238. High functioning codependency and caring too much ft. Terri Cole
Oct 11, 2024
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Terri Cole, a psychotherapist and boundary expert, dives deep into high-functioning codependency, a phenomenon often seen in overachievers and people-pleasers. She unpacks how caring too much can strain relationships and mask underlying control issues. Terri shares personal stories from her journey and emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries. The conversation also touches on familial dynamics and the emotional toll of managing expectations, urging listeners to prioritize self-care and foster healthier connections.
High functioning codependency often manifests in individuals who struggle with excessive self-sacrifice and managing others' emotions, impacting their own mental health.
Recognizing specific traits of high functioning codependency, such as unsolicited advice and emotional exhaustion, is crucial for initiating positive change in relationships.
Recovery involves developing self-awareness, setting boundaries, and allowing loved ones to grow independently, fostering healthier relational dynamics.
Deep dives
The Importance of Insurance Coverage
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The Shift Towards Sustainable Personal Care
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Understanding High-Functioning Codependency
High-functioning codependency is a complex behavioral pattern often misunderstood in societal conversations around personal relationships. It is characterized by individuals who feel responsible for the emotions, outcomes, and overall well-being of others, typically at the expense of their own mental health. This form of codependency can manifest in behaviors like excessive self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and taking on too much responsibility in relationships. The discussion highlights the need for awareness and intervention to break the cycle of over-functioning and establish healthier boundaries.
Recognizing the Signs and Effects
High-functioning codependents often display specific traits, such as the need to give unsolicited advice, feeling responsible for managing others’ crises, and frustration when people don’t follow their well-intentioned guidance. These behaviors can lead to feelings of exhaustion, resentment, and burnout over time, affecting both their personal well-being and their relationships. It’s important for individuals in this situation to recognize these patterns and understand the emotional toll they take on themselves and others. By identifying these signs, they can begin the journey toward recovery and healthier relational dynamics.
The Path Towards Recovery and Empowerment
Recovery from high-functioning codependency involves developing self-awareness, establishing healthy boundaries, and reframing one’s approach to relationships. Emphasizing personal agency, individuals are encouraged to allow their loved ones to experience their own struggles and growth without interference, promoting autonomy and respect. Strategies such as asking open-ended questions about how to best support others, rather than offering immediate solutions, can foster deeper connections. Ultimately, this journey towards emotional health aims to empower individuals to reclaim their lives while nurturing authentic relationships.
What is the cost of caring too much for others? Always being the person to fix everyone's problems? Never needing anyone, but secretly loving that everyone else relies on you? Well, it turns out it can cost you and your relationships a lot, and may also be a sign of high functioning codependency. High functioning codependency is much more common amongst people who are overachieving, overgiving and who have few boundaries (even if they don't know it).
In today's episode, we are joined by the originator of this term. Terri Cole is a psychotherapist and boundary expert who has been investigating this phenomena for years in her high functioning and highly successful clients. She shares the traits, behaviours, costs and ways to improve your high functioning codependency. This was one of my favourite episodes to date, happy listening!