279 "I drained my retirement account because of FOMO" How Folks with ADHD Can Stop People-Pleasing with Adrienne Himelright
Sep 3, 2024
53:14
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Adrienne Himelright, an experienced coach specializing in ADHD, shares her journey of overcoming people-pleasing. She candidly recounts how FOMO led her to drain her retirement account for a wedding. The conversation dives into emotional challenges of people-pleasing, the need for boundaries, and the importance of self-awareness. Adrienne provides a step-by-step process for those with ADHD to break free from people-pleasing habits and emphasizes prioritizing personal needs and self-acceptance.
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Quick takeaways
Individuals with ADHD often succumb to people-pleasing due to fears of rejection, leading to detrimental sacrifices like draining retirement accounts.
Transitioning away from people-pleasing involves embracing discomfort, setting boundaries, and gradually practicing honesty to foster healthier relationships.
Deep dives
Understanding People-Pleasing Behavior
People-pleasing can be a significant challenge for individuals with ADHD, often stemming from deep-seated fears of rejection. One key insight discussed is that ADHDers may feel they must constantly manage others' emotions to avoid conflict or negativity. For instance, one guest recounted how they once emptied a retirement account to attend a wedding out of fear of being left out, highlighting the lengths to which people will go to please others. This behavior can lead to a cycle of self-damage as individuals sacrifice their own needs and desires, often leading to feelings of powerlessness.
The Emotional Cost of People-Pleasing
The podcast emphasizes the emotional toll that people-pleasing takes, which includes feelings of isolation and a lack of authentic connections. Individuals may often find themselves surrounded by friends yet feeling profoundly lonely, as nobody truly knows who they are underneath the facade they maintain. For example, the guests shared experiences of suppressing their preferences and opinions for fear of disappointing others, leading to an absence of authenticity in relationships. This loneliness can be compounded by the anxiety associated with constantly trying to meet the expectations of others instead of expressing one's honest self.
Navigating Discomfort for Growth
Transitioning away from people-pleasing behavior involves facing significant discomfort, particularly for those with ADHD. The speakers noted that this discomfort is not a sign of wrongdoing but rather a common reaction to setting boundaries and asserting autonomy. By reminding themselves that discomfort often accompanies personal growth, individuals can learn to embrace it rather than avoid it. The process requires individuals to challenge the beliefs that they must say yes to everything, ultimately leading to healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.
Practical Steps to Start Saying No
The podcast offers actionable steps for individuals looking to curb their people-pleasing tendencies and foster self-care. First, cultivating awareness of self-defeating patterns and recognizing specific triggers for people-pleasing is vital. Next, individuals are encouraged to practice honesty with safe people in their lives, starting small and gradually getting comfortable with expressing their true preferences. Additionally, learning to establish boundaries, such as limiting time for conversations or allowing oneself to say no, can significantly enhance one's sense of autonomy and emotional well-being.
Meet my sister, Adrienne Himelright. In this episode, we dive deep into our shared experiences with ADHD and the all-too-familiar challenges of people-pleasing. Adrienne opens up about her struggles, including sharing a story where people-pleasing led her to drain her retirement account.
Adrienne coaches people every single day on how to stop people-pleasing and in this episode, she shares a step-by-step process of how ADHDers can STOP people-pleasing. She even has a resource for you on her website Meet my sister, Adrienne Himelright. In this episode, we dive deep into our shared experiences with ADHD and the all-too-familiar challenges of people-pleasing. Adrienne opens up about her struggles, including sharing a story where people-pleasing led her to drain her retirement account.
Adrienne coaches people every single day on how to stop people-pleasing and in this episode, she shares a step-by-step process of how ADHDers can STOP people-pleasing. She even has a resource for you on her website.