Susan David ON: Why You Shouldn’t Avoid Difficult Conversations & How to Respond with Emotional Intelligence
Mar 8, 2021
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In this engaging conversation, Susan David, a Harvard psychologist and bestselling author of *Emotional Agility*, shares her expertise in navigating difficult emotions. She emphasizes the importance of emotional agility for effective communication and confronting challenging conversations. Susan discusses the power of courage in everyday choices, reframing emotions, and the necessity of embracing change for personal growth. Listeners will learn practical strategies to enhance self-awareness and make meaningful connections while transforming their approach to life's ups and downs.
Courage is about embracing fear and taking steps in line with our values.
Emotional agility involves accepting and labeling difficult emotions for better understanding and response.
Coddling children can hinder their emotional development, while self-compassion fosters resilience and motivation.
Deep dives
The Power of Courageous Whispers
Courage is not always loud and active, but often a soft whisper. It takes courage to face our fears and walk towards them. This courage can be found in everyday choices and actions, such as reaching out for a hug in an argument or speaking up when it's difficult. It's important to recognize that courage is not about eliminating fear, but rather about embracing it and taking steps in line with our values.
Embracing Difficult Emotions with Compassion
Emotional agility involves accepting and embracing difficult emotions with compassion. Instead of pushing aside or avoiding these emotions, it is important to acknowledge and label them accurately. By accurately labeling our emotions, we gain a better understanding of what they are signaling and can respond accordingly. For example, stress might indicate a need for self-care or feeling unsupported. By approaching our emotions with acceptance and compassion, we can develop resilience, wisdom, and perseverance.
The Fragility of Overprotection
Coddling and overprotecting children can actually make them more fragile. When children are shielded from difficulties and challenges, they miss out on developing important emotional skills and resilience. It's crucial to provide a secure base for children, where they feel loved and supported, while also allowing them space to explore, take risks, and learn from their experiences. Similarly, practicing self-compassion as adults provides a foundation for emotional agility, allowing us to be more resilient, motivated, and willing to take risks.
Developing Emotional Agility
Emotional agility is about observing and acknowledging your thoughts, emotions, and stories without treating them as facts. By creating linguistic space between yourself and your emotions, you can tap into your values and bring them forward. This process of observing and recognizing emotions allows you to navigate through life with openness and intention.
The Power of Emotional Agility in Parenting
Emotional agility is especially crucial in parenting, as it helps children develop important emotional skills. By acknowledging and labeling their emotions effectively, children learn that emotions are not to be feared and that they pass. Through this process, children also recognize the link between their emotions and their values, fostering character development and moral compass.
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At 15, Susan felt like she had so many emotions swirling around her head she could hardly speak. Now a world-renowned psychologist, Susan has not only learned to navigate her emotions--she has written the book on it.
This week, Jay Shetty speaks with Harvard Psychologist Susan David and author of Emotional Agility about how to better understand and befriend your emotions, and how this emotional agility will make you a better communicator.