Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist and author of "How to Be Enough," dives into the hidden costs of perfectionism. She explains how perfectionism leads to self-criticism and procrastination, revealing that it's less about achieving perfection and more about feeling inadequate. Ellen shares insights on self-acceptance as a remedy and discusses the emotional roots of procrastination. With anecdotes and humor, she emphasizes the vital role of self-compassion in overcoming perfectionist tendencies, encouraging listeners to embrace their imperfections.
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insights INSIGHT
Perfectionism’s True Nature
Perfectionism disguises itself as positive traits like hardworking or driven.
It's less about achieving perfection and more about a constant feeling of inadequacy.
insights INSIGHT
Two Sides of Perfectionism
Perfectionism, like two wolves, has both adaptive and maladaptive forms.
Conscientiousness, a positive trait, can turn into self-criticism and overevaluation.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Disney vs. Rogers
Walt Disney's Snow White demonstrates how perfectionism can lead to micromanagement and dissatisfaction.
Mr. Rogers, despite high standards, embraced mistakes, showcasing a healthier approach.
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Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists
Ellen Hendriksen
The happiness trap
Russ Harris
In 'The Happiness Trap', Dr. Russ Harris presents the insights and techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help readers escape the epidemic of stress, anxiety, and depression. The book focuses on accepting unhelpful thoughts rather than trying to control them, and it emphasizes the importance of clarifying values and developing mindfulness. It provides practical tools for reducing stress and worry, handling painful thoughts and feelings, breaking self-defeating habits, overcoming insecurity and self-doubt, and building better relationships and a fulfilling life[1][2][5].
In this episode, Ellen Hendriksen discusses the hidden costs of perfectionism and why you never feel good enough. She shares the various ways perfectionism disguises itself as a positive trait—when in reality, it can lead to self-criticism, procrastination, and emotional exhaustion. Ellen also explains why perfectionism is less about being perfect and more about never feeling good enough, how self-acceptance is the antidote, and why procrastination is actually an emotional regulation problem (not a time management issue).
Key Takeaways:
(01:02) – Perfectionism isn’t about being perfect—it’s about never feeling good enough
(03:26) – The two wolves of perfectionism: Conscientiousness vs. Self-Criticism
(07:36) – Overevaluation: When self-worth gets tangled with performance
(16:57) – Guided Drift: Mr. Rogers’ surprising philosophy on perfection and mistakes
(26:51) – The power of self-compassion: You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy
(39:40) – Emotional Perfectionism: The toxic belief that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way
(43:59) – Why procrastination is actually about emotion management—not time management
(50:46) – How to release past mistakes and stop ruminating over failures
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