The Sabrina Zohar Show
138: Why You’re Obsessed with People Who Hurt You (And How to Finally Stop) With Nicole Vignola
May 9, 2025
In this enlightening conversation, neuroscientist Nicole Vignola, an expert on brain patterns and emotional experiences, reveals why we fixate on people who hurt us. She explores the role of dopamine in creating obsessive loops and how childhood attachment styles influence our adult relationships. Listeners will learn practical techniques for breaking these cycles, including self-compassion and cognitive reframing. Nicole also discusses the challenges of modern digital interactions and offers strategies for regaining control and fostering healthier connections.
53:21
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Quick takeaways
- Understanding the brain's addiction to intermittent rewards explains why we fixate on relationships that cause us pain.
- Cognitive dissonance highlights the emotional turmoil arising from unmet expectations in relationships, urging a reassessment of beliefs and feelings.
Deep dives
Understanding Obsession in Relationships
The brain operates as a predictive machine, creating expectations around relationships that can lead to obsession when these expectations are unmet. People often become fixated on a partner, imagining a future with them based on their ideals rather than reality. This cognitive dissonance creates frustration when the relationship diverges from the imagined narrative, leading to emotional turmoil. Recognizing and accepting the nature of these feelings is crucial for recalibrating one's mindset and maintaining a realistic perspective on relationships.
