Becca and Jake discuss the harmful effects of Jake's angry outbursts towards their daughter, highlighting the strain it puts on their relationship.
Becca explores the possibility of Jake being a part-time parent to mitigate the negative effects of his anger.
Therapists guide Becca and Jake through exercises to foster understanding, reflection, and open communication in order to improve their family dynamic.
Deep dives
Impact of Anger on Children
The couple, Becca and Jake, discuss their relationship dynamics, focusing on Jake's change in parenting style towards their oldest daughter. Becca expresses concern about Jake's verbal and emotional outbursts towards their daughter, highlighting the harm it causes and the strain it puts on their relationship. Jake admits to his anger issues and the challenges he faces in regulating his emotions. They both recognize the potential long-lasting impact on their daughter's mental well-being, acknowledging the importance of repairing any ruptures caused by Jake's behavior. They discuss the need for therapy and anger management counseling to address the issue.
Struggles and Hesitations
Becca shares her internal conflict between wanting to stay with Jake and create a happy family environment, and her concern for their daughter's well-being. She explores the possibility of Jake being a part-time parent to mitigate the negative effects of his anger. Jake expresses his avoidance of seeking help, attributing it to laziness and a belief that he can fix the problem on his own. They discuss their hopes for positive changes with upcoming life changes, such as moving back home and having better support systems in place. The difficulty of identifying and expressing emotions, along with the fear of losing aspects of their previous lives, emerge as significant factors in their hesitation to address the issue.
Advice and Action Steps
The therapists provide guidance to Becca and Jake, starting with the use of a feelings wheel to help them better identify and communicate their emotions. They assign Jake the task of researching the effects of yelling at children to raise awareness and facilitate conversations about the impact of his behavior. Becca is encouraged to write a hypothetical letter from their adult children's perspective, expressing the potential long-term consequences of Jake's actions. Jake is then asked to respond with a letter addressing what he wishes he had done differently. These exercises aim to foster understanding, reflection, and open communication in the hope of improving their family dynamic.
Recognizing the problem
Jake acknowledges that his behavior towards his children and wife is problematic, particularly his anger and frustration towards crying and messes. He realizes that he needs to take the issue more seriously, especially considering the negative impact it could have on his children's well-being.
Understanding shared struggles
Through therapy, Jake and Becca explore their shared struggles as new parents and the feelings of loss and frustration they experience. They both acknowledge the conflict between their expectations and the reality of parenting. Becca expresses her frustration with Jake's lack of emotional response and his apparent unwillingness to seek help. They start to understand each other's perspectives better, creating an opportunity for growth and empathy.
This week we’re in session with Becca and Jake. Becca loves her husband Jake but worries about his angry outbursts toward their young children, and considers whether she should leave him to protect them. We help the couple talk about this impasse in ways they never have before.
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