The Art of Charm

4 Principles of Influence from a Hostage Negotiator | Scott Tillema

15 snips
May 12, 2025
Retired SWAT hostage negotiator Scott Tillema shares fascinating negotiation insights, honed through his experience in high-stakes situations. He emphasizes the power of tactical empathy over persuasion, revealing how emotional control can transform difficult conversations. Scott explains the importance of timing and delivery, asserting that how you say something can outweigh its content. Additionally, he highlights the necessity of respect and autonomy in negotiations, equipping listeners with practical tools to lead with calm authority, whether at work or in personal relationships.
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INSIGHT

Negotiation Is Partnership

  • Negotiation is about partnership, not competition.
  • Influence starts with genuine connection and dialogue.
ADVICE

Practice Listening Skills Often

  • Practice eight skills of active listening daily.
  • Use every chance, even scam calls, to sharpen negotiation skills.
ADVICE

Control Yourself First

  • Manage yourself first before negotiations.
  • Use tactical breathing to keep calm under pressure.
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