Psychotherapist and author Nancy Colier, known for her work on mindfulness and emotional well-being, dives into the topic of emotional exhaustion, especially among women. She explores the roots of this phenomenon in selflessness and societal pressures for likability. Colier critiques the self-care industry, arguing it often overlooks genuine needs. Highlighting the journey of self-awareness, she emphasizes the importance of prioritizing authenticity and personal fulfillment over external approval. This enlightening conversation encourages reclaiming one's true desires and needs.
Emotional exhaustion in women often arises from the imbalance of giving versus receiving in relationships, leading to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction.
The societal pressure to prioritize likability can trap women in a cycle of self-sacrifice, hindering their ability to express authentic needs and desires.
Deep dives
Understanding Emotional Exhaustion
Emotional exhaustion manifests as a feeling of depletion and dissatisfaction, often arising from the imbalance of giving versus receiving in relationships. Many women experience it as anxiety, resentment, or a sense of hopelessness, questioning the authenticity of their lives despite apparent success. This exhaustion can create a vague sense of emptiness, where individuals recognize they are not connected to their true desires or needs. Such feelings are particularly pronounced in women who spend significant emotional energy caring for others, often at the cost of their own well-being.
The Likability Cage
The likability cage refers to the societal conditioning that encourages women to prioritize being pleasing and selfless in their relationships. This conditioning begins early in life, leading women to equate their safety and acceptance with the need to be liked by others. Over time, many women sacrifice their authenticity and greatness in pursuit of social approval, feeling trapped in a cycle of accommodating others at the expense of their own needs. The pursuit of likability can create a facade that ultimately prevents women from living fulfilling and genuine lives.
Navigating Needs and Self-Care
Many women wrestle with the idea of voice and ownership of their needs, often feeling guilty or selfish for having them. Cultural messages teach that expressing needs can lead to blame or conflict, creating an adversarial relationship with one's own desires. This results in emotional exhaustion as women suppress their needs to care for others, leading to deeper dissatisfaction. Real self-care extends beyond superficial pampering and requires an internal shift towards recognizing and embracing one's needs authentically.
The Importance of Discomfort
Learning to sit with discomfort is crucial for personal growth and authenticity, as many women have been conditioned to avoid conflict. This discomfort often stems from the fear of disappointing others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and emotional depletion. Accepting that life can encompass both positive and negative experiences allows individuals to navigate their truths without solely focusing on pleasing others. Practicing self-advocacy, even in small situations, can gradually shift the mindset and empower women to embrace their authentic selves.
Nancy Colier, author of The Emotionally Exhausted Woman, joins us to discuss emotional exhaustion. Nancy is a psychotherapist, author, interfaith minister, and public speaker. A longtime student of Eastern spirituality, she is a thought leader on mindfulness, well-being, and digital life. Featured on Good Morning America, in The New York Times, USA Today, and other media, Colier is also a regular blogger for Psychology Today and HuffPost. She is author of Can’t Stop Thinking, The Power of Off, Inviting a Monkey to Tea, and Getting Out of Your Own Way.
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