How to Not Raise a Nazi (with Alfie Kohn).... #39

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Feb 20, 2025

Alfie Kohn, a renowned author and parenting expert known for his critique of traditional parenting methods, discusses the dangers of prioritizing obedience in children. He connects historical events like the Nuremberg Trials and the Milgram experiment to parenting, illustrating how unquestioning compliance can undermine empathy and critical thinking. Kohn advocates for a shift towards punishment-free parenting that fosters emotional understanding, independence, and ethical decision-making, encouraging children to challenge authority and stand for justice.

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ANECDOTE

Nuremberg Trials & "Just Following Orders"

During the Nuremberg trials, Nazi officials defended their horrific actions by claiming they were "just following orders."
Rudolf Hoess, Auschwitz commandant, exemplified this, claiming he merely executed Himmler's orders for the "final solution."

ANECDOTE

Eichmann's Trial

Adolf Eichmann, a key Holocaust architect, offered the same defense as Hoess: "just following orders."
His trial, like the Nuremberg trials, highlighted the unsettling influence of authority.

ANECDOTE

Milgram Experiment

The Milgram experiment explored obedience to authority.
Participants administered what they thought were fatal shocks simply because an authority figure told them to.

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Key Links:

📖 Get My Book: Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice – Available Now

📖 Get Alfie Kohn's Books: Unconditional Parenting and Punished By Rewards
📝 Join My Email List for exclusive insights, parenting tips, and updates – Sign Up Here

Episode Description:

What if the very thing we’ve been striving for as parents—obedience—wasn’t actually a virtue? What if, instead of making our kids good, it made them vulnerable?

In this episode, we take a hard look at the dangers of unquestioning compliance. We start at the Nuremberg Trials, where Nazi officials defended their crimes with four chilling words: I was just following orders. We revisit the infamous Milgram experiment, where 65% of ordinary people delivered what they believed to be fatal electric shocks—just because an authority figure told them to.

Then, we bring it home.
How does this obsession with obedience play out in our parenting?

With the help of Alfie Kohn—renowned author and parenting expert—we examine why traditional parenting methods prioritize compliance, why that might be a problem, and what we can do instead. We break down research showing that demanding obedience undermines empathy, critical thinking, and moral integrity.

By the end of this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ Why most parents unknowingly work against their long-term parenting goals
✅ How punishment and rewards both create conditional love—and what to do instead
✅ The real-world dangers of raising kids to obey without question
✅ What research-backed strategies actually help kids become ethical, independent, and strong

Because one day, we won’t be the authority in their lives anymore. And the only voice left… will be their own.

Chapters & Key Moments:

🔹 (00:10) The Chilling History of Obedience – From Nuremberg to Milgram: How history warns us about blind compliance
🔹 (07:00) The Parent’s Dilemma – Why parents say they want independent, critical thinkers… but demand obedience
🔹 (12:45) The Cost of Compliance – What happens when we condition kids to follow orders at all costs
🔹 (18:10) Unconditional Parenting with Alfie Kohn – A deep dive into parenting beyond punishment and rewards
🔹 (26:40) The Real Goal of Parenting – How to raise kids who think for themselves, challenge injustice, and make good choices

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