The Whole Parent Podcast When Approval Becomes Addition: The Cost Of Praise #44
It all started with a gold star. A single shining sticker on a kindergarten chart that—without me realizing it—began rewiring my understanding of love, worth, and motivation. In this episode of The Whole Parent Podcast, we dive into the hidden cost of praise—why “good job” might be doing more harm than good, and how something as innocent as a sticker chart can turn play into performance.
Drawing on groundbreaking research from psychologists like Edward Deci and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I unravel how extrinsic rewards shift our kids’ focus from curiosity to compliance…and why this shift often leaves adults feeling hollow, disconnected, and trapped in perfection.
Through personal stories and parenting insights (including an unforgettable block tower moment with my son), we explore what happens when we stop praising kids for performing and start truly seeing them instead. If you've ever wondered whether we’re raising children who chase approval instead of wonder, this episode is for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why praise can undermine confidence and creativity
- The difference between being seen and being evaluated
- How to encourage intrinsic motivation in your kids—and yourself
- A new language of love that sounds nothing like “good job”
Let’s trade gold stars for presence—and rediscover the quiet magic of being enough, just as we are.