What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms
Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson
When you're a parent, every day brings a "fresh hell" to deal with. In other words, there's always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you're not alone, and it won't always be this hard.We're Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn't like.In each episode of "What Fresh Hell" we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.If you've ever wondered "why is my kid..." then one of us has probably been there, and we're here to tell you what we've learned along the way.We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.We offer our best parenting tips and skills we've learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.If you're the default parent in your household, whether you're a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood! whatfreshhellpodcast.com
Episodes
Mentioned books
Jun 13, 2018 • 51min
Stuff Our Spouses Do Way Better Than We Do
We thought it was high time we saluted our own spouses for all the things they do way better than we do. Whether it’s a broken dishwasher, a broken bone, or repeated viewings of some of the worst movies ever made, our spouses do it all. Below, please enjoy some photographic evidence of our spouses showing up and just basically “being game,” which Margaret points out is a thing much to be desired in a life partner. What are the things your spouse does way, way better than you? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 6, 2018 • 47min
Princesses (If You Must)
You may think (as both of us once did) that little girls who are all-princess, all the time, are just not that cool. You may have also believed that any daughter of your own would be a far more independent-thinking, overalls-wearing sort of spunkster. But once that daughter is born, and turns two, and a well-meaning party-goer shows up with something from, say, the Disney Princess Little Kingdom Royal Sparkle Collection? All bets are off.We’re here to tell you that the princess phase, as brief as it is intense, is pretty much unavoidable–or at least it feels that way. And shaming your daughter for falling for all of it may be less than productive. As Peggy Orenstein points out in her book Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture, the princess imperative lines up perfectly with a 4-7 year old child’s “inflexible stage,” where one’s identity as a girl (or a boy) is felt to be actually predicated upon appearing like one.But then it becomes a bait-and-switch that Amy wrote about it for Listen To Your Mother NYC: first, our daughters are told that they MUST like princesses– then, just as suddenly, they are told that they must stop. That doesn’t seem so great, either. In this episode we discuss: * whether princesses are okay only if we counterbalance the messaging* whether girls who play with princess toys have lower self-esteem* what boys might be learning from princess movies* why a tiara-wearing preschooler is not really a reflection on our parenting- or what she’ll be wearing in another five years Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 30, 2018 • 50min
Kid Friend Breakups
By the time our kids finish middle school, many will have suffered the sting of being left behind by a formerly “best” friend. Many more will have struggled with how to create some space between themselves and the playmates they have simply outgrown. Lots of kids end up on both sides of that equation (or at least ours have). Neither side is easy– but we’re here to figure out how to make it less painful for all concerned, whichever side our kid is on. In this episode we discuss: how not to over-identify with the rejection our kids might feel (as Eileen Kennedy-Moore puts it, “don’t go lioness”)the difference between someone bullying your kid and someone just really, really disappointing herhow to support older kids through the heartbreakhow best to help our kids when they’re the ones who might need to say “I need more space”Here’s links to some great writing on the topic:Eileen Kennedy-Moore for US News and World Report: 3 Ways to Help a Child Cope With Being Dumped by a FriendDr. Carl Pickhardt for Psychology Today: Adolescence and the Loss of a Best FriendKJ Dell’Antonia for NYT Motherlode: When Another Child Wants To Be Friends And Yours Does NotWhatever you do, maintain perspective! Don’t dismiss or ignore your child’s feelings, but don’t go lioness either. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 16, 2018 • 53min
Small Changes, Big Difference- Part Two
So many good ideas, we made a Part Two! Here’s dozens of small changes parents have made that turned out to make a big difference in their lives— thanks to our listeners and our Facebook fans, plus some of the top content creators for parents from the 2018 Mom 2.0 Summit, including: Amy Carney’s Parent on PurposeAvenue Mama Cup of JoMidlife Mixtape podcastRenegade MotheringSibling Revelry ProjectA special shoutout to Janelle Hanchett of Renegade Mothering- her new book I’m Just Happy To Be Here is a wonderful memoir of her tumultuous journey from young motherhood through addiction and recovery. We loved this book! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 8, 2018 • 47min
Summer Plans
Anyone else feeling the stress of the summer countdown? It takes a lot of juggling to schedule ten weeks of summer freedom for our kids, and it’s not cheap, either. As a nation we spend about $18 billion on camps and other summer enrichments for our kids every year. That’s nuts. But left to their own devices, our kids will be on their devices. So what’s a parent to do? In this episode we discuss ways to keep your kids occupied this summer without spending a lot of moneyhow to find the right balance of structure and lazinesshow to create screen-free environments in a world where there aren’t many Here’s where we come out: Plan something. Not too much. Mostly fun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 2, 2018 • 48min
Tweens
We always figured “tween” was a catch-all marketing term for stuff with glitter on it. But since today’s kids are going through puberty earlier than ever, the years between 9 and 12 can be plenty rocky. And then sometimes stuffed animals still. It’s a mix.Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age, says it’s important that we parents not take our tweens’ sudden withdrawal as rejection:All too often parents personalize some of the distance that occurs and misinterpret it as a willful refusal or maybe oppositional behavior.In other words: sometimes tweens ask for love in the tweeniest of ways.In this episode, we discuss:how the way 9-11 year olds think actually changes from when they were youngerthe importance of establishing a new-ish relationship with what Juliann Garey calls an “updated version of your kid”how to read between the “get away from me Mom” linesand why Margaret says parenting is like building a boat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 25, 2018 • 43min
Small Changes, Big Difference
We asked all of you on the show and on Facebook to tell us the small changes you’ve made in your lives (as parents and as, you know, just actual people) that have turned out to make a big difference. This episode is full of game-changing ideas for your home, your school mornings, and your sanity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 18, 2018 • 56min
Let’s Not Care About What We Weigh
We won’t lie to you- we probably spend more time than we should thinking about what we weigh. Which is, admittedly, variable. But while we think about what we weigh plenty when we’re unhappy with what the scale says, we spend even more of our bandwidth on it in order to get to the number we have decided is arbitrarily acceptable (and then fight a losing battle to stay there). Something’s not right about that. But we suspect we aren’t alone— especially among mothers, who have seen our bodies change forever with pregnancy and childbirth, and then never quite change back. What if we didn’t care? Okay: what if we cared just a little bit less? In this episode we talk about feeling good, and looking good, and how to maybe put a little bit of daylight between the two. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 11, 2018 • 44min
Bickering
Per the Cambridge Dictionary, to bicker is “to argue about things that are not important.” Bickering is therefore unproductive by design- and as any parent can tell you the more trivial the thing their kids are arguing about, the more frustrating it is for a parent to listen to. So why do our kids bicker so incessantly? Are they actually intending to drive us batty, or is there more at work? And if parents are supposed to “just ignore it” until three seconds before the face-scratching starts, how can we sense the perfect moment to intervene? Professor Laurie Kramer, director of the Family Resiliency Center at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, says siblings bicker because they can:“These are very safe relationships for children, so they feel they can argue and express their feelings without significant repercussions.”Margaret says it’s important to remember: we are the mediator, not the judge.Margaret’s father, who *is* a judge, would recite “Children Should Not Disagree,” a poem written by one Isaac Watts in 1715 , whenever his own children bickered. It reportedly served as a somewhat effective deterrent, so you might want to give it a shot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mar 28, 2018 • 60min
Did We Really Do That?
We’ve all done things as parents that, looking back, we can’t believe. Sometimes they are supermom-type accomplishments that defy easy explanation: did I really have three kids in diapers at the same time? Did I really get through airport security with those same three children, and unassisted? Then there are the decisions that in retrospect seem foolish at best: did I really wake a sleeping infant every three hours? Did I also make a tiny sign to hang from the car seat, reminding strangers to wash their hands, as if it were a cartoon speech bubble coming directly from my baby’s mouth? We asked our listeners for their “did I really do that?” moments and got plenty of each version. In this episode we put them all on the table– and also interview two women who may or may not have done a few silly things themselves: Amy’s mom and Margaret’s Aunt Terry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
