on self-improvement and ethical living. They remain a valuable resource for anyone seeking guidance on navigating life's challenges.

Meditations

Marcus Aurelius

Meditations is a series of private writings composed by Marcus Aurelius, one of Rome's greatest emperors, as he struggled to understand himself and make sense of the universe. Written between 170 and 180 CE while on military campaigns, this work combines Stoic philosophy with personal observations on leadership, duty, mortality, and human nature. Through twelve books of intimate thoughts never intended for publication, Marcus Aurelius explores themes of self-improvement, resilience in the face of adversity, and living virtuously while accepting what cannot be changed.

Hold Me Tight

Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Sue Johnson

In 'Hold Me Tight,' Dr. Sue Johnson presents a revolutionary approach to understanding and enhancing romantic relationships. The book is grounded in attachment theory and EFT, emphasizing the importance of emotional connection and dependency in adult relationships. It outlines seven crucial conversations that couples can have to recognize and address negative patterns, understand deeper feelings, and reestablish a secure emotional bond. The book includes practical exercises, real-life case studies, and sage advice to help couples nurture, protect, and grow their relationships.

Love Sense

Sue Johnson

Discipline is Destiny

The Power of Self-Control

Ryan Holiday

In 'Discipline is Destiny', Ryan Holiday explores the Stoic virtue of self-discipline, drawing on historical figures and contemporary examples to illustrate its transformative power. The book emphasizes that discipline is the foundation upon which other virtues such as courage, justice, and wisdom depend. Holiday argues that self-control is essential for personal triumph and fulfillment, and he provides engaging stories and practical advice on how to cultivate discipline in a world filled with distractions and temptations. The book also cautions against the perils of extravagance and hedonism, stressing the importance of balance and self-mastery in achieving success and happiness.

Life

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Sarojini Naidu

Ryan talks to clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and author Dr. Sue Johnson about how Stoicism and Emotionally Focused Therapy complement and enrich each other, what psychology can teach us about the nature of human relationships, her best-selling book (and a game-changer for Ryan) Hold Me Tight, and more.

With a B.A. in English Literature from the University of Hull and an Ed.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of British Columbia, Dr. Sue Johnson is a British clinical psychologist, therapist, and author most known for her work on bonding, attachment and adult romantic relationships. She co-developed Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy along with her colleague Les Greenberg as a psychotherapeutic approach for couples based attachment therapy. Her work has garnered numerous accolades, including being named Family Psychologist of the Year by the American Psychological Association’s Society for Couple and Family Psychology in 2016.

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