Listening is crucial in negotiations, establishing trust and building stronger relationships.
Experiencing traumatic events can lead to growth or distress; learning from difficulties is essential.
Labeling emotional pain and mirroring body language can create rapport and facilitate effective communication in negotiations.
Deep dives
The importance of listening in negotiations
Listening is crucial in negotiations, whether it's in business or law enforcement. Taking the time to truly hear someone's perspective in the first deal establishes trust and speeds up subsequent deals. It is essential to understand the other party's point of view and show empathy, as it promotes collaboration and builds stronger relationships.
The cost of the job as a negotiator
Being a negotiator can take a toll on personal life. The intense focus on work can lead to becoming distant and struggling to see things from others' perspectives. However, experiencing traumatic events can either lead to post-traumatic stress growth or long-term distress. It is crucial to learn from difficult experiences and strive to be better in order to prevent similar incidents in the future.
Upbringing and work ethic
Chris Voss's father instilled a strong work ethic in him from a young age. Growing up in a blue-collar environment taught him the value of hard work, honesty, and figuring things out. This mindset of working hard and being resourceful shaped his attitude and belief that there's nothing he can't do if he sets his mind to it.
Lessons from working in law enforcement
Chris Voss transitioned from the FBI's SWAT team to becoming a hostage negotiator. Despite the challenges and injuries he experienced, he found that setbacks often lead to growth and better opportunities. His response to adversity taught him the importance of making decisions, staying proactive, and continuously striving to improve in crisis response situations.
The power of labeling and mirroring in negotiations
Labeling someone's emotional pain and repeating their words back to them can have a powerful impact in negotiations. It helps the other party feel heard, understood, and builds rapport. Mirroring body language can also create a sense of connection and trust. Additionally, the use of labeling and mirroring techniques can lead to epiphanies and facilitate more effective communication.
Chris Voss is the former lead negotiator for the FBI, and the author of Never Split the Difference, a book about how to negotiate and how to get what you want from other people which has sold millions of copies worldwide. He has handled practically every high stakes crisis management scenario imaginable. What is unique about Chris’ technique is he emphasises seeing negotiation and deal making as a partnership, not a battle of wills. You only get what you want if you make an effort to understand what the other people really wants, and help them to understand what you want to. Making deals isn’t possible without a base of human-to-human connection.
In this conversation Chris opens up about a number of different type of dynamics we have to negotiate in our daily lives, from romantic relationships to friendships. We also get the inside scoop on what it’s like to handle some of the toughest situations, from bank robberies to hostage crises, anyone can imagine. What he learnt is that managing relations with other people is really about trying to help them, and all of us can do with a little of the help Chris brings us in this conversation.