Sunday Pick: How to say no | WorkLife with Adam Grant

224 snips

May 25, 2025

Guest

Sherry Liu

Guest

Vanessa Bonds

Vanessa Bonds, a Cornell professor and author on influence, and Sherry Liu, founder of the Eldest Daughter Club and recovering people pleaser, join Adam Grant for an insightful discussion. They unpack the art of saying no and the psychological pressures, especially on women, to always comply. The conversation covers essential strategies for setting boundaries, the challenge of people-pleasing, and how to preserve relationships while prioritizing personal needs. Listeners are empowered to embrace the power of 'no' for healthier connections.

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ANECDOTE

The Giving Tree's Dark Lesson

Adam Grant and Topher Payne discuss the classic book The Giving Tree and its disturbing message about self-sacrifice.
Payne rewrote the story to illustrate healthy boundaries instead of harmful people-pleasing.

INSIGHT

People Pleasing's Hidden Cause

Chronic people pleasing stems from a craving for others' approval rather than genuine concern for them.
This leads to emotional exhaustion and one-sided relationships lacking true support.

INSIGHT

Why Saying No Is Hard

We say yes too often due to evolved tendencies to cooperate and fear damaging our reputation.
Saying no risks social rejection and tangible backlash, making rejection hard.

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The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries

Topher Payne

CHARLOTTE'S WEB

E. B. White

Charlotte's Web, written by E.B. White, is a timeless children's classic that tells the story of Wilbur, a pig, and Charlotte, a spider, who form an unlikely friendship. The story is set on a farm and revolves around the efforts of Charlotte to save Wilbur from being slaughtered. Through their relationship, the book explores themes of friendship, courage, self-sacrifice, and the natural cycle of life and death. The novel is known for its vivid depiction of farm life and its ability to address complex emotions and themes in a way that is accessible to children. The book has been widely acclaimed and has sold over 45 million copies worldwide since its publication in 1952.

You Have More Influence Than You Think

How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion

Vanessa Bohns

In this book, social psychologist Vanessa Bohns draws from her original research to illustrate why people fail to recognize the influence they have on others. She explains how this lack of awareness can lead to missed opportunities or the accidental misuse of power. Bohns weaves together compelling stories with cutting-edge science to answer questions about the impact of our words, actions, and presence on others. The book offers strategies for observing the effect we have on others, reconsidering our fear of rejection, and sometimes pulling back to use our influence less. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the influence we already possess rather than seeking ways to gain more influence[2][3][5].

The Giving Tree

Shel Silverstein

The Giving Tree is a children's picture book that follows the relationship between an apple tree and a boy from childhood to old age. The tree selflessly provides for the boy's needs at each stage of his life, from apples and branches to a trunk for a boat. Despite the boy's increasing demands and eventual neglect, the tree continues to give, highlighting themes of unconditional love, selflessness, and the consequences of human actions on nature. The book is a powerful metaphor for life, love, and the importance of appreciating and respecting the gifts of nature and relationships.