Stephen Porges On How Facial Expressions Impact Your Relationships - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 247
Aug 5, 2019
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Renowned for founding Polyvagal Theory, Stephen Porges delves into the crucial role of facial expressions in relationships. He explains how misreading expressions can lead to misunderstandings with partners. The conversation explores the interplay between our nervous systems and emotional connections, highlighting co-regulation and its significance in both personal and public interactions. Additionally, Porges discusses the implications of stress on our bodies and how caring for others can impact our health and relationships.
Miscommunication in relationships often stems from misinterpreting facial expressions, leading to unnecessary conflict and misunderstandings.
The autonomic nervous system plays a crucial role in emotional regulation and co-regulation is essential for relational health.
Unidirectional caregiving can cause burnout, emphasizing the need for mutual support to maintain relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being.
Deep dives
The Impact of Arguments on Relationships
Arguments create physiological responses that hinder compassion and awareness in relationships. They often stem from individuals using narratives to justify their behaviors rather than engaging in constructive dialogue. The dynamic of miscommunication is prevalent, where one's internal feelings might not align with their expressions, leading to misunderstandings. Emphasizing that arguments lead to increased tension, it is suggested that acknowledging feelings rather than arguing can foster healthier interactions.
Understanding Facial Expressions and Body Language
Facial expressions and body language play crucial roles in interpersonal communication, influencing how individuals perceive each other's emotional states. The discussion highlights the tendency to misread emotions based on non-verbal cues, which can lead to unnecessary conflict and defensive behaviors. For instance, when one partner fails to respond adequately, it reflects 'biological rudeness' that disrupts connection. Recognizing and addressing these nuances can enhance emotional attunement between partners.
The Role of the Nervous System in Relationship Dynamics
The autonomic nervous system significantly influences emotional regulation and interpersonal dynamics. The sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems affect how individuals respond to stress and connection, impacting relationship satisfaction. Co-regulation, whereby partners support each other's physiological states, is essential for maintaining emotional safety. Disruption in this system can lead to feelings of imbalance and emotional exhaustion in relationships.
Interoception and Emotional Awareness
Interoception refers to the body's ability to sense internal physiological states, which informs emotional experiences and responses. This awareness can help individuals identify feelings accurately, allowing for more effective communication of their needs. The challenge arises when personal narratives overshadow bodily cues, resulting in misinterpretation of emotions tied to vulnerability and safety. Developing interoceptive awareness is crucial for fostering deeper connections and empathy in relationships.
The Importance of Reciprocity in Caregiving
Unidirectional caregiving can lead to caregiver burnout, highlighting the necessity for reciprocal interactions in relationships. When one partner feels the emotional burden of caring without receiving adequate support or feedback, it triggers feelings of resentment. The importance of mutual engagement and responsiveness is emphasized, especially in challenging dynamics like caregiving for partners with mental health issues. Acknowledging and addressing these dynamics can enhance overall relationship satisfaction and emotional health.
Are you a caregiver who is on the verge of burnout? What is the difference between the central nervous system and the autonomic nervous system? What happens if I misread a person's face, especially my partner? Listen to this fascinating interview with Polyvagal theory's founder, Stephen Porges.
Shownotes:
(1:45) Episode 116: Polyvagal theory, safety in relationships.
(4:26) Why knowing how to read other people matters.
(9:50) How our physiology affects how we perceive others, and how others perceive us.
(17:50) Arguments from a biological perspective.
(20:15) Co-regulation.
(25:05) How learning can be affected by a teacher’s physiology.
(27:40) Reading an audience when speaking in public.
(32:15) DPIR enrollment.
(34:10) Difference between the central nervous system and autonomic nervous system.
(42:05) How stress affects to our bodies.
(50:00) About depression.
(55:45) About exercise.
(56:50) How taking care of others can impact your life.
(1:01:20) Final thoughts.
(1:06:40) Action Step.
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