127: How To Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty or Pushing People Away with Terri Cole

71 snips

Mar 7, 2025

Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and author of Boundary Boss, dives deep into the world of personal boundaries. She uncovers why so many people struggle with establishing them, often rooted in childhood experiences. Terri dispels the myth of people-pleasing as ‘nice’ and explains how to handle the guilt of saying no. Listeners learn the difference between boundaries and ultimatums, the importance of self-advocacy, and how to recognize red flags of codependency—all while sharing her transformative journey from the entertainment industry to psychology.

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ANECDOTE

Career Change

Terri Cole was a talent agent before becoming a psychotherapist.
She transitioned after realizing her passion for helping clients with their mental health.

INSIGHT

Root Causes of Suffering

The lack of boundaries and high-functioning codependency are root causes of many problems.
These issues hinder people from setting healthy boundaries and lead to burnout and resentment.

INSIGHT

Boundaries as Rules of Engagement

Boundaries are personal rules of engagement, encompassing preferences, desires, limits, and deal breakers.
Preferences are important and expressing them is a form of honesty, not being difficult.

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Welcome back, babes! In today’s episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show, I’m joined by the one and only Terri Cole, licensed psychotherapist, author of Boundary Boss, and expert on all things boundaries, people-pleasing, and codependency.

We’re breaking down what boundaries actually are (and what they aren’t), why so many people get them wrong, and how to set them without guilt. Terri also shares her personal journey of leaving the entertainment industry to follow her passion for psychology, plus practical tools to help you stop self-abandoning, start advocating for yourself, and build stronger, healthier relationships.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ The #1 reason people struggle with boundaries (Hint: It starts in childhood)
✅ The difference between a boundary, a preference, and an ultimatum – and how to know which one you’re setting
✅ Why people-pleasing isn’t “nice” – it’s dishonest (and how to stop)
✅ How to handle the guilt that comes with setting boundaries – and why it’s actually a sign of growth
✅ What to do when someone says, “You’ve changed” (spoiler: it’s a good thing)
✅ The truth about texting, boundaries, and dating expectations – why demanding daily texts is not a boundary, it’s control
✅ How to know if your standards are “too high” or if you’re avoiding intimacy
✅ The red flags of high-functioning codependency and how to break the cycle

Get Terri's Book: Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free
Take Terri's boundaries quiz

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