REAL Self-Care: Burnout Is Not Your Fault & the Way Out with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Apr 9, 2024
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Psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin discusses real self-care vs. faux self-care, setting boundaries, distinguishing between goals and values, escaping martyr mode, and the power of saying 'no' for authentic wellness.
Real self-care involves setting boundaries and aligning actions with personal values.
Cognitive diffusion helps manage guilt and societal expectations in self-care.
Upholding boundaries requires consistency, self-awareness, and seeking support for emotional processing.
Deep dives
Reframing Self-Care and Boundaries
Self-care is often portrayed as individual tasks like yoga and bubble baths, yet the podcast challenges this perspective by highlighting deeper self-care concepts. The speaker suggests that real self-care involves internal decision-making processes guided by principles like boundaries, compassion, values, and power. Boundaries are emphasized as a crucial aspect of self-care, not just in communication but in managing feelings and internal thoughts post-boundary setting. The podcast advocates for redefining self-care beyond surface-level activities to foster a deeper understanding of personal values and agency.
Understanding Cognitive Diffusion
The concept of cognitive diffusion is discussed in relation to managing hard feelings such as guilt and anger. Listeners are encouraged to view thoughts as separate from themselves, allowing thoughts to pass like sushi on a conveyor belt. Cognitive diffusion aids in untangling the origins of guilt and helps individuals differentiate between guilt stemming from personal values versus societal expectations. By detaching from guilt and recognizing its external sources, individuals can navigate feelings and set boundaries more effectively.
Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries
Practical strategies for setting and upholding boundaries are provided, including incorporating the 'pause' technique before responding to requests. The podcast underscores the importance of seeking third-party support, like therapy or journaling, to process emotions related to boundary setting. Keeping a log of boundary-setting experiences and associated emotions can aid in self-reflection and building resilience for withstanding discomfort post-boundary establishment. Training oneself to uphold boundaries is compared to a form of mental workout, requiring consistency and self-awareness.
Exploring Values and Self-Compassion
Values are not just abstract concepts but verbs and adverbs that one embodies like courage, risk-taking, and curiosity. The podcast delves into an exercise called the dinner party exercise where individuals imagine hosting a dinner party to extract their core values indirectly. By identifying values through this method, individuals can then thread them into their daily lives, from personal habits like running to significant life decisions. This approach emphasizes the importance of aligning actions with deeply held values.
Balancing Boundaries, Self-Compassion, and Community
The discussion shifts towards setting boundaries not just as protection from others but as rules for self-guidance, emphasizing the importance of creating boundaries around one's values. Self-compassion is highlighted as a critical element in inner dialogues, steering individuals away from martyr mode where they feel the need to earn compassion from others. The conversation delves into the impact of societal influences, emphasizing the necessity of interconnectedness, community, and the act of saying no to embody one's values authentically.
297. REAL Self-Care: Burnout Is Not Your Fault & the Way Out with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin shows us how to tell the difference between the Faux Self-Care we’ve been sold versus the Real Self-Care we desperately need.
Discover:
How to incorporate boundaries through the power of the pause and how to navigate the post-boundary ick with ease;
A simple tool to know whether you are being driven by your goals or driven by your values (and how to find and start living by your values today); and
Whether you might be in ‘martyr mode,’ and the key to getting out of it.
About Pooja: Dr. Pooja Lakshmin is a board-certified psychiatrist, author, keynote speaker, and a contributor to The New York Times. Her debut book, REAL SELF-CARE: Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble-Baths Not Included, is an NPR Best Book of 2023 and a national best-seller. Pooja serves as a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University School of Medicine, and maintains an active private practice where she treats women struggling with burnout, perfectionism, and disillusionment, as well as clinical conditions like depression, anxiety and ADHD. She frequently speaks, advises and consults for organizations on mental health and well-being. Pooja writes the weekly Substack newsletter, Real Self-Care.
