The Whole Parent Podcast

It all started with a gold star. A single shining sticker on a kindergarten chart that—without me realizing it—began rewiring my understanding of love, worth, and motivation. In this episode of The Whole Parent Podcast, we dive into the hidden cost of praise—why “good job” might be doing more harm than good, and how something as innocent as a sticker chart can turn play into performance.Drawing on groundbreaking research from psychologists like Edward Deci and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I unravel how extrinsic rewards shift our kids’ focus from curiosity to compliance…and why this shift often leaves adults feeling hollow, disconnected, and trapped in perfection.Through personal stories and parenting insights (including an unforgettable block tower moment with my son), we explore what happens when we stop praising kids for performing and start truly seeing them instead. If you've ever wondered whether we’re raising children who chase approval instead of wonder, this episode is for you.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why praise can undermine confidence and creativityThe difference between being seen and being evaluatedHow to encourage intrinsic motivation in your kids—and yourselfA new language of love that sounds nothing like “good job”Let’s trade gold stars for presence—and rediscover the quiet magic of being enough, just as we are.Send us a textSupport the show

A grainy home video from 1993 opens a door many parents avoid: the thin line where love and control blur. From that single forced smile, we follow the thread into cognitive dissonance, exploring why we promise ourselves we won’t yell and still end up yelling, and why small justifications feel so necessary when our identity as a “good parent” is on the line. Leon Festinger’s doomsday research gives language to our everyday contradictions, showing how, when identity is threatened, we don’t change our minds.... we change reality.We bring this science home with two stories. Lisa’s body remembers what her beliefs reject, and the old neural pathways fire when her child pushes back. Then Tina Payne Bryson shares a vivid, practical moment at a “sticky theater,” modeling how to regulate first, lead with curiosity, validate a child’s feeling, and hold the boundary without collapsing into punishment. The method is simple but not easy: calm nervous systems, shorter stories, cleaner choices, and consistent repair when we miss. Shame tightens the loop; curiosity loosens it.There’s a deeper conflict beneath tactics: loyalty. When Daniel chooses a new approach and his mom hears, “So we did it all wrong,” the tension isn’t about timeouts—it’s about belonging and gratitude. We talk about honoring our parents’ love while retiring what harmed us, letting love and harm share the same page. That lens scales up to national myths too, where competing truths demand better storytelling. The payoff is quiet and powerful: a parent who almost prompts a thank you—and waits. The child thanks on his own. The cycle doesn’t shatter; it thins, and light gets through.If this conversation gave you a new way to see your past or a tool to try tonight, tap follow, leave a quick review, and share this episode with one parent who needs it. Your recommendation helps more families find practical calm and truthful hope.Send us a textSupport the show

This is one of my shorter mini-episodes where I read this weeks Substack article. We answer here the simple and yet extremely common question "What are we supposed to do when our kid hits us or someone else?" If you would like to support my work consider subscribing on Substack for $5 per month.It is the best way to support my work and keep the podcast episodes coming!Send us a textSupport the show

Betsy Bird, a renowned children's librarian and critic, shares her expertise on why reading aloud to kids is vital for brain development and empathy. She discusses how literary fiction enhances perspective-taking, helping children understand diverse thoughts and feelings in today's polarized world. Betsy confronts the rise of book bans, particularly against diverse and LGBTQ stories, revealing how these challenges often stem from a fear of new ideas. She also recommends three picture books that encourage emotional presence and understanding, perfect for parents to read with their kids.

My oldest son couldn’t read at seven. And me? I was writing a parenting book for a major publisher. Being asked to speak to thousands of parents. Teaching emotional development, brain-based learning, and motivation. The irony wasn’t lost on me.In this episode, I tells the vulnerable and surprising story of how we stopped trying to teach how to read, and started teaching why to read instead. What happened next wasn’t magic. It was science, patience, and a little bit of kiwi bird trivia.Along the way, I share:Why panic over “late readers” is often just parental shark musicThe real reason traditional reading instruction fails so many kidsWhat it looked like to let go of benchmarks and trust the processHow a graphic novel cracked everything openAnd why motivation, not instruction, is the foundation of literacyIf you’ve ever worried your child is falling behind… this episode is a deep breath. Not because everything resolves perfectly. But because it reminds you what matters most.“I don’t think we have a how problem in education. I think we have a why problem.”🎧 Listen now for the story, the science, and the shift that changed everything.Send us a textSupport the show

Alfie Kohn, a renowned author and parenting expert known for his critique of traditional parenting methods, discusses the dangers of prioritizing obedience in children. He connects historical events like the Nuremberg Trials and the Milgram experiment to parenting, illustrating how unquestioning compliance can undermine empathy and critical thinking. Kohn advocates for a shift towards punishment-free parenting that fosters emotional understanding, independence, and ethical decision-making, encouraging children to challenge authority and stand for justice.

In this engaging conversation, Eve Rodsky, bestselling author of *Fair Play*, reveals the hidden struggles of parenting dynamics. She breaks down the concept of 'invisible labor' that often leaves one partner overwhelmed, discussing how traditional gender roles contribute to inequity. Eve introduces her Fair Play framework, which encourages shared responsibilities and partnership in household management. Listeners will discover practical strategies to shift mindsets, challenge assumptions, and foster a more equitable parenting relationship.

Get your own copy of the audiobook HEREWhat do we do when we mess up as parents? In this Episode of the Whole Parent Podcast, I read a long section from the Chapter on Repair from my brand new book Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice. Every parent has moments they wish they could take back. Maybe it’s the sharp tone, the overreaction, or the moment frustration boiled over. But what happens next matters even more than the mistake itself. In this key section from my book, Punishment-Free Parenting, all about reconciliation and repair—how to rebuild trust, reconnect with your child, and model emotional responsibility. Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, even after we mess up.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:✔️ Why mistakes are inevitable in parenting—and why that’s okay✔️ How rupture and repair strengthen your relationship with your child✔️ A step-by-step approach to making things right after a parenting misstep✔️ The power of modeling apologies and accountability for your kids✔️ Why repair isn’t just about saying sorry—it’s about rebuilding trustKey Takeaways:Rupture is normal. Repair is what builds resilience.Apologizing to your child teaches them how to take responsibility for their own actions.Connection, not control, is what makes discipline truly effective.It’s never too late to make things right.Resources & Links:📖  Punishment-Free Parenting 📩 Join the Whole Parent Newsletter for weekly parenting insights – CLICK HERE🎙️ Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear this!Did You Enjoy This Episode?Leave a review, rate it 5 Stars and share it with a friend!Send us a textSupport the show

Resources Mentioned:Punishment Free-Parenting The Way of Play Emotional Regulation Game GuideTraditional Parenting Fails for ADHD Kids.Growing up with ADHD this is the episode I wish my parents had... In this episode, I’m sharing why traditional, compliance-based parenting doesn’t work for kids with ADHD and what we can do instead. I sat down with Dr. Josh Wyner and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson—two incredible experts—to break down the science behind ADHD and offer practical, brain-based strategies you can start using today.We talk about identifying ADHD in kids, what’s really happening in the ADHD brain, why traditional parenting (aka compliance and punishments) backfire. We also give an alternatives: collaboration, creativity, and especially play to  completely transform your relationship with your ADHD child. This episode is personal, practical, and, I hope, incredibly helpful for anyone raising an ADHD kid—or even just trying to parent differently.What You'll Learn in This Episode:Why traditional parenting strategies fail kids with ADHD.How understanding emotional tagging and time blindness can change your perspective on ADHD behaviors.Three practical strategies to connect with ADHD kids: collaborative problem-solving, fostering autonomy, and using play to build essential skills.BONUS: An exclusive never before heard exerpt from my upcoming book Punishment-Free ParentingFeatured Guests:Dr. Josh Wyner: Neuroscientist and founder of Willow Family Health, a nonprofit focused on neurodiversity-affirming mental health care.Dr. Tina Payne Bryson: Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and The Way of Play—and one of the most compassionate voices in parenting today.My Key Takeaways:ADHD isn’t about laziness or bad behavior—it’s about brain's placing different emotional value on things. Understanding those differences is the first step to parenting with empathy.Collaboration is everything. When we involve our kids in problem-solving, we’re building lifelong skills and deeper connections.Play isn’t just for fun; it’s one of the most effective ways to help ADHD kids build impulse control, emotional regulation, and attention skills.Call to Action:If this episode resonates with you, I’d love for you to preorder my book, Punishment-Free Parenting. It’s packed with practical tools and real stories, just like this episode, and it’s designed to help you parent with more connection and less stress—whether your child has ADHD or not.Thanks for listening to The Whole Parent Podcast! If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend or on social media—I’d love to keep this conversation going.Follow Us:Send us a textSupport the show

Ever feel like you're speaking a different language to your kids? This discussion reveals why kids process information differently and how to bridge that gap. Discover five creative communication hacks, like turning tooth brushing into a game and using storytelling to make tasks enjoyable. Learn about the 'iPad bugs' technique to help manage screen time emotions. If you’re tired of tantrums, these playful tips will make parenting a lot more fun!