What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

It’s the battle of the calendars! Margaret swears by her hardcover Book of Meg, but tends to forget a birthday party once in a while. Amy swears by her online systems, until her phone takes the initiative of entering an event in Greenwich Mean Time. Neither system is perfect, but which is better? In this episode, we talk strategies for managing our families’ busy lives- and for handing at least some of that responsibility back to our kids. For a personalized, hardcover Book of Meg with the exact kind of pages she wants inside, Margaret uses Erin Condren Life Planners.For keeping the two hundred things she needs to remember later in a findable place, Amy uses two apps on her desktop and phone: Evernote and Workflowy. Kimberlee over at The Peaceful Mom has a great how-to post for Evernote newbies here, and Workflowy has an introductory video here.Other takes on this topic we mention in this episode:Michael Grothaus for Fast Company: What Happened When I Ditched My Smartphone for a Paper PlannerFerris Jabr for Scientific American: The Reading Brain in the Digital Age: The Science of Paper versus Screens for handing some organizational responsibilities back to older kids: Smart But Scattered: Teens, by Richard Guare and Peg DawsonToday’s episode is brought to you by Evernote, the app Amy swears by for keeping soccer schedules, flight confirmations, blood types, and what-was-that-place-again at her fingertips and searchable wherever she goes. Evernote Premium lets you search PDF text, so even if you are more of a dumper than a file-er, you’ll always be able to find what you need within seconds. Get a free month of Evernote Premium with our affiliate code: bit.ly/evernotefresh.Have a product or brand you’d like to hear on the podcast? Email us at info (at) whatfreshhellpodcast.com and we’ll send you our (quite reasonable) rates!    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Getting our kids to talk to us is never easy (unless we’re standing with car keys in hand, front door ajar, 15 minutes late for an appointment). Based upon empirical evidence, “How was school today?” is the most annoying question a mom could ever ask. So why bother trying? Because Jennifer Kolari, author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says getting our kids to open up is part of our job description:It’s our job as parents to help our kids sort through and process the things that happen to them during the day. “They don’t have the higher-order thinking to do it on their own yet.In this episode we lay out what gets our kids to talk– at every age and stage.Margaret says you have to “talk the talk that arrives.”But Amy comes at it armed with research; if her ninth-grader wants to talk NBA draft, she’s ready to lean in.Both of us plan to work on what Marie Roker Jones calls “listening with the intent to understand.” Here’s links to some research and hilarious takes on this topic that we mention in this episode:Alice Bradley for Lifehacker Offspring: Stop Asking Your Kid About Their DayMarie Roker-Jones for Good Men Project: 10 Ways to Get Your Son to Open Up and Talk to YouClare Gagne for Today’s Parent: Age-By-Age Guide To Getting Your Kid To Talkfrom American Girl: Conversation Starters To Get Your Girl To Talk About Her Day (to our surprise, “What emoji best describes the day you had?” was a great question!)Liz Evans for Huffington Post: 25 Ways to Ask Your Kids ‘So How Was School Today?’ Without Asking Them ‘So How Was School Today?’The Ungame …and some perfect viewing for you and your teenager: Maddie Corman’s wonderful short film How Was Your Day? How do you get your kids to open up? Tell us in the comments!Here’s one way we get our kids chatting with us– cooking together. We’ve both been pleasantly surprised at how HelloFresh has turned dinnertime prep into something our kids love to participate in. We follow the easy (super-easy) directions, chop along together, and then we all sit down together as a family to try something new (and maybe even talk about it).Get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s the best mom advice you ever received? We asked our listeners and got a wide range of responses. Some aimed for the eternal perspective: The days are long, but the years are short.  Some were more practically applicable: Don’t ever bring a vomiting child into your bed. (Truer words were never spoken, Stacy.) In this episode break down the best advice we ever received for parenting babies, toddlers, kids and teens. Here’s one essay we reference in the episode: Jenny Anderson for NYT’s Motherlode: Seeing Tantrums as Distress, Not DefianceThanks to everyone who contributed their mom words to live by!Announcing our next live show! What Fresh Hell is coming to The Theater at North in Scranton, PA (Amy’s hometown) on Thursday, April 19th. The performance is a benefit in memory of Lindsay Doherty and will benefit the St. Joseph’s Center Baby and Children Pantry (one of Lindsay’s favorite causes). Join us for a night of many laughs and a celebration of Lindsay’s life! Tickets are available here.      Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Musical instruments: must our children either be tied to a piano bench or forgo their dreams of the Ivy League? Must we battle with our children daily to make them practice, and then have to listen to fifteen minutes of what sounds like a dying moose? Experts say childhood exposure to musical instruments relieves stress (theirs), tones the brain for auditory fitness, even lowers kids’ risk of dementia seventy years hence.While that’s certainly playing the long game, all of our kids play instruments, and we’re here to tell you why yours should at least give it a shot. At least the recorder. Sorry about that.Here’s links to research and further reading we discuss in this episode:a picture of a bass clarinet, which Margaret promised as a visual appendix to her story of Clarice, the clarinetrixsports coach Bruce Brown’s terrific advice on the only thing you need to say after watching your kids perform: “I Love To Watch You Play”the Tiger Mom article that started the backlash against making kids spend three hours a day practicing (not that we were ever going to do that anyhow)Ten Reasons Why Everyone Should Learn to Play Musical InstrumentsAngela Kwan for Parents: 6 Benefits of Music LessonsDid you play an instrument as a kid? Are you glad you did? Tell us in the comments!     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are audio books cheating? Must every book our second-graders read feature Poopy Man and The Toilet King? Are reluctant readers doomed to fall behind their peers? Will Margaret or Amy ever read anything other than their Facebook feeds ever again? This episode is full of ideas to get everyone in your family reading– plus books your kids will drop everything to read. We love this “book traps” idea from our listener Nicole:  Find books in the library that seem like they might be irresistible to your child and place them strategically around the house so that your child stumbles upon them and feel like reading them was their own idea.  What about audiobooks? Is it counterproductive to let kids who struggle with decoding listen to their books instead? Jamie Martin, assistive technology consultant for understood.org, says no: Listening to audiobooks isn’t “cheating.” The main purpose of reading is to get information. It doesn’t matter what path that information takes to reach the brain.Here’s some resources for parents that we recommend in this episode:Common Sense Media’s lists of books for reluctant readersAmy Mascott for PBS Parents: What To Do When Your Child Hates ReadingSusan Dominus, NYT, Motherhood Screened OffLinda Flanagan for KQED: How Audiobooks Can Help Kids Who Struggle With ReadingMary Ann Scheuer’s Great Kid Books, a blog which recommendis books for kids from 4-14.Here’s books and authors that Amy recommends in this episode:the Amulet series (graphic novels for grade-school readers)anything by Raina Telgemaier (graphic novels with heroines for grade-school readersYou Wouldn’t Want to Be… series (real history with a dose of gross-out humor)the American Girl collection (the best you’re-growing-up books out there)What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions (a perfect coffee table book. Irresistible for all ages)and a few audiobook series recommended by Amy’s 10-year-old daughter:A Series of Unfortunate EventsThe Incorrigible Children of Ashton PlaceThe Mysterious Benedict Societyand of course, Harry Potter, with hundreds of characters all voiced by Jim Dale.Here’s the books that have gotten our listeners’ kids reading. Thanks for everyone who joined in with ideas on our Facebook page!Lauren: Pete the Cat, Wayside Stories from Wayside SchoolMaureen: Mo WillemsTracy: “Right now (8 years old) we are loving Super Rabbit Boy.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’d all love a school morning where everyone gets out the door without Mom yelling or feeling stressed. And by “all” we mean all mothers. Our children seem blithely indifferent to all the hollering and pleading and bargaining we do each morning in order to make the bus– which means each day we have to do a little more of it. Good times. Leigh Anderson puts it this way, for Lifehacker Offspring:“Getting kids out the door in the morning can go one of two ways: They wake up early and then dawdle, forcing a last-minute scramble, or they wake up late, forcing a last-minute scramble.”In this episode we talk about what works to get the kids moving and in charge of their own schedules. We love Leigh’s idea of creating a morning playlist: if “Yellow Submarine” is on, it’s time to be tying your shoes.Our other favorite tip– keep another set of toothbrushes in the downstairs bathroom!– is from Carolyn Dalgliesh’s book The Sensory Child Gets Organized.Here’s other tricks and tips we discuss in this episode:Amy uses these 5- and 30-minute hourglasses to make the dwindling time until the bus arrives more concrete. (Beware: the 30-minute one can sometimes have the paradoxical effect of making the time left seem endless, at least to an 8-year-old.)The Time Timer is a less chic but equally effective visual reminder.Margaret has her son use a smart speaker to set his own timer.Margaret uses a dry erase board to remind her kids of what’s left on their morning checklists.Amy’s friend Susan uses this gradual sunlight alarm clock for her exhausted high-schooler.And if all else fails: put them to bed in their school clothes.Here’s how to handle the dinnertime madness: HelloFresh, which delivers weekly recipes and fresh ingredients straight to your doorstep. What’s for dinner? Open fridge, pull out bag, get to it. No planning, no shopping, no complaining. Your kids might even *HELP* because the directions are so snazzy. We are huge fans!Get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are your child’s most annoying traits disconcertingly familiar, because they are also your own? And are those qualities- anxiety, competitiveness, impatience, even hatred of loud chewing- baked in the cake? Or have our children learned how to be impossible simply by living with us? Ellie Grossman says when our kids are driving us nuts, it’s always best to look within for answers:The trick is to find our child’s greatest strength hidden inside his or her worst quality. The first step is to look at ourselves in the mirror. Where do you think our child’s mishegas comes from in the first place?Keeping this in mind, we also love Wendy Mogel’s writing about the “yetser hara,” that part of all children’s personalities that is both the source of all parental exasperation and the essential spark of our children’s greatness. Read more here:Emily Bazelon for The New York Times: So The Torah is a Parenting Guide? Wendy Mogel, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Timeless Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant ChildrenSpecial thanks to our listener Michelle for suggesting this topic! Do you have an idea for an upcoming episode? Leave us a comment below, send us an email, or click the Speakpipe on the right-hand edge of our website to leave us a voice message.This week’s episode is brought to you by Barkbox. Barkbox is a monthly surprise of dog toys, treats and goodies. Amy’s kids absolutely loved helping Marshmallow choose among the many delights in her “Knights of the Hound Table” themed shipment. What Fresh Hell listeners can get a free Barkbox when signing up for a 6 or 12-month plan (and support our podcast!) by using our special code: barkbox.com/laughing.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mean girls: they’re a thing, and sometimes it’s *our* girls being the bullies. Experts agree that girls exhibit “relational aggression” more than boys do, and girls are also more deeply upset by it. Even more worrisome: mean-girl behavior used to start in junior high; now it starts in pre-K.Fear not: we’ve got tons of useful advice in this episode, particularly in our interview with Katie Hurley, author of the just-published book No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls.There is hope! As Katie explained:“Our daughters are not destined to repeat the things that happened to us… especially if we are talking to them about being empathic and being compassionate.”Start sooner than you think: Katie says the sweet spot for impacting your girl’s friendship skills is ages 8-10.Here’s links to some other research and resources discussed in this episode:A Way Through, a site created by female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner, helps girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendshipsKelly Wallace for CNN: How Not to Raise a Mean GirlOur sponsor this week is Erin Condren, creator of the fully customizable Life Planner. Choose your layouts, your extra pages, your colors, your cover. We love the look of everything this mom-owned business makes and we think you will too. Start designing your planner– and support our podcast at the same time!    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What makes a “go-to dinner”? One pot is good. 30 minutes or less is better. But we’ll use every cookie sheet and pot in the house if it’s 1) not pizza and 2) all of our kids will actually eat it. Here’s links to all of our own go-to recipes that we discuss in this episode, plus the ones our listeners swear by: Margaret’s Go-To Dinners Beef Empanadas (use refrigerated pie crust for the dough)Green Soup (Margaret adds chicken)Slow Cooker Pork Shoulder Savory Muffins and, believe it or not, Lobster Thermidor (Lego Batman’s favorite, natch)Amy’s Go-To DinnersRoasted Broccoli with Shrimp (ten minutes, one pan. If you don’t have the spices, skip em.)Sheet Pan FajitasTaco Night (this is a super-easy recipe from Laura Fuentes)Our Listeners’ Child-Approved MealsRebecca’s Loaded Potato SoupMollie’s Chickpea Tikka MasalaDiane’s Asian Noodles (kudos to this brilliant bit of improvisation):and Nancy’s Spanish Rice (thanks, Amy’s mom!)Here’s some of our favorite places to get go-to dinner inspiration :Amy’s sister loves the Weelicious websiteMargaret’s favorite cookbook: America’s Test Kitchen: The Best Simple RecipesAmy’s favorite recipe app: Treehouse Table And our new obsession! Our podcast’s latest sponsor: HelloFresh. HelloFresh delivers weekly recipes and fresh ingredients straight to your doorstep. Last night Amy made their Veggie-Loaded Orzo with Sausage. Margaret and her husband made the Chicken Cheddar Fajitas. People, they were devoured. No planning, no shopping, no complaining. We are huge fans! We think you should try HelloFresh for your family-and you can get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.What’s your go-to dinner? Tell us in the comments or on our Facebook page!    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One day out of school? Fine, here’s the remote. But by day four of a low-grade temp— just enough to keep the kid home— most parents get rather desperate for ideas. We are both unfortunate experts on the topic of kids’ sick days, and in this episode we discuss  what you should already have around the house in anticipation of those “Mommy, I don’t feel well” moments how to decide if your kid is really sick enough to stay home why sick days are not the time to introduce a new skill how kids will act better before they report feeling better why even sick days need a semblance of a schedule the importance of “blank-facing” and why we must always beware secondary gain.Here’s links to some research and articles with great ideas for sick-day kids that we discuss:Devon Corneal for Real Simple: 16 Clever Ways To Entertain a Child Who’s Home SickParenting Magazine: Activities for Kids on Sick DaysStephanie Morgan for Momtastic: 10 Activities When Sickness Has You Stuck At HomeCarrie McBride for Apartment Therapy: 5 Survival Tips for Being Sick at Homefrom NPR: Should My Slightly Sick Child Stay Home? The Rules Often Conflictand most importantly, this sobering read, from Heather Murphy for the New York Times: Fish Depression is Not a JokeWant to help a sick kid in the hospital who is really super-bored? Donate a LEGO set to Sam’s LEGO Drive!One of our favorite sick day hacks? Audible. (Amy’s daughter has listened to three Harry Potters and the entire Incorrigible Children series, saving her mother’s sanity while she listens.) Get your 30-day free trial at audibletrial.com/whatfreshhell- and help support our podcast at the same time!    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices