HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Embark on a profound journey with Dr. Kate Truitt, the voice of lived experience and scientific wisdom, as she unveils the raw intricacies of her latest work, "Keep Breathing." Dr Truitt is an award-winning clinical psychologist and applied neuroscientist. She's internationally recognized for her expertise in trauma, stress, and resilience. She calls "Keep Breathing" part autobiography and part scientific exploration. Together, we unwrap the layers of life's adversities, from the anguish of loss to the resilience required to face another day. As Dr. Kate shares her personal journey into the darkness, we intertwine the stronghold of community with the advancing tides of therapy, emphasizing the paramount importance of human connection and trust in the odyssey of healing and light.⁣ ⁣⁣ FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTS AVAILABLE ⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣⁣ CHAPTERS⁣ 00:00 Dr. Kate Truitt Opening Soundbite⁣ 00:36 Hilary Russo Episode Intro Keep Breathing⁣ 7:49 Navigating Mental Health and Wellness⁣ 12:25 Chronic Illness and the Opioid Epidemic⁣ 14:57 Changing the Narrative on Loss to Resilience⁣ 19:19 Flash Bulb Memories and Vulnerability ⁣ 32:24 Navigating Grief and New Love⁣ 47:09 Rapid Fire Interview With Dr Kate⁣ 51:00 Dr. Kate's Final thoughts⁣ 52:30 Hilary's Close and Information⁣ 53:25 Havening for Healing Journey Support⁣ ⁣ Dr. Kate's Books: Keep Breathing: A Psychologist's Intimate Journey Through Loss, Trauma, and Rediscovering Life https://amzn.to/3wuKSnN (Amazon) Healing in Your Hands: Self-Havening Practices to Harness Neuroplasticity, Heal Traumatic Stress, and Build Resilience https://amzn.to/3WOvYDp (Amazon) ⁣Connect with Dr. Kate on all social media platforms at @DrKateTruitt Get her free Keep Breathing Healing Companion Toolkit: https://www.drkatetruitt.com/freeresources ⁣ Tune in to Dr. Kate's other conversation on the HIListically Speaking Podcast (Ep 109) and learn about Healing in Your Hands https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast/episode/20c0e132/ep109-dr-kate-truitt-the-healing-power-of-touch⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Interested in giving Havening a try? Schedule your session and mention you heard about it on the podcast.⁣ https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout⁣ ⁣ Join the next Free Havening Happy Hour. March 27th at 7pm ET. Registration is required https://www.hilaryrusso.com/events⁣ CONNECT WITH HILARY⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ⁣ EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣⁣ 00:00 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Those behavioral responses, those flash-bowl memories. They're there through an evolutionary construct and that's, I think, such useful information when our brain is grappling with depression and anxiety or suicidal considerations, or just trying to find a way to keep breathing. Fundamentally, Because our brain's good at keeping us alive. It's its number one job. It's not so good at reading the instruction manuals that the 21st century has handed to us for a thriving life. ⁣ ⁣ 00:36 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ There are people in your life that you will meet that will either be there for a moment, a season or a lifetime You've heard this before and somehow someway no matter how much time they are in your life, because it's just a measurement of time you need to decide the role that they're going to play, especially as life is going forward, and I'm not only talking about those positive moments either, because life is truly about contrast. ⁣ ⁣ 01:04⁣ It's about growth, it's about finding balance, personal development right, and Dr Kate Truitt knows that all too well. If the name sounds familiar, it's because she has been here on the HIListically Speaking podcast before, and she was here talking about her first book, healing in your Hands, which was the story of really how we can put self-healing and self-havening into our lives. But now she's back with something much more personal, and I am so elated to have you Kate. Kate the Great, as I call you, someone I consider a friend, a mentor, especially in the world of havening, and you're an award-winning clinical psychologist, neuroscientist, internationally recognized for your work in trauma and stress and resiliency. But more so, you are just a human being going through this life like anybody else, with your own story, and that is really what your newest book is about Keep Breathing and I'm just so glad I get time to share space with you again. It's always a gift. ⁣ ⁣ 02:07 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, well, right back at you, Hilary. Thank you so much for inviting me on and I just. You are a friend and a dear colleague and I admire you so much, and so I'm really excited to share about Keep Breathing and to dig in? Yeah, because at the end of the day, we are all just humans doing our best. ⁣ ⁣ 02:27 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, Like there's one quote that I love, Kate, and it's we're all just walking each other home right, and that's kind of something that you and I have talked about before, especially with this journey that you're sharing in Keep Breathing. That we're going to get into. But the whole idea that the old school, the old way of therapy and psychology, and sitting across the from your therapist, feeling like you're being judged in a way like tell me all your feelings. It has really changed, because now it's we're seeing more of the traditional therapy, including parts of ourselves, so that you can share with your clients and your patients to let them know I'm human too, and that's. That's so much about what we're we're reading in this newest book, isn't it? ⁣ ⁣ 03:17 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, and it well, it's about connection fundamentally. And the purpose of this book in so many respects was to highlight what you just said. When we're a psychotherapist, when we're trained and we've we've got the license, we've got the things, we're put into this expert role and sure there's a lot of information that we have. And, on the other hand, the number one thing that supports the healing journey is connection and report. And when we're invited to divorce our humanity from the healing process, sure there are some reasons for that, clinically, why we do that. And, on the other hand, in a world where disconnection is the rule of thumb, as our job now as empaths, as healers, is to be a connecting space, it really is about that. ⁣ ⁣ 04:12 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ So the hope for the book was. ⁣ ⁣ 04:13 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ yeah is to highlight hey, you can know a lot of things and, at the end of the day, just a human brain doing human things. ⁣ ⁣ 04:21 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I think it also goes back to not just connection but a trust in knowing that as we're walking through this life, we're going to be impacted, we are going to be touch, moved and inspired by different things that come into our lives. And how do we process, how do we go through these things? And I think that's what makes your book a little different than just a traditional memoir. You're sharing this really deep part of yourself through years and this book just isn't about grief. This is so much further. You actually said this is part autobiography and part scientific exploration. Can you elaborate on that? ⁣ ⁣ 05:04 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, it's raw. ⁣ ⁣ 05:07⁣ I think the tagline that keeps coming back and being reflected to me is it took me five years to write this book and, for context, my first book I wrote in eight months and I love my first book, but this book took five years and it took 10 years to be able to write it, because it does dig into not only the sudden traumatic loss of my fiancee a week before our wedding and that's actually the opening chapter, is me going to give the eulogy and then it uses my story as the case study. ⁣ ⁣ 05:43⁣ The Case Study, told in real, deep, first-person, intimate terms, of understanding the impacts of childhood trauma, of chronic illness and pain, of suicidal considerations, and grappling with that very real human darkness that can seep into our souls and hold us captive for so long. And fundamentally also, it's a love story about coming home to self and learning how to partner with our mind and our body and our soul so that we can show up in the world around us no matter what's happening. And then, of course, because I'm a science geek and this is why it took five years really gently integrating the nuances of science into all of that, why is the brain doing these things? Why are our behaviors showing up in these ways that are deeply painful and negatively impactful on our lives, and I talk a lot about that Because really my goal for both of my books was to turn around to my young 16-17 year old self, if I could, and say, if only you'd had this data, dear one. And perhaps somebody else now will have the data and it will help them. ⁣ ⁣ 07:00 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, what would you say to your 16 year old self now? ⁣ ⁣ 07:05 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ It's okay, hang in there, baby girl. ⁣ ⁣ 07:07 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, hang in there. Isn't that something we constantly need to say to ourselves? We're not separate from the parts of ourselves that are younger. I mean, all parts matter, as we've heard. That's big in the community, but being able to hold space for that younger part of yourself that's feeling scared or insecure or undecided, showing up for that part of ourselves, is really important. ⁣ ⁣ 07:40 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Extremely important and even the parts of ourselves that are looking at exiting stage, left out of life. One of the final stories I added into the book was and this was a big leap that my editor supported me in making and Chelsea Thompson, thank you. You're amazing, I love. You was really looking at my young, 10 year old self who was struggling with suicidal ideation, and using that as another story to highlight the pain of childhood, the lack of awareness that our young selves can struggle with. And one thing Chelsea said to me as I wrote the story was I'm a mom. I don't really think about the fact that my little kiddo could be going to that level of deep despair. I think about anxiety and stress and depression, but I don't think about that for them. And when I told her how young it started for me, that's her brain. She's like you. Please, if you feel like you can safely tell the story, please do. ⁣ ⁣ 08:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ What's even scarier about that is that you and I grew up in an age where there was no social media, and you know my work as a health journalist. I've covered a lot of stories that tap into that area of how social media can have a real negative impact on your emotional well-being. ⁣ ⁣ 09:12⁣ In fact, there have been some statistics and I've shared them before on the age group that it's really impacting. You know that younger age group, the teens, into the early 20s even, and you know, with us not having that and how heavy it was for us then not having this global village to be able to tap into at the touch of a fingertip. How much more is it now and how much more important is this type of book to have so that kids know that they are supported, or the adult in us that's looking back at the child knows they're supported. ⁣ ⁣ 09:51 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Right. ⁣ ⁣ 09:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ You know. ⁣ ⁣ 09:53 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Well, yeah, and looking at the idea of the village and how fundamental that is to our deep, deep, beautiful, dear friend. ⁣ ⁣ 10:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Amy, make it work. We love Amy. ⁣ ⁣ 10:05 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, and those core values of safety and belonging and loveability and success, being able to get those core needs met, which is something that I've been developing as part of my model for 25 years. ⁣ ⁣ 10:20⁣ But I came up with the idea of Amy when I was a young 20 something working in a rat lab, because I couldn't figure out where. My brain just wanted me dead. And you know, and I had an amazing human who shown so much healing and care on me, which was John, and then 10 years later he died. And that grappling with myself within all of that and really knowing that, as you're sharing, there's our village, and then when we put it into that social media sphere, it escalates exponentially the pressure and the expectation of these fundamental values that our brains are evolutionarily hardwired to lean into. And so if we feel like what rejection feels like in a home environment and then we take that to a global populace, is what and that's what it can feel like in social media, especially for adolescents and teens, and that's why suicide is the number one killer of our young humans these days. It's devastating. ⁣ ⁣ 11:20 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ It's beyond devastating. Having to dig into those, those statistics, is both a doctor, a neuroscientist and also a journalist. The other side of things, to sit and to come from a compassionate place, because you and I are both empaths, as many people who are of service in this work are it. It's devastating to sit there and think how can I help? And in your writing of Keep Breathing, was that something you thought about? Because it is your own healing journey, that writing this. I'm sure it's cathartic, therapeutic, but were you thinking? In writing this, I really want to share some kind of in a way it's guidance, a guide that lets people know they're okay just how they are and they're supported. ⁣ ⁣ 12:13 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, I never would have done it otherwise. It's one thing to pen a story. It's another thing to go through the journey of publishing a book. As I know you're working on your own books and I know you know so well. The vision for this was so much bigger than me. ⁣ ⁣ 12:35⁣ Yeah, yeah, my story and it's interesting, Hilary, because my story used to be a unicorn story of being widowed so young, of grappling with chronic illness and layering through that the difficulties of a complicated childhood and a complicated mind, body system, with health and pain and everything. And then, when the pandemic hit, my unicorn story became a normal, devastating story of millions of humans facing unexpected loss and death, of chronic illness seeping into the very fibers of our society. And that was a huge part of what kept me moving forward when many times I wanted to set the book aside. And then the other piece is my fiance, john, who's a victim of the opioid epidemic and looking at chronic illness and pain and so much that has happened in terms of opioid use at a national level. And now you know Netflix has done a great job putting out a lot of really important stories around it and there's a lot of conversation now, more so than ever and at the same time. I was a psychologist, I was trained, I was working with individuals who are navigating addiction. ⁣ ⁣ 13:58 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And here my own partner died of an accidental overdose from opioids and I remember what hit me with your book was very early on and I don't want to give this away, but we know that this story is so impactful. But when you went to the blame game and I saw in the quotes I should have been there, I was like ugh, and I think that is one of those things that we go through with. Grief is how the anger, the avoidance and then the blame of what could I have done differently? But you were actually in that space and to be also working in the space, it's kind of there's a level up there. ⁣ ⁣ 14:43 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ You know I felt like I, leveled up on the guilt and the shame and the judgment and just how I flogged myself emotionally for it and carried that. ⁣ ⁣ 14:56 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I felt like I failed. What do you feel was the shift? And I feel like it's more than just a shift. But where did you really start seeing a change in how you wanted to change the narrative on this story of losing the love of your life a week before your wedding, really coming to terms with what you've been through in your own life as a child, with your own illness and your own suicidal ideations? Where was it where Kate said I got to do something with this? ⁣ ⁣ 15:33 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ There was an incident at my offices where a past patient of mine came to the offices with the intention of harming me and it was a very scary event and luckily everybody was fine and the situation was contained and the person who needed support got support. And that was one of those moments for me of reconciliation and recognizing that there's so much pain in the world and the slight sidestep here. But this really deep connection to mental health and wellness or human rights and therapy is a privilege. And saying that as somebody who runs a group clinic and also has a training institute and a nonprofit like how do we do everything we can? And then being a part of the havening community, of course, is one of the co-developers to create the butterfly effect of larger change. And in the havening world it's been really powerful and beautiful to witness how those tools and that's where I'm the creator of the Healing in your Hands programs can be disseminated into the communities and, on the other hand, the education around what's happening in our brains isn't readily available and one of the things after that incident in my office is that my team continually reflected and the patients who were in the offices when the event happened and we had full swat on site to helicopters Like this was no joke. ⁣ ⁣ 17:12⁣ One of the things that everybody kept continually reflecting back to me was thank God I understood my brain and what happened next in terms of their own journey. And I told everybody go get therapy, go get whatever support you need, go do acupuncture, go get whatever you need. Build me, including all the patients who were there. So my entire team and all the patients like, just know, we've got this, you just send us the invoices, no questions asked, whatever you need. Nobody took me up on it, and for two critical reasons. One, everybody went to the offices and applied havening with their clinicians and literally one of my clinicians was on the roof with her patient of a three-story building. ⁣ ⁣ 17:57 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Hey, there's no area that's off limits with this work. ⁣ ⁣ 18:00 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ He's there, no limits, just megawork. And that they understood their brain. And that was where the request really for me started to bubble up and say I've been a specialist in neuroscience and trauma and resilience for going on 20 years now because I needed to make sense of my brain and I've got a pretty wackadoodle story. ⁣ ⁣ 18:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ You're using that word. We love that word. Yeah, I do. ⁣ ⁣ 18:31 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ And to the point of the expert being Because people as experts were like, oh, they don't really experience this. And then we're on the pedestal and it's like no, no, no, no, no. I've had panic attacks in shows. I've done the continual freak out texting with people and just next thing I know it's pages after pages of text messages and nobody's responding. And there's a narrative why our brain engages in those behaviors and they can be so pathologized rather, and instead it's like no, you're just human. ⁣ ⁣ 19:04 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That. I'm so glad you say that, because I've been there too and the first thing we want to do is shame ourselves for being human and think I should have known better. Much like I should have been there. ⁣ ⁣ 19:19⁣ We think, because we have this higher level of education LNOPs after our name we're on the top of what we do in the world, that we don't feel, and what makes us so beautiful is being vulnerable and courageous to say, oh no, I go through it too. And I'm glad you said that, because I think hearing it from somebody who isn't a place in a platform multiple and I'm not just talking social media, I mean in general where people look up to you we're not untouchable, or you're not untouchable, we're just human beings first right. So you go back to mentioning something you mentioned, something early in the book too, about flash bulb memories and to those who might not understand what that is in the scientific community, can you talk about that a little bit? ⁣ ⁣ 20:26 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ It's a reliving of an experience that has already happened and it's different from deja vu. Sometimes we have those experiences of deja vu of oh, I've been here before, this has happened before In a flash bulb memory. The experience is literally taking over our brain and we're reliving it in the moment, from everything we're hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, all the way down to our somatosensory or body response, the body memories of the encoding and the thoughts, the feelings of all of it. And when it happens, it's extremely disorienting because our brain has lost sight of the present moment or back in the past, and it's really, really painful and for so many people who don't know what they are but experience them, because that happens in trauma it's extremely crazy. ⁣ ⁣ 21:19 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Making yeah, and really that's when we have to show up for Amy and say all is well, this is not happening, it happened right. And really having the tools, of which there are many out there, it doesn't have to just be havening. Obviously, it's what you want to put in your little brain candy jar, as I call it. Pull out what you need in that moment. And just a side note that those listening, there is a wonderful toolkit that Dr Kate is offering. It's Keep Breathing Healing Companion Toolkit. That is a free resource. It's a wonderful download. ⁣ ⁣ 21:58⁣ I highly recommend you grab this in addition to Keep Breathing the Book which is coming out in April, and it's a Keep Breathing, a psychologist's intimate journey through lost trauma and rediscovering life, and I'll have that book, as well as Healing, in your Hands available. These are both two wonderful books to put in your library when you need them. Read them more than once. I know this book just from starting to read it. It'll be one of those books I want to read again because it's such an intimate journey and I think this is the kind of book that every time you read it you find something new right. ⁣ ⁣ 22:36 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, well, the hope in integrating the science is really helping people partner with their brains and have a theoretical construct for all of those wackadoodle things that happen, and being able to say, oh OK, amy, the Amy, della, amy's having a really hard day, this is happening, that is happening. And being able to reconstruct not just the past but also find through lines on how to create the present. And that's where the Healing in your Hands book is a lovely companion as well. ⁣ ⁣ 23:13 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, we will share both those, definitely, yeah, yeah, what is it that you're hoping to see happen with Keep Breathing? That might be different from Healing in your Hands, with us being authors and sharing our journeys and sharing what we know and wanting to put it out there in the world. We just want to help people, right? What's the difference between your first book, healing in your Hands, and where you're hoping to keep breathing? ⁣ ⁣ 23:42 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, Healing in your Hands is a healing journey, and it utilizes the self-havening touch as a mechanism of action to empower an entire suite of neurobiological healing tools, and so that is really about partnering and guiding one's own healing journey. ⁣ ⁣ 24:06⁣ Through the lens of a lot of the client's case studies that I've worked with and it's so much fun writing it. ⁣ ⁣ 24:13⁣ Keep breathing, on the other hand, my vision really was to do a trauma-informed version of the Body Keeps the Score by Vistle VanderKohl, because that is a phenomenal book, but it was originally intended for clinicians and it's become the Bible of understanding trauma, for very good reason. ⁣ ⁣ 24:32⁣ It's beautifully written and extremely well-informed and yet it can be a really tough read for people who have trauma. And to take the Brené Brown framework and integrate it into the science, which then basically became kind of me belting out my own story every step of the way, which Brené does so beautifully, in order to reduce shame and enhance self-connection. So really the vision for Keep Breathing is to have a trauma-informed, safe way for people to learn about what's happening in their mind-body system and multiple different levels, not just traumatic loss and grief, because grief is weird. There's so many weird things about grief and loss that feel crazy-making and I use the word crazy with a deep love and care, because that's a term I've given to myself for going on 40 years now, and so I've partnered with that term because I can feel pretty chaotic, which is what crazy is Like ah, what's happening but to also help people see that they're not alone, yeah, and we need that more than ever. ⁣ ⁣ 25:43 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And there's humor in the healing anyway, right. So, whether it's crazy wackadoodle, what's the other term. You say, oh, crazy pants McGee. Crazy pants McGee. I think that's the title of another book. Yeah, that's exactly what I mean Crazy pants McGee. But when we find the humor in the healing, we're kind of taking ourselves out of it in the moment, right, almost like what you said about the flash bulb. The landscape of where our brain is taking us in that moment, making us think like the fender bender that we're going through, the intersection of where we had a fender bender once, is actually happening right now, right, and being able to see oh OK, I'm OK, I'm safe, I'm good. I might be crazy pants McGee at the moment, but just holding space for ourselves in that area I think is really important. ⁣ ⁣ 26:36 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah, and beautifully stated. Because those behavioral responses, those flash bulb memories, they're there through an evolutionary construct. Yeah, and that's, I think, such useful information when our brain is grappling with depression and anxiety or suicidal considerations or just trying to find a way to keep breathing. Fundamentally Because our brain's good at keeping us alive. It's its number one job. It's not so good at reading the instruction manuals that the 21st century has handed to us for a thriving life. ⁣ ⁣ 27:20 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And making things more conversational. Like you said, the body keeps a score is a great book. It is a lot to read, right? And then you think about the books that Brene Brown has put out there which have a little bit more lightheartedness. It's like you're sitting down having a conversation with her, yeah, but you're blending the two in a way that makes this a much more conversational. Yet scientific exploration into a personal psychologist journey, you know, oh, that's pretty good. Actually, I like how I just said that. Oh yeah, that was beautiful. ⁣ ⁣ 27:53 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ But it's, I'm just going to pause on that. You can have it. ⁣ ⁣ 27:59 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ You have for the longest time, in every email, many times in some of your posts even have used the term phoenix rising. You know the phoenix rising. Where did you come up with that? And I know that's a real thing, but why is it so closely attached to Kate? ⁣ ⁣ 28:20 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Way back in my sweet young teenage years I adopted the spirit animal, the cockroach, and context of that is cockroaches can withstand anything. You cut their head off, they will live for two more weeks. I got to go in a deep dive researching cockroaches when I decided to put this in the book because otherwise, like you need to give context for that and of course it hit the cutting room floor. It's not the context of the human background. We'll keep it in here for you. ⁣ ⁣ 28:52⁣ It's here. Thank you, use the data. They're gritty, intense features and by the time I was 18, I think I'd almost died around nine times and I don't go into depth around all of it, but there's just been a lot. And when I met John, he kind of took a stand against me around the whole concept of the cockroach and said you know, that's not exactly the best framework because they're survivors and I'd always been a huge fan of Greek mythology and mythical creatures and leaning into narrative and story. ⁣ ⁣ 29:37⁣ And then one day, when I was in the throes of a really, really deep panic attack, I remember feeling that I felt like my body was on fire, which is how panic can often feel and I had severe, debilitating social anxiety. That's how I started in the rat labs, because rats are friendly and they're kind, they don't judge humans are terrifying. And it just started to shift for me the space of I keep going into the flames, I keep feeling like I'm burning up, but I keep coming out of the phoenix, and so that was a totem. I started to try on. And then when I met my now partner, nauz, who I know you've met and hung out with and Irish danced with, we did. ⁣ ⁣ 30:22 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Who are you kidding? You were the one that was killing it in the Irish dancing. ⁣ ⁣ 30:28 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ No, no, that was Kim, that was Kim. ⁣ ⁣ 30:30 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I don't know, no, anyway, yes, knowing Nauz he's great. ⁣ ⁣ 30:35 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, on our very first date we were chatting and he shared with me that he had a totem of the phoenix and he survived and been through a lot and growing up in India and religious wars and just being exposed to a lot of really painful, complex things. And it was this bonding moment that we had of you know what? There will be ashes, there will be fires and pain into power, wounds, into wisdom. And then, because I'm just going to keep talking, hilary, do you know what a group of phoenixes is called? I'm not even gonna guess. ⁣ ⁣ 31:15 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ An odyssey. ⁣ ⁣ 31:17 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Oh, oh, I like that you mentioned that in the book I do, I do, I do, and so, as I mean, this was something I'd known for a little while and then, when I met ran, it started doing, havening and moving into this new way of being in the world, and I had phoenixes along the way of my journey, I started noticing this collective community of an odyssey, and from there it's just expanded beyond the haven in community, which is phenomenal and amazing, and to this larger global collective that I walk alongside, and these are all humans who have been in the flames. ⁣ ⁣ 32:01⁣ I don't know a single human who has done their work that hasn't burned up, and the reason I call it done their work is being a phoenix means you are aware that you burned. Oh yes, and the scars are things you're proud of. ⁣ ⁣ 32:19 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, the first step to any change is the awareness right. ⁣ ⁣ 32:23 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 32:24 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, love that. ⁣ ⁣ 32:24 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ And rather than being, and the transition to the phoenixes. Wait, I'm not going to be ashamed, I'm not going to judge myself, I'm not going to be stuck in self-living, and if I do get stuck there because we do as humans, I'm also going to lean into my village, my odyssey, you. It's the story of the phoenix. ⁣ ⁣ 32:50 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Love that and you mentioned that in the beginning of the book when I was first reading your acknowledgements you had. It was somewhat of a dedication to your odyssey, right? Yeah, it is literally. ⁣ ⁣ 33:03 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ I think it's the actual dedication. It is a dedication. ⁣ ⁣ 33:06 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I just didn't want to leave anyone out, if but I remember reading that going oh. I love this. ⁣ ⁣ 33:11 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, to my village, my odyssey, and we continue to always phoenix up. ⁣ ⁣ 33:16 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I love that, kate. The other thing I love that you do mention Nas, because I was going to bring him into this anyway and in that way that you're writing this book. It's really while it's not just about the grief and loss of a partner that you had. There's so much more to the book. But how has it been to be in another relationship, referencing back to an older relationship, and feel vulnerable enough to share it without feeling that you're possibly impacting the relationship you're in now? ⁣ ⁣ 33:57 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, and it's interesting you highlight that because that's something my mom has consistently brought up ever since I met Nas, which is like don't talk about John, don't. And from the most loving Karen's face, and Nas is very specifically, uniquely him, human. I have no better way to say it. ⁣ ⁣ 34:18 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ He's pretty cool. ⁣ ⁣ 34:20 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ He's pretty cool. Yeah, he's pretty cool and from the very you know it's interesting. I told him on her second date that I knew I would never be able to biologically have children. I didn't tell him about John until our 10th date because that, on her second date, was information that he needed to have so he could make a specific choice about whether or not he wanted to continue the relationship. As my body had considerations With John, I was so mindful that I didn't want to be that person that, whatever my brain said that person was. ⁣ ⁣ 35:06⁣ And when I started telling him about what had happened, he consistently showed up in a space that was just it's a part of your story. I want to know as much as you feel comfortable sharing. And that's been his through line from day one and writing this book. I kept checking with him because he did. Let me write about him in the book and he's deeply, deeply, deeply private. He's one of the most private people I've ever met in my life, and so I kept reading him excerpts that he's in and, in his own cheeky way, sometimes now he'll quote them back to me and be like, don't forget. ⁣ ⁣ 35:50⁣ Page 300 or 200, you said Sometimes I see more than you think, because literally he said that to me last night. ⁣ ⁣ 36:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I love it. That's a good connection. It'll be fun this time Was that Write a book in what It'll be fun, right. ⁣ ⁣ 36:13 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ But I think the best way to describe it is he's seen all of these weird universal idiosyncrasies and just been there for all of them, and even this diamond that I wear. Nas gifted me last year, for he gave me two necklaces, one for anniversary, one for Valentine's Day, and this is the engagement ring that John gave me. This is the diamond. And then he gifted me another necklace that has the diamonds that were would have been on my wedding band with John and he was just saying John's always with you, he's your angel, he's always with you, and that's Nas. ⁣ ⁣ 36:57 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That's more than just a confident human being. That's someone that gets it. It's someone who realizes that that's part of your story and you're here and you two are together now because it's exactly where you're supposed to be now. Right, it's like that quote, that, what is it? I was just sharing this today with a client. Life will give you whatever experiences are most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. ⁣ ⁣ 37:27 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ How do you know it's the right? ⁣ ⁣ 37:29 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ experience, because you're having it, that's. Eckhart right and that's a good one, because you sit there and you're like why is this happening? And then you think, oh, it's happening, because it's happening. Right, nas came into your life when he did, because he was meant to be there when he's there. So the reference back to something that was is still part of the is, but it's not the. ⁣ ⁣ 37:54 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Now you know what I'm saying, I do, I do. And John, the week before he died and this is a story that was one of the hardest stories to write in the book he had said I've always known I was going to die young and I was so mad and literally, driving on the freeway, pulled off onto the shoulder of the freeway, was so mad. He wasn't suicidal or anything, he just he's just this dead pan. And John had a certitude when he spoke about certain things. He was a joyful I mean, he's an April Fool's baby and he embodied everything you could imagine about an April Fool's baby, which is why the book coming out in April 2nd is so precious. And he said this and he looked at me and he said and you will find great love and I'll let you know you have to and my inner 13 year olds going, you're going to die alone and I'll die first. And he's just like you will know. ⁣ ⁣ 38:53 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ When you look back on that now, how does that impact you? Yeah, oh, he, let me know. Yeah, the greater awareness sometimes people have, we don't even realize it, you know. ⁣ ⁣ 39:04 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, it's a larger universal connection. And the chapter two opens up with a quote from John and do you mind if I read it? Oh please do, it's so poignant. ⁣ ⁣ 39:20 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And while Kate's finding that, just a reminder that keep breathing healing companion toolkit, she's giving that away. That's a free resource that is available to you. It will go beautifully with the book. What a beautiful companion to the book. So we'll have that in the podcast notes as well as links to the book, which this book keep breathing, drops on the 2nd of April. And then there's also the other book, healing in your Hands, that we'll share as well, because it's why not have both right Right, kate the great in your pocket whenever you need her. But that's the goal. ⁣ ⁣ 39:52 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ That is the goal. If only we could have Kate the great all the time, and on the Dr Ketra dot com, we're cultivating a library of free resources. ⁣ ⁣ 40:01 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Love that. We'll share all of that the tool quotes there. ⁣ ⁣ 40:04 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, we have a bunch of neuroplasticity exercises because, you know, healing and the life journey is not just about healing the past Beautiful we also have the opportunity to build the future. So John yes, so the chapter called Tomorrow Begins, and this is starting the morning after I found him and I couldn't save his life. And the quote is and the transformation from flesh to earth. We see this symbolic form of transcendence, suggesting its inevitability, whether we see it as fit. ⁣ ⁣ 40:41 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ He said that and you remember that he said this when he was like 23. ⁣ ⁣ 40:47 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ And you, remember that I have a trunk. He and I were. He was also a prolific writer and so we would, he said. For context, I was in the hospital when I was in my early twenties and he sent me a three-ring binder. That was this thick of our remember AOL and Stitmus. Oh yes, of our aim conversations, because texting didn't exist yet. ⁣ ⁣ 41:12 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ You're dating us and yeah and it was all of our conversations. ⁣ ⁣ 41:17 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ I still have that, and so when I started writing the book, I went back through, which was a real journey into just my soul, and that was one of the quotes that I found from a poem that he'd written when he was in his early twenties. ⁣ ⁣ 41:32 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ It's quite extraordinary to think that the internet could be well contrasting, right, positive and negative, because it allows us to really go into the digital library and Rolodex of things that we might normally have to find in a huge library, and it could take hours and hours, in fact. Suddenly I just went back to. I had a flashball moment, but a good one. ⁣ ⁣ 42:05 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ And then it was a good one. ⁣ ⁣ 42:06 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, so when we were at the when we were at the library on the campus of Trinity University in Dublin and that library I remember looking around while we were there. ⁣ ⁣ 42:15⁣ We went on that tour and thinking how in the world do you find what you need in this place? Back in the day we're talking hundreds of years ago and you know we're of the dewey decibel system age, right, but now everything is just so at our fingertips with the digital age. It really makes us. It gives us, rather, the opportunity to transport ourselves to a place that maybe we have not been to in a very long time. ⁣ ⁣ 42:51 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah, you know, and reviewing the stories and conversations that we had and I brought a couple into the book Because they're just such in hindsight, going back to your question and how, when I think about what he said, now there's so many flickers to Eckhart Tolle's beautiful point of what was to come and the that quantum physics, human consciousness, integration. ⁣ ⁣ 43:33 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ With this book being so personal and understanding. Somewhat well, understanding authoring a book, was this one you did completely yourself, or did you find it helpful to have someone? Oh good, no. ⁣ ⁣ 43:50 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ No, no, no, I had. I was on the phone till 4am sometimes with friends as I was writing it. Rebecca who many people who've been to our trainings and knows Rebecca very well. She's on my lead trainers, also just a chosen sister and family member, a fellow Phoenix. She really incredibly helped me tune some of the harder parts of my family's narrative. I, every step of the way, was in conversation with my parents because we do unpack the family story and the narrative and it was critical to me that I be very respectful of every human's journey. Nobody has intended harm, despite the experiences that occurred. And how do we honor and hold space for that and the ancestral journey of all of that transgenerational trauma? So my parents were a huge voice within all of it. Rebecca really played a critical role in identifying some key ways to present some information that would sponsor the story and honor everybody's unique stories. I'm accusing the word story, but that's what it is. ⁣ ⁣ 45:04 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And also I've found that there are. Well, we all have a story right. Every single one of us Not everyone's going to pen a book. Not anyone, not everyone's going to talk about it, and part of the difficulty might be for fear of saying or hurting somebody, because you are sharing your truth, right. ⁣ ⁣ 45:29 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ And and with John's family. It was so important to me to be respectful Because I could I could tell the story that I lived with him and they were my family for 10 years and during many of those years they were more my family than my own family and to share the information I was sharing. How do I do that in a respectful, kind, loving manner and also not unpack any information that wasn't mine to share? I'm walking that very fine line and I was very grateful that when I was going through that huge binder, one of the things that John repeatedly circled back to was a permission that I didn't know would happen 10, 15 years later of you have to tell your story, and whatever version of my story is a part of that tell it. And that refrain shows up over and over and over again, going all the way back to when I was 20, 21 years old. ⁣ ⁣ 46:39 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Kate, this is such a gift. It's going to help many and I imagine it continues to help you. Yeah, you know it does. This helps me. Oh well it helps me too. I think we learn from each other. You know, and that's so much of what community connection the Odyssey is Right, so I'm so glad that you brought that brought that up, because that was that was definitely an important piece Before we go. ⁣ ⁣ 47:09⁣ You know I do this, you know it's coming. I hope you haven't been writing down words too, because I want to do our little rapid fire. As you know, for those who are new to the HIListically Speaking podcast, I do a game called rapid fire at the end, where I write down words that were said by our lovely guests and want to think about the first word that comes to their beautiful brains. So not always positive, not always negative, just is doesn't matter, it's just a word, right? ⁣ ⁣ 47:43⁣ So here we go. You ready, yes, okay, some of them might be two words, but right, because you've been on before, so I got to change it up for you, all, right? Well, why don't we start with Odyssey? ⁣ ⁣ 47:58 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Village. ⁣ ⁣ 48:00 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Breathing. ⁣ ⁣ 48:02 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Life. ⁣ ⁣ 48:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Whackadoodle Laugh, because that's our favorite word, amy Superhero. ⁣ ⁣ 48:13 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Belonging Hard one. ⁣ ⁣ 48:19 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Safety Hard one. ⁣ ⁣ 48:22 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Success Complicated. ⁣ ⁣ 48:27 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Oh, you didn't. Okay, you changed it up a little bit. All right, she's throwing me for a loop. Okay, community Odyssey Self love Hard one. Can I keep using the same one you? ⁣ ⁣ 48:42 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ can do whatever you want. There are no rules, all right, all right you make the rules, just play the game. ⁣ ⁣ 48:47 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That's the rule. Okay, okay, grief. ⁣ ⁣ 48:54 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Oh, that's a hard one, especially because I'm running this huge workshop and I've been knee deep in all of the science of grief. Grief, it's just, it's a part of life. It needs to be a part of the conversation. Yeah, two words. ⁣ ⁣ 49:11 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Childhood trauma, heartbreaking. ⁣ ⁣ 49:15 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Suicidal, the escape hatch. Phoenix Wounds into wisdom baby. ⁣ ⁣ 49:31 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, we're closing on that, yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 49:34 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ We're closing on that. Yeah, wounds into wisdom, baby. ⁣ ⁣ 49:40 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, we're closing on that Love, that Beautiful. I adore you. ⁣ ⁣ 49:45 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ I really do. ⁣ ⁣ 49:49 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I have not ever had a guest come on more than once, so congratulations, I did not know that. ⁣ ⁣ 49:54⁣ So thank you. Yes, I mean, I look, you know that this show is my baby. It is my heart's work and I do get a lot of people that want to be in this space and I'm so grateful for that. But to be able to have you back on and share this other part of Dr Kate Truitt to me felt just so natural. Thanks, Right. So I adore you, I admire you. You are such a mentor and such a spark of wisdom and just there's just so many ways I could describe you, Kate, Kate the Great. But thank you for being here, Thank you for everything you were putting out there in the world. ⁣ ⁣ 50:40⁣ And just a reminder we will share everything in the podcast notes, including Dr Kate Truitt's free resources, the book Keep Breathing, even Healing in your Hands, if you haven't heard about it. But go back and listen to that podcast episode, which was, I think, 101. But I can't be certain of that, but we'll put that in there. Good memory. I know it was in the hundreds, early hundreds. Now we're at 149. So look where we are. Of course you are, and I just want to give you a moment to share some final words with those tuning in. ⁣ ⁣ 51:17 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ It's not going to be too different from what I think I wrapped up our last conversation with, which is, Hilary, just be gentle. If we're all a little more gentle with ourselves, it's a skill. It's not frequently something we're taught and it's the game changer. Being human and living in a human world is complicated. When we're soft and we're gentle with ourselves, it opens up entirely new opportunities for connection, for growth and for inspiration. Life really. ⁣ ⁣ 51:55 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Gentle is such a beautiful word. As you were saying that and just speaking the word. It really. You know how words have feelings, like colors. Just hearing you say the word gentle, it just seemed nurturing and loving. ⁣ ⁣ 52:12 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 52:13 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That's a really beautiful word and leaving with that, I like that. That's where we're going. Good deal, yeah, thank you, kate. ⁣ ⁣ 52:25 - Dr. Kate Truitt (Guest)⁣ Thank you, joy and an honor. ⁣ ⁣ 52:27 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Always All right, my sunshine. It's time to be a part of that odyssey that Dr Kate Truitt talks about. Grab a copy of her latest book Keep Breathing a Psychologist's Intimate Journey Through Loss, trauma and Rediscovering Life. This book actually releases on April 2, but there is a link in the podcast notes of this episode to pre-order the book now. You can also download a free companion toolkit, the Keep Breathing Healing Companion Toolkit. It's a free download that Dr Kate is offering a beautiful compliment to her book Keep Breathing. ⁣ ⁣ 53:02⁣ That is also in the podcast notes as well, in addition to Dr Kate's first book, which is Healing in your Hands a beautiful way to learn more about self-havening and how you can self-regulate to self-heal. We talked about that on episode 109 of the HIListically Speaking Podcast. So I'm not only going to add the book, I'm going to add the podcast episode so you can find that as well. And if you're curious about Havening, if you want to learn more about how Havening can support you on your healing journey, let's hug it out. All you have to do is set up a little time with me and we'll see if that modality aligns with you. ⁣ ⁣ 53:38⁣ HIListically Speaking is edited by Two Market Media with music by Lipbone Redding and supported by you. So thank you for trusting me with your time and with your mind and, as Dr Kate shared so beautifully, be gentle with yourself and when you need help, the odyssey, the community, they're awaiting you. So know that you are supported, that you are beautiful just the way you are and that I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week. Be well.

It's the crucial biological fabric that holds us all together. On this episode of the HIListically Speaking Podcast we pack the mysteries of fascia release by taking you on a transformative journey with the wisdom of Fascia Remedy founder Julia Blackwell. Tune in as Julia shares her story of profound emotional and physical relief. And what she did to turn her lifelong battle with nerve damage into a mission to help others heal from within. ⁣ From foam rolling and simple breathing techniques, It's time to move past the common misconceptions and find solutions to pain management and mobility improvement. We venture beyond the surface and explore the root causes of fascial tension and what you can do right now to "Unlock Your Hips" and unravel the unrest.⁣ ⁣ FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE ⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast ⁣ ⁣CHAPTERS⁣ 00:00 Intro ⁣ 04:00 Deep Dive Into Fascia and Pain ⁣ 13:54 The Power of Fascia in Healing ⁣ 19:21 Fascia's Impact on Mental and Physical Health ⁣ 22:00 Fun with Fascia. How do you say the word?⁣ 25:20 The Importance of Proper Foam Rolling ⁣ 32:58 Rapid Fire Game⁣ 34:40 Julia's final share with you⁣ 35:16 Hip Unlocking Challenge With Julia ⁣ 35:40 HUG it Out Challenge with Hilary⁣ ⁣ Connect with Julia at www.movementbyjulia.com or on social at @movementbyjulia on Facebook and Instagram⁣ Get her free foam rolling series Unlock Your Hips:⁣ www.movementbyjulia.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣In honor of Women's History Month, I'm giving one woman that chance to work with me for free. Just schedule your session and mention you heard about it on the podcast.⁣ https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout⁣ ⁣ Download the free 5-Day HUG it Out Challenge and turn your chaos into calm with confidence. https://www.hilaryrusso.com/5daychallenge⁣ ⁣ CONNECT WITH HILARY⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ TRANSCRIPT Full version https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast 00:00 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Within three months of doing this type of fascia release, I felt more freedom and emotional releases and just a change, such a big change in the feeling function of my arm than I had in 23 years of trying all the other types of modalities. 00:21 - Hilary Russo (Host) Okay, my sunshine, how many times do you have that feeling of pain or discomfort in your back, your neck, your shoulders, any part of your body, your knees and nothing seems to work. Nothing that you're doing to stretch it out, to make it feel better is working at all. It took me years to understand that you really have to get to the root of the issue of these kind of things. And then I tried fascia release therapy. Game changer how I found it was. I took a trip to Costa Rica and I was doing a retreat and I gave it a try. It was part of the retreat and let me tell you, it made a huge difference and I realized that there were parts of my body that I truly didn't understand and there were things that I was holding within that I didn't know how to release and I needed a little help, as we all do right. 01:16 So Julia Blackwell is a fascia release practitioner, she's an educator, she is the creator of the fascia remedy, and you may be wondering what the heck is fascia? Right? All good, all good, we're gonna cover that. That is why Julia is here on, HIListically Speaking, not only to share more about what fascia is, but what you can do to relieve that pain, to be more mobile, to increase your performance. And, julia, I know that you have your own story and I'm so grateful to have you here, because this is a topic I haven't HIListically Speaking, and I think it is so important because it affects our entire body as a whole, doesn't it? 01:57 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Oh yeah, absolutely, and yes, thanks so much for having me on. 02:00 - Hilary Russo (Host) Of course. So let's talk about fascia Before we go any further. Let's define what fascia is, so there's a clear understanding of it. 02:10 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Oh, absolutely. Also, just from my Cincinnati roots, I'm gonna call it fascia because all of my hard A's, it's just hard to have it to think. 02:20 - Hilary Russo (Host) I love that. Yeah, I'm sure it's called something everywhere. There's different dialects all over the world who tune into HIListically Speaking , so I love that you bring that up. 02:29 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Yeah, it's correct both ways. But yeah. So fascia is the biological fabric that organizes all of the water and material in your body. So you can think of it like plastic wrap that wraps around every single thing that you have. So every muscle fiber, every muscle, every bone, ligament, tendon, organ, blood vessel, nerve, it's all wrapped in this connective tissue. That's one uninterrupted, interconnected system that functions as a unit. So this little three-dimensional plastic wrap suit that we wear on the inside is so imperative for the shape and structure that you see in the mirror that is you. So if that were to magically disappear out of your body, you would go tumbling to the ground in a pile of bone fragments and goo. Or, as on the flip side, if everything else except your fascia were to magically disappear out of your body, you would largely still look like you. So it's this very covert but very important tissue. It's the most abundant tissue we have actually in our body. 03:38 - Hilary Russo (Host) So basically it's keeping us all together, right? 03:42 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Oh yes, it's imperative to attaching everything to what needs to be attached to, and then it's also separating things that need to be separated. That's why we don't just balloon water down in our legs, so it organizes all of that water and material. 04:00 - Hilary Russo (Host) Now I know people tend to just go right to the roller, the foam roller, as a way to alleviate the pain or discomfort. There's really more to this kind of release therapy than just the roller itself, right. 04:17 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Absolutely. There's a specific way to approach fascia. It plays many, many roles in our body besides just that structural and connective element, and one of those roles is to protect us. So it's what helps absorb shock, it's what subconsciously can brace for impact. So that's how we prevent more extreme injuries when we bang our elbow against the wall or maybe something more intense, like you crashed your mountain bike. But that protective element of it actually makes it a little bit difficult to change. Fascia does not change easily. So rolling around aimlessly on your roller or just really trying to beat your body into submission with this really intense trigger point isn't really the best way to approach fascia. 05:09 - Hilary Russo (Host) Okay. So I know you have your own story too. I mean, there's always something that brings us to the work we do right. And for you, you dealt with pain for a number of years and it sounds so similar to some of what I dealt with with my own story, as I mentioned when we were just chit chatting before. Like I had major TMJ surgery, temporal mandibular joint, but I also dealt with a lot of shoulder pain and when I was reading your notes before we had a chance to meet, I was like, oh man, I totally resonate with what she's saying, because we deal with this discomfort and this pain and our healthcare system has been failing us in this area. If they don't know the answer, they say well, it's in our head or you just have to deal with it and that's or here's a pill to make the pain go away. And you took a deeper dive, you really took control of your own health and I love that. So share a little bit about your story because I know it's going to resonate with people. Yeah, sure. 06:09 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) So I was almost a 10 pound baby Wow. 06:13 And I know my mom is this tiny five four lady. So I'm so sorry, mom, but in the in the process of being born I got stuck. So in the attempt to pull me out, the doctor ended up stretching and tearing most of the nerves in my right shoulder. So while I did have a nerve regraft surgery at about four months old, after that they really sent me home and wished me the best of luck and that was about it. So I was still left with a lot of limited mobility, a crazy amount of tension and just a lack of strength in that arm. 06:56 So growing up I went through what I now call the Western medicine system run around, which is going from doctor to doctor, practitioner to practitioner for all of these check-ins or, you know, treatments, if we want to call them that, without really any change. Or if I felt any change, it was very fleeting. I would feel better for about a day and then things would go right back to where they were before. And you know, most people told me there was nothing that was ever going to change about this problem. It was always going to be this way and if anything, it was only going to get worse, which is frankly crazy a crazy thing to tell anyone, especially kids, who have a much more suggestive mind, but we don't have 10 hours to talk about the things that doctors say to patients, right? Yeah, and you know largely I had accepted that and, really disconnected from my body, I rarely used my right arm at all because I figured it was simply a burden. 08:02 It was something that was never going to get any better and I still did try all kinds of different modalities. 08:09 You know as many things as the 90s in Ohio had to offer and, yeah, I got all the tools and gadgets you guys are probably familiar with. 08:23 I went to so many different experts and had all kinds of treatments, but it wasn't until I moved out to Boulder in 2011 that I met someone who did a very specific and very obscure type of fascia release, and I hadn't ever heard of fascia, which is wild. 08:43 I think I learned of it very briefly and fleetingly in college as an exercise physiology major, but had no real idea of what this thing was and it absolutely blew me away. So within three months of doing this type of fascia release, I felt more freedom and emotional releases and just a change, such a big change in the feeling function of my arm than I had in, you know, 23 years of trying all the other types of modalities. So it certainly made a big impact on me. I was like, wow, if this can make a difference for something that has been, you know, told to me that it is just irrevocable, what can this do for all of these other people experiencing pain and mobility problems just like me? So it catapulted me into doing what I do now and being obsessed with sharing about fascia with everyone. 09:46 - Hilary Russo (Host) Is that the way it always happens, though? When we find a solution for ourselves, we truly want to share it in any way we possibly can to help more people so that they don't go through the struggle we went through? 09:57 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Oh my gosh, absolutely, and you know, even since that initial experience. You know I'm a very active person. I've had bouts of knee pain, of low back pain, of neck pain and once you understand about fascia and how to release it and where to go to release it, I can solve just about any pain in a matter of days. It can be really simple when you understand where you need to go and how you need to release it. 10:24 - Hilary Russo (Host) And it's really about being an advocate for your own health, you know, understanding your body and what you need, and ask questions. I think a lot of times we go to doctors or we a lot of times people go to doctors and they just listen to what the doctor has to say and that's that and it's. And if you're not asking questions or if you feel strange or that, oh, I shouldn't be asking them. They're the authority. Nobody knows your body better than you and what you're feeling and what you're going through and what you're experiencing. And it's okay to ask questions. In fact, you should ask questions, you know. 11:04 And I got to tell you, julia I don't know how many times I've lost doctors that I've chosen specifically for a functional or integrative medicine. If them having that as part of their studies because you know those are extracurricular studies right, they don't learn that in medical school, but they don't learn nutrition, they don't learn the integrative approaches, and doctors will be the first to tell you that it has to be an extended, like it's extra education, right, but I've lost so many doctors because they're leaving these practices to go into their own practice so that they can serve people better, because a lot of them have been through their own stuff. 11:46 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Yeah, I think that's a you're hitting on a really good point to remind everyone, which is doctors are going to school to make sure that they can save your life. 11:55 They're mostly learning about medications and really imperative symptoms that they need to be able to catch early and and again save your life. If that's what's needed, they really don't have the training on, like what you said about nutrition, about gut health, about mental health, about fascia, about all of these things, and so it's very common that someone goes to the doctor for pain and they're only gonna get back what that person is trained in. So your doctors likely going to recommend pain pills, recommend a cortisone shot, you know, possibly recommend PT as well, but even things so far as surgery, and it's like if I can predict what they're gonna say. So most times, even when I was younger, I would be like you know, thank you for your time. I wanted to make sure this wasn't super serious and you know, politely, I'm gonna do this on my own yeah, and I wish I had that kind of knowledge when I had my TMJ surgery. 12:57 - Hilary Russo (Host) But I was 15, like what do? 12:58 you know you trust your parents, you trust your doctor. I've even had my mom come to me and say I'm so sorry, I didn't understand or didn't know, but that I don't blame right. But back then it was like here's the surgery, here's how you heal. There was no our Vedic. I've even had a vague therapist come to me and say you never had like any kind of massage on the inside. Nobody did anything to your job, like no, it was surgery and recovery. There was no rehabilitation and that's just that specific issue. 13:31 But I know there's people out there that have have been through their own upsets in their body, their own traumas in their body, and are still trying to figure out ways to relieve the pain but also manage it right. Because that which gets measured gets managed, that which we understand, we can befriend and have a relationship with it. And I'm curious like what area can fascia really help? We know we mentioned, we're thinking, the physical, we're thinking like the knees, the neck, the shoulders, parts of the body. But can it actually help deeper, like internally, like, say, with migraines or areas that you might not see and be able to physically move? But by relieving or causing release with the, the kind of work you do. Can it go deeper and help other problems? 14:27 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) yes, so because fascia wraps around every single thing in your body. It therefore influences the position and function of everything. So if it wraps around nerves and blood vessels and joints and bones, right, something that you likely think is a disc issue, it's a structural issue, it's a migraine that seems totally at a left field. These are all things that are in fact related to fascia. So if we go back to that plastic wrap analogy you know that's not like a hundred percent accurate, but it's a good way to visualize it. 15:04 To start, if that area of plastic wrap starts to stick to itself and become more restricted and dehydrated, like a little crumpled up ball of plastic wrap, that's going to start to pull on a whole series of muscles and bones and then you're likely going to experience something that's further down the line, that has nothing to do with that actual area of crumpled up plastic wrap. But again, it could be a pinched nerve, something that you think is nerve related, something that you think is joint related, or, you know, I've heard it be called structural things. I can't tell you how many people have come to my office and they're like well, I'm concerned about this knee pain, but I also know it's a structural thing and I'm like, oh, pumpkin, let's get started you call him pumpkin. 15:53 I call him sunshine, yeah, I was like you're my people let's, let's start working and then you, you know, we can decide if this is an actual structural problem, because most of the time it's not. There's a reason that your disc is being herniated right and it's not actually your spine. It's because there's a whole series of facial tension and muscles being pulled in a different direction, causing that disc to be herniated. So I'm very big about helping other people find the root cause instead of you know. You mentioned pain management. I sort of hate that term. So it's like why would we want to manage pain? 16:30 - Hilary Russo (Host) let's actually find the root cause and straight up, eliminate it yeah, well, when I mean manage, it's, it's building that relationship too, because when you think pain management, sometimes you do think traditional doctors. But sure one, what? What can be helpful with that is not just sloughing it off as oh, it is what it is right. There is a way to get to the root cause of whatever it is. Whether we can help with that, you know, with the work you do, or with the work I do, or we can find somebody for you that can be part of your. You know your entourage that helps you on your healing journey. You know Absolutely how can this really become unhealthy in your body if you don't learn how to get to the root cause. 17:23 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Well, there's a couple different ways. I suppose we can start with what causes fascia to become unhealthy in the first place. So number one likely the most common is underuse. None of us are really moving the way that our bodies are intended. Myself included, I end up spending a lot of time with my work looking down as I work on people. We all spend more time sitting or at desk than we ought to, and so not moving our body in that full range of motion or in all of this very dynamic ways of moving, that's a big one. Repetitive movements in a more in an overuse way is also big. 18:04 So I've worked on a lot of professional athletes over the years. So the baseball players, the tennis players, anyone who is swinging in the same way over and over again or throwing in the same way, that can absolutely start to change and restrict fascia. Injury any type of trauma that you've had, whether that's emotional or physical, something like a car accident and just stress in general. Those were the most common, and so we all have trauma. We've all had injuries before. It's just a process of the more time we have on this earth, the more things that we accumulate. 18:46 - Hilary Russo (Host) You have a different baggage. You either store it in the seat pocket in front of you the overhead or you check it. Sometimes you can fit it under your seat, but we all have trauma or baggage of some type, and when we learn where we can store it or where it is stored rather, then we know how to deal with it and hopefully we don't have to check it. 19:09 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Right, yeah, but if it is something that's happening, you'll likely experience some kind of stiffness, achiness, pain could be fully chronic pain. We talked about pinched nerves, about poor posture. There's really an endless list of things that you might start to feel when your fascia becomes more dense. It becomes more dehydrated. You might feel like you're very prone to injuries and you're pulling muscles a lot, or feeling like it takes a really long time to recover from your workout. Maybe you've got a lot of brain fog and you just feel more heavy and dense and sluggish. There's a lot of different ways that fascia could be impacting both your mental and your physical state. 19:56 - Hilary Russo (Host) That's so important that we talk about that too, because it isn't just the physical, it is the emotional, mental as well. And I've found a lot of relief just in the work that I do, especially with the havening technique and even with hypnotherapy, that using these beautiful tools, these neuroscience-based tools, it has helped me even on my own journey, but even with my clients who might be dealing with upsets in their body, what you would normally help folks with Whether it is mobility or performance and being able to work with multiple practitioners, like I said, kind of building your tribe, your entourage can be very helpful, because getting to the root isn't just one thing. It's almost like when you're planting a garden you don't just worry about the soil, you worry about the sunlight, you worry about the watering, you worry about a number of different aspects of it, and all of those are like the tools, the little brain candy that you're putting in there. So it's really important everyone to really understand where you are feeling this and is it emotional, is it physical? Because it all comes back to that gut-brain response. It's affecting you in every area of your body and it's just finding the right people to serve and help you. So I want to stop real quick, julia. 21:22 Just to mention to folks that Julia has graciously referred to share her free foam rolling video. It's called Unlock your Hips. I love that, by the way. That's really great, and I'm going to share that in the podcast notes so that you can download it. You have Julia right by your side, of course. We'll share more information about Julia so that you can reach out to her if you want to Tap into this even further and learn more about what she does. And let's kind of get into things a little deeper though, too, because you have this program called the. I'm going to say Fasha. I want to say it so badly. 22:05 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) It sounds so aristocratic when I say it that way, fasha does sound fancier. I'll definitely do that it does. 22:12 - Hilary Russo (Host) I feel like maybe that's a New York thing, I don't know. So I want to take a poll with folks real quick. Would you say Fasha, or would you say Fasha, or do you say something else? Let me know. Share it in a comment to me. Let's find out what you say. I'm curious because you know different dialects all over the country and even all over the world. You hear everything, but nothing's wrong. We start wronging ourselves. That's when we really question what we feel about ourselves. So, Fasha or Fasha, let us know. Oh, it is like really hard to say that. So can you tell us about the remedy that you've created? 22:54 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Well, the fashion remedy is the methodology that I've created. After all of the experience I've had running my practice the last decade and a bunch of different modalities that I've learned, I've taken a lot of the most effective pieces and made my own amalgamation. So I'm now teaching certifications in both foam rolling and the actual bodywork technique that I do in my practice in Denver. So that's more of the educational side of my business. If anyone is interested in learning how to, I mean mostly do it for yourself, but you can also now, after that, be able to do it for other people as well. 23:34 I've had a lot of people go through the program simply because they want to be able to work on their partner or their daughter or someone that really needs it, and they're like this is the only thing that has ever worked and they get it. They see the results for themselves because it is. It's different. It's different from a lot of things that are out there, mostly through understanding pain patterns and these lines of pull we have in the body and also by having the active movement component of what I do. So, even though you know we talked about my free foam rolling video series, it's not your standard rolling friends, it's not just aimlessly rolling back and forth on the roller, it's very intentional. There's a lot of slow breathing and active movement and it really makes a big difference when you're looking to make change to something that normally does not want to change easily. 24:28 - Hilary Russo (Host) The fact that you mentioned breathing. I want to elaborate on that because breath is so important. And the fact that it's not just about just rolling around on your roller, because I learned that when I actually learned the technique myself, that it's very intentional where you are placing the roller, how long it's sitting there, how you were breathing during the entire process and really the release you feel in such a short amount of time, like I never experienced anything like it. So I think it's very important for us to to elaborate on that, that it's not just rolling around on a roller, because we see them at the gym, right, a trainer might tell you to get on it for a couple of minutes to release some of the tension. I, I get it, but it's it's so much more. And the tools. If we have the tools for ourselves, like you say, or your family or somebody that you love, that you could encourage them how to do it correctly. It it's going to help everyone in the long run, right? 25:32 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Yeah, and it really depends on what is your intention when you're using a roller in general, right, so you know, if you've been rolling around on your roller up until this point, it's certainly not wrong. That's the way I think they originally intended it to be used. However, while it's going to create a little bit of heat through friction and might be a good warm up tool, it might be able to hydrate some of the more superficial layers. You're not able to affect the deeper layers of fascia and that's usually what's causing the problem when it comes to pain. So if you're really looking to solve something like pain or a mobility restriction, rolling, unfortunately, is not going to be able to cut it. 26:11 - Hilary Russo (Host) Yeah yeah Is. Is unlock your hips just a video series, or is it all part of a podcast as well? I think that was a little unclear on that. 26:20 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) So it's a free video series that lives on my website and it's just a way for you to start learning how to foam roll in the way that I typically recommend. So and I know we were going to talk about breathing yeah, breathing is definitely breathing yes. 26:37 Breathing. So no, no change can happen in our body without our nervous system saying that it's okay. And the odds are going to go way up if our nervous system is in a parasympathetic state, which is just the calming side of our nervous system, right? So the easiest way that we can tap into that calming side of the nervous system is through breathing really deeply, down to the low abdomen and through the diaphragm. So I will say the type of fascia release and the type of rolling I recommend people do. There can be a lot of intensity to it. 27:14 Usually, the first time someone hops on and starts doing it this specific way, they're like what, the what? This hurts a lot. So I'm like, okay, we need to figure out where is a place that we can be at maybe a six or seven out of 10 on their subjective scale with the intensity at a max. So does that mean that we need to wrap the roller in a yoga mat to add padding? Does it mean we need to stop and breathe really deeply a few times before we start the actual movement? 27:45 Either way, that's a really important part of this, just so that your body can integrate this change more effectively. So you get no gold stars for a scrunched face, holding your breath, gritting your teeth as you really quickly move through this movement. It's not going to do the same thing. So I absolutely would say it's a huge part of what I do is being able to re or just change your relationship with sensation. Like, can we actually train your body to feel safe while you're feeling a lot of sensation? Because most of the time when you feel something that intense, it's a bad thing, right? So if you can train yourself to be calm through this range of motion and while you're doing this release, it can also really change your relationship with stress in general. So I've seen it have some very interesting effects on people's stress management overall. 28:44 - Hilary Russo (Host) Oh, I love that you're hitting on that, because I say that all the time, especially with the havening work, because havening is a transitive verb for the word haven, which means safe place, and you need to have that safe place. If you are in a state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn, you certainly are not going to be feeling calm and connected to what you're doing. So, even with this kind of work, it's knowing that this is a tool that's going to help you and serve you and it's a safe place to be. So hitting on that is so important and obviously anytime we can be in parasympathetic. High five to that right Great. 29:23 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Yeah, it's certainly a process. It's certainly a process that took me maybe even a couple of months, when I first was doing this on my own, of being like man. I really have to take my time, I have to move slower. Maybe I am unable to do the full range of motion that I wanted to the first couple of times, but it does get better quickly, I would say. Most people that I work with, even after just two weeks, they're like oh my gosh, this is way less intense than it used to be because you're able to integrate those changes much more quickly through this style. 29:59 - Hilary Russo (Host) And you're able to properly restore it, you're able to see it change. I mean, how fast, would you say? I know every person is different it's bioindividuality but over the time that you've been working with folks in this area, how fast do you see them finding that relief? 30:19 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) Well, you're right, it certainly depends on the individual. I have man as good. 75% of people feel a difference after one time that they'll be like wow, I feel a lot lighter, I feel more blood flow, I feel at least a small decrease in the sensation I was feeling. But even, as I would say, maybe as long as two weeks, two to three weeks, to feel something, but it happens quickly within the first couple of weeks, absolutely, people feel a difference. 30:52 - Hilary Russo (Host) Is it encouraged that folks do it daily, that they foam roll daily, or even more than just the foam rolling, the breathing, everything that comes along with your remedy? 31:03 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) So if you're experiencing a lot of pain and discomfort, I would say doing it daily would be really helpful, just because we want to interrupt this pattern of the nervous system firing this pain signal. We want to interrupt any poor movement patterns that might be happening in the body. However, we also need to find this place where we're not overdoing it or overworking the tissue, and that absolutely depends on the person. So actually just had a client come in after I think we'd had a week and a half apart of him coming in and he was like, oh my gosh, I did the foam rolling every day, sometimes twice a day, and I'm feeling pretty good, but I'm like really sore. I've been really sore all week and I'm like, okay, so we actually don't want that. We want to do less is more sometimes with that. 31:57 So I've certainly seen that a lot where someone with back pain. I show them how to release their quads really effectively and they feel relief and so they're like, wow, if I felt that much relief from releasing my quads for five minutes, what will 30 minutes do? But it's overdoing it. So if there's any kind of soreness, if there's really, spending more than five minutes on an area is truly unnecessary, in my opinion, when you're doing the active movement component. So, depending on the person, you might want to back it off and do it every other day or a couple of times a week and just see how your body feels Great. 32:36 - Hilary Russo (Host) Good tips, love that. So just a reminder that Julia is giving away a free foam rolling video. It's part of her series called Unlock your Hips. Again, I love that. We're going to put the link in the podcast notes to movement by Julia, which is her website. And then also, I want to play a little game with you, julia. This is something I do with my guests at the latter part of the podcast. I'm going to throw out a word to you and I want you to come back with a first word that comes to mind. Julia Blackwell (Guest) oh, no, okay. Hilary Russo (Host) Oh, I know, I love it. I love this reaction. I keep thinking I should do this at the beginning, but then that changes everything. We'll have a little fun here. Okay, all right, here we go. Breath, deep. Mobility. Julia Blackwell (Guest) full Body work Hilary Russo (Host) Lovely, you're good at this, you're fast. Parasympathetic Julia Blackwell (Guest) Nervous system. Hilary Russo (Host) foam Roller. Julia Blackwell (Guest) Remedy fascia. 33:37 Hilary Russo (Host) And then the last word is fascia. I'm going to say it your way. Fascia, Fascia, tomato, tomato, same thing, same. 33:58 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) I love it. 34:00 - Hilary Russo (Host) This has been a pleasure. I've been really, really happy to have you talk about this. This is again, like I mentioned earlier, it is a topic I haven't covered and I feel that this is so important because, again, it's about understanding your body, the friending the parts of your body, and realizing that there are tools out there, my friends, that can help you, that you might not have discovered yet, or, if you have, maybe just understanding how to do it better, support your body better and Julia, you've been a great source for that and the fascia remedy. 34:35 - Julia Blackwell (Guest) We're going to share everything about that, the links in the notes, and is there anything you want to share, just with listeners, as a final thought, Just that I deeply understand what it feels like to think you're some kind of a medical unicorn and that there's nothing out there that can possibly help because your thing is so specific or it's so severe. But there really can be answers that you just don't know how to get there yet, and I'm certainly happy to help anyone on that path because I know how it feels. 35:07 - Hilary Russo (Host) Yeah, I get it. We're here to serve right. Absolutely. Thanks for being here. Thanks so much, Hilary. 35:16 If you want to learn more about Julia and the fascia remedy, be sure to connect with her on social media. Also, head on over to her website for that free foam rolling video series that she's sharing called Unlock your Hips. I know I'm going to be downloading it. I hope you do too. Give it a try. 35:33 All of her info is available to you in the notes of this episode, and if you're interested to see how havening can help you with the emotional side of your journey and be kind to your mind, I want you to do yourself a favor. I have a new challenge out there for you. It's called HUG it Out challenge five day challenge. Give it a try. Part of that challenge is a self havening guided video experience with me to help you change your thoughts, your moods, your behaviors, your habits and really help you from getting unstuck. 36:10 Okay, and it's a fun way to take control of your health and start being empowered to live your best HIListically ,Speaking, is edited by two market media, with music by Lipbone Reading and supported by you. So thank you again and again for making this conversation, and many conversations part of your day. Just by listening to HIListically Speaking Podcast and supporting you're taking a step in the right direction to be an advocate for your own health. I'm proud of you for that. I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week. 36:48 Be well.

As a March baby myself, there's an extra spring in my step when this month rolls around, not just for the promise of longer days but for celebrating the indomitable spirit of women throughout history. But what about our own stories of triumph and the quiet impact we've made? That's the heart of our latest chat, where we turn the spotlight inward and take a deep dive into the importance of the words we use and choose and the thoughts and worries that determine our day. I got real about the inner battles we all face, like stress, self-doubt, and that nagging inner critic that's all too familiar. I share my journey of overcoming these hurdles with insights into neuroscience, and discuss how changing our mindset can dramatically alter our relationship with stress. Plus, a giveaway for one lucky listener and a bonus meditation to close our conversation.⁣ ⁣ In honor of Women's History Month, I'm giving one woman that chance to work with me for free. Just schedule your session and mention you heard about it on the podcast.⁣ https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout⁣ ⁣⁣ Connect with Hilary:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ----- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ------⁣ ⁣ CHAPTERS ⁣ 0:00 Intro⁣ about March and Honoring the Divine Feminine⁣ 0:45 Confronting the inner bully, worries and self-doubt⁣ 1:06 Hilary shares her personal story and the If/Then Game ⁣ 3:33 Relate. React. Respond.⁣ 4:48 Hilary's giveaway to HUG it Out⁣ 5:45 Bonus Guided Meditation with music by Lipbone Redding⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ---------⁣ Full Transcript available here: https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast HILARY RUSSO⁣ 00:00 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I am all kinds of giddy because March is my favorite month. It marks the beginning of spring. Daylight Savings is just around the corner. It's the month when I was born Shout out to you if you're a March baby too. And it's Women's History Month. What a great time to be empowered and inspired by what other women have accomplished over the years. Who's your favorite? Who inspires you? Actually, I have a better question for you. What about your own accomplishments, and who have you touched, moved, and inspired in your life? ⁣ ⁣ 00:35⁣ Now, if you're struggling with that thought, if you have a hard time thinking that you've made a difference in someone's life and you're hard on yourself, wondering why someone else is getting more done in their lives, or you're overwhelmed and you're feeling stuck, that inner bully is definitely showing up in the moment. How many times do you let that doubt creep in? You allow the inner dialogue to take over and enter stress? I get it. I've dealt with it too. ⁣ ⁣ 01:05⁣ Here's a little story for you. My dad used to call me a worry wart, because if I could worry about something, I would find it, and I would definitely worry about it to the end of time. In fact, I had this ridiculous game that I used to play. I called it the if-then game. Yeah, I even gave it a name. It made no sense at all. It would go something like this If I can toss that little piece of paper into the wastebasket, then I'm going to get an A on my test. Yeah, like I said, it makes no sense. Here's another one If I can make that light before it turns red, I'm totally going to get asked to prom. So, spoiler alert, I got asked to prom, but it really had nothing to do with me making the red light. It's ridiculous, right? How the hell did any of this benefit me? What was the value in that kind of game? Reality check, it had no positive impact on my life. If anything, it made me more stressed and I was putting way too much pressure on myself. ⁣ ⁣ 02:11⁣ You see, stress consumed me as a kid and it didn't stop there. The smallest things would worry me. I was anxious, I would have panic attacks about things I couldn't control, but the one thing I actually could control was my thoughts about the thing I was stressing about. Imagine that it was a vicious cycle, but I didn't have the tools and I felt the overwhelm and I felt it often and it sucked. And it wasn't just Hillary as a kid, it was also the adult, me as well. Man, adulting, it can be hard, and it comes with its fair share of responsibility, doesn't it? But the bigger responsibility is not the task at hand, it's what I'm about to share with you right now. ⁣ ⁣ 03:01⁣ I figured something out you can control much of what you're feeling by changing your mindset, your energy, your thoughts. This isn't woo-woo, this is neuroscience. And when I started to really do the inner work, when I found others who could guide me and support me on my journey, something really changed. I changed, and guess what? It's something I work at every day, because stress doesn't go away, turns up in life daily. The difference is this it's not that you are void of it, you just learn to relate, react, and respond to it differently. That's the gold, right there. Let me say it again Relate, react, respond. ⁣ ⁣ 03:55⁣ The moment you get that in check, you open yourself up to a whole lot of goodness in life. But how? Yeah, I ask myself that question a lot, and it is pretty common to have doubt. After all, that's where our brain loves to go Fight, flight, or freeze. Right, Amy the amygdala is like a scared animal running for shelter, and when that happens, you spend a lot of time visiting skeptical city, questioning yourself, your actions, feeling stuck. ⁣ ⁣ 04:31⁣ The big shift is deciding how long you want a vacation there. Stress central, please. There are plenty of other stops on this train I would rather get off at, so let's make that happen. And here's the good news. Like I said, march is the Wonder Month, my month, your month, women's month. So the best gift I could receive to celebrate another trip around the sun is to give you the gift of healing. HUG it Out going to together. That is why I am giving one lucky woman the opportunity to work with me one-on-one, for free, to work through the stress that is consuming you, keeping you stuck, stopping you from shining like that bright star that you are. Whatever is holding you back and weighing you down will work through it and we'll HUG it out. All you have to do is take that first step and tell me why you would like to work with me, and then just click the link on the podcast page to give it a shot. The cool thing is we get to have a conversation either way, so it's really a win-win. ⁣ ⁣ 05:43⁣ So while I have you for the next few minutes, let's do a moment of mindfulness with my dear friend Lipbone, who shares his music on every episode to accompany us on the journey. ⁣ ⁣ 05:59⁣ Let the music guide you as you close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask yourself this question what is stressing me out that I want to work through? How do I want to feel? Joy, peace, calm, whatever it is. Let it show up for you, honor, it be okay, accepting this part of you, and then ask yourself this when is now the right time to step into the tension and know I am being handed the gift of guidance and support? Sit with that for a moment and take a deep breath and, when you're ready, open your eyes and know whatever it is you are feeling, it is valid and you are loved. HIListically Speaking, it's a beautiful possibility, isn't it, to see what is on the horizon and know that I am in your corner the entire way. So, on that note, give yourself the gift of healing and take a chance, a chance on yourself. Book the call and we will continue with a new conversation next week and until then, be kind to your mind and don't forget to laugh. ⁣ ⁣

Have you ever felt the weight of time, wishing for just a single day more to achieve your dreams? Time's elusive dance is the heartbeat of this episode, as we weave through the tapestry of a leap year's extra day—a gift of time. Along with listeners' shares, we ponder a number of ways you could enrich your life with those precious extra hours. From personal growth to the bliss of extra sleep, we explore the delicate balance of effort, surrender, and trust and take a brave leap forward to relinquish the reins of control, just a bit. Plus, a challenge that's like having me in your pocket whenever you need it. ⁣ ⁣ Download the FREE HUG It Out 5 Day Challenge!⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/5daychallenge ⁣ Connect with Hilary:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ----- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ----- ⁣ CHAPTERS ⁣ 0:00 Intro⁣ 1:21 Why do we have a leap year?⁣ 2:41 Audience shares. What they would do with extra time.⁣ 6:22 You choose to choose and the HUG it Out challenge.⁣ 8:22 Eight ways to leap into better health.⁣ 15:29 Closing thoughts ⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ---------⁣ 00:00 - Hilary Russo ⁣ What would you do with one more day, if you were promised an extra 24 hours? How would you choose to spend that time, knowing that it was the only amount of time guaranteed to you? That's been on my mind a lot lately, especially with it being a leap year, a year that provides an extra day on the calendar, right? But here's the rub that day is not promised to you and it is not promised to me. What is promised is that the measure of time, that unit of time, is going to go on with or without you. So a calendar year is typically 365 days long, right? These so-called common years are the number of days it takes for the Earth to do a complete orbit around the sun, but 365 is actually the rounded number. It takes the Earth 365.242190 days, or five hours, 48 minutes and 56 seconds. That's almost six extra hours in that year, and that time has to be accounted for somehow. And that, my friends, is why we have February 29th. And I am not here to give you a science lesson, as nerdy as I might be, as interesting as it might be to you. I'm here to go back to that first question I asked you, with that extra day, if it was promised to you. What would you do to take the leap? ⁣ ⁣ 01:44⁣ As I'm recording this, I'm on a deadline to get this episode done. Boy, oh boy, I could really use some extra time. It was in perfect Hilary fashion. It was the last minute idea that came to me ADHD brain was really showing up. Oh, I'll do an episode about this. And I started saying things to myself like oh, I could really use an extra day. If you're like me, I bet you catch yourself saying that too. Don't you Just give me a minute? Can I get a tea by the end of the day? Oh, the hours are flying by. I mean, the list goes on and on, with all the excuses, right. In fact, I recently asked you about this very thing, both in my Havening Happy Hour and then on social media. I asked you what would you do if you had more time? What brave leap would you take? And these were the replies that came back, and you might identify with some of them. ⁣ ⁣ 02:42⁣ Ann said that she would use the time to promote her business and put herself out there more. Debbie would make a serious commitment and a plan for retirement. Rebecca would organize more activities and travel more with her kids. Matthew says work runs his life and he wants to relax more. Beverly wants more peace and tranquility in this last part of her life. Diane wants to build a website. Shelly wants time to work on her speaking and training business. Beth is leaping into making that long-term Italian visa a reality. Amy says she's got a big move coming up and that will likely shift her business. ⁣ ⁣ 03:17⁣ Julie is thinking if I had an extra day, I would launch my new podcast. Now there's a lot of wood is going out there instead of leaps. Right, this is a "no woulds zone. No woods just when what a could have showed a product. So when is now the right time? And the answer is in the question. You need to trust. Stop micromanaging the universe. That's not your job. Show up, be trust and let it do the work for you. Right, surrender and release. And then there's that one leap I hear about the most. ⁣ ⁣ 04:03⁣ If I had more time, if I had an extra hour or two, I would sleep more. We are a society, a nation and even a world that's really lacking sleep. And if you want to learn more about this, I actually shared all about sleep and our need for optimal sleep in episode 140 of the HIListically Speaking Podcast with sleep expert Molly Eastman. She was my guest on the show and she shared a lot of great advice on how to get optimal sleep. So be sure to download that episode after our little chat right here and before we move forward. ⁣ ⁣ 04:50⁣ I love that you tune into this show week after week. I love that you're pressing play, but I really need you to do me a solid okay so others can find this show, Make sure that you're not only subscribed, but that you also hit that download button when you're listening, wherever you're tuning in from. This actually helps independent podcasters like myself be found by others just like you, and that's what we're trying to do here. We're trying to provide a space that gives people the tools to be kind to their mind and be a happy, healthy grown-up. So hit that subscribe button, tap the download, press play and off we go. Okay, so let's take that leap. ⁣ ⁣ 05:39⁣ February 29th is leap day. I want to remind you that, even though it's just about six hours of extra time that leap year provides us, it's more about you getting into the mindset of using your time effectively, whether it is on leap day or any day really. So if this episode is reaching your ears on leap day. That's great. There's a reason for that. But if it's not, there's a reason for that too. Everything's a message, everything's a sign. So stop for a moment and think why now? Why today? Right, because in the silence the answers do come. ⁣ ⁣ 06:22⁣ You can choose to do something you've been working on and we heard a number of different ways you can do that or start something brand new. You heard many examples of people wanting to dive into something that could really benefit their lives, and that's the beauty of life. You choose to choose. And if you're feeling a bit of self-doubt with trying something new or diving into something and leaping into something you've been thinking about but it's been on the back burner, you just need to hug it out, and I'm going to help you with that and you're going to love what I have to share. I have a special gift for you on this episode. I've never done this before. I'm sharing a link to download my Hug it Out Challenge for free Five days to add more awareness, allowance and alignment in your life, with humor, understanding and gratitude. H-U-G gotta HUG it Out. So make sure you check the link in the podcast notes of this episode to grab that PDF. It is absolutely free. It's the first time I've ever shared it. Like I said, this version, and I want you to reach out to me afterwards, after you download it, after you do the five days, let me know how it's going for you. ⁣ ⁣ 07:40⁣ Choosing little changes in your every day is what is going to create the space for the life that you deserve, and I want to help you do that. And part of that extra time is to provide you with ways to get you in the flow and sometimes taking that first step is the hardest into that leap right, that first push, when you hug it out with yourself to be brave and to take the leap knowing that you will not fall, and even if you do, you will get back up right. Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. The one place to start is always with self-care. So I want you to take a deep breath and connect to what I'm about to share with you. ⁣ ⁣ 08:24⁣ Sometimes, even with a little extra time, you procrastinate, don't you? I'll do it tomorrow, I'll get it done at some point. You think that time is promised to you. It's not. Like I said before, let's be intentional and use this time well and be grateful for it, too Grateful for every moment you have. We don't need to be abusing time. We need to work with time. So here are eight ways to take a leap into better health now that you have a little extra time. Not when, but now. And we're going to start with the big one Sleep. ⁣ ⁣ 09:08⁣ You need to get more sleep. Make it a priority. Imagine if you have an extra five to six hours of sleep, or even divide that up to have an extra hour for five or six days. Lack of sleep increases your risk for obesity, infections, heart disease, depression. The list goes on and on. Not to mention, you're going to be a little bit grumpy, right? So make sleep a priority. Okay, and I will join you on that. One Will not join you with your sleep, but you know what I'm saying. I'll join you on that journey. I want you to move your body. ⁣ ⁣ 09:51⁣ Take this time to leap into an activity you enjoy. It doesn't have to be an hour of fitness. It can be simply taking a walk in the park, or what about dancing around your living room? When is the last time you did that? The American Heart Association recommends moderate intensity activity at least 150 minutes per week. That's about a half hour, five days a week. You have 30 minutes. Use it effectively. That's time well spent. I want you to connect. Give yourself more time for human connection. It can be coffee with a friend or even a phone call. If you're going to move, you might as well ask somebody to take a walk with you. Strong, healthy relationships promote better well-being, and human connection is essential for healthy living. ⁣ ⁣ 10:50⁣ How about upping those skills? Have you thought about learning a musical instrument or a new language? But you keep thinking, ah, it's going to be too hard, it's going to take too much time. Or you want to learn CPR, but you've been putting it on hold. Or how about finishing that book? I'm raising my hand on that one. I've been putting that on the back burner, thinking when am I going to find the time? That self-doubt has got to go and trust me, I get it. But note to self and to you, time isn't promised. Do something you haven't done before that will ignite your mind and challenge you. I promise you you'll feel better. ⁣ ⁣ 11:35⁣ Volunteer Acts of kindness can do a lot for your mental health, and imagine what it can do for those that you're serving. It can really be anything you want it to be Finding something that you really connect with and brings you joy. So a little story for you. When I was living in New York City, I was a volunteer for therapeutic horseback riding. Yes, there are actually horse stables in New York City. It brought me such joy. Right, it aligned with what I love children, animals being of service. So look for those moments. What do you love? Find that thing and then lend a hand. You're going to feel so much better when you do. And, yes, you have the time, or you're going to make the time right. ⁣ ⁣ 12:29⁣ Eat! Mangia! That's our next one. And yes, you should enjoy foods you love. Have you ever wondered why people in areas like the Blue Zones are breaking the 100 mark, living past 100? They eat foods that are healthy, but they also eat foods they enjoy. And food is a relationship, and you might remember my conversation with Blue Zones founder Dan Buettner on Episode 66, when we talked about the nine principles of longevity. Nourishment is more than just what you physically eat. Your relationship with yourself includes everything around you. So treat yourself. Why rob yourself of life's pleasures? And if you need help creating a better relationship with food, that's something you struggle with. I got you. There's a link in the notes of this episode to support you on that journey, because we'll get you there. ⁣ ⁣ 13:24⁣ I want you to pamper yourself. You don't have to hit the spa to treat yourself right, okay, one of my favorite things to do is take a bubble bath. I am a bubble bath fanatic and I love to soak and I love to sit in the tub. It can be as simple as that. It can be anything you want it to be. Actually Read a book, just rest your eyes for a little bit, listen to some great music and look, I'm a gal that also loves bumping it up a notch and hitting a spa or getting a massage or a mani-pedi. You can do that too. Maybe a run or hike or, even better, a little havening session, a little CPR for your amygdala Hampering yourself will help boost your mood, so why wouldn't you want to add that to your day? ⁣ ⁣ 14:12⁣ And last but not least, gratitude. Practice gratitude every day, numerous times a day, for the little things and the big things. I can't say that enough and I know I've said this numerous times on this podcast when you start your day with two minutes of gratitude, compared to three minutes of grabbing your phone and going and doing and getting up and moving and not really giving yourself time to appreciate you and the things that you provide in this world and put out there in the world, and even the things around that bring you joy. Those two minutes, six to eight hours later, have a 27% more likelihood of bringing you a good day, a happy day, compared to those three minutes doing that other thing. That's a lot of time to put on the table, and that G in the gratitude is the H-U-G and hug it out. ⁣ ⁣ 15:10⁣ And it's not just about that gratitude, like I said, towards others and experiences. It really starts with self, it begins with in. That's where I want you to start. Those small moments of appreciation are going to make big dents in happy living. So that's it. Eight ideas. Eight ideas, sunshine. ⁣ ⁣ 15:29⁣ Imagine what you can do if you just take one step forward into that leap and be brave. It becomes so much easier after that, after you take that first step right. It's momentum, it's movement, it's energy. So be brave and hug it out every day. And remember to download that five day challenge, the Hug it Out Challenge. It is my gift to you to take that brave leap into a new day and a new possibility. And, of course, I want to thank you for tuning in week after week. Thank you for subscribing, for downloading so others find this show too and reminding me to keep showing up. That's what you do for me Keep showing up and keep pressing record, Hil. Yeah, I'm grateful for that every day. So, on that note, be brave and leap, because I promise you the net will appear. I love you and I believe in you. Be well. ⁣ ⁣

When it comes to grief, it's possible to live happily…even after. Rebecca Johnson knows her fair share of loss. Just weeks after the sudden death of her husband, she found out she had a rare and inoperable eye cancer. On this episode of the HIListically Speaking Podcast, Rebecca shares how an unexpected twist of humor and courage was the calling she needed to press "record" and heal. By sharing the message to "Widow Your Way", she found resiliency and community with a mission to take back control and find joy in the everyday, no matter the loss.⁣ Connect with Rebecca and tune into her podcast Love is Not Dead…Just My Husband⁣ on any podcast platform. https://www.instagram.com/loveisnotdead_justmyhusband/⁣ https://www.facebook.com/loveisnotdeadjustmyhusband⁣ ⁣ If you're struggling to find your way through a loss in your life, let's see if Havening is right for you on your healing journey. Book a complimentary clarity call and let's HUG it Out and heal. https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout⁣ If this episode has touched, moved and inspired you, pay it forward and consider leaving a rating and review wherever you're tuning in. ⁣ ⁣ Connect with Hilary:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ------ ⁣ 00:00 Navigating Widowhood and Overcoming Loss⁣ 00:30 Transforming Traumas Into Triumphs⁣ 05:06 The Power of Podcasting⁣ 08:21 Gratitude, Loss, and Legacy⁣ 12:21 Embracing Widowhood and Overcoming Challenges⁣ 29:43 Empowering Widows Through Personalized Grieving⁣ 33:44 Self Care and Dating Adventures⁣ 42:45 Word Association Game in Podcast⁣ 46:29 Connect With Rebecca Johnson's Podcast⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ---------⁣ ⁣ 00:00 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ For me, it turned out that my widowhood journey was nothing about my husband. It's not. Being a widow has absolutely nothing to do with your dead husband. It's all about you. You are the widow. It's called widowhood for a reason. It's your journey, it's about you. ⁣ ⁣ 00:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Well, one of my favorite sayings is you choose to choose. I know you've heard me say that before if you've been tuning into HIListically Speaking for some time, and it's really a reminder that we truly can change our thoughts and then change our lives in that very moment. Right, and it doesn't mean that we should not feel our feelings or our emotions, it doesn't mean we should ignore the upsets or the traumas that have happened in our lives. But by choosing to choose, we have this ability to really take our lives back and I know I've been on that place a few times myself to turn those traumas into the triumphs, one day at a time. Rebecca Johnson, you reminded me of that Now. For those of you who don't know Rebecca, you will after this. ⁣ ⁣ 01:14⁣ She is the host of the podcast Love is Not Dead. Just my husband and I met you during she Podcast Live and also PodFest, and while I was the one presenting on the stage and sharing and hopefully people were learning something from what I had to share. I learned so much from you, just having a little time with you during those four days down in Florida, and I just am so elated to have you here to share your story, to share parts of who you are, to share your podcast and just really be in the room with you right now. ⁣ ⁣ 01:46 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ So thank you so much for being here, sweet Rebecca oh my God, that is so flattering and I mean thank you for having me. I was so ecstatic whenever you said you wanted me on your podcast because your energy when I met you after the award and you came up and talked to me I've honestly only met one other stranger in that same type of scenario where their energy just drew me to you. ⁣ ⁣ 02:22 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ So yeah, I'm elated and touched by that and I think you know for me, thank you for that, for me, putting out that beacon, we tend to align with those who will mirror back at us. Right, it's being in the room, it's creating that vibe and, you know, it's like the saying like survive a tractor tribe, right, and we are in that room with a tribe of people, with a group of women who are podcasters, who are making a difference in this world. Plus, can I just add, before we go any further and into your story, this gal won, like the People's Choice Award during that she Podcast Live. You won the Sonic Bloom Award, which was like the award of awards that everybody thought, your podcast, which you've only had for a year. Again, love is not dead, just my husband. We're going to talk about that. ⁣ ⁣ 03:13⁣ So, congratulations, thank you, love that and you know, for those of you who do not know Rebecca yet, like I said, you will, but she is a widow. She has survived multiple losses in a very short period of time. You've also dealt with a rare cancer that you're still you're still are working through. You've made it your mission to say that you're going to widow your way. Love that and how to move forward in life and loss without going down that rabbit hole. That is so easy to do because the brain will instantly go to that place right, it hates uncertainty. It's going to protect itself, go to the safe place and you're like kind of pulling people back. Pulling people back just from your own story. So such a beautiful lesson that we learn from our own upsets in our lives and I just love where you're going with this. ⁣ ⁣ 04:05 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Thank you so much. It's been. Podcasting has been a big part of my healing journey and it helped me heal a lot of things that I thought I had already addressed, you know, before, and it brought up a lot of things that, in grief, that I realized that I hadn't worked through, and podcasting has been a big part of that. ⁣ ⁣ 04:35 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ So, before we pressed record, I was telling you about my journey, about how I got into podcasting. You know, being in the broadcasting world for 30 years and then moving into this field of mental health, it was the one area I hadn't tapped into was the podcasting world. So people are always interested in how you find podcasting. So, for you, what, what was your story and what made you say I'm going to press record, I'm going to be open and vulnerable and courageous and share my journey. ⁣ ⁣ 05:06 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ So a friend of mine that I met in the same way that I met you, which just brings this full circle. So I'm really enjoying this moment. I met her on a trip in Mexico and Tulum and just her energy, her presence, everything about her I was just. I wanted to be in her space the entire time Like I felt safe, and she. We became friends. She invited me to speak at a women's wellness event that she had. ⁣ ⁣ 05:47⁣ And I have done public speaking, but not on a stage like that and just usually for work stuff, because that's the things that I know, and when you know something very well, you feel comfortable talking about it. So I've only done public speaking for work events and so I did that. I think I did horribly, but everyone seemed to like it. And then we were talking afterwards and she was like I really think you should tell your story. You can help so many people. What can I do to get you on this speaking journey? And I was very nervous about that. So, instead of going through public speaking and being on stage and people actually seeing me, we talked through it and I can do the same thing, but hidden Like behind the mic. I don't necessarily have to show my face, and I don't have to show my vulnerability, and I don't have to show that I'm scared and I'm upset or sad. I can just be hidden and stay behind the mic. So that's how podcasting came about. ⁣ ⁣ 07:07 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ But, interestingly enough, even though we're behind the mic and we might be expressing and opening our heart and soul, there is still a sense of vulnerability, because your voice is very powerful too. People get to know you, they resonate with the voice, they resonate with the person behind the microphone as well, and it's kind of like being a fly on the wall many times in this work that we do as podcasters. So for you and I briefly mentioned your cancer survivor your survivor of grief multiple times, like you had mentioned in part of your story is that you lost your husband a number of years ago and then six months later you found out you had cancer, and then you recently just told me that you also lost your brother. So can we talk about that journey a little bit? ⁣ ⁣ 08:01 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yeah, absolutely. It was my husband. I lost him first and it was May 2018. It was very unexpected. He had no health issues, except for some sleep apnea, but he passed away peacefully in a sleep. ⁣ ⁣ 08:21⁣ So sometimes I get a little nervous about telling the story, talking about the death and talking about my husband, because so many other widowers and podcasters out there sharing their stories and telling their stories. They have really traumatic losses and even though and I used to downplay that a lot I used to say you know, I'm so grateful that my husband didn't commit suicide, I'm so grateful that my husband wasn't in a traumatic accident, but what I found that I was doing is I was using gratitude in the wrong way and I was not taken in consideration my own grief, and I was downplaying my grief to others, and which ultimately had me into the realization after a while. You know, losses, loss it doesn't matter and I don't judge anyone for the losses that they grieve, whether it's a pet or a spouse, or a parent, or a job or, you know, just a boyfriend. We're all grieving and that is all the same. And similar. ⁣ ⁣ 09:57 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Elaborate on that, because gratitude to hear that you're using gratitude the wrong way. What do you mean by that? ⁣ ⁣ 10:05 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ I downplay what's happening in my life because I feel like it's not as important as what's happening in someone else's life. And then, when I first learned about gratitude which I know some people might find that strange, like what do you mean you first learned about gratitude? When I first learned about gratitude, I didn't know that you should wake up and be grateful for something. I didn't know that there was this thing. Tell me three things that you're grateful for today. And when I did and I learned that the first time that a friend of mine asked me to do that, I didn't know what to say and I literally asked her can you explain gratitude to me? And she didn't make me feel stupid about it. She was very gracious. She explained gratitude and she said you know you don't have to be grateful for all these great big, amazing things. She said you can just be grateful that you're here and we're having this cup of coffee, and so that's how it started out for me. ⁣ ⁣ 11:17⁣ I would just say I'm so grateful for this coffee today, or I'm so grateful that the weather is beautiful outside. So I started out with little things of gratitude and then I worked my way up to bigger things. I was using it, in a way, to excuse myself and downplay my feelings and what's going on with me, to uplift someone else or make them feel like they are more important. What they're going through is worse than what I'm going through, when in actuality it's not. And it really made me realize that, yes, we can be grateful for things during bad times, but we don't have to act like, we don't have to use gratitude in a way that makes our bad things irrelevant. I hope I explained that right. ⁣ ⁣ 12:21 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I love that you're touching on this, yeah, and this is such a big part of my hug it out method that I was sharing with you before and also when you, you and I met at the conference and that you know. Hug it out is about taking time to embrace yourself and a big part of that is the G and the hug it out, which is the gratitude, it's the self, it's the humor, it's the understanding and the gratitude that is really involved in the healing. And that gratitude is what are you appreciative for about yourself that you're putting out in this world? And you're right A lot of times we look at gratitude as, like this grand big thing, like you have to be grateful for the big things in life, but it's getting up in those first moments before you put your feet on the floor. In fact, there's a Harvard research review study, rebecca, and to those listening that says if you start your day with two minutes of gratitude before you pick up your phone, before you do anything, two minutes of gratitude, and it could be the small things, like I'm just happy I'm waking up in the morning, I'm glad I have a roof over my head, those small things, or the music or your cat next to you, whatever it is you have a 27% more likelihood of having a good day six to eight hours later compared to if you get up and just go grab your phone, read the paper, turn the news on for three minutes. I mean that's 27% that you're putting on the table, right. So just taking those few moments, like you're doing, and take those gratitude moments and I highly encourage those of you who are tuning in right now listening to this beautiful conversation with Rebecca Johnson who, like I mentioned, she has this wonderful podcast called Love Is Not Dead, just my Husband. We'll talk about that and so much more that's still to come in our conversation Take two minutes, just try this as a challenge, make it part of your hug it out challenge. ⁣ ⁣ 14:14⁣ Start two minutes in the morning, just with the small things, and see how you feel later in the day, and it could be small. In fact, it should be small, because lessening your own gratitude because somebody else is going through something that you think is greater. It's not a comparison game, right? We all have the ability to touch, move, inspired and be touched, moved and inspired. So if it doesn't begin with in, how in the world can you show up for others, right? Yes, so that was a big lesson for you. Yes, it was, yeah. And from facing that loss and making that change and losing your husband, it wasn't that long after that that you found out that you were facing your own personal loss. ⁣ ⁣ 15:02 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yeah. So six weeks after he had passed away, I had found out that I was having trouble with my vision and went to the eye doctor. He thought my retina was detaching, went to a specialist and he said I think there's something more. And he sent me to an ocular oncologist at Duke Eye Center. This all happened in 2018. And that's when I found out I was diagnosed with a rare eye cancer ocular melanoma. ⁣ ⁣ 15:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ You do have a terminal diagnosis. ⁣ ⁣ 15:37 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yes, so my cancer is incurable and, based on the statistics of the drug, the immunotherapy that I'm taking statistically the survival rate is two to three years. But, however, there are some people that are on this drug, that were on it throughout the trial and they're now at four years. So that does. That gives me some hope. ⁣ ⁣ 16:05 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ What is your biggest concern? ⁣ ⁣ 16:07 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ My biggest concern is my son and how he is going to be able to handle the grief, because I have only had a few losses and they have absolutely been significant to me, but my son has had in such a short period of time. I mean we lost. My best friend's son was murdered, so that was his godbrother, I mean his very first friend, his best friend growing up his entire life, then my husband, which is his stepfather, who did raise him. Then after that he had a friend from school, I believe it was. He died in a car accident, then his grandfather died, then his grandmother died, then my brother, his uncle died, and then his great grandmother died. ⁣ ⁣ 17:22⁣ And now he has to think about my death as well and that's a lot of loss. And I've never seen him cry. I mean I saw him cry at my husband's funeral and I just I wonder how. I worry about how he's processing his grief, because sometimes when I talk to him about it, he does open up and he wants to talk about it, but then sometimes he will just look at me and say I don't want to talk about that. So I hope that in some way this podcast will be a way for him to come back and listen to me and my advice and just kind of learn from it that grief is going to be hard and it's going to be sad, but there's so much to still be grateful for in life and I don't want him to think that when my life is over, that just life is over in general and I want him to live and not just be alive Like. I want him to actually live and have everything he's ever wanted. ⁣ ⁣ 18:53 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Well, I imagine having a mom like you. He's learning what it means to get back up. You know, I hope so, I think so, and I imagine there are a lot of other people that are tuning in and probably are getting that message that you might never meet. So thanks for that. Thanks for sharing that part of yourself vulnerably and with unbelievable courage and a legacy. Is something that we hope we can all share and leave behind, whether it's tomorrow or 20 years from now, or 30 years from now. You know it's just leaving our mark in a positive way, in any way that we know we're touch, moving and inspiring people. So thanks for pressing record. ⁣ ⁣ 19:47 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Thank you for listening. Thank everyone for listening, because it wouldn't be a podcast without listeners. ⁣ ⁣ 19:55 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, that's true. And even with that, with that loss as well, you not only found out you had cancer, you also wound up with more loss, and that was even losing the eye itself. ⁣ ⁣ 20:10 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yes, and back to downplaying the same thing with my eye, and I never thought about it at the time. Losing my eye was a really big deal and the cancer and the eye and everything that was going on with me was really overshadowing my grief for my husband. So that was just kind of delayed. So now I'm in survival mode and I just have to try to take care of myself. But the loss of my eye was I don't, I never thought about it in a way that losing a body part, but you grieve that too. You know I had some phantom visions sometimes, you know. ⁣ ⁣ 21:06⁣ And then also, just it was a while before I got my prosthetic and to have no eye and to wear an eye patch, or my eye doctor made me some glasses with a blackout lens which made it nicer, but it was still almost very. ⁣ ⁣ 21:28⁣ It was a lot more eye catching to someone than just an eye patch, right? So I didn't leave the house a lot. I didn't like the way that I looked. I also had a small basal cell carcinoma on the forehead that the surgeon had found and it was really a small little bump that just wasn't healing on my forehead and he took that out as well and he said it ended up being a lot larger than he thought and left me with a large scar the scar. And so for a long time I just I didn't like the way that I looked and it took me years to embrace my prosthetic eye and that it was a tough time. A lot of grief there and still, sometimes now even I have difficulty with again not wanting to speak and be more behind the mic instead of on stage and people seeing me on camera. I still get nervous sometimes that people are looking at my eye. ⁣ ⁣ 22:43 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And what's so amazing is that you at some point took the shift. I mean, and look like those inner parts of ourselves are still there. The things we've been through are there and we should never be ignoring them. But you've turned the corner on things and even wrote it to me. You said I just I'm not falling down the rabbit hole. So where was the turning point for you that you said I'm not going this route, even though some days are more challenging than others. Like you, just mentioned. ⁣ ⁣ 23:15⁣ And I have these moments where the ego steps in or the doubt steps in. Hi, welcome to being a human right. But for you, when was it like? You know what? Screw this. I'm turning this around. I want to be there for myself. I want to be there for my family. I want to be there for my family, a potential listeners who, now that you've been in this podcasting world for over a year and doing things the widows way, as you call it, like, how did all this come about? ⁣ ⁣ 23:45 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Well it was. It was quite the roller coaster, I'll tell you. The breaking point was a summer trip in Sedona. I have a friend. I go with her and her family to Sedona every year and Sedona is absolutely gorgeous. And any the vortex and the vortex, any any picture you see of Sedona, that is exactly what it looks like. That it's. It's not made up. You can take the ugliest picture of Sedona in the Red Rocks and it's still the most beautiful place. ⁣ ⁣ 24:24⁣ So here I am. I get the opportunity to go every summer with this family and experience a place that most people only dream of going. And I Wasn't having that experience. We were. We were leaving the airport restaurant one day and when you come on the back end of the Red Rocks, they're these beautiful, like they're lighter colors. They're not the deep reds, they're, they're much lighter reds and pinks and oranges and whites and they all blend together. And we were coming around and she goes isn't this the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? And I looked at her and I said I don't know what's beautiful anymore and I just busted out crying and I spent the next few days just crying, like I needed that cry. ⁣ ⁣ 25:31⁣ I didn't even cry that. I didn't cry that much when my husband died. I didn't cry that much when I was diagnosed with my cancer. I feel like I had bottled everything up for so long and it was finally coming out and I felt like I was living a lie, like every smile was forced, every laugh was fake, what people saw on the outside was not how I felt. And when I left Sedona I knew that something had to change. So I had to get some discipline. I had to force myself and I love Mel Robbins. Shout out to Mel Robbins Five, four, three, two, one. ⁣ ⁣ 26:19⁣ And you know I take her advice, advice like as a widow and a lot of people like she is very you got to make yourself, do it. No one's coming to save you. Get off your ass and just do it. And I took that advice not just as a person but as a widow and I'm like you know what, rebecca? No one's coming to save you. No one's coming to save you. You're. You're here, you're grieving and you're sad and you're depressed and you're lonely and you're living this widow saga. No one's coming to save you. No one cares that you're a widow anymore. You're the only one that cares. You're the only one hanging on to this and I just use that and I started doing things more for myself. I went back to school. I started getting out more. I said I'm going to start dating. ⁣ ⁣ 27:29⁣ I did that horribly, but but that was what you did it, girl, I did it, but you did it, but that was, that was the breaking point and I really started to embrace living, I started to travel, I started to do more things and then my brother died and then I felt like it was just all coming, like I felt myself being pulled back into that world of grief and then I then I knew I had to, I had to dig myself back out of it. It's like if you did it before, you can do it again. ⁣ ⁣ 28:17 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That's really it, right there. Like we sometimes see the the traumas that we go through, as being the only trauma and sometimes we'll connect it to something from the past, that encoding Right and we realize that we've been through this Like my mom. Do you remember the Weebel wobbles? Weebel's wobbles? They don't fall down. Yes, yes, so I have, like I have a bunch of them on my, my desk, because it's a reminder that we fall but we get back up. Right, we wobble but we get back up. ⁣ ⁣ 28:48⁣ We weebel, what we don't fall down and that's what life's about is the resiliency Right, and you but. But it takes us a moment to step back and get out of our own shit, to realize it Like we have to feel, we have to emote, we have to go through those, those moments, like I mentioned earlier. But it is really taking that deep breath and realizing how long do I want to stay in this flip in place, right Before I make this, before I realize I can get back up and I can heal while I'm getting up, right, yeah, so, with all that happening and now many losses, just physically, two people, but then your own losses and your own life and your health. ⁣ ⁣ 29:33⁣ What is your mission now with? Love is not dead, just my husband, the widow's way. Where are you looking to go with this? ⁣ ⁣ 29:43 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ You know, it wasn't until after the cancer had metastasized that I really thought about that. I mean, I was just having fun with the podcast, right, and you know the whole widow your way thing. With that, I feel like just the statement itself is more empowering for a widow than just there's no right or wrong way to grieve, right. I feel like widows need something that's specific their own. You know, just like Nike, just do it. You know widows widow your way. Like how I saw you were in the shirt, yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 30:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I saw you were in the shirt and I was. I was pulled into it because it just it didn't have to be a slogan of a podcast, didn't have to be anything. It's just like I'm not even. I'm not in that position and I felt a pull to it. Maybe it's just being a woman and understanding losses in different ways, but I'm like we do widow other things, other than people. Yes, right, and so I pulled. I was pulled into that statement like ah, yeah, okay, and I wasn't even sure what it meant to me in that moment, but I connected to it, rebecca. So it's powerful, I have. ⁣ ⁣ 31:03 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ It's powerful, I hope so, um, you know, for me, I have never read a grief book. Well, actually, I've read one grief book, finding Meaning, by David Kessler, Other than that, and I just read that last year. But for me, I never read it. But for me, I never did a grief workshop, I never did a widow group, I didn't reach out to any other widows. I, I, I did it my way and it turned out okay. It really did turn out okay, and so that has been the focus of my podcast Widow your Way, um, trying to break through stereotypes and what people really think of widows. And for me it turned out that my widowhood journey was nothing about my husband. It's not. Being a widow has absolutely nothing to do with your dead husband. It's all about you. You are the widow. It's called widowhood for a reason. It's your journey, it's about you. ⁣ ⁣ 32:22 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, yeah. So I want to just reiterate to folks if you're not tuning into Love is Not Dead, just my Husband with Rebecca Johnson, or just connect with her, we're going to put all your information, rebecca, in the list of notes. I want people to be able to tune in and really to find their own connection to you, because I think you're just an incredible human being and you know, when I was, when I gave you the podcast notes to fill out, you're like I don't have a freebie. I'm like, oh girl, yes, you do. Your podcast is the freebie and it doesn't always have to be the lead magnet or the download. And I know we get into this world of marketing in this, but really aren't we just people just having conversations too? And I think you're so authentic with that and I love that about you and I'm so glad we're able to have this conversation. So if this conversation touch, moves and inspires you tuning in right now, listening to HIListically Speaking speaking episode with Rebecca Johnson, you know, let us know. Share it in the ratings and reviews. ⁣ ⁣ 33:25⁣ Wherever you are tuning into this podcast, whether you're watching on YouTube or you're listening on any of the platforms we're on, which is basically them all Let us know, like let Rebecca know, and give her a shout out. Go check her out, you know. Subscribe to her podcast as well. Let's amplify the voices, let's be there for each other. That's really what this is. This, really what this podcast is about is holding space for those and, like I say a million times and my listeners know, my audience knows, every person I have on this podcast is like a masterclass. I'm learning from you just as much as you might be walking away and learning something from me, so thank you for that. ⁣ ⁣ 34:00 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Oh, absolutely. ⁣ ⁣ 34:02 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ So appreciative of you. Where I want to go next, let's? I want to have a little fun because you know, like I said, part of the healing involves humor and we were having some conversations before pressing record where we were talking about the dating getting out there in the world, the things we really need to do also for ourselves, the self love. And February yes, it's known as Love Month usually focuses around Valentine's Day, but I really want to just nail it in that it's really about the self love and you connect with that as well the things you're doing for yourself, the things that you are doing to pick yourself back up when the weeble wobbles. And what does self care mean to Rebecca? Like, how are you holding space for yourself, rebecca? ⁣ ⁣ 34:51 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ You know, honestly, right now I'm not holding any kind of space for myself other than with this cancer, other than when I feel hungry, I'm eating whatever I want, and I know a lot of people are very concerned about my health and what I'm putting into my body right now. But for me, right now, that is my self love. When I find myself hungry, I'm eating what I want and I'm in joy in it and I'm sleeping. When I'm tired, I. If I'm at work and I feel that I'm doing too much, before I used to push through and I wouldn't take a break, and so now I'm not doing that anymore. If I'm tired, I take a nap. If I want to feel like I need some kind of recharge, I'll walk outside and stand in the sun for five minutes. So those I mean wow, I said that I wasn't doing any self care, and the more that I think about it. Yeah, I am doing a little self care, but it's nothing great. Yeah, so I you know. But that goes back to almost to the gratitude. ⁣ ⁣ 36:05 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Like you think I'm not really in a state of gratitude, and then you realize the smallest things, like I just had a delicious sandwich and it was amazing, right, and I'm so grateful that I had it. Like we tend to put so much pressure on things being big and grander to be able to have purpose and meaning our lives, and it's really the small things that make the difference, right. So I ask you if you do things for self care? At first you said nothing and you just listed a bunch of things I did. I love it, yeah. What is your favorite thing that you that you like to? Uh, nashon. ⁣ ⁣ 36:39 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Um what was your. ⁣ ⁣ 36:41 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ What's the food that you think that is not good to have, so good to have. ⁣ ⁣ 36:44 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ So right now nothing tastes good, like everything sounds like it might taste good, and then I eat it and it's like uh no, now it just tastes gross, I don't want it. Um, right now my thing is potatoes Anything with potatoes, yeah. Yeah, nothing exciting, but just I'm eating potatoes. All right, it's a comfort food. ⁣ ⁣ 37:15 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah Right, and I think we get into this habit and I'm an integrative nutrition, holistic health coach and I've studied like 135, 40 dietary theories that are out there and I think it just comes down to like things in moderation. Like if we deny ourselves things that bring us joy, then we are most likely going to sabotage anyway because we are denying ourselves the things that bring us joy, but it's being witnessed to it. So I would say you can even pair that potato with a gratitude moment. I love this potato. ⁣ ⁣ 37:49 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ There you go, something to be great for. ⁣ ⁣ 37:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Right, yeah, so as someone who is doing some self care, you're getting out there in the world. You said, dating hasn't been going so well. Are you? Um, are you embracing it again? Are you trying it again? Cause you've shared some stuff where it's been pretty funny about your, your dating adventures. You've you've shared some things about your dating adventures that were kind of humorous. ⁣ ⁣ 38:14 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yeah. So with Valentine's Day coming up, I was, you know, everyone's talking about Valentine's Day. Some of the other widows are, you know, talking about dating and stuff, and I'm like, do I want to do a Valentine's Day episode? Do I want to take advantage of that? And then, um, so I decided that I would do a Valentine's Day episode. Um, I was debating about it and then this song popped into my head Tina Turner, what's love got to do with it? ⁣ ⁣ 38:51⁣ And there's a very funny story I mean I think it's funny, a very funny story that I'm going to share on my next episode, but a very funny story about me and my husband and why Tina Turner is so relevant. And then I it's going to be a two part episode. So I share two relationship stories a little more in detail than what I have in the past, and the second one is going to be there's a little twist to it. It's not what you think it's going to be. So now you'll have to tune into that one too. But is this is the second one airing a week later? Yes, I mean it's it's coming after Valentine's Day Perfect Cause. ⁣ ⁣ 39:40 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ As you know, we're recording this right before Valentine's Day, so you can go back and listen to these episodes. Because that's really where I want to go here is that Valentine's Day is not just one day. Love month is not just February. Every day should be a chance to say I love myself and I have the ability to love others, right? So it doesn't matter when this is dropping. We are dropping this, as you know, in February. However, go back and listen, you know, as a reminder that it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day. ⁣ ⁣ 40:11 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ I felt like it was going to be pretty good. And then I saw Miley Cyrus win her Grammy. I didn't watch the Grammys, but I saw an epa clip where she was singing her song Flowers and yeah. And then she's like I want a Grammy, yes. But did you notice her outfit and her hair and her mannerism? She was impersonating Tina Turner. ⁣ ⁣ 40:39 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Oh, you know what? I didn't even catch that. ⁣ ⁣ 40:41 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Which solidifies that my two podcast episodes were supposed to be told. ⁣ ⁣ 40:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Wait a minute. Did that? Was that? Did that come out that she was Well, or is that just your interpretation? I didn't read that. I did so you felt that. Watch her the way she was moving. ⁣ ⁣ 41:05 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ those are Tina Turner's moves Her dress that she was wearing with the fringe, that's Tina Turner. Her hair, oh my gosh Big. That is Tina Turner. She was Rebecca, I didn't even get that. And what better person to inspire you? And and in that song and on that stage, I mean that is Tina Turner. And then yeah, yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 41:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I did not get that until I'm sitting here listening to you and rewinding, because I didn't watch the Grammys either. But I did catch that clip because in my mind I thought that was such an empowering moment for her and so authentic. Like she's singing her song and then she just breaks and goes. I finally want a Grammy. And like I felt that for her, like I felt it was like a Susan Lucci moment where she goes up for the Emmys like 19 times until she won. It was that moment where she's like I've worked so hard writing this music and finally I'm being acknowledged. Like I felt, like it was so authentic. But now add on top of that, this is a girl, a young woman that is paying tribute to somebody who has inspired her and wow, that that levels that moment up. Now I didn't even think that. Thank you for bringing an awareness to that. ⁣ ⁣ 42:24 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 42:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Anybody out there listening. If you feel that way, too, would love to know. I think that's pretty incredible, but so it does. It makes it will make your podcast make a lot more sense. And just isn't it funny how the things just align. Yes, in that way. Yes, there's just this unbelievable alignment. Awesome, love that. Okay, my dear. So I just want to reiterate to those who are listening and tuning in, wherever you're tuning in, rebecca Johnson, please give her podcast I know it's not dead, just my husband a listen, tune in. I know there's numerous ways to get in touch with you and you share that. We're going to put that in the podcast notes, but I want to play a little game with you. Ooh, got a moment. ⁣ ⁣ 43:02⁣ Yes, I love a good game, so I do this at the end of every podcast and sometimes I wonder if I should do it at the beginning, because it really kind of breaks people up. It's pretty funny, but I do this like word association game, where I pick words from the conversation we're having and I want you to come back with the first word that comes to mind. It's basically seeing how Rebecca's brain is working. ⁣ ⁣ 43:25 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Wow, what if it's so do? Do I have a default word if I, if I can't come up with a word, Like a safety word. ⁣ ⁣ 43:32 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Oh, yeah, I think I need that's a whole different kind of podcast. That's a safe word. Okay, that's Rebecca a couple of years into dating, and then we can get into that. ⁣ ⁣ 43:46 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Oh my goodness, it's just safe word, yeah. ⁣ ⁣ 43:49 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ No, this is just me throwing out a word, or maybe two, depending, okay, and I just want you to come back Like, just don't think too hard about it. This is Rebecca's brain, sharing the word that she associates with the word I throw out at you. Okay, just take a deep breath, maybe do a little havening, because you learned how to do that, and the first word I'm going to throw out is vision Board Word Grief Loss Podcast Me, yeah, girl Widow. ⁣ ⁣ 44:32 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Your way. ⁣ ⁣ 44:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Nice Well played on the branding Cancer Live Gratitude. ⁣ ⁣ 44:47 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Always. ⁣ ⁣ 44:50 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Love. ⁣ ⁣ 44:51 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Is not dead. ⁣ ⁣ 44:54 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, it's not. It never is. Sometimes it goes dormant for a moment, but it's still there, right? Yeah, we just have to rediscover ourselves. Really is what it's all about. That's a good takeaway. I appreciate that I've learned a lot from you and I'm really, really elated to share this space with you. It's really been a good conversation and I hope to have more, because you open my eyes to some things you know. And widowing your way doesn't necessarily mean you've lost a partner or a spouse. There are many levels of grief and loss, right, and being able to see that nobody's going to save you. We really are on this. We're walking each other home, as I like to say, but truly the journey is ours. ⁣ ⁣ 45:46 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Yes. ⁣ ⁣ 45:47 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ You know, yeah, so if you were to have some final words with HILlistically Speaking audience, what would it be? ⁣ ⁣ 45:58 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣ Embrace grief and loss, not grief after loss, and just know that it's possible to live happily even after. ⁣ ⁣ 46:15 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, happily, even after that's great Thanks for that. Thank you, okay, sunshine, this is going to be the easiest decision you ever have to make. Rebecca Johnson opened up so vulnerably, so beautifully, so courageously during this conversation that I want you to give her some love. Check out her podcast Love is Not Dead Just my Husband. And then take it one step further. Connect with her on social media, find out more about the widow's way and just have a conversation with her. She's so open and so friendly and so loving that I think you're going to really vibe with her. ⁣ ⁣ 46:53⁣ I put all the links to connect with Rebecca and her podcast in the listen notes of this episode. Listen if you enjoyed this. If this episode touched, moved and inspired you in any way, let us know here at HIListically Speaking, you know, drop a rating and a review on any podcast platform, wherever you're tuning in, or even on YouTube, and just let us know how we're doing, because I read everything and I love to hear from you and you will hear from me. And if you are having a struggle in the area of grief, if you are struggling in any area that is really a trauma in your life, don't forget that there is support, there are tools, there are people that are there to help you through, and if you want to learn more about how havening can be part of that, drop me a line. I put a link in the podcast notes how you can connect with me to learn how to hug it out and live with humor and understanding and gratitude in your every day. ⁣ ⁣ 47:46⁣ HIListically Speaking is edited by Two Market Media, with music by Lipone Redding, and listened to by you. So thank you for that. Every day, and remember, you have the ability to choose to choose to change your thoughts, to change your day and to start every day as a day one, because I believe in you, I love you and I will see you next week. ⁣

When the bond between a mother and daughter fractures, the emotional fallout can resonate through every aspect of life. Hilary Russo guides this raw and enlightening conversation with celebrated family therapist Khara Croswaite Brindle, author of "Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships," and peels back the layers of this deeply personal issue. ⁣ ⁣ During this intimate conversation, Hilary and Khara unravel the tangled reasons behind daughters distancing themselves from their mothers, from toxic dynamics to ancestral traumas. Addressing the societal stigmas that often accompany the decision to step back, we shed light on the importance of setting boundaries for emotional health, and how the decision to create distance is rarely taken lightly, but often a necessary step in preserving one's well-being.⁣ ⁣ Touched, moved, or inspired by this conversation? Consider sharing it with someone you know and leave a rating/review wherever you are tuning in. ⁣ ⁣ Connect with Khara and grab a copy of her books:⁣ https://www.estrangementenergycycle.com/⁣ https://www.facebook.com/croswaitecounselingpllc⁣ https://www.linkedin.com/in/kharacroswaite/⁣ https://www.instagram.com/kharacroswaite/⁣ ⁣ Connect with Hilary:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ---------⁣ ⁣ (0:00:00) - The Rise of Mother-Daughter Estrangement⁣ Therapy, abuse, trauma, and generational trauma influence the rising trend of estrangement in mother-daughter relationships.⁣ ⁣ (0:04:32) - Understanding and Navigating Family Estrangement⁣ Family estrangement's multigenerational impact, forms of distance, setting boundaries, therapy for affected family members, maintaining emotional well-being.⁣ ⁣ (0:13:54) - Understanding the Estrangement Energy Cycle⁣ The emotional journey of adult daughters dealing with ruptured mother-daughter relationships and how educators can support children experiencing family estrangement.⁣ ⁣ (0:22:16) - Healing Estranged Mother-Daughter Relationships⁣ Nature's complexities of mother-daughter estrangement, generational trauma, and attachment styles, and the value of therapy and coaching for healing.⁣ ⁣ (0:28:09) - Understanding Mother-Daughter Estrangement and Healing⁣ Healing and reconciliation between estranged mothers and daughters, with emphasis on individual journeys and the importance of mutual effort.⁣ ⁣ (0:36:16) - Understanding and Healing Mother-Daughter Estrangement⁣ Healing estranged mother-daughter relationships, prioritizing mental health, and using self-regulation tools like Havening for self-empowerment.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ---------⁣ ⁣0:00:00 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I think a lot of people are now talking about it. I think it's always been happening, but maybe we're seeing an uptick because people have are going to therapy, they have language for it. Now they're looking at this from the lens of abuse and trauma and that's justifying some of the rupture, the distance between parents and their children. ⁣ ⁣ 0:00:18 - Hilary Russo⁣ One in 12. One in 12 people my friends are estranged from a family member and it's a choice that can be very challenging for many. But when you do the inner work, when you create the space for healthier relationships and for a better understanding of self, it really can pave the way for a new you. And when it comes to mother and daughter estrangement especially where there's been possibly repeated trauma, discomfort, pain, misunderstanding even a daughter's choice to cut her ties from her mother can come with so much emotion and still much pain in the healing process. ⁣ ⁣ Khara Crosswaight Brindle is a licensed therapist who wrote the book about this very thing understanding ruptured mother-daughter relationships, guiding the adult daughter's healing journey through the estrangement energy cycle. And I have to say, Khara, this is such an important topic because of the clients that I see. There's so much parental child estrangement that I've been seeing more so than probably years ago. I feel like people are coming into their own and I'm really happy you're here to talk about this topic because it is a important one and I know you specifically focus on the mother-daughter in this book specifically, but this is happening with many relationships. So thank you for being here, thank you for sharing your voice and your wisdom, thank you, Hilary. ⁣ ⁣ 0:01:48 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, I'm excited to talk about it. It's on the rise, so let's talk about it. ⁣ ⁣ 0:01:53 - Hilary Russo⁣ So let us talk about that when we say it's on the rise and we hear numbers like one in 12, one in 12 seems like a pretty big number when you think about in the grand scheme of things, that that could potentially be a real issue. I don't know. When I growing up, you just respected your parents. You took whatever came at you. In a way, you didn't talk back, and I think we're seeing more people now using words like narcissism, parental narcissism it's not just within intimate relationship and gaslighting and manipulation and I'm curious, these terms tend to be buzzwords now too, right? So how do we define the difference between that and really know that? What's my responsibility in all this, and am I in a position where I'm in a toxic relationship that does need severed ties? ⁣ ⁣ 0:02:52 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, I mean I think this is one of the chapters of the book we go through a bunch of assumptions of estrangement and one of them is that therapists are pushing for clients to stop talking to their parents, especially because we have a generation, or now two generations, that are coming into therapy doing their own work and now have a language for what happened right of trauma, abuse, neglect, something happening in that family relationship that led to that rupture. ⁣ ⁣ And although it's assumptions because you and I as mental health professionals can say like we're not here to champion estrangement, like we're here to say what's best for the client and like helping them discover for themselves what's best I tackled that assumption as well as like this toxic word and it's funny you named it, you said the word toxic, so I think people are overusing that word, but when it comes to estrangement, maybe it's just now a simple, a simplification for what's happened, like I don't want to go into detail about how painful this estrangement was for my parent, but if I say the word toxic, people will respect that and just look it up from like boundaries, and so I think a lot of people are now talking about it. I think it's always been happening, but maybe we're seeing an uptick because people have are going to therapy, they have language for it. Now they're looking at this from the lens of abuse and trauma and that's justifying some of the rupture, the distance between parents and their children. ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:09 - Hilary Russo⁣ And there's some other words that we hear a lot as of late, and it's ancestral trauma, generational trauma and going back to the root of your ancestry, and how do you avoid bringing that into this present generation and generations going forward? I've been hearing that a lot and that's something I think I've even battled. I'm like I don't want to bring that into the next generation. ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:35 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ How do? ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:35 - Hilary Russo⁣ I stop the trauma right here. ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:38 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Absolutely. I'm like, yeah, so in my personal experience, I'm married into a family that has four generations of estrangement and what I noticed because I'm a mental health professional I can see it. I'm not in it. I'm kind of behind it looking at what's going on and it's like now it's been modeled. Now it's modeled that if I have a significant conflict with you I can just cut ties. That's what's been said, is fine, is acceptable in this family, even though there's lots of hardship and lots of grief and loss behind the scenes. ⁣ ⁣ They're modeling for the youngest generation, which I'm now a parent of a two-year-old. So I'm very thoughtful to this. I'm like what are we telling that youngest generation about? If it's a conflict that doesn't feel solvable, resolvable, do we just walk away? Do we just say I'm done talking to you, stay out of my life, and so it's not that simple. But I think a lot of people on the outside are just seeing estrangement as this dynamic of I'm mad at you, so I'm not going to talk to you, when this look goes so much deeper as to what's truly going on, from that cellular trauma level to generations, to modeling, to here's neglect and abuse that was happening for that person. ⁣ ⁣ 0:05:41 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, and the other thing about that is that there's the fine line where, as mental health professionals, our dedication and our loyalty is really to the client or the patient right, but not to tell them what to do, but help them find what works best for them right. It's never telling them, it's never healing them. It's giving them the tools to come to those decisions themselves right. ⁣ ⁣ Exactly. But the part of that is some people don't want that person in other lives, and I've seen that a lot. It's like finding that healthy boundary with that person, whereas is there a level of estrangement where it's not they're totally out of your life, but you have healthy boundaries so that they're still in your life. You love this person. It's obviously a tie, but how do you do so in a way that, where it's not impacting your emotional well-being and you can still have someone of a healthy relationship, even at a distance? ⁣ ⁣ 0:06:40 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, and so you're kind of speaking to. We talk about in the book. We talk about physical estrangement versus emotional estrangement. So physical estrangement is what people's heads go to, their minds go to we're not speaking, I've moved away, you don't know anything about my life, we're never seeing each other at holidays or never at family gatherings. It's kind of like a hard stop, like very dramatic sense of there's grief and loss. This feels like a death when we stop talking to that person. Then there's this emotional estrangement, which is that slow burn of like I'm going to start kind of distancing myself, like when I restrict how long I'm talking to you on the phone, how often I call you, how long I stay at that family event. So it creates some of those boundaries you're naming Hillary with. Like I want some distance, but I'm still connected to them, I'm still talking to them. I'm just creating some boundaries around what that looks like. ⁣ ⁣ 0:07:28 - Hilary Russo⁣ And then you have the other side of it, like other family members who witness that, and I've been in a position where I've had family members who have been estranged or still are, and you so want everybody to get along, you so want to step in and be like, oh gosh, what can I do to help? Even though it's not your place, how do you deal with being the family member who's on the outside looking in and they're the one that wants the piece within everyone? Because I'm sure someone can benefit from this book and pick it up and read it, because maybe there is an estrangement between family members that they love both both of those people. ⁣ ⁣ 0:08:07 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh, yeah, yeah. And so we have a section in the book that talks about this ripple effect on families and specifically for siblings. This was inspired by my spouse, who's talking to all four of those generations and the family, but none of them are talking, so he's very much the person saying what you've just said. I want everyone to get along, I want to see all of you, I want us in a room together. I miss us as a family, right? So that's very heartfelt For those siblings or loved ones. ⁣ ⁣ Some of the strategies are know that this is your agenda, this is your desire, this is your wish, your want of the family. Do you go to your own therapy to process the sadness that you have that your family has been fractured in this way? Is it about not taking sides, not bad mouthing one loved one to the other as you're like oh, I'm siding with mom or I'm siding with sister and this mother daughter example of estrangement. But some other tips of like, it's not up to you to fix it, it's not up for you to convince them to reconcile. Actually, it'll backfire if you do. ⁣ ⁣ If you're like just get along, just talk to each other. That creates more damage. But, more importantly, there's this alliance that we have to have, or we feel like we have to have, and I have to choose mom or sister. I cannot be connected to both. And that is where I think doing their own individual therapy is important, because they're feeling caught between and they love both people and they want both people in their lives, but they feel like they can't speak about that person. I can't mention mom to sister and I can't mention sister to mom, and it's just a huge mental energy for them to navigate estrangement this way. ⁣ ⁣ 0:09:36 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, and it can cause a lot of draining of that energy too. You know you don't want to be put in the middle. You have your own relationship that you need to nurture. You might have your own emotional boundaries or healthy boundaries that you need to set with that person as well, or maybe it's even more than one person, because even like you mentioned your husband having an estrangement from a number of people or has a family that has multiple levels of estrangement. You know being able to support yourself is the most important thing. But you know you also mentioned that there is the trickle down and the ripple effect, especially when it comes to children. Like how do you explain that to a child? Like where's grandma, where's grandpa? Why don't we see them? But we see the other grandparents all the time. We're seeing more of that too. ⁣ ⁣ 0:10:21 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh yeah, and children are curious Like that's naturally, developmentally appropriate of like where's my grandparent? Here's a social representation of families. My family doesn't look like this. Why is that? So I took this first book that we're talking about and I actually made a children's book in the last two weeks. I actually launched last week. Oh, that's great. ⁣ ⁣ 0:10:41 - Hilary Russo⁣ Can we get the name of that? ⁣ ⁣ 0:10:42 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, it's called Petty Mickey's Family Tree, talking to kids about a strange one. ⁣ ⁣ And so it's a cute little elementary age child book. That's the audience, it's elementary age children and their parents, and it looks at her coming home saying, hey, I have this assignment, this family tree I'm supposed to put together. I'm having some anxiety, I'm having some worry that my tree looks different than the other kids at school and it really just creates modeling of what it looks like for a family member this case of parent to talk to their child and say, like, what's age appropriate? How do I regulate myself to tell my kid just enough information for them to understand what's going on, without parentifying them, without stressing them out? ⁣ ⁣ So I actually have like five tips in the back of that book for parents of like I want you to breathe, I want you to be curious about what the question they have. You know, these young children of like four or five year olds are like hey, do they look like me? That might be their only question, versus a word panicking that I have to explain. Hey, this is what my parent did for me to not talk to them. So just talking about what's developmentally appropriate and discussing this arrangement because kids do have questions and this book, hopefully, is going to help that conversation. ⁣ ⁣ 0:11:50 - Hilary Russo⁣ I love that you mentioned that. I love that you're bringing up like social, emotional learning tools that children can implement. And that's something that I've been trying to work with the kids, more especially with the havening techniques, which gives them a way to self-regulate for self-love, self-care and just find that calm and the chaos you know when the brain is just not really understanding what's going on, especially at that younger age. Right, but giving them ways to self-regulate and you mentioned that words regulate what other things can they do? You mentioned breathing. ⁣ ⁣ 0:12:25 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, I think even just like talking about this ahead of time. So like when parents pick up this book or hear this podcast, can they be like? What would I say if my kid asked why I don't talk to grandma or to uncle or to whoever it is in the family? So just that like preparation of here's what I would say, so it doesn't feel like it's coming from emotion, it's coming from like this grounded. I know what I want to say to my kid and I'm not going to show them that this hurts. I'm going to be regulated so I don't look sad or angry or upset, because kids can feel that right, so we can feel our own stuff, show up and so if we can take a book or think about this ahead of time, then we can feel more prepared to show up neutrally with our kids and then be really like slow and saying what do you really want to know? ⁣ ⁣ You know elementary age kids might have one simple question, versus a teenager might be like tell me more, like I want to know what really happened with grandma. So some of those tips are about just like being present for the question. Regulate yourself to breathe, grounding, giving them eye contact, validating their emotions, which is important for kids of like you might feel confused by what I just shared. What other questions do you have? That's another tip of encouraging future questions. They might just be like this was enough for now, but I might have a question for you as my parent six months from now about grandma. So it's not usually a one and done conversation and their parents can look at this. These characters go through this little plot line of the children's book or just look at the back of the book for those five tips. I'm hoping they'll feel more prepared. ⁣ ⁣ 0:13:54 - Hilary Russo⁣ And this can also be for teachers as well, because something that I was talking with a mutual trauma informed practitioner and also an educator who works with kids about the castle system, and then you know what? What can we do to understand a child's body language and their behavior? That might be changing the in the in the classroom. Educators, teachers, also need to be familiar with this. So I'm sure this book, the child book especially, can be very helpful for teachers as well to understand what's going on at home with with the little ones you know. ⁣ ⁣ 0:14:29 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Absolutely, and obviously the child therapists are just like eating it up. They want this in our library of, like, let's do some bibliotherapy, let's talk about this. Is this, is this your family? Like talking to me about your family tree? So I just I'm really hopeful that it's going to fill this gap, because I didn't see any literature out there for kids, and parents are desperate to say how do I not harm them further? How do I not put my stuff on them? How do I keep myself in check while answering their question, and I think this book is a part of that. ⁣ ⁣ 0:14:56 - Hilary Russo⁣ So let's mention the two books that you have that we're talking about. The first one is Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. I want to talk about that real quick. And then the other book mentioned the title again so we can let folks know. ⁣ ⁣ 0:15:12 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, it's called Petty McGee's Family Tree. Talking to Kids about Family Estrangement. ⁣ ⁣ 0:15:17 - Hilary Russo⁣ Wonderful. We're going to put links to both of those in the list of notes of this podcast episode and if you are touched, moved and inspired by this in any way, if you are enjoying this conversation um HIListically Speaking with Khara Croswaite Brindle, please let us know, drop us a line, let us know how we can support you more on this journey. But let us get into the nitty-gritty about the Estrangement Energy Cycle. What does that mean? Can you share? ⁣ ⁣ 0:15:41 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ that, yeah. So the key word here is energy. Like we've already alluded to, just the thought of estranging from a family member is emotional. It takes energy. A lot of these women are coming into therapy trying to figure out what their next move is, and so the energy word is really speaking to. ⁣ ⁣ This might be pre-contemplative, this might be I'm preparing for the worst, and so I'm going through this cycle in my mind, or it could be I'm literally going through these eight stages as I figure out what's happening with mom. Um, so, although the eight stages don't have any particular order, I tend to start talking about it from this awareness of what if I have a realization, as an adult daughter, that this was abusive? Once I have that realization, I can't unsee it right as a woman, and so does that then catapult me into stage two, which is about questioning what do I want to do with this information? Do I want to talk to mom about it? Do I want to broach this with her, bring it up? Do I want to just focus on the relationship now or our future relationship? So if they decide to talk to mom, which a lot of these women feel compelled to do from a place of, I want acknowledgement, I want an apology, I want compassion, I want healing. They might say let's go to mom and talk about it. Worst case scenario depending on how mom responds to this conversation, there could be immense healing that happens of you're right, I made mistakes, I'm so sorry that happened to you, I want to do better, I love you. That'll be the best scenario for going to mom saying, hey, I have this awareness now. Worst case scenario mom gets defensive, mom gets angry, mom starts name calling, mom starts pointing fingers, which unfortunately, a lot of these women then came into my therapy practice devastated because they're like, on top of realizing that this was abusive or traumatic, my parent just minimized my experience and so that leads to that relationship rupture right when it's like I don't know if I can do this with mom anymore. ⁣ ⁣ If they feel like they want to break that pattern, they might consider a strange man, whether it's physical or emotional strange man. Now I'm like I can't talk to mom. I have to have some control over what's happening in my life, and so it might mean mom's not in it Standably. If we choose a strange one, we go into a grief and loss response. The literature, the research says that it feels like a death because it I mean it has that same emotional pull of like I'm not talking to you, it's like you're not part of my life. Might as well feel like you're dead to me. So for a lot of those women they're coming into therapy at that stage too of like this is devastating, I'm depressed and anxious, I'm in grief. Breathe it From there. ⁣ ⁣ They have to start kind of questioning what their identity is Like. What is my self worth without mom? So now is it I have different interests when mom's not weighing in on what I want to do with my life. If mom was maybe overbearing, do I feel like I'm just figuring it out? Who am I without her? What kind of woman am I? What kind of mother am I if I'm a mother, if that's applicable. ⁣ ⁣ And then they go into the deeper work, which is, as a therapist, my favorite, because now they're looking at boundaries, other relationships, attachment styles, what's it look like with romantic partners Now that they have this awareness of what's going on with mom? And then, last but not least, is redefining their self worth. So who am I? But, more importantly, where am I headed from here If mom's not a part of my life? Or not reconciling. How do I navigate milestones, holidays, family events you know it's not a joyful thing for these women. It's usually still quite painful, different points of their life where mom should be present and isn't right. So think of like getting married, having a child. Mom is usually a part of that if it's a healthy relationship. So at no point in this cycle is there like hearts and flowers happening for this woman. But maybe she's starting to feel more empowered by the end of I know where I am, I know where I'm headed, even if it's not with mom in my life. So those are kind of the quick overview of those eight stages in the book. ⁣ ⁣ 0:19:31 - Hilary Russo⁣ It's beautiful. It's beautiful to be able to find yourself in that journey. I mean, you're going to go through, like you said, the stages of grief, but you also are becoming more empowered that for a long time, that daughter could be feeling that everything's her fault you know, or she makes an attempt to reach out and she gets, like you said, she gets very disappointed. She gets disappointment from a defensive parent or mother in this case, right. ⁣ ⁣ And then how do you go from there, like you become vulnerable and take that courageous step to reach out? But also, what's responsibility has the daughter had in all this? You know this is not just to put blame on the mother right, it's also what was my responsibility in this. But if a daughter has reached out and has made an attempt and says I'm willing to see the other side, and then all you get back is the upset from the mother, her side not seeing anything, like you said, where do you go from there? ⁣ ⁣ 0:20:35 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, and I mean a lot of these women. What I appreciated about what I'm hearing from people who've read it so far is I put in nine women's stories and we like continue to kind of see their journey on all eight stages. All nine of these women, some of them reconcile, some of them have permanent estrangement from significant abuse and neglect. But I tried to capture, like here are all different types of women that I've worked with over the years that now embody these stages and how emotional each of them are. And so I call out the people pleasing, I call out the perfectionists, I call out the did I do enough? ⁣ ⁣ Because of course the adult daughter is thinking that at some stage she is asking herself did I do enough? Did I fight enough for this relationship with mom? Should I have done better? Is there a way I could have won her over? Do I deserve unconditional love? Right, I'm like a real deep into the like emotion of it. So I try to name all of that as, like for these women. There's so much to unpack there. It's not just I got to one stage, it's what am I thinking and feeling at each of those stages? And those stories embody that. ⁣ ⁣ 0:21:37 - Hilary Russo⁣ And then you have to think about leader in life, when the mother might need to have a caregiver. Like, how do you abandon that parent who has hurt you in some way? Do you come back full circle and say this person's in the last part of their lives? But I also need to have these healthy boundaries so that I'm not impacted in a negative way while I'm trying to be supportive and of service to this person who is needing support. You know I hear that a lot as well. ⁣ ⁣ 0:22:08 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh, yeah, there's this pressure to reconcile. You know, there's the societal message of you're going to regret this. What if they die suddenly? Right? So I have a whole section in the book of, like community members, what we can say and what we shouldn't say. What is actually more hurtful to this traumatic experience of estrangement for this adult daughter? Because, again, an assumption is that this was easy for her, this was impulsive for her, when really it's like months or years of the process. ⁣ ⁣ I have one client that inspired one of these characters in the book that even now, 10 years into her work, she continues every year to question should I reach out to mom this year? Should I talk to mom this year? There's significant trauma there that mom will not own at all, and so it's fascinating how human this is right To say. Am I going to have regrets? Am I going to be sad if I get a call that mom has died? If mom's, you know, going into needing care, how do I show up for her? Should I show up for her? There's so much there and obviously each woman's story is unique as to what they decide. But, yeah, society is definitely saying family first. You're going to regret this, right. So I really try and talk about what we could say differently than that. ⁣ ⁣ 0:23:12 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, being able to support yourself and know how to nurture yourself in that moment and not find yourself in a place where you're oh, I don't know. I mean, like I said earlier, the gaslighting, the manipulation, any kind of toxicity that might come with words, because suddenly you go back to the inner child, suddenly you can be a five year old, hearing words from that parent and you feel it like you did. If you ever witnessed that before as a child. Speaking of children, do you find that there are some women that have made a choice not to have children because they were scared to have the kind of relationships that they witnessed from generations in the past, like if a mother and a daughter or a grandmother and a mother are not communicating or a sister is not communicating generation before you, suddenly you feel like, well, I'm going to just wind up having the same thing, so I'm not having kids, I'm not entering, I'm not bringing anything into this world, because this trauma is just generational. ⁣ ⁣ 0:24:15 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, oh, absolutely. I mean, we actually tackle that in the book as well as, like, one of the beliefs is what if I'm broken? But what if I pass this on to my kid? What if I become my mother, for better or worse? Right In this lens of worse, I think that's such a natural thought. And then I actually, when I started writing this book, I just give birth to my daughter, and so I was very aware that I was writing about attachment and trauma and healing, as I was also trying to build healthy attachment with my infant daughter. And so many people worry about, you know, especially if they're like, tracking all these things in the family tree. I think of even just medical conditions and mental health conditions of like, oh, am I going to bring that into my child's life? Yeah, it's causing a lot of fear for people of like, what if this gets recreated again? What if this estrangement is possible in another generation? That's valid. ⁣ ⁣ 0:25:04 - Hilary Russo⁣ Do you talk specifically about attachment styles in the book? ⁣ ⁣ 0:25:07 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I do, yep, I talk about the secure, anxious avoidant, disorganized, how that shows up from childhood into adulthood. Absolutely yeah, can't help myself. ⁣ ⁣ 0:25:16 - Hilary Russo⁣ That's definitely an area you're yeah, no, I get it and it's so interesting, but I think we're seeing more people that are diving into not self therapy, because obviously we need support, especially when we're dealing. We need support especially when we're dealing with trauma. Right, never do trauma work on your own. It's good to have somebody on the outside, like a licensed therapist or somebody in the field, that can support you in that area, to help you get a different perspective on things. But I do find that more people are open to learning new things, just so there's an awareness, so that when they're meeting with their therapist or their practitioner, they have a much more, they're much more aware of what is being shared with them, rather than just sitting across from your therapist or practitioner. And this is how it is right, right? ⁣ ⁣ I think, we're becoming our own healthcare advocates. What I'm saying, yeah absolutely, I mean. ⁣ ⁣ 0:26:13 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I think that's why, when people are like who's this book for, I say it's for the adult daughters and it's for the clinicians that serve them, Because an adult daughter might pick up this book and say this is my experience. I feel seen by the cycle or some aspect of the book. And then there's 24 tools throughout the book that are things they could do on their own, but also I encourage them to do with their clinician to say am I doing a particular exercise? I call them therapeutic tools, but there are things I would have done with a client in the room to say does this help you in your process? Does this move you from one stage to the next? So those tools are something that those adult daughters could read, do on their own or bring into a supportive environment, whether that's a coach, a therapist, a mentor or a family member, depending on what feels appropriate. ⁣ ⁣ 0:26:57 - Hilary Russo⁣ And I think we're also seeing that as well. We're seeing more people reaching out and getting coaching, because sometimes it's just like having a sister or a brother or a friend that's there to help you, that is able to see things from the outside, looking in. That isn't personally connected. There's just so much you can lay this on a family member, especially when you might be sitting there complaining to your real sister or your brother or an aunt or somebody about a family member that they already have a connection with and they have a completely different kind of relationship with. That's not helpful to any party. ⁣ ⁣ 0:27:32 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, that bias of like oh I can't be neutral for you, I have my own thoughts. Yeah, this is why they go to someone outside the family. That's pretty typical. ⁣ ⁣ 0:27:40 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah. So let's mention the book again. It's Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships, Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. And Khara also has another book that is written to support the child and the parent and the teacher. We're going to put both of those in the links to this podcast. But I have a question for you Do you find that there might be mothers that would be open to reading this book? ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:09 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I hope so. I mean, I think there are lots of books out there for parents. When I was doing the research on this, getting this book up and running, I found so many books for parents that really spoke to their the will-dermant, their pain, their anger, their outrage that this was happening, which has its value right. They need to feel seen and supported as well. I feel like the mother who's going to pick up this book is someone who's I'm curious to heal. I want to reconcile, I want to work on myself. I want to understand my daughter's perspective. This book might help them with that because it's really written from the eyes of the adult daughter. So if they're feeling a disconnect where they don't understand why adult daughter has made this choice, this could be enlightening, I would hope. ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:49 - Hilary Russo⁣ And maybe pave the way for a new relationship. ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:53 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Absolutely. ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:53 - Hilary Russo⁣ Or just an evolved relationship. You know it's lovely when we were able to see that. I want to play a quick game with you. Or if there's anything else you want to add. Let me just stop there and say is there anything else about the book you'd like to add, or anything about the Estrangement Energy Cycle? I want to give you the space to share there. ⁣ ⁣ 0:29:10 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah. So one other thing to highlight real quick is that we have some morning signs for both mothers and daughters. So off the top of my head it was things like you know, on the daughter side, a lack of boundaries, resentment brewing, that kind of language was in her checklist as adult daughter and then for the mother checklist it was things like are you steamrolling over those boundaries? Are you calling when she said not to call? Are you making demands? Are you feeling like there's friction? Are you getting feedback from the daughter that she's not happy with the relationship? ⁣ ⁣ So try to itemize a couple of things that both daughters and mothers could look at and say, hmm, is that true for us? Like, is that something in our life right now? Is that in the relationship right now? Is this an opportunity to discuss and heal and grow? Or is it like a ooh, that's me and I need to go do some work around that professionally with a therapist or coach or mentor or whoever? So by no means is it. You have to have one of them and you're in dire straits. It's more like the more you have on this checklist, the more you probably want to sit and think about what do I want to do with this information? Does it catapult me into a growth place of wanting to heal and change? ⁣ ⁣ 0:30:24 - Hilary Russo⁣ And sometimes it might just be that the relationship needs to be on that level of some, some estrangement. Maybe you're not as close to that person and that's okay too. I think that's something I really want to put out. There is that if you come to a decision especially after reading this book, which I'm very excited to get the copy in my hand when you're able to make that decision and know that you have the tools that helped you make that decision, and if that choice is that I really need to have some safe boundaries, but I'm still open to possibly the physical strange or the emotional estrangement, but the physical I don't want to not have this person in my life. ⁣ ⁣ Whatever you choose to do if it's good for you is the right choice because it's self-first. You have to live your life before anybody else's. So everybody's journey is going to be different and I want to make sure we put that out there to those who are listening, to those who might be watching that your journey is your own. What you choose with the tools that you have is the right choice, as long as it's not hurting you or anybody else. You choose to choose and you know what. You can also make a different choice. If you decide down the line, I'm ready now Be open to that as well. ⁣ ⁣ I imagine you agree with that? Yeah? ⁣ ⁣ 0:31:52 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh yeah, I'm just sitting here thinking about their seasons of our life right, yeah, or there's a season of independence, which is why a lot of our 20-something year olds are thinking about a strange thing, because it almost feels in alignment with independence I'm out of a nest, I'm doing my own thing. You know, the angry teenage part is like don't tell me what to do. That's what I tell my clients. We all have that angry teenage part of stubbornness, like don't tell me what to do. But then maybe I just I realize I'm going to be a mother. Maybe I'm pregnant and I'm like, wow, I really want my mom in my life. How can I have her in my life in a way that's healthy and supportive at that stage or that season of my life? Maybe I'm getting older and she's getting older, and so I think the bright spot for folks who are like man, we're in a strange moment, or one of those one in 12 people. ⁣ ⁣ There is research saying that you know, about 80% of these women are reconciling with their mothers. Obviously, we can't speak to like how long that took or what happened to make that possible, but if 80% plus percent of these women are reconciling with their mothers, there is hope that the relationship can change, that the season can change, that most of us in the mental health space are going to say we've got to work on it together. This is where, like family therapy or estrangement specialist is going to come into play, because it's complex and so it might not be as simple as just saying I owe you an apology. It might be we're doing some deep work here to have a healthier relationship, so don't feel like you have to do it on your own. I think that's what I'm saying. ⁣ ⁣ 0:33:12 - Hilary Russo⁣ Well, that's the other thing. Well, both parties, or any parties involved, have to do their own healing work and growth work. It's very hard to be able to create a space where the two parties are going to come together, when only one party is willing to do the work and the other might be saying well, everything's your fault, you're the one that needs therapy. So think about those things as well. You can only do so much. It is still teamwork. ⁣ ⁣ There's still a relationship to consider and a relationship takes more than one person, except the one with yourself. That's the most important one to work on. So, with that being said, I have really enjoyed this conversation. This is so great. I cannot wait to get that book in my hands. ⁣ ⁣ You booked this so fast that I haven't gotten the book yet. I'm like I reached out to your publicist. I'm like slam me the book and I want to end with just doing a quick game with you that I do with my guests on the show. I've been writing down some words that are things you've said during this conversation and I want you to come back with the first word that comes to mind. Let's see how Tara's brain is working, oh no. ⁣ ⁣ Sometimes I think I should do this at the beginning of the podcast but then I don't have words to use. All right, you ready, I'm ready, okay, alliance. ⁣ ⁣ 0:34:37 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Relationships Toxic Parenting. ⁣ ⁣ 0:34:41 - Hilary Russo⁣ Estrangement, daughter, children, lovable Valderies, therapy, therapy, that's my word. Come back to that chair. ⁣ ⁣ 0:34:59 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Champion. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:01 - Hilary Russo⁣ And I have to put my glasses on for this last one, because I can't read my own handwriting. Oh, I was trying to write down the name of the character in your book. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:09 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ The Children's Book that name, yeah, so Penny McGee's Family Tree Penny McGee. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:15 - Hilary Russo⁣ Penny McGee. It's Penny Penny McGee, so what would you? It's two words I'm throwing out at you, but what would you say about? ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:21 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ that Vulnerability. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:27 - Hilary Russo⁣ And isn't that? That's a great way to end this, because starting as a child, understanding these things makes you a more well-rounded adult and, as we've heard from Brittany Brown, vulnerability is courage. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:39 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Right, it is. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:40 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, absolutely is. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:42 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ There's courage in the conversation. That's my hope. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:44 - Hilary Russo⁣ Thank you. There is and being vulnerable to take that step. As long as it doesn't step on your own boundaries and hurt you, it's okay. It's okay to try that as well. Are there any final thoughts you'd like to leave with listeners? ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:57 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ My hope is it's just gonna speak to the women who felt like they haven't had a voice in this conversation before now. So I'm really grateful that we could talk about adult daughters and what they're going through. As I alluded to, there are lots of books out there for the parents and I definitely recommend a bunch of them, and I wanna make sure these women have a voice too. So thank you for having me on the podcast to talk about it. ⁣ ⁣ 0:36:16 - Hilary Russo⁣ Okay, my friends, if you or someone you know is facing family estrangement, specifically with a mother-daughter relationship, consider putting Khara's book in your hands or paying it forward. That book, again is called Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. I added a link to that book, as well as her children's book also, and you can also connect with Khara by visiting her website or her social media. You'll find those links as well. And Khara mentioned the importance of self-regulation tools. There are many. We need to put those little tools in our brain candy jar right and pull them out when we need those the sweetest ways to be kind to our mind. As I always say, Havening could be one of those tools. If you wanna learn how to hug it out, how to put the healing in your own hands, set up a call with me. Let's see if Havening is right for you. ⁣ ⁣ HIListically Speaking, is edited by 2 Market Media with music by Lipone Redding and Listen to by you, my listener. So thank you for your continued support. ⁣ ⁣ On that note, never forget the importance of healthy boundaries and if you need support, know that there is always help, because the most important relationship is the one with self. I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week.

Is your child acting out and has problems paying attention? What you've been told about their "willful bad behavior" could be wrong and Dr. Connie McReynolds has neurofeedback to back it up. On this episode of the HIListically Speaking Podcast, Hilary Russo asks Dr. Connie how she has been able to Solve the ADHD Riddle and the traumas associated with it. Including, anxiety, anger, panic attacks, conduct disorder, depression, chronic pain, cognitive decline, and PTSD Plus, she answers listeners' questions to help you understand what your child needs in order to thrive.⁣ Grab the Book! "Solving the ADHD Riddle" by Dr. Connie McReynolds https://amzn.to/46XfZWR (Amazon) Take Dr. Connie's free assessment: 7 Signs Your Child May Have Auditory or Visual Processing Problems https:/www.conniemcreynolds.com ⁣ ⁣ Connect with Dr. Connie:⁣ https://www.facebook.com/people/Dr-Connie-McReynolds/100024845513843/ ⁣ https://www.linkedin.com/in/connie-mcreynolds-ph-d-463502b/ ⁣ https://www.instagram.com/morningstarneurofeedback/⁣ ⁣ Connect with Hilary:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ Chapters ⁣ 0:00 Intro⁣ 4:25 Neurofeedback and ADHD⁣ 7:00 Changing the narrative about behavior⁣ 8:40 Information on free assessment⁣ 11:00 Hyperactivity, neurodivergence, and bullying⁣ 13:55 auditory and visual processing⁣ 15:25 You can teach an old brain new tricks: ADHD and adults⁣ 22:55 Biggest challenge writing Solving the ADHD Riddle ⁣ 25:55 Listeners' questions⁣ 31:33 Hilary shares the THINK method⁣ 39:00 Rapid Fire game⁣ 39:56 Dr. Connie McReynold's final thoughts ⁣ 41:07 Hilary's close: Show and guest info⁣ ⁣ TRANSCRIPT⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ And so if we change the narrative and how we think about what's going on and what behaviors mean, if we broaden that discussion, if we open that conversation to a different level, and we understand what's really going on behind the behaviors or underneath the behaviors, what's actually causing the behaviors, then we can guide this child in ways that we would not be able to otherwise.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Does this sound familiar? Your child is acting out. They aren't paying attention. They can't even follow simple tasks and whether it's coming from you or the teachers, you're just at your wits end. I know there are a number of listeners out there that are going, Oh, yeah, Hilary , tell me about it. And you're running out of therapies.⁣ You're running out of medication ideas and you're just over it and you want to know if there's other solutions. Well, that is exactly why we have Dr. Connie McReynolds here today. She's a licensed psychologist. She's a professor, rehabilitation counselor. She's also a podcaster. Love my fellow podcasters who is on the road to map the brain to give you alternative approaches to change the narrative around ADHD, whether we're talking about your child. Where we are talking about you because we're going to touch on that today.⁣ ⁣ So Dr. Connie, thank you so much for joining me on HIListically Speaking, for being a voice and just having the ability to talk about this openly because it really is a topic. I think we're not only hearing about how to manage the ADHD with our children, but also ourselves.⁣ ⁣ We're finding out these things about ourselves and starting to ask questions. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Oh, thank you, Hilary, for having me. It's a pleasure to be here today and I look forward to our conversation.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Your book, Solving the ADHD Riddle, which is the real cause and lasting solutions to your child's struggle to learn.⁣ ⁣ What was your reason for writing this book? I'm going to show this to those who are watching on YouTube, but what made you go here when you actually, as a psychologist, have been holding space for those who are age five, all the way up to 95? Why the kids? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ So over the 15 years that I've been doing this work, um, I, and I'll back up just a skosh, which is it really goes back to my own childhood, which my mother taught second grade for 32 years in the same classroom.⁣ ⁣ And so I come from a long line of teachers and people and my mother was quite innovative. In her world, she brought typewriters into the second grade, you know, 30 some years ago, 40 some years ago, because she knew that's where the future was going. And she thought, let's teach these kiddos how to do this.⁣ ⁣ And so fast forward really into my work, I've been a psychologist in the rehabilitation counseling field for well over 30 years now. And my goal has always been strength based assessment and understanding how people are functioning in their life. Looking at these areas that maybe aren't working well for them, it's like, well, what is this?⁣ ⁣ And then about 15 years ago when I started this new assessment center and institute in Southern California at a university, I had the opportunity to start exploring what this process was that I now use, which I know we'll get into, it's called neurofeedback. But the precursor to all of that and the reason this book is out is because I started seeing what was happening to children You have these auditory and visual processing problems that get labeled as a whole broad host of other kinds of conditions, and these other conditions led to interventions that for the folks that I was working with.⁣ ⁣ It wasn't working. And so everyone was struggling and really it evolved from understanding, uncovering, discovering what I think is the real cause of a lot of the struggle of people, regardless of age, and then getting this out. So once I had the way to really work with people, no matter where they are, then it's like, okay, get the book out.⁣ So now the book can be out there. Now we can talk about this.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ You mentioned neurofeedback, and if you can elaborate on that just for folks that might not necessarily know exactly what that means. What do you mean by the neurofeedback? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, I start with the definition of biofeedback, which most people have heard of.⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Mm-Hmm.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Which biofeedback you use a little sensor, you can measure your pulse, you can measure your respiration with this. And by being coached on how to breathe differently or relax your muscles, we learned over time, this has been decades ago, that we could actually affect how our body was operating.⁣ Which became shortened from biological information to biofeedback. And so neurofeedback is the same concept. It's simply reading data from the body, in this case from the brain. It's fed into an instrument, in this case the computer. And then we interact with that data lifetime. In live real time so that a person can affect change in their life.⁣ So they literally are learning how to do their own brain training with the feedback so they can understand what's happening in their brain. It's a, it's a brain boost in a short, short, uh, shortcut to affecting change.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ I think we could all use a brain boost no matter what age we're at. And I, I imagine catching this, these disruptions. In our lives earlier when we're a child is going to help pave the way for a much better adulthood if we're able to see what need, what the needs are, how to manage what we've uncovered at an earlier age, because I know myself, there have been many times where I'm like, Gosh, am I do I have ADHD? Like we tend to label ourselves, right?⁣ ⁣ ⁣ I'm so creative. I've post-it notes everywhere, you know, and we start wondering, What's wrong with me? And putting that label on ourselves is certainly not helpful. And we don't want the children to do that. So how are you approaching this in a way where the children are able to, to look at it as well? I'm sure this book is mainly for the adult, but how, how can a child accept who they are and.Manage something that might make them special, or maybe deal with things a little differently. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, that comes from how adults interact primarily with children. And so if we change the narrative and how we think about what's going on and what behaviors mean, if we broaden that discussion, if we open that conversation to a different level, And we understand what's really going on behind the behaviors or underneath the behaviors, what's actually causing the behaviors, then we can guide this child in ways that we would not be able to otherwise.⁣ ⁣ So, for example, a child who can't remember what's being said is going to look like they're disorganized, not paying attention, inattentive, we give a whole host. of labels. Sometimes words are said such as it just goes in one ear and out the other. Nothing seems to stick. It's like, well, you're actually quite right.⁣ ⁣ That is pretty much what is going on, but it is not a willful situation. And so when we change the narrative about the behaviors and what the behaviors actually mean. Then everyone relaxes a little bit, and that's the key here. Let's get us out of this kind of fight flight, kind of push pull, tug of war kind of situation, punishment reward basis.⁣ ⁣ None of that is going to work for the child who has auditory visual processing. Because if they can't hang on to what you're saying or showing, it doesn't matter how many times you say it, or how loudly you say it, or what you take away, it doesn't change the actual underlying cause, which is, this child can't remember what's going on, and it isn't about intellectual.⁣ ⁣ And I think that's where we're seeing growth in this day and age, especially we're using the word neurodivergence. We're using words that are, that I don't want to say acceptable because everybody should be acceptable, accepted rather, but more of just a better understanding and knowing how we can support somebody who might need additional support in a certain area.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Well, we all have, we all need support in a different area, right? We're all needing something special in some area. So for. For kids that are facing auditory and visual processing problems, which isn't a chapter that you cover in your book under the understanding of the real cause, what can we do for that child?⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, it starts with really being able to figure out what's going on. So I just kind of wax momentarily over to the website, and I'm sure we'll have that information available later. Absolutely. There's a brief free assessment up on the front page. of my website. It's a great starting point because start there, because if you can figure out, okay, are there some factors here that do seem to check the box on how either a friend, myself, or my child is operating, then that gets you in the door for understanding there could be something else going on here.⁣ ⁣ And then depending on how far you want to go in the book, there are chapters. That are specific to auditory specific to visual processing and there are checklists in there so you can literally go through those checklists. And once you figure out. Oh my gosh, my child is checking, checking 10 boxes here on auditory, or oh my goodness, I've checked boxes in both of these, what am I going to do?⁣ ⁣ Well, there's a lot that we can do. Once you understand what you're dealing with, you can then decode the behaviors, and when we can decode those behaviors, such as anger, frustration, and lack of follow through, and disorganization, can't remember anything, then there are strategies that parents and teachers can use right away.⁣ ⁣ To help ease up some of the tension and the frustration and the understanding that it isn't willful bad behavior is the big starting point here. This isn't willful bad behavior.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ I just had a conversation with some colleagues about this very thing as we're trying to find ways and this is a perfect example of strategies to not only support. The teacher, the educator or the parent, but going back to focusing on the educator, the teacher, it's not just helping them understand how they can support the student and the child. But what about the, the children around that child in that classroom? Is this also giving teachers and educators tools to, while they're supporting that child that needs additional help in this area who might have ADHD? Let's Let's help the other kids in the class understand how they can be a support system too. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, I think it does because I think once we get away from thinking there's something wrong or this person's doing something wrong to get to a, what I kind of think of is a more. Uh, sensitive approach or, you know, compassionate approach perhaps to what's going on with the child.⁣ ⁣ It's so easy to say, oh, just sit still. Well, if this child has hyperactivity, that's not going to do any good. You can say sit still all day long and this child can't do it because they have a hyperactivity function in the brain that's interfering with that. So it's getting away from thinking these, these kids are just acting badly in my classroom.⁣ ⁣ And then that. If we think about what that subtle and not so subtle message is, then how does that spread out to the children in the classroom and how they view this child as well? And so if we're constantly kind of getting on this child, then this is a set up for bullying that happens for children who are considered divergent or different or however we want to describe it.⁣ ⁣ But children have an innate ability to sniff out something that isn't quite right. And then depending upon how we guide these children as to whether we accept or reject that person who falls into the so called different category. And if a teacher has a deeper understanding, and many of them do, so I come from a long line of teachers.⁣ ⁣ I was a teacher. So, you know, I want teachers to know I get it. I know what this is like. I watched my mother deal with this for her thirty two years and it is an issue in the classroom. Yet, if we can understand what this really is about. Um, which I proved at the pilot project in an elementary school, which is the chapter in the book.⁣ ⁣ I proved that this makes a difference, both in the classroom, in the school, the behavioral outcomes that are needed, interventions that are needed. We can change the trajectory of all of this. When we know what we're looking at. ⁣ ⁣ Is it also giving children tools and different kind of approaches to, as you mentioned, retrain the brain or train the brain?⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Is it, is it teaching them new social and emotional learning tools? Or like for me, I, I work in the field, the havening technique, which can change your thoughts, moods, behaviors, and habits. And we have used it with children with ADHD or just giving. Kids tools to self regulate for self soothing and self care.⁣ ⁣ Are those kind of things also addressed in the book and in what you're doing and what you found?⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, what I will say is all of this can be effective if a child can remember what's being introduced. Ah, yes. So all of these things are great interventions, but if I can't remember what you're asking me to do and what you've shown me to do, it doesn't matter how great that intervention is, I'm not going to succeed at that.⁣ ⁣ And that's where this narrative has to expand, which is, yes, there are wonderful interventions out there, but I have to be able to hang on to it. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ And in doing so, if you're, if they're not able to hold on to the information or remember the information, how. Is the approach you're using helping them if they might not be able to remember it?⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, that's why I assess at the front end because at the front end of the intake before we provide services I'm looking at 37 areas of auditory and visual processing And once we figure out what areas are working great. It's like great. This is your strength These areas are a little bit weaker over here So we need to do some brain training in this area so that we can strengthen this and through practice, which is what the brain training is, it's an organized, systematic, you know, process that the brain learns through, which is repetition.⁣ ⁣ And so when we use this concept of repetition, it's very targeted, it's very structured, then the brain learns how to do things better. And then all these other things can come into play if they're still needed some of them we found because I can now remember better. I might be able to follow through better in the classroom or do better at home.⁣ ⁣ So maybe I'm not so mad anymore that people are on me all the time. I'm a little person. So maybe I can do better now. In other cases, there are other behaviors, uh, sometimes with autism, there can be other types of behaviors and with some other kinds of disorders. So that's where there could be some of these other supportive techniques that once a child can remember what this is, can hang on to the information, can conceptualize it and work with it.⁣ ⁣ Then you can move forward, and I've always said you, you have to get all this in the right order for folks. You have to figure out what's first, and if I can't remember something, talking to me all day long isn't going to make any difference because I can't remember what you're saying.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Are these the same kind of tools that you would use with a child that you would An adult age?⁣ I mean, is it going to be different depending on the age and where you are in your life, your experiences? I imagine you take a lot of things into consideration. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, the intake certainly is extensive. It's an hour and a half process that I do. And a few minutes at 27 minutes of that is the computer based assessment.⁣ ⁣ But part of it's really understanding how does this person live their life, what's happening in the day to day world. Again, what are those strengths areas, what are those areas where they're tripping or falling or not doing well or whatever it might be. Uh, and so it, it's really brain processing. It's the concept of neuroplasticity, which means virtually anyone at any age can train their brain.⁣ ⁣ So I have people, I have a unit down in a retirement center working with senior citizens because they either want to tune it up or they don't want to lose it. So, that's a big⁣ ⁣ fear. I mean, experiencing that as we have having elderly parents and just being around that, that one of the biggest fears is not being able to remember or losing that sense of independence.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ And, you know, when we have, A sense of uncertainty. Obviously, the brain is going to go to the negative first. We have to retrain it to find like you're okay. All is well.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ You can do this. Is it tougher with the adults than it is with children because they've had so much learning. It's like teaching the old dog new tricks. Well, the good news is we can teach old dogs new tricks. So, yay. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Yay to that.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ It is. Actually, there's a great clip I use. Uh, from this gentleman is a professor at the University of Florida who put some, um, research out that he had done. And he actually uses that as his closing statement. He said, it's true.⁣ ⁣ You can teach old dogs, new tricks because he had his average age was 72 in this large study that he did with senior citizens with neurofeedback and longitudinal. So he would come back and assess their cognitive abilities without any further. Neurofeedback, and they continue to show, um, an increased cognitive level of functioning over people who had not been, uh, using neurofeedback.⁣ ⁣ So it's doable. It may take my 90 year old a little bit longer than my 5 year old to perhaps learn how to use the mouse, first of all. We've had to teach mouse skills to older mature adults. Oh, yes, of course, we've had to do that social media.⁣ ⁣ So once you're going to get the mouse skills down, it's surprising how well they can do. They do very well. And they're so motivated because they want to improve their brain and children. just want to get along. They just want to do what people are asking them to do. They don't want to be in trouble. They just, you know, just want to be held and loved and cuddled and have fun and learn and grow and do all those great things without the punishment and the, oh, the discord that happens so often with all of this.⁣ ⁣ That's a very painful childhood. When people don't quite understand what's going on and don't know what your needs are.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ And also, and fitting in, like just being heard and fitting in, you know, with your peers. And also, you know, I was a child, uh, my brother was 12 years older than me. So it was kind of like being an only child. And I think being around adults, uh, caused me to tune in, um, in a different way and being heard was really important. You know, but you wound up being, you wind up being very creative because as kind of an only child in the home, at least you find creative ways to keep yourself busy. Do you think sometimes that a lot of, do you see rather, do you see where there is a higher level of ADHD in certain kind of family dynamics?⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, I think that's an interesting question because There are times, and there have been quite a few of them over the years, where parents will bring their child in, we'll do the assessment, I'm going through the results of the assessment, and one of the parents will say, Oh, he or she's just like me, he or she's just like his father or his mother, or we have an aunt or an uncle or a grandparent or someone that has similarities in these behaviors and what's going on.⁣ ⁣ So there's kind of an awareness within some families that there may be a trait Here. Um, that's a tendency toward maybe struggling with some of this. Um, other times I can tell you there could be four or five children in the family and there's one that for some reason is struggling like none of the others ever have the parents are scratching their heads or pulling their hair out because everything they did with all the other children isn't working.⁣ ⁣ And so there's something unique about this child. And again, yeah. Depending on kind of how the parents are wired, you know, are they perceiving this as something they're doing wrong? Are they perceiving that there's something wrong with this child? Or are they kind of in a different place? And so really the orientation of where the parents are coming from drives a lot of what's happening within the family as it naturally would.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Hmm. Okay. One thing I noticed from the book is that you do mention specific children and their names and their actual situations. And I imagine that these are actual, um, clients, patients that you've met with, or at least changing the name to, to protect the innocent or sweet innocent kids. But these are actual real situations.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Yes, they absolutely are. And yes, their names have been changed. Of course. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ They're sweet names though. I like your choices. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ I worked hard on that actually. I'm trying to make sure it wasn't anyone in the database. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Right. And oh, that's, I didn't even think that's very true, but also names that kind of names could have a feeling to them.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ MMhm.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Right. So when I was looking at the names, like the Abigail's and the. Jeremy's and the Zoe's, I can almost envision who they are. So I imagine that was something you thought about, like, who is this person and how are they represented? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ I did. I gave quite a bit of thought to that. It was, you know, kind of, okay, what does this feel like? Knowing that I didn't want to do anything that could make someone feel uncomfortable and people had signed releases anyway, but, um, you know, you still want to make sure everyone is okay. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Right. So when I was lookOf course. Yeah. So there's a lot that you cover in the book from the interventions for teachers to empower the children.⁣ ⁣ You mentioned some about the neural feedback and how the brain works. And of course, the auditory and visual process. I'm curious, like, what was the most challenging area of this book? And by the way, let's just mention the book again, Solving the ADHD Riddle, The Real Cause and Lasting Solutions to Your Child's Struggle to Learn by Dr. Connie McReynolds. And so happy to have you as a guest. And by the way, she did mention before, if you go to her website, which we will put in the list of notes, you can download and do the free assessment on her website to that might answer some questions you might have. So definitely take advantage of that.⁣ ⁣ And that will be in the list of notes. But again, going back to the question, what. What was the most challenging part of writing this book? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ That is such a great question. Um, it was really kind of the process was I didn't want to put this book out there until I had the solution that anyone could really access because I really didn't want it to be just something else that I was adding to information perhaps but didn't have solutions to it.⁣ ⁣ So really it was making sure that the solutions or the suggestions or what is in there are doable or workable that we had used in the clinics, uh, that we tested with people over the years, um, and that schools can use. And so part of this was really making it a usable tool. For both parents and teachers that when you go in there, I have information about IEPs and 504s and you know, how do you try and advocate for your child because that's important.⁣ ⁣ A lot of parents don't know that they can do this. So it was just, I will say it's a labor of love. It took a while to do it because it had to be right. And I just absolutely labored over. Literally, um, all of it, uh, as time went on, it was, you know, setting the stage for this, it's like, how do I tell the story?⁣ ⁣ How do I make it meaningful to parents? How do I make it? So it's relatable for parents and teachers. How do I and here was the big piece. How do I get this out of the academic jargon? That's in my head. Of 25 years where I've written for professional journals and a journal editor and all of that going on that is a language that most people don't appreciate outside of academe and really dialing it in, dialing it in to where it was as if the person studying in my conference room and I'm having a conversation with them about this is what's happening with your child.⁣ ⁣ This is the good news, bad news, good news, good news, bad news, good news, whatever you want to call it. This is what's happening. This is why they're doing what they're doing. And this is what we can do about it. And I wanted it to be conversational in its approach so that it felt Digestible and understandable, beautiful, love that and really it is a book that is very easy to read.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ It's actually pleasant to even look at like it that just pulls me in the cover, just seeing children and the happy it gives a happy like there's a there's a solution. That's what it says, and which there is many.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ There is. Yes.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ And, and when we're talking about solving the ADHD riddle, I know the focus in the book mainly is for children and, and we're for helping our children for the educators and teachers and parents out there.⁣ ⁣ If you don't mind, I'd love for us to take some questions from those who have HIListically Speaking and just see what your thoughts are about that. Is that.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Love to. Let's go for it.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ So that first question, let's, let's go step away from just the children for a second. And how would an adult with ADHD find the best kind of support? And that is from Amy from Pennsylvania. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ So it's the same process because this cuts across no matter what the age is. So the techniques in here that are maybe written for a child with ADHD, the feedback I've had from parents and adults who have ADHD who've read this, it's like I've seen my Self through this entire book as an adult.⁣ ⁣ These are the things I've been struggling with. And now I have an answer for what this is like. I've worked with adults all over the, all over, uh, who have these attention problems. They just thought. They weren't smart enough. They just felt like there was something wrong with them that they had to work so much harder than everyone else.⁣ ⁣ So that latter statement is true because if you're swimming upstream all the time, and other people are swimming downstream, you are working much harder to get to where you want to go. And the beauty is, if we can uncover this and help you with this and figure out what's going on and train your brain, then guess what you get to do?⁣ ⁣ You get to turn around and float down the stream instead of working so hard.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ That is such a great way of putting it. And it kind of leads into my follow up, which you kind of answered, but in all curiosity, With adults, once you have a diagnosis or you have answers, you're able to manage things or know what to do with the next step.⁣ ⁣ So, with somebody like Amy who has adult ADHD or somebody who's like, I think there's something I, something's resisting with how I feel about myself. Once somebody does find out that they might be dealing with ADHD, is there a next step? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, yes. And so it really there's kind of two schools of thought here that I've learned about.⁣ ⁣ One is the traditional approach. And so there are very traditional approaches. Some people choose that it may work well for them. So it could be medication. It could be just learning how the techniques are to work harder or work smarter. Uh, the other, of course, is what a lot of folks are choosing to do, which is really train their brain.⁣ ⁣ So if I can train my brain to tackle the underlying cause of what's going on in my life, and it tends to hold, so I don't have to keep going back to that therapist. I'm a therapist. I love my clients, but I want them to do well and go on out the world. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Well, and the antithesis of what we do for a living in this, in this world.⁣ ⁣ The career that we've chosen is that we never want to see our clients again because you want people to come in, get it figured out, implement the new way of being to hit their goals. So you can go on and do what you want to do in an easier manner in your life. And so we can clear out. You know, this, whatever you want to call it, clear out the fog, clear out the, the barriers, clear out all of these things that aren't really working, that are really causing you to work so much harder than the next person and you don't have to.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ In other words, if there's a way that you can actually do something to help your brain get stronger in these areas, and it tends to hold. Hmm. Seems like people might like that and that's the feedback I've been getting for 15 years is that I've treated people with anxiety, severe anxiety, severe trauma, and they write or they call me or they come in years later and they say, I just want you to know it just keeps getting better and better.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, once you have answers, it's nice because it's scary to get the answer sometimes, but at least you have information and knowledge is power and hope the correct knowledge, because obviously I'm sure people have been misdiagnosed in the past or diagnosed themselves and that can be very scary.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Yeah.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ That could be dangerous too. I mean, you start going down the rabbit hole, you know?⁣ Well, and people do because they have a symptom or two and they hear something from someone and then our lovely world where anything's available to us at the touch of our fingers, uh, we can go down rabbit holes that really are not productive.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ And so the question is, is the information enlightening you and helping you make choices? Or is it pulling you down and making you feel powerless? And so you're wanting to look for those solutions that are going to lift you up, give you a way out up into the world that you want to live. And that's what's so important is getting the right help, figuring out what's really going on and then making those changes in your life.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ And sometimes we all need help.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Yeah. So sometimes we can't do it on our own. But, you know, hopefully, that's a short term process to where we can get this going for you. And then you can go on and just sail. It's like we want you out there just sailing and flying and doing fantastic in your life. And that's the real testament to this work is that yes, we have the assessments and yes, we can measure the progress.⁣ ⁣ And yes, we have the data. The true measure for me is how are you doing in your life? You know, are you seeing changes? Are you living differently? And is it a natural process? And with neural feedback, it's such a nice, subtle process that people will come in and say, you know, I just reflected on something that happened yesterday and I realized that in the past I would have blown up.⁣ ⁣ I would have stayed angry for days on end. This situation happened and I realized a couple of hours later I'd completely forgotten about it. And that's my life now. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ This reminds me so much of the think method. You know, the things that we tell ourselves, and I know you know what this is, but to the listeners out there, the think method, which you've heard me talk about before, ask yourself before you go down that rabbit hole, is what you're telling yourself true?⁣ ⁣ Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? And is it kind? Think, think before you speak or speak to yourself because the words we use and choose towards ourselves are sometimes more damaging than what anyone else could. ever possibly say to us, you know, your own worst bully, sometimes great.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ We really are. And in the book, I actually speak to that because there's a section in there for parents, but it's for us too. It's for every adult who might be picking this book up. It's really, what are we saying to ourselves and how can we change that narrative up? And it's so important because we have to be our own best friend, our own best advocate, uh, to live our best life.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah. Including your own. Best health advocate to ask questions. If you don't know what a doctor is telling you, or if you challenge something, that's okay, too. I think we've gotten to this mindset that what the doctor says goes. And I think now in this alternative and integrative approach to medicine, where we're blending the Western and Eastern medicine, we're seeing these holistic alternative possibilities. And it's allowing us to say, you know what? I'm I don't know if I want to go that route that that might be a band aid. I'd like to see what my body can do to heal itself first if I need to go to that.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Right.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ But then I guess for those who are already maybe taking medication, this is in no way. By the way, this is no way saying stop the meds. Do not do that without a doctor's, um, you know, advisement, but it could move you to a place where maybe you are taking a lower dosage. Maybe eventually you're weaning yourself off of something with a doctor's care because you are practicing integrative approaches to bettering your health and wellness.⁣ ⁣ That's being a health advocate.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ It really is. And it's absolutely true because we have parents who've come in who said, you know, my child is on medications. It's helped. It doesn't help. It helps. It doesn't help kind of thing. And, uh, we have side effects of some people. Not everyone has side effects, but those who do, they can, they can really be a concern for people.⁣ ⁣ And so with this, what we're seeing is that as time goes on, if the brain starts working better and I can remember better. Then what happens is the child or the adult may feel over medicated a little bit, and that's where the conversation comes in, you need to go talk to your, you know, physician, your treating physician, whoever's writing those prescriptions for you, and let them know that you have made some changes, and you feel like maybe this is too strong now, and what can they do about that.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Great. One other question that I'd like to put out there, this actually didn't come across as a question, but I'm going to twist it around here a little bit, because I'm curious. Deborah from New York shared, she said she doesn't have ADHD, but hormones have never been her friend. And she also has anxiety and medical PTSD from cancer.⁣ ⁣ By the way, she's a cancer survivor. So yay you. But how can we as a collective or just individually rather, how can somebody who is facing that in their lives, you know, maybe it's a medical condition on top of finding out. That they are thinking differently or, um, going through hormonal changes. I mean, that's a big one.⁣ ⁣ Those are growing pains to how do, how does somebody support that when they're already dealing with something else? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ You know, it's such an important, um, thing for us to look at these alternatives, to look at integrative health, to look at the bigger picture. Because there aren't more answers out there, there are more ways that we can manage our health.⁣ ⁣ And an article that had come across years ago out of the Cleveland Clinic, and I used to live in Ohio and was not too far away from the setting, but one of the women who ran a cancer support group for women had herself survived breast cancer. And had developed brain fog. And so she was dealing with, uh, chemo fog is kind of the other term that they talk about for that.⁣ ⁣ And so she discovered neurofeedback and did it for herself. And found that she improved. And it was such a change for her that she actually created a study for the women in her support group. And they did a study, there was about 25 or 26 women in this group. And I think of the 25 of them who did the neurofeedback had great relief.⁣ ⁣ From the brain fog. So it's looking for these alternatives hormonal problems. Oh my gosh, you know, you just feel overpowered Yeah, by this some days. It's like what can I do for my health and it's looking for you know There's the blend of Eastern and Western that you talked about sometimes homeopathic medication can be an approach that People resonate with nature apathic folks might have some remedies or that that's more natural if you're looking for Uh, some of those remedies that may be a little bit different from Western medicine, everything has its place.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ And I think part of it is just figuring out what's right for each person, right? Each of us is a little bit different. And so sometimes there's a trial and error process with this, but when you get the right combination, it can make the difference.⁣ ⁣ When I was, when I was studying, uh, integrative nutrition, we learned a lot about bio.⁣ ⁣ Uh, individuality, like what you just said, it's really each person and each situation is going to be different from somebody else. So what might work for you might not work for somebody else. And it's really finding your own way and your own path. And you know, going back to Deborah, who is a rock star for everything that you're doing to better your own health.⁣ ⁣ You even said that you find nature helping you. It helps you to slow down. So that's wonderful that you're finding something that helps you slow down when you need to slow down, right? It's finding your own way in this world so that you're running a, you're running a good operating system. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah. That's beautiful.⁣ ⁣ Well, I do want to mention again that Dr. McReynolds, Dr. Connie has graciously put on her website, a free. Brief assessment. If you have questions, if you're listening to this and it's piquing your interest, you already have questions because you're here listening and you're standing there kind of in the resistance, like, is it me?⁣ ⁣ Is it my child? Maybe I have something to think about, but don't forget that knowledge is power. Having information allows you to move to the next step. And we've talked about a lot of that. And with Dr. McReynolds book, solving the ADHD riddle, the real cause of lasting solutions to your child's struggle to learn.⁣ ⁣ Boy, oh boy, where was this book when we were younger, everyone? Like, where was this book so that we could have been approached differently and, and spoken to differently? I mean, we're seeing more of that now, but there's definitely a space for this even in this day and age. So thank you for writing this book.⁣ ⁣ It's so, it's so needed and so appreciated. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Well, thank you for allowing me to get the word out. Through your program here.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Oh Absolutely.⁣ So I want to play a little game with you. If you have a moment, a little brain game, let's, let's see how your brain works.⁣ ⁣ This is my favorite part of the show. Uh, so I do a word association at the end of every episode and I've collected words that we've said in conversation. Most of them have come from you. And what I want you to do is just come back with the first word that comes to mind. Little word association. Let's see where Dr. Connie is. Alright, you ready?⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Sure, let's go.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo⁣ Holistic. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Healing.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Behavior. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Understanding.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Brain. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Powerful.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Discord. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Uncomfortable.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Bullying. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Sad. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Neurofeedback. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Brilliant.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Attention. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Focused. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ ADHD. ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Hmm. A lifeline to a different life.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Hmm. Great. That is such a positive note and, and let that be, let that be a moment where we sit on that, that it could be the beginning of something new, new answers, a new possibility, right?⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Yeah. ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ So if you could leave listeners with one thing, what would it be? ⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ There's hope for a different future for anyone who has been diagnosed or struggling. With any kind of situation, there's hope you can make a change in your life and you can change it in a direction that works well for you.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Beautiful. Thank you so much, Dr. Connie. This was really wonderful. I think I've learned something that I want to do differently and take some steps for myself. I definitely am going to take the assessment. You know, because I have questions as we all do. I mean, mainly having guests on the show is because my interest is piqued because I'm a human being living in this world, just like the rest of you, you know, so I hope that this conversation has touched, moved and inspired you.⁣ ⁣ If it has definitely leave a rating, a review, I'd Let me know how you think this conversation went, share your comments and let Dr. Connie know I'll absolutely share them with you as well. Download that free assessment, get a copy of the book Solving the ADHD Riddle and Say thank you to Dr. Connie for spending time with us.⁣ ⁣ So thank you. Dr. Connie. It's been a pleasure.⁣ ⁣ Dr. Connie McReynolds⁣ Thank you for having me It's been a pleasure being here.⁣ ⁣ Hilary Russo.⁣ Okay, my friend you have solutions and it starts with picking up. Dr Connie's book solving the ADHD riddle and while you're at it take Take that assessment. It is free. It's on our website. I will have all of the links to share with you in the listen notes.⁣ ⁣ So do not pass that by. And if you found that this episode is helpful in any way, consider passing it along to someone who may find it valuable too. You might help someone else where they were struggling and found a solution right here. So definitely pass it along. You can also leave a comment or review wherever you tune into this show.⁣ ⁣ HIListically Speaking is edited by to market media with music by lip bone reading and loved by you. So thank you. Thank you for keeping this mic on for yet another year. And remember this, you can train your brain, but first remember to be kind to your mind. I love you. I believe in you. And I will see you next week.

Picture this: your life as a harmonious masterpiece, with every aspect vibrating in sync with The Universe. Your home, the ultimate haven where serenity and balance reign supreme. Sounds dreamy, right? ⁣But, where do you begin? Consider this episode your golden ticket to transformation, balance and harmony with guest Master Trainer of Feng Shui and Law of Attraction, Marie Diamond joins Hilary Russo on the HIListically Speaking Podcast. ⁣ ⁣Connect with Marie Diamond ⁣ mariediamond.com⁣ or on social media ⁣@mariediamondofficial⁣ Grab Marie'sbook: Feng Shui Your Life: https://amzn.to/4bt4PKN (Amazon) ⁣ Subscribe & like wherever you tune in so you never miss an episode. Connect with Hilary: ⁣ Instagram:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣YouTube:⁣ https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣Facebook:⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ TikTok:⁣ hhttps://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ Website:⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast Music by Lipbone Redding httphttps://lipbone.com ⁣ Marie also dives deep into listeners' questions, unraveling the mysteries of Feng Shui one query at a time. It's like having a cosmic consultant right in your earbuds, helping you curate a life that resonates with prosperity, love, and success.⁣ ⁣ Chapters:⁣ 0:00 Intro⁣ 1:50 What is Feng Shui⁣ 3:30 Marie's near death experience⁣ 5:35 Marie's introduction to Feng Shui⁣ 9:32 Feng Shui Your Life book⁣ 15:32 Working with the environment⁣ 16:30 Bringing in romance ⁣ 18:20 How to Feng Shui your bedroom for love⁣ 22:20 Using the Diamond Compass ⁣ 27:00 How to feng shui your office for success⁣ 35:30 How has Feng Shui worked for you? ⁣ 37:00 Why decluttering is important for your chi & health⁣ 41:00 The importance of crystals⁣ 41:55 Marie answers listeners' questions⁣ 42:16 Personal direction. What is it?⁣ 45:00 Paintings in the bedroom⁣ 47:00 Vision board and success⁣ 48:45 Objects help! Marie and Stephen Spielberg⁣ 51:15 What if you don't like your home?⁣ 54:00 Colors in your home⁣ 55:55 Rapid fire game⁣ 58:15 Marie's words of wisdom⁣ 59:00 Hilary's closing thoughts TRANSCRIPT HILARY OK my friends as we know sometimes all it takes is a simple shift to make things look and feel better in our lives right? You adjust yourself all the time when you're sitting in a chair when your body's feeling uncomfortable and I'm constantly talking about the power of altering your thoughts your moods your behaviors your habits to find that calm in the chaos through Neuroscience . But what about your home what about your respite? That place that you come home to every day what if a simple positioning of a desk or removing a picture or even changing the color or moving a plant can add Fortune, health, love, wisdom and so much more into your life. ⁣ ⁣ I wish I had Marie Diamond in my pocket to help when I was making shifts in my own life and in my own home but guess what she is here she is the most renowned feng shui master in the world you may recognize her from the global sensation The Secret or her Mind Valley class or just reading any of her amazing books and she's here now on HIListically Speaking to answer listeners questions and share more about her new book "Feng Shui Your Life a beginner's guide to using your home to attract the life of your dreams".⁣ ⁣ Marie Marie. This is a gift having you here thank you so much for joining us on the show.⁣ ⁣ MARIE oh thank you so much Hilary it's it's such a pleasure to be here and all your listen listeners and viewers.⁣ ⁣ HILARY you are a gift in this area in so many areas I mean I know that you are a master of the Law of Attraction of f and I think what I want to do is really start out first by those who might not be familiar with Feng Shui if you can just share what that is and we'll go from there.⁣ ⁣ MARIE: Feng Shui is an energy system that you can compare with like acupuncture for the body so but this is like acupuncture for the home. So to create energy flow we're going to use colors, positioning of furniture to make sure we're in the right location in the landscape looking at what is inside the house of uh images um so everything around us is like I call it a three-dimensional vision board and so it's all affecting us on a subconscious level. And feng shui means literally wind and water. It's a Chinese system for more than 3,000 years and it really is creating flow and it's like connect with the energy the chi that we have and that's why wind and water are the two major elements that we're tapping into. That's why water is considered creating abundance and wind bread is creating life force and that's why we're using the compass directions to make that all happen so this this is such a spiritual journey too. ⁣ ⁣ HILARY For those who might not be into the spiritual so much and I think we're seeing more people getting into that this is something that's very simple to do in your own home a simple adjustments in your own home that can create that flow right that chi in the home but for you I mean as a child you had mentioned that in your book you actually mentioned this that you had this kind of Awakening uh an experience a trauma in your own life that kind of was the beginning of all this can you elaborate on that?⁣ ⁣ MARIE yeah of course so I was 15 I was um living in Belgium in a Catholic Family and going from school to home um to have lunch I actually had um a major accident I was run over by a truck they declared me dead um and so I left my body and as they were trying to resuscitate me um I was in the ambulance and I saw my mother present there I saw the um ambulance guy and I still remember seeing them there and I was able to describe you know how this man looked like even if I was declared dead and so but I left my body completely I went to like a whole other dimension of spirit where people say going to the light and I saw beings of light. I was myself in like a light dress and I was giving the message like telepathically you have to go back and reach more than 500 million people and enlightened them now that was a message I was given to me I had no what that meant of course I was 15. I always say if that would be now I would probably start a Tik Tok account or start a podcast but at that time I had no idea what that meant right and so I already had some you know very advanced spiritual mentors around me because I was already meditating early age like when I was seven the first time. I remember and so when I was you know connecting with my spiritual mentors I was asking what did I do wrong to attract this because I was aware of the Law of attraction. ⁣ ⁣ I was aware of visualization and I just knew that at that point I did not visualize that accident I did not visualize to die but I think it was part of my destiny to go to that experience and so my mentor said you have bad Feng Shui and that's the first time I heard this word. And when I heard that word I was like okay I need to research it so I went to libraries but you know to be honest in a Catholic country like Belgium there was no books on Feng Shui, so that is uh how he's kind of shared with me that I was in a wrong location in the house so I was in the north section of the house what is not lucky for me um based on my birthday. So I moved into the West area what is lucky for me I painted it colors that you know really resonated with me I changed the pictures around me and from being bullied at school no friends I start having a boyfriend I started having a lot of friends around me I became you know accepted by the community and I started practicing my work being part of a you know of service to the community to the church whatever I could to make a difference in my life that's how I started connect with that is an amazing awareness at such a young age.⁣ ⁣ HILARY in a country that you mentioned is so faith-based and also just the time you know even though this is a this has been around for thousands of years you know being able to embody something like that and feel comfortable doing that when you're surrounded by so much and so impressionable at that age that you want to fit in right and you mentioned being bullies bullied I can imagine that something in you was so much more powerful than the outside forces that made you want to say I have to make a change for me. ⁣ ⁣ MARIE I really don't care what other people might think yeah you know I think I was very strong already in myself um I was very trusting into the messages were giving to me like as a child I really saw energy I saw people's chakras and fields I was like I was a Seer and my parents were aware of that if I would say something like this is going to happen or need to take care of this they were very open to that so that was like for them a gift of God so they were like not against my spiritual experiences what is of course was a gift in itself.⁣ ⁣ HILARY absolutely So Beautiful to know that you had that support too because sometimes again if you're not supported by your own parents who at that age you know you're still impressionable you're still trying to learn the best ways to be and grow into a well-rounded adult having that support from your parents and we're seeing that a lot now where we're seeing this next generation even of of uh children and young adults really finding who they are and being open and expressing it like you mentioned you know taking to the Tic Tok right yeah. ⁣ ⁣ MARIE Of course and I love that that that's possible right now I mean I have myself three children my youngest is 20 I mean whatever they came forward with this is what I want to do in life we were totally supporting them as parents one you know became a musician the others is working on acting another was very creative with cars so it's like it doesn't matter as long as you know and listen to your child to move forward and you know you have to think that this was 45 years ago so in that time there was not such a high conscious yet an awareness of spirituality of energy but you know my parents were very open to that and they were like as much as I could be happy they would allow that to me yeah beautiful.⁣ ⁣ HILARY so for you coming into this world of Feng Shui and really embodying it and and there's so much that you're doing to make this easy for people because I remember like I mentioned when I moved into my place that I'm currently in now I didn't know anything about fun really I mean I hadn't tapped into it I knew about it but I knew it was energy I knew it was flow I knew that you know it was placement of things but I didn't really understand things like the bag map and mapping your home and the North and the South and East I didn't understand any of that and I did so much of that myself um in this home and I realized that it did create a better flow for me and more happiness and more joy and uh and that was just from self but you're making it so easy with folks with a beginner's guide which which amazes me Marie because you have so many books you've already written and you've already published and have already been a success how is The Beginner's Guide coming out now?⁣ ⁣ MARIE well you know it was one of the things that people um really asked me like what if Marie comes in your home with you right so a lot of the books I've written before are more towards people that have done online courses and have specific information they need about colors about the energy numbers um about leadership but it was like um when I connect with Hay House they asked me could you just um take them like you would be with them uh through the house from the beginning what would be the steps you know that I that I do with my clients and so I thought that was really a a good way to do this also because we are going much more mainstream now with this information with a a major um mainstream um television show and so and also because people are much more open now uh from all backgrounds to talk about energy that I felt I need to really bring out The Beginner's Guide before it was always they started online with me or they started in seminars or with other um ways to bring this the the first points of Feng Shui but I thought it would be a good way to start um because now you know I'm talking to all kinds of people um on radio on television and you know it doesn't matter anymore what is the background religiously or culturally people are interested to find out more energy in their home absolutely so important because really I mean your home is your respite and it's not just about finding happiness within your home we we I know we have some questions about this a little later but it's it's how can what you create in your own rest bit in your own home really amplify out into your own life correct it's just like it's one of the first things I learned uh from my grandmas that I started studying with when I was 30 years old um it was that there were three aspects to manifestation three aspects to what some people would call the law of attraction and that made completely sense to me and the first part is what we call your destiny like you're born into uh this world with some talents some gifts a purpose of life and of course you're born in a certain family certain culture and you don't always like what you're where you're born but you perhaps can make decisions and change into another country or so you have some decisions you can make from it but there's a purpose there's a plan somehow for your soul I do believe in that what people would call Karma and so he said that's one part of your manifestation that is your Beginnings your beginners start kit for manifestation and the second part is what do we do with that it's like what we call the human potential like uh we can have a change of mindset we can um you know change our Behavior we can change the actions we take so that's kind of a human part that of course in the self-development world we talk about and for example in the secret 99% of the teachers were focusing on that part but you know my function Master said that's only another third there the last third that is as important I think that's what the Chinese Masters for thousands of years really um figured out is that there's a whole system how to tap into manifest with your environment so where you live where you sleep where you work is subconsciously affecting you all the time and so we know that somehow because we go to places and we feel like oh this such a good vibe you want to keep hanging out there right and there's other places even your own home you're like oh I don't like it you just don't know what it is but there's something about that space right and you don't like to hang out there and so but you know you can change that because they have found their principles there's laws there are formulas um that we can really use to change that energy. Like I said it's like the Acupuncture of the home we can change the flow and then you like that space and you love hanging out there and on top of it it creates good energy for yourself and your family that's so important too because if you know I know there was one question we had that was focused on did not liking the home and it could also be that the relationship was not toxic as well so it needs you need to really do a hardcore uh sit back and really think about is it just the home is it the environment is what you're attracting into your own life too but what can you what do you have control of that you can change in order to manifest the life of your dreams yeah. And you know working with your environment is quite an easy thing to do because like changing your mindset you need a lot of discipline for it yeah you're taking actions every day and not procrastinate I mean that takes some willpower right um but if you change your desk or if you hang something different like once youve done it it's there. Of course you can keep updating it you know the images and the colors and whatever but it's a much easier system and the results are very fast so within nine days to nine weeks people really see a shift in their life.⁣ ⁣ HILARY Wow nine days to nine weeks people see a shift with just a shift in their home.⁣ ⁣ MARIE they'll see the shift in their lives and sometimes even sooner I had people that um you know I came into their house um or that they did the work and they like had a promotion with a week or they had like a check and unexpected money coming to them or they met somebody within a month so it is like it's really interesting it's like I feel a lot of people have the right mindset already they already have good Destiny but their environment is just not aligned with the goals and the destiny that they have and so it's like the home is telling a different story now I'm telling you the home is stronger than your willpower it's stronger than your mindset because it's there all the time 24 hours a day. So if you have for example you want to be um having romance but everywhere where you go and I was there in a house last week and this woman said I love strong women okay there were 30 images of women in her environment alone right so I said yeah you love strong women but do you want to stay alone that's the question she said no I want to get remarried and I said well let's bring out romance yeah so let's go of the images that where you look single even if it's just a symbol of a single woman and she was like Oh and it it really it hit home to her to like say is that what I really desired this is the story you're telling every time you open the door I even in the hallway there were five images of single women so you actually even coming in you tell all the men that are coming in get home get back you know I'm happy with being single here so it's not just you that it gives a subconscious me it gives a subconscious message to other people too that is incredible and something that I actually did in my own home I remember that because when I moved into the home I'm in now I was recently divorced out of a marriage and I thought I want to make this welcoming and I remember the one thing I read about feng shui is creating like two things like having the the love birds or the colors that you choose can matter or not just having one end table but having two and having that space open to put things in there for the partner that you desire there was so much of a shift for me I'm like oh I see and exactly what you're saying you know you can be an empowered woman and have a an object of a woman maybe in your bathroom where you want it to be an intimate space but that message you're putting out there not only into the universe you're also putting out there into anybody and and that is that.⁣ ⁣ HILARY I think that is one thing that a lot of people are wondering about that I've heard from people uh that have been checking in with this HIListically Speaking Podcast episode is how do I bring love into my life? And would you would that be a good ⁣ ⁣ MARIE yeah that's a very good topic so the first place is always look at your bedroom right because that's the anchor place and like what you said make sure you have side tables on both sides make sure that people can go into the other side of the bed so don't put the bed against two walls so that you're like only come in from one side of the bed so must be symmetry left and right with two lamps two end tables for sure um also look at what uh hangs above your headboard yeah because what hangs above your headboard is like you go to sleep that's like the thing you see so make sure there's no water images there because water always drains the relationship even if it's a couple that is like they have this beautiful image of a couple um under an umbrella in the rain in Paris I'm telling you it's rain it's water you know is miserable you don't want to be there too long so something that shows love it can start with a heart it can start with the word love you can if you are in a relationship you can put an image of you and your partner but make sure it's a current picture not like from 20 years ago or 10 years ago always stay current with the pictures and then also look for colors that are matching and I always suggest Earth colors because Earth colors are more warmer and it kind of feels you more sheltered so like beiges Browns yellows peaches orange pinks are really good to have in your bedroom avoid green because when you having green we're thinking we're in nature and we our body doesn't sleep so well avoid too much blue because of the water and too much red so you can put like red pillows for example and now Valentine is coming up perfect time to get shopping to get red pillows like in a heart hard form put two of them on the bed if you want more passion right but don't paint everything in red because that's too much fire and then people get too much in conflict and then for sure when you're single and you have mirrors reflecting your bed it will tell you I'm doubling my loneliness so make sure you cover the mirrors or you put a screen in front of it at night or hang a curtain even a television can be a reflective um area so cover that at night and even if you're in a relationship cover it too because otherwise you're telling I'm doubling my partner and you get what we call the roving eyes so people are more interested to look to the other side or outside the marriage or the partnership.⁣ ⁣ HILARY that was a big one that I remember changing I'm like that mirror cannot be anywhere cutting through the bed or at least I can't see it right because sometimes I mean space matters too there you know I I know others like myself when you live in New York a lot of people rent a lot of people don't have the ability to say oh this bedroom has to be in the North side or the South Side you have to take what you can get and do the best you can so with that in mind um what if you can't you know what if the mirror can only be in that place like you said you just cover it at night? ⁣ ⁣ MARIE yeah you cover it at night get a like a partition or a screen and put it there and then during the day you can literally fold it together or you can hang curtain so that you can just close again over the mirrors and then on top of it you know because I work with personal fun based on your birthday and so that means that you need to look at you know and that's something you learn in the fun your life book but you also can go and connect in with my free app and so it's called Marie Diamond's you can go to the app store and then in the app you will actually get um to put in your birthday and and your Birth, gender because it's connected with your birth DNA and it creates an energy profile and the energy profile gives you a number between one and nine and then based on that number there is a relationship direction that is a compass direction that works for you your whole life to create good relationships and so you will see you will get uh like an app and you will get a Diamond Compass and your Diamond Compass is related with your birthday and so mine for example is West yeah so I don't know what it is for you but it could be East or south or Southeast so what people do they have the app they hold the app in front of them on the level of the heart in the center of the bedroom and then you see where is your relationship Direction in my relationship Direction. I have a picture of my husband and me and we do that for the last 30 years and we 33 years together right so it definitely works but I also put in his relationship Direction because for him it's different his is Northeast. So I put a picture of us together in his relationship Direction in the bedroom and so that is something I've been practicing but also make sure there's no clutter in that area or there are images that are connected with love no single um no images with single men or women on it you cannot do that so and that is something that is very personal it is beyond the Bagua system this is more advanced feng shui. But it's something that everybody can practice and you can use that in every space so you can use your compass. Stand in the center of your living room for example in the center of my living room and and I look where is the for me my relationship Direction I have a picture there with me and my husband but also with my children because I don't bring my children in my bedroom because you know that's my personal romantic space yeah because I seen too many times people put too many pictures of their children in their bedroom and then they don't attract the partner because you need to focus on one place for your romance but in your living room your family room in your relationship Direction you can put your extended family your friends I mean anyone that you want in your life.⁣ ⁣ HILARY I love that I actually downloaded the app I'm and I did the personal number as well and that's a really important question.⁣ ⁣ MARIE I want to touch on that real quick but just to reiterate what you said whatever your husband or what your direction is what if if your husband's is Northwest in that Northwest area you put what Vibes with him correct is that what you're saying yes I would I would do that because you know and I let him choose the picture also that he loves about us right not just I'm deciding you know I like hey these are the picture sweetheart that we have which one do you really love about us right so he had like um made that like a glass where there's like you see my picture and his picture like engraved in it he loves that one I have to be honest I don't like I don't like that one but it's his relationship so he has a choice to put it there and it's you respecting that person's choice right knowing that it could it can bring more love and compatibility and happiness it needs to resonate you know it need to resonate with that person so and that is a really fun for special women sometimes saying I don't know if my husband will be open to that I'm telling you people love the energy number and just invite them and you can even in the free version of the app you can check out the numbers of somebody else and then of course you need to share it with them because they need to get it on their phone to get the profile because it's very personal and know they love it and even for the children in their own bedroom you know for children focus on their bedroom that's the whole uh point because that's their anchor space and so like in their relationship Direction make sure there's a picture of you with them right so or with their siblings so there there's this message conscious subconsciously like hey I am in that family because sometimes they put pictures of their idols and their their favorite singers all over and but I would say keep a picture of the family in their relationship and I'm telling you you get better along with your children love that bringing that back into the family values as well and and teaching your children the simple tools of how to create a safe space for themselves something. ⁣ ⁣ HILARY I love that I didn't even think about the children aspect but thank you for sharing. Tthat so love is a big area I would imagine another thing is always Finance finances everyone's like wants to make more wants to do more wants to be more wants success so what would be simple tips and tools you can share with folks about that so the first step.⁣ ⁣ MARIE I always say uh you know when you're working and that can be online can be in person uh can be that you have a Works Space or you're working on your dining room area that make sure that you always see the door of the room that you're coming in so I'm like right now in my office I see the door. Even if I'm talking to you it's in my peripheral view so the door cannot be behind you the door cannot be on the side so you have to like turn yourself to see it yeah so we call that the power position why is it important. Because we have seen through tests that when people are facing in such a way that they see the door that they are spiking into Alpha brain waves when we go into Alpha we're more creative we're more solution driven we see the future when you're sitting with your back to the door like say you have your desk against the wall and the door is behind you you spike up faster into beta brain waves that means you're more focused towards the past. You're more focused on to worries and fears and you don't see the opportunities coming to you and so especially when you are um then also facing the wall then you will start procrastinating more you will have the feeling that you're hitting a financial wall or a creative wall so think about a queen a King a president of the United States they don't sit with their death against the wall yeah so they always sets up that they can have somebody sitting on the other side of their desk even if there's nobody there. ⁣ ⁣ I mean you're here right now with me Hilary and all the viewers but there's space on the other side for them and I see the door so this is really powerful and that shifts so many things I've seen people that really felt not appreciated in their job by changing that around that they have appreciated got bonuses got raises got promotions just by doing this simple trick right sitting up in your power position but any meeting you have like you go to a meeting on a conference room you go in a meeting I don't know in your local store or local um coffee shop to see clients always make sure you're earlier and that you set yourself up you can see the door walking them in you are then the queen or the king of your business that's yeah so it's an easy to change change in your desk. and I remember this man and he was a real estate agent and he called me and said Marie I am really ready to call in chapter 11 that means you know going in failure and I said tell me what's going on and he said well I'm he show me this floor plan I said just change your desk just you know just do that he said but that's really difficult and said you know it's a one-time thing change your desk right so he changed his desk and he called me six months later and he had made 11 100% more income and so it's just because he he was in connection with his clients because his clients would come in and sit next to him but they were actually in control of the negotiations so he now is in in control of the negotiations, So that's the first thing the second thing I would suggest is to also check again your your app you actually have what we call your success direction so when you look to the app you'll see it's a royal blue uh in Direction and so the royal blue you hold it in the center of your office or the place where you work and there you see what is in that direction. Like for me it's Southwest now Southwest is really behind me so you don't have to look at it but it's behind me and there I have my books I have my Awards I also have there you can't see it but because it's in the cabinet I have my bank statement I have my contracts you know I have all important things that are connect with my business yeah so something that resonates with you so you say perhaps well I don't have anything yet but I'm sure you have a book on success or you can order easy a book on leadership right or perhaps you have certificates that you have from from school or something you studied you can hang that there always add some gold to it because gold is the color of abundance and even on your desk put some items in Gold like literally I have like a gold part with where I put things up so the more you put some gold looking items it does not to be real gold of course brain doesn't make a difference if it's real gold or fake gold it doesn't make the difference so just having some of that around you will actually activate your success energy it's just the little things. ⁣ ⁣ HILARY I imagine there are a lot of people that and I'm one of them that you putting the desk against the wall because you might have limited space I mean what would be your suggestion for someone that really doesn't have that possibility of having a desk because it you need the space you know you need space.⁣ ⁣ MARIE so the first thing I would suggest make sure you have a good high back chair with armrests yeah so you feel like at least you are supported and then make sure the high back chair is as high as your neck yeah good so that is like this is supported so you can lean so everything feels supported the second thing you can do is put a little mirror like left or right on the wall so that in the mirror you can see in a glimpse of a second who is behind you who's coming through the door yeah that's the second thing I would do and then in front of you I would suggest to put like um quotes or images that really inspire you yeah could be pictures of of your loved ones like so it feels like people are coming towards you like something is inspiring so and if you can try also to face a good direction in that case yeah so again with your app you can literally hold your app and hold it in front of you like I am facing my wisdom Direction what is excellent because I'm teaching the whole day yeah so I'm educating people but if you also can then look at so look towards a good direction even if it's on the wall then you will add 10% of good luck in finances oh my goodness 10% is a lot to put on the table ⁣ ⁣ HILARY wow Marie that is amazing this is so exciting I can't wait to play with the app more I don't think I've given it enough attention and listen everyone that app is free to download on marad diamond.com I'm going to put that in the HIListically SPeaking podcast notes so that you know it's there uh she also has uh a number of other things that you offer you have your master class that's free on your website as well so there are so many opportunities to get in touch with Marie and have Marie in your own pocket but also I highly recommend and we'll mention this again because she's talking a lot about what's in the book feng shui your life this is a beginner's guide to using your home to attract the life of your dreams. You can do this I've been looking through this book I cannot wait I I can read this again and again because there's things you're going to come back to what do I want to do in my my bedroom what do I want to do in my office what do I want to do in my living room my kitchen and just in your home and all areas of your life is right here in the book and it's so easy to read and you have the personal numbers in here as well I noticed that so you can find your personal number ⁣ ⁣ you can play around with it you can do this you know this could be a family thing or a partner thing as well which I love and and a great gift actually for friends and family that are perhaps stuck somehow in their life right now and they really want to move into a better place or a lot of people that have been using the love attraction and feel like they really haven't gotten the results because they were missing out on that last part of the law of attraction that is your environment so a lot of people can use this and every home you go to this is like your go to place uh go to book to really start ⁣ ⁣ HILARY yes absolutely and I want I want to also mention that if you've been tuning into Marie's work in the past if you've done any of the feng sh if you followed her let me know share it in the comments uh leave me a leave leave a rating a review and say that this this episode has touch moved and inspired you and some way some way wherever you're listening whether it's through a podcast platform or whether it is on YouTube or you can also leave a message a personal message of how feng shui has changed your life by going to speakpipe.com / hilistically speaking and record your voice press record and let me know what you think about this episode how Marie has touch moved and inspired you and just how Hilistically Speaking has touch moved and inspired you especially as we're moving in this new year there's so many small little things you can do to make a huge difference in your life what did you say nine days to nine weeks . Marie that's amazing. ⁣ ⁣ MARIE yeah another area that fast it goes that fast yes I love that that's so fast that is just it's like two months at most you know and as little as a week so it's the little shifts that make the big changes right so you see the Small Things First the other area people are certainly paying more attention to these days especially in the holistic way of living is their health and I know that is a huge part of feng shui. You know it's really interesting because feng shui was first focused towards health so because you know thousands of years ago having longevity was crucial first of all for your family for um thriving in society if you did not have a health because you know people died much earlier than in today's world so the first Focus was always how the chi of your environment would really affect your health and so I always say the first step I would go and focus on is decluttering is making sure you create space because everything we have creates a heaviness creates uh takes space literally around us and especially in the bedroom you know declutter um anytime you open your your drawers your cabinets it let go of at least 10 to 20% if you feel your health is not doing well by releasing that that will be very helpful and so and then give it away you know just don't store it again in another storage place but give it away and there's a lot of people that could use some of what you have and then of course also in your um in your personal energy number you do have when you look at the compass you do have a health Direction yeah so the health direction is again a personal place a personal portal of energy towards the universe so I remember that I placed before I knew fun right I did have this image of this um woman you know imitation like quite round and full and she was nude right so I did have that in my relation in my health Direction so you know I was actually telling subconsciously it's okay to gain weight yeah because and so and one day I knew all about the personal energy number I was like oh my god I've been giving myself permission to gain weight right and so I took that away I put that in the hallway it's not in a place where you are not living sleeping working right that's kind of three to five hours a day. If you're in a room in that long it will affect you um but in a whole way that's fine and so I start putting there my yoga mat I put there my vitamin supplements I had like an image of myself looking really fit and happy and I started having more encouragement yeah to really get going because I was a little procrastinating on doing the right exercises before right and then it kind of gave me that permission yeah to do that and so that is something that's very helpful also for health if you have health issues check out your plants you know and um especially if you have a lot of spiky plants or plants with spiky leaves that will actually affect your nervous system and your wellbeing so try to avoid them. ⁣ ⁣ I would always suggest no plants in the bedroom except if they're fake and I know some people say well there are some plants that give you oxygen it's just energetically it's better but also where you sitting. I had somebody that had all the time uh you know coughing and flu but next to his uh office desk he had this huge um a huge plant that was all with spiky leaves so we moved that away and he became much healthier because he was like you know attacking his energy in his Aura field so be careful about that you also can check in with putting more crystals in good directions yeah crystals are really good for your health so if go with crystals that resonate with you and we have a whole chapter on crystals in the feng shui your life because it's something it's an Earth element and if you have lack of Health that means you have lack of Earth so putting some crystals around you will affect you and there's specific places again you can put certain crystals to activate your energy. ⁣ ⁣ HILARY the fact that you have a whole chapter and that's chapter 14 on the crystals is is so important because I know that people and I'm one of them when I was getting more into the crystals you really you might be attracted to the color of the Crystal but do you really know what the energy is that that Crystal is bringing into your home and where to put it and how to how to use those crystals for good so the fact that you chose some of the best crystals well you see you have like one two three you have about 10 different crystals here that are really the most popular crystals that people use in their home and I appreciate you defining them so this book really covers everything and makes it so simple to feng shui your life perfect title from every area and these are you know the most important areas in our lives that we need to take care of it all comes back like you said to Health First when you have health you have wealth in other areas as well so can we take some questions?⁣ ⁣ MARIE yes yes oh let's take some.⁣ ⁣ HILARY we got some good ones Marie and these folks love you so I'm just going to put them out there and then we'll just go with them but the first one we're going to go with is from Masha. She's from Iran and she said should personal directions or direction of each year be taken into account and for those who don't understand what personal direction is maybe we can explain that first.⁣ ⁣ MARIE yeah so your personal direction again is based on your energy number so based on your birthday you have four directions that are very strong for you and directions always to do with the wi interactions so the compass directions there eight Compass directions that we can tap into so every year we do have an adjustment sometimes that we need to do for the Chinese New Year so we have the new Chinese New Year coming up the wood and dragon year and every year there is um there are some directions that are stronger for you than others so I'm going to for example go more general not based on your birthday the best place to create cash cash flow for this year in 2024 is actually to put a bubbling fountain in the east of your living room or your office because that is where the cash flow energy of the wooden dragon is located this year now if East is one of your good directions that will give you extra stimulus um because East is a good energy so if East is your success Direction you will have a lot of new beginnings a lot of new income stre dream coming your way but even if East is not one of your good direction you can still stimulate the cash flow by putting a bubbling fountain in the east in the areas where you are not sleeping that's so great and are we we're not just talking the office or we are yeah office a living room or family room I would say one place is enough to activate like for me it will be in my uh my office because I love having a fountain there we try to avoid it not to have it in the bedroom because it's too much water energy and that's disturbing for people and it's just the East wall of each room we're talking wall or the east corner depending how where the East is of course your your space so he always stands in the center and then look where that direction is so there are some adjustments for each year like last year in 2023 uh the fountain had to be in the southwest so and that is something when people go to the website and they go for the uh course feng shui 2024 so we each year we give an update where to place um all this um I would say crystals or fountains to activate the year of uh the the Chinese New Year.⁣ ⁣ HILARY wonderful so Masha I hope that answered your question thank you so much for thank you so much for submitting appreciate that. Okay Sarah is next she's in Sydney Australia and her question is when attracting love is it best to have a painting above your bed we mentioned not having water above your bed but is it best to have a painting and I guess we've already kind of answered this. ⁣ ⁣ MARIE she said full of many hearts or is it just two hearts well I would we kind of touched on that yeah but I I like the the question though because you know if you do a lot of Hearts then it's like you're inviting a lot of people in right so I always suggest two hearts or like one big heart right um and the best than color is pink rose fuchsia um red if you like red um so gold you can also work you know um so I have like uh because my husband I are already so long together I actually have one big pink heart yeah.⁣ ⁣ HILARY I love that that's a great question Sarah thank you so much and hopefully some of the tips that Marie gave a little earlier in this conversation will help you with that area as well. since we touched on love. Okay this is coming from London this is Moni and she says she's trying to actually believe this this is this is very specific so this is why I left this in here she wants to create more Financial Freedom in her life but she's also trying to get a Visa okay well you know.⁣ ⁣ MARIE I I have just done that myself I just got the new visa to live for a couple of years in the US so what I did is I put a picture of uh the US government like it could be the because if you want to get a visa on their specific departments right that you work with so I put a a picture of that logo in a gold looking frame in My Success Direction I also put a flag of the US in uh there so if for you it's the UK then put a flag of the UK and look up which department is connect with immigration and put a logo of that there and then of course I had it also on my vision board and when you have a vision board put it in your success Direction um and you can do it in your bedroom can be in your office you know some people do not like it in their living room because too many people are coming there um but having it in your success direction of course I put there on my vision board like literally I am always say the words I am because that's wrong energy I am receiving um my um this kind of Visa or for immigration to this country so I did that hey it worked.⁣ ⁣ HILARY oh I love that so this is going so much into the art of manifestation and Law of Attraction what you put out there right treat it like it's already there is is really it's giving people the visual here and now and now so the beautiful part about this is that Moni also asked about her son so this could really come in handy with her son Oliver she said her son Oliver wants to be an academy award-winning actor how could she help him do that and I think you kind of just explained it maybe having a picture of a statue?⁣ ⁣ MARIE I have more than 20 Oscar winning clients so I'm telling you it really works you know I had some clients that um never had an Oscar and then you know they put a fake Oscar out fake Oscar statue in their success of action you have have to put your name on it like you put a label on it or you engrave it I mean there are uh there are service that do that and then put in also on it for what it is yeah so if it's producer actor best acting role you know just put something very specific right so I put my oscar statue out in 2001 now at that time I'm not an actor I'm not a producer whatever right but I put it out there there because I put on my vision board that was going to be in a movie seen by millions of people that would transform the world and as a symbol the Oscar was a symbol I resonated with now interesting enough within a month I got my first Oscar winning clients right and it's only five years later I got into the secret yeah but meanwhile I already had five Oscar winning clients and one day I was just so clear that I always one I always got to people that had one Oscar that I put two more Oscars out I put three Oscars out and within a week step Spielberg his family called me to do all their houses and at that point he had won three Oscars.⁣ ⁣ HILARY this is incredible this is incredible uh Moni, Oliver are you listening because I have we we obviously have some information that so if we see Oliver with an Oscar down the line don't forget don't forget HIListically Speaking and don't forget Marie Diamond in your in your acceptance speech. That's incredible so and that's the that's the thing like it you know what is the saying if you want to make God laugh tell them your plans like maybe you were putting the Oscar out there but something else in regards to the Oscar came into your life right many times over right so I love oh that is incredible. You don't always know what the plan is right so never thought at that moment I didn't even have a visualization.⁣ ⁣ MARIE I didn't have a goal that I would attract Oscar winning clients yeah and of course I am in you know many houses where they really have Oscars and the Emmys and the Grammys and so now the first thing I always say I put them in their success of action so they can have more of it yeah um or the anything that they want to desire your success direction is crucial and the success direction will come up on the app app to tell you where the success direction is in that specific room you're in correct yes ⁣ ⁣ HILARY perfect love it love it okay Ivana's question from Washington State she's trying to create a new life for herself and the energy of the people might not be the best in the life that she has and she does not like the house that she's in like the house period she's not happy in the house how can we help Ivana. ⁣ ⁣ MARIE I would say the first thing um would ask her to decl and let go of things that of people that perhaps in the past or even in the present are still around her you know it could be books that they have given them it could be letters it could be photos of people it just it's better to let go of things and and have nothing and then fill it back up with something new so that's the first thing I would suggest the second thing I would love for her to check out her relationship Direction. Because if she doesn't like the people around her there's something wrong with her relationship Direction yeah perhaps she has the wrong message there you know. I remember this woman and she had the same situation but in her relationship Direction was an image that was very abstract it was like old strange forms so when you looked at it it was kind of chaotic so the people she attracted were chaotic people yeah and so I answered to take that away and I said you know there are some images of like. For example friends or you have like the ceramic Friendship Circle that you can put there um or you just um put like um the globe there like a globe is always you know connecting with Humanity like you're open to to meet all the people that you need so that is something she can play with when you don't feel really good in your home definitely check out the feng shui your life book because there are so many aspects to it but especially if you don't have enough Joy enough happiness in the house start adding orange so orange pillows orange candles um in the living room in your family room just orange gives always a feeling in our mind of coming home being happy being joyful yeah so do that and I would definitely suggest for her to do some space clearing we have some space clearing tips one of them is lavender Mist so start spraying lavender Mist regularly in your house to release the heavy that is there because I can tap into that house and I feel a lot of heaviness there yeah the misting and the essential oils I use that in my house all the time and it just changes so much how this it's not just an aroma or smell it actually does have a medicinal effect on your body so this is additionally. ⁣ ⁣ HILARY so does the wild orange so Orange has that as well so very important orange is good too yeah and you mentioned colors so we're going to go into the next question this is our last question and and that is from Leah she's in Peterboro England and she says what colors should a sofa or an armchair be in the bedroom you kind of touched on this too. ⁣ ⁣ MARIE but let's get specific with the actual piece of furniture yeah so like I said in a bedroom I would first focus on Earth Tones so it's like beiges Browns but you also can go with metal tones so there will be like whites Silvers Golds Grays copper or actually really good in the bedroom you know if you would think like oh I want more love I want to do a pink sofa that would be great um I would not do a red sofa that's again too much red um in a bedroom so if you want to work more with red in Furniture go and put that more in a dining room or a living room or a family room where you're active yeah where you're moving around all the time so too much red when you're sleeping is not uh suggested or maybe even like a metal tone with the throat like a pillow like I have this this this pinkish pillow with the Grays I mean it's that inviting.⁣ ⁣ HILARY thank you wonderful these are such amazing questions thank you to everyone that submitted. What a what a joy is to have you Marie the last thing I want to do before we go and one more time I just want to mention fun your life is available this book just came out not too long ago start here if you have never done feng shui before and thenit you can do is like graduate to the other books that Marie has in her Library you can also download the apps that she has that does the entire like there's so much that you you are you're so giving you have so much to offer for free so I'm going to put that in the podcast notes the book also how to get in touch with Marie on our website and how to download the app and the master class and everything else that you offer so graciously. ⁣ ⁣ Before we go I love to play a little game with my guests and basically this is a little word association I've been collecting words that we've been talking about and things that you've said and I'm just going to throw out one word and then what I would love for you to do is come back with the first word that comes to mind okay. A little fun.⁣ ⁣ MARIE Okay.⁣ ⁣ HILARY here we go clutter.⁣ ⁣ MARIE um release.⁣ ⁣ HILARY manifestation.⁣ ⁣ MARIE power.⁣ ⁣ HILARY energy ⁣ ⁣ MARIE I didn't hear that.⁣ ⁣ HILARY energy.⁣ ⁣ MARIE love.⁣ ⁣ HILARY spiritual.⁣ ⁣ MARIE peace⁣ ⁣ HILARY water ⁣ ⁣ MARIE abundance ⁣ ⁣ HILARY wind ⁣ ⁣ MARIE wind calmness ⁣ ⁣ HILARY environment ⁣ ⁣ MARIE support ⁣ ⁣ HILARY passion ⁣ ⁣ MARIE I didn't hear that last word ⁣ ⁣ HILARY I'm sorry passion.⁣ ⁣ MARIE oh passion um myself .⁣ ⁣ HILARY I love that Joy.⁣ ⁣ MARIE um my daughter.⁣ ⁣ HILARY and one more because this is my word of the Year and that really everything you're saying just makes me think about it…balance.⁣ ⁣ MARIE your home.⁣ ⁣ HILARY you're giving me so much Rocket Fuel to make changes in my home now that I've been here a number of years and look I understand to those listening not everybody owns their home or can can design their home and Steven Spielberg and can and make all these adjustments before the home is built but you can take small steps to make big changes in your life that you'll see down the line like Marie said within 9 days to nine weeks small little shifts can make a difference and you'll see it and I would love to know if you do let me know you know definitely share your experience with me Marie. Thank you so much this has been such a joy you are gift you're a gift in this world of spiritual healing and I couldn't be more just to have you here today I'm HIListically Speaking. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ MARIE Thank you so much for having me here and allowing me to share my wisdom with so many of your followers ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ HILARY If you have any words of wisdom if you have final words what would that be?⁣ ⁣ ⁣ MARIE well my last words would be here is that just start practicing feng shui to really attract you know what you desire in life it worked for me from starting in a small Studio you know 30 years ago to living now in a beautiful mansion in Belaire so it really has created an amazing life for me abundantly but also amazing family life and so I wish that all for all of you thank you .⁣ ⁣ HILARY thank you so much for your wishes and your gift you are a gift.⁣ ⁣ HILARY all right my friends if you have not downloaded Marie's app to find out your best Direction your diamond Compass answers to how you can position yourself in your life and how you can use fun in your home the time is now or even check out her master class she has a free master class I shared that link all of the links are available on her website which I shared in the podcast notes and if you are ready for it I'm telling you the time is now grab a copy of Marie's book feng shui your life it is a beginner's guide but it is chalk full of things you can do in the everyday it is a simple approach to changing things in your life to make your entire Journey for the best I'm telling you it's a great guide to go along with the app with the compass also just uh to refer back to when you need it if you're making a change in one room and then in another refer back to this book it is a great guide to have in your everyday life and tell us how you are feng shui your life I would love to know you can leave a rating a review on any of the podcast platforms you tune in including YouTube tell us what you're doing with your feng shui journey how are you making small changes that are affecting your life in a big way you can even take it one step further and go to speakpipe dot com slash hilistically speaking and leave a voice message and I might share that message on a future episode of this show.⁣ ⁣ I am so grateful to see that we have listeners expanding around the world more listeners from more countries are tuning into to this podcast day after day and all I can say to that is I am so grateful for you for tuning in thank you thank you for pressing play and on that note I'm sending so much success and fun have fun with your feng shui journey definitely let me know how it's going for you because you deserve to live the life of your dreams I love you I believe in you and I will see you next week be well.

Oprah called her Godmother of the full-figured woman for good reason. As a woman with curves, Supermodel Emme faced challenges and criticism but stood undeterred.⁣ ⁣ Not only did she conquer the fashion world, but she also left an indelible mark on the way we perceive beauty, body positivity, and self-love.⁣ ⁣ For Emme, being a supermodel also means being a role model. It comes with a responsibility that goes well beyond the runway. ⁣ ⁣ On this week's HIListically Speaking Podcast, Emme shares her story from athlete to mental health advocate. ⁣ ⁣ Get inspired as she shares her mission which is encouraging young women everywhere to embrace their true beauty. ⁣ ⁣ She gets clear on the power of self-talk and what it means to show up and be true to yourself.⁣ ⁣ How a slap from The Universe opened her eyes to the need to go within and focus on holistic well-being.⁣ ⁣ From snow to sound…she shares two activities that keep her centered.⁣ ⁣ This episode is a celebration of individuality, diversity, and embracing your unique beauty. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣Connect with Emme and learn more about her True Beauty Foundation by visiting her website⁣ www.emmestyle.com⁣ or social media ⁣ @theofficialemme @true_beauty_foundation⁣ ⁣ Touched, moved, or inspired by this episode? Consider paying it forward to someone who would align with the conversation. And consider leaving your thoughts in a rating/review wherever you're tuning in. ⁣ ⁣ Need a mind and body positive pick me up? Want to recharge that resolution? Come and be kind to your mind on January 31 at 7 pm ET with the return of the virtual Havening Happy Hour. Registration is required. Claim your spot here: https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZYpf-2tqjouE925fGngXlJdIQbY1OAetxVM ⁣ ⁣ Connect with Hilary @hilaryrusso⁣ Instagram:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣YouTube:⁣ https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣Facebook:⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ Twitter (X):⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ TikTok:⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ Website:⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ 𝗛𝗜𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗛𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗥𝘂𝘀𝘀𝗼⁣ Created/Hosted by Hilary Russo⁣ Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/

I don't sleep well. How about you? According to the National Center on Aging, 936 million adults around the world are estimated to have mild to severe OSA and I'm one of them. If left untreated, sleep apnea can lead to heart, kidney, and metabolic health complications. And while this is just one disorder, sleep disorders are part of a global epidemic that threatens the health and quality of life of up to 45% of the world's population. Before you grab the CPAP assuming that's your only solution, I found the expert who understands that sleep is a skill. Mollie Eastman had her struggles with sleep. Today, this recovered insomniac is a leading authority in helping you find your best rest with possibilities you may have never considered. During this episode of HIListically Speaking, Mollie answers listeners questions on everything including: Getting good sleep when you travel and finding balance in the bedroom without smothering your partner with a pillow. She also shares several high and low-tech strategies to optimize the bedroom Plus, the types of professionals that could help you on your road to better rest that you may have never knew existed! Connect with Mollie Eastman at www.sleepisaskill.com or on all social media: @sleepisaskill ⁣Take advantage of her FREE PDF: The Optimized Bedroom: 18 Strategic Ways to Create a Better Sleep Environment bit.ly/3vEgxSS Ready to get into a sleep state in minutes? Book a complimentary call to find out how Havening can help you rest best, like it did me! https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout⁣ Book mentioned during this conversation: "Sharing the Covers: Every Couple's Guide to Better Sleep", Wendy Troxel, PhD ⁣ Connect with Hilary @hilaryrusso⁣ Instagram:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣YouTube:⁣ https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣Facebook:⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ Twitter (X):⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ TikTok:⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ Website:⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ 𝗛𝗜𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗛𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗥𝘂𝘀𝘀𝗼⁣ Created/Hosted by Hilary Russo⁣ Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/