HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo Ep152 - Emotional Intelligence Essentials: How to Achieve Your Goals and Dreams with Dr. John Demartini
If you've ever wondered how self-perception can influence your journey to personal success, this conversation on the HIListically Speaking Podcast with guest Dr. John Demartini is for you. A world-renowned luminary in human behavior and emotional intelligence, Dr. Demartini will have you asking yourself, "How do I elevate my self-awareness?" But also inspire authentic living through balance and embracing both the inner hero and the bully within. Dr. Demartini shares his trauma-to-triumph stories that will leave you in awe. Including two powerful lessons he learned as a high school dropout from one of the world's most successful entrepreneurs of his time, to the words he lives by that have been the blueprint for humanity, wisdom, and love.
CHAPTERS/KEY MOMENTS
0:00 Intro
0:10 Human Potential Through Emotional Intelligence
03:38 Imposter Syndrome, the Ego for Authenticity
07:17 Self-Judgment and Behavior
16:08 Lesson in Wisdom and Courage
21:54 Creating Original Ideas for Humanity
29:09 Free Masterclasses with Dr. Demartini
31:00 Essentials of Emotional Intelligence Book
32:50 Unlocking Your Inner Genius
38:47 Self-Talk for Success
42:48 Authenticity and Self-Acceptance
46:25 The Power of Gratitude and Love
56:28 Life's Balance and Self-Confidence
CONNECT WITH DR. DEMARTINI
https://drdemartini.com/ or @drjohndemartini
Essentials of Emotional Intelligence Book (available on Amazon May 2024
CONNECT WITH HILARY
https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso
https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso
https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking
https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast
Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
(Full Transcript https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast)
00:00 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Every symptom in our physiology, every symptom in our psychology, every symptom in our sociological connections, in our relationships, even in our business transactions. Our feedback mechanisms trying to get us back to authenticity, where we have equanimity within ourselves and equity between ourselves and others, so we can create a transaction that has a sustainable, fair exchange, where we maximize our potential. So we understand that, no matter what's going on, it's on the way for that objective, not in the way.
00:30 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Am I unlocking my greatest human potential? Think about that question just for a moment, because that's where we're going today. Sit with it for a moment and then think about that, because you're about to meet somebody who can challenge you with that question and help you find the answer. He is not your typical expert. He has a unique blend of wisdom and wit and insight, and he's dedicated his life to unraveling the mysteries of human behavior and helping people, including himself, discover that human potential. Thank you so much for joining us here. As I mentioned, you are a world leading human behavior specialist. You're a philosopher and international speaker, multi bestselling author and founder of the Demartini Method, which is a revolutionary tool in modern psychology, and it is just such a pleasure and a joy to have you here to share more about what you do and how you hold space in this world. So thank you.
01:32 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Thank you. What a great intro. Thank you.
01:35 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Well, I've been really tapping into everything you're sharing and you talk a lot about, most recently the emotional intelligence side of things with your most recent book, and I want to touch on that because you really have made such a significant difference in how people are truly transforming their own lives. So let's go there first. What is making this book, this most recent book, the Essentials of Emotional Intelligence, different from all these other amazing pieces of literature you've written in the past?
02:28 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
not always appreciate themselves, not love themselves, because of the emotional vicissitudes and volatilities that they allow themselves to participate in. I'll give an example. You see somebody walking down the street. You meet them and you think, wow, they're more intelligent than me, or maybe they're more achieving, successful than me, or maybe wealthier, or maybe they're more, have a stable relationship, or maybe they're more of a leader or more they're physically fit or more inspired.
02:59
And then you put them a bit on a pedestal because you're conscious of the upsides and blind and subjectively biased and unconscious of the downsides. And then you beat yourself up and minimize yourself and then you're not honoring your magnificence Because you're comparing yourself to others instead of comparing your daily actions to your own values. Or you might meet somebody and you look down on them and think I'm superior to them, I'm too proud to admit what I see in them, inside me, and you'll now put them down intellectually or in business or finance or family or social or physical or spiritual. And then you now put them in the pit and exaggerate yourself. Anytime we put some in a pedestal and minimize ourselves or put people in a pit and exaggerate ourselves, we're not being ourselves. We've got an imposter syndrome. We've got a facade, a persona, a mask that we're wearing the superiority complex, the inferiority complex, the puffed up, the beat up.
04:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)
And as long as we do that, we're in a state of becoming, not our authentic state of being. I love that you touch on that state of the becoming versus the being, because a lot of times I'll say are you being, are you in a state of being or a state of doing? But using the word becoming is is something that is really resonating with me. And going back to the idea of the imposter syndrome, I think we're hearing a lot more about that now and I imagine that's because we live in this global village where everything is right at the touch of our fingertips, you know. So we're infiltrated with so much information and comparison game that it could be very detrimental, whether you're a child or an adult.
04:40 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Well, we're not here to compare ourselves to others. We're here to compare our own daily actions to what's most meaningful to us, and how congruent are we with what's really priority? But the second we put people on pedestals or pits, we distorted our views, subjectively, of them and we simultaneously created the symptoms in ourselves to let us know that simultaneously created the symptoms in ourselves to let us know that All of the physiological symptoms that we generate genetically, epigenetically or autonomically are feedback mechanisms to guide us back to authenticity. And when we puff ourselves up, we tend to activate our narcissistic side, because we feel superior and we tend to project our values and expect others to live in our values, which creates futility to humble us. Period, we tend to project our values and expect others to live in our values, which creates futility to humble us. And anytime we minimize ourselves and exaggerate them, we tend to go into our altruistic persona and we try to sacrifice for them, which is futile because we can't sustain it. So both of those are feedback mechanisms that are futility, that allow us to go back to who we are.
05:42
Every symptom in our physiology, every symptom in our psychology, every symptom in our sociological connections, in our relationships, even in our business transactions, our feedback mechanisms, trying to get us back to authenticity, where we have equanimity within ourselves and equity between ourselves and others, so we can create a transaction that has a sustainable, fair exchange, where we maximize our potential. So we understand that, no matter what's going on, it's on the way for that objective, not in the way, and we transcend our fantasies of our amygdala of avoiding pain and seeking pleasure and only going to one-sided realities. As the Buddha says, the desire for that which is unobtainable and the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable is a source of human suffering. But when we finally realize that there's a balance of life and there's nothing to get rid of in yourself and there's nothing to try to go and find in yourself, it's already present and you embrace it in yourself and not compare it to somebody else, because you won't honor it in yourself when you're comparing what you think it needs to be in you with somebody else, what?
06:43 - Hilary Russo (Host)
you think it needs to be in you with somebody else, For those out there that are hearing you and want so desperately I don't even want to say desperately, but are really open to the possibility of the neuroplasticity of the brain right, being able to really truly change your thoughts, change your life, kind of thing. How are there easy steps to go about that approach? If they're stuck in the imposter syndrome, if they are on the pedestal or the pit, there must be a simple step to take first.
07:17 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Yes, well, I've been fascinated by this, for I've been teaching 51 years, so I've been doing it a bit. And you know, there's a statement in Romans 2.1 of the New Testament not that that is the ultimate source by any means, it's just a source but it says that beware of judging other people, for whatever you see in them, you do the same thing. So I was 40-something years ago. I found myself when I was saying something about other people. I found myself talking to myself Whatever I was saying to them and being adamant about. I was thinking I'm really talking to myself, trying to convince myself of what I'm saying to them. Isn't it interesting. So, instead of waiting for people to push my buttons, I decided to go to the Oxford English Dictionary and underline every possible human behavioral trait that could be found. Now Gordon Halport did the same thing years earlier. I didn't know about that at the time, but he must have been as neurotic as I was, because I went through every one and underlined every one of them.
08:19
In the book I found 4,628 character traits of human beings. Then what I did is I put an initial of the individual out to the side of the margin of the dictionary. Who is it that I know that displays this trait to the furthest degree. So if I saw somebody that was generous, who is the most generous? If I saw somebody that was inconsiderate, who is the most inconsiderate In my perception? These are my distortions, but I put the names out there. Once I put the name next to each of those, I then asked myself John, go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating this particular trait. And I had to be honest with myself because I knew that I did because you only react to things on the outside that represent parts of yourself you haven't loved. So if you're resentful to somebody, they're reminding you that you're too proud to admit you've done it. They're reminding you of something you're feeling ashamed of and they're bringing it out. The reason you want to avoid them is because you don't want to dissociate away from what you're judging in yourself. So I went through there and I found every one of those traits inside myself to the same degree, quantitatively and qualitatively, as I saw in them. And I didn't stop until I saw it which was waking up intuition and unconscious information about me and took out the subjective bias and allowed me to see myself objectively and I realized I was hero and villain, and saint and sinner, and I had every one of those traits. I had all pairs of opposites.
09:53
Heraclitus, 5th century BC, said there's a unity of opposites in all of us. And it was Wilhelm Watt, in the 1895 Father Experimental Psychology, that said that there's a simultaneous contrast in all people. When they become aware of it, they're fully self-actualized. So nothing's missing At the level of the soul, nothing's missing At the level of the senses. Things appear to be missing. The things that appear to be missing are the things you're too proud or too humble to admit that you see in others, inside yourself, and pure, reflective awareness, which allows true loving intimacy, allows you to realize that whatever you see is you. So the first thing to help you transcend the vicissitudes and the volatilities of the incomplete awareness is to take the time to go and look at where you do the same thing. That's just one of many steps, and when I did that I found all 4,628 traits. I sat and I documented where I had them all. So that means that no matter what anybody said about me, it was true, but maybe not in the context they were projecting, but I owned it and I found out that any trait you don't own is a trait that people push your buttons with, but when you own it, you go.
11:08
Yes, sometimes I'm this way, sometimes I'm that If I walked up to somebody and I said you're always nice, you're never mean, you're always kind, you're never cruel, you're always positive, never negative, they would go. Not exactly, their intuition would point out the times when they've been the other and they'd immediately be thinking about the time when they're the opposite of that. If I said you're always mean, you're never nice, you're always cruel, you're never kind, always stingy, never generous, they'd go. No, that's not true either. But if I said sometimes you're nice, sometimes you're mean, sometimes you're kind, sometimes you're cruel, they'd go. That's me, because we know innately, with certainty, that we have a unity of pairs of opposites and when you can embrace both sides of those and don't try to get rid of half of yourself, you finally can love yourself. But the futility of trying to get rid of half of yourself is going to undermine it.
11:52
So the first step in transcending, because anything you infatuate with or resent occupies space and time in your mind and runs your life, and you can't even sleep at night when you're highly infatuated or resentful, because your mind is intruded by these incomplete awarenesses and it's creating symptoms to let you know you're not loving and not whole. You're playing part in the posture and your symptoms are giving you feedback to let you know that to help you. So when I went through and I owned all those traits, I noticed that there was more poise, more presence, more productivity. Noticed that there was more poise, more presence, more productivity, more able to be prioritized and not influenced by other people's opinions, and able to. You know, I'd rather have the whole world against me than my own soul. I was able to listen to my soul, the state of unconditional love, not the imposter syndrome, because if you put people in pedestals you'll minimize. If you put people in pitch, you can exaggerate, and those are becoming, instead of being so you get to be being when you own all your traits. So that's the first little step.
13:05
1947, he said it's not that we don't know so much, we know so much. That isn't so. We've been taught moral hypocrisies. Alistair McIntyre, in his book on the history of ethics, shows that we've been given a bunch of ideals that nobody lives by, but everybody thinks they're supposed to, and then they beat themselves up and because they do. They brain offload decisions to outer authorities, and the outer authorities set up the moral hypocrisies for ability to control people as a strategy. So I realized that it's not that we don't know so much. We know so much. That isn't so. So it's time to confront the fantasies and idealisms and the unrealistic expectations and to look at things in a broader perspective. In a broad mind, it's neither positive or negative. In a narrow mind, it's neither positive or negative. In a narrow mind, it's either positive or negative.
13:48
So I started to go and ask the trait that I listed on the encyclopedia did I interpret it as a positive trait or a negative trait? And if I interpret it as a positive trait, I then asked what are the downsides of the trait? Until I found enough drawbacks to see both sides? And if I saw it as a negative trait, what are the upsides to it? Until I saw both sides? Because I realized that you may infatuate with a guy. You may meet this guy. He's highly intelligent, ooh. He's an aphrodisiac. He turns me on, he's so intelligent, ooh. But then you go. But he's argumentative, he thinks he's right, he knows it all, he doesn't want to listen, he wants to always win in a fight of argument. And then you go oh, there's downsides to that.
14:27
But because I was infatuated and fantasizing about how good it was, I was blind, I minimized myself, I sacrificed to get with this guy. I feared his loss and I disempowered myself until I saw both sides. And when I saw both sides, he didn't control me. I gave myself power, my power back. In the process of doing it, I went through the 4,628 traits and looked for the upsides to what I thought was down, the down to what was up, until I saw that it was neither positive nor negative. And then I transcended the moral hypocrisies that I'd been indoctrinated by, which was the dogma, and I got to see that there was nothing but love. All else was illusion, because love is the synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites, which is the state of being, which is our spiritual path, as Hagel says oh, fascinating.
15:18 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I love this conversation so much. I'm just sitting here and I'm thinking with such wisdom that you have, with over 50 years of studying, which everything that you're sharing here on the show in just a small period of time. I'd love to know who is your inspiration Like, who helped you come to this place, because I know you share personally that you had your own story even as a high school dropout, as someone who had his own challenges in his youth. Who truly was your inspiration to move you into the space of becoming and being?
15:58 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Well, I don't know if there's one, there's probably 30,000.
16:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Maybe a couple of your favorites.
16:08 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
When I was a young boy, I left home and I left home at 13. At 14, I hitchhiked from Houston, texas, to California. On that hitchhike I was confronted by three cowboys. In El Paso, texas, I had a headband, a Hawaiian shirt on, some shorts, some sandals and I had a surfboard. And I was hitchhiking to California. I got confronted by three cowboys. Cowboys and surfers didn't get along in those days, 1968.
16:39
I was walking through downtown because the freeway wasn't in those days. You had to go through the downtown and three cowboys lined up across the front of me and they were going to not let me through. They didn't like long-haired hippie kids. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't outrun them, I couldn't go in the store, I couldn't go in the street. I had to confront them and somehow a great ingenious idea came to me. I looked like a wild animal and barked like some wild wolf and dog. Okay, now that that's talking about genius. Now that was that low level genius. So I did and the guys moved aside. They moved aside and they let me through the sidewalk and I'm growling at him with my and they let me through.
17:26
As I came on the other side there was a guy on the street corner leaning on a lamppost, trying to compose himself from laughing so hard, because he just saw what I did. And he comes up behind me and he puts his arm on top of my shoulder and he said, sonny, that's the funniest dang thing I've ever seen. You took them cowpokes like a pro. Can I buy you a cup of coffee? And I said, sir, I don't drink coffee. Can I get you a Coca-Cola? And I said yes, sir.
17:53
So he took me to a little malt shop and we're swiveling on these things and I had a little Coke with this guy. He was 62 years old at the time but he seemed older, because when you're 14, that seems old. Now it seems young. I'm 70 almost. So I listened to him and he said you finished with your Coke? I said yes, sir. He said then follow me, I have something to teach you.
18:16
So he took me two blocks, another two blocks up these steps to the downtown El Paso library. We asked the lady at the information booth if she could keep my surfboard and my little duffel bag there watched while we went too library. We asked the lady at the information booth if she could keep my surfboard and my little duffel bag there, watched while we went to the library. We go down these steps, walk a ways up these little steps and sat there in front of a table and he said just sit here, young man.
18:36
He went off into the bookshelves, he came back with two big books, put them on the table and sat catty corner to me and he said, son, there's two things I want to teach you. You have to promise me that you will remember these things and never forget them. I said yes, sir. He said number one don't ever judge a book by its cover. I said yes, sir. And he says let me tell you why.
19:02
Young man, you probably think I'm some old guy on the street, some old bum, but, young man, I'm one of the wealthiest men in the world. I have everything that money can buy. I've got planes and boats and businesses and homes and companies, everything that money can buy. He says so don't ever judge a book by its cover, because he can fool you. I said yes, sir. Then he grabbed my hand and he stuck them on top of the two books, and it was Plato and Aristotle. And he said to me young man, you learn how to read. You learn how to read, boy. I said, yes, sir, and he said and here's why they can take away your possessions. People can die, but there's only two things they can never take away from you, and that is your love and your wisdom. So you gain the wisdom of love and you gain the love of wisdom, because that's something that nobody can ever take away from you and that will accumulate through your life. You promise me you'll never, forget that young man.
20:10
My cufflinks today say love and wisdom. It turned out it was Howard Hughes.
20:16 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Oh wow, how many times have you told that story and had that response? That's pretty.
20:26 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Not that many times, but oh, I feel honored. He was doing an El Paso natural gas deal with El Paso Natural Gas for a brewery he was building in Austin, Texas. This is right before he went to Las Vegas with his germaphobic outcome.
20:46 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I mean, that's incredible.
20:48 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
At 17, I met a guy named Paul Bragg. He told me that he says we have a body, we have a mind and we have a soul, and the body must be directed by the mind and the mind must be guided by the soul to maximize who we are. And he says you want to set goals for yourself, your family, your community, your city, your state, your nation, your world and beyond for 100 to 120 years, because by the time you grow up you'll be living to 100 years. This is a 1972. And he said what you see, what you say, what you see, what you say, what you think, what you feel and the actions you take determine your destiny. So if you take command of your life and don't let others take command of your life, you can create a life by design, not duty, and you give yourself permission to shine, not shrink, and you can live in a sense ontologically as a state of being, instead of deontologically as a state of becoming. So he had an impact on me when I was 17. Then I made it to age 23.
21:54
I made a guy named Lakishwaram. He had six PhDs at 35 years old PhDs at 35 years old already six PhDs and I got to mentor under this guy and learn from this guy, and it was just an amazing breadth of knowledge this man had. And he asked me one day to a question. He asked a question, he answered it and then he said are you certain about your answer? And I said, well, no, is that an answer that's accurate? He says yes, it is. You know inside, trust yourself. Whenever you minimize yourself to others, you'll offload the decision and think they know better than you. Find your core competency where you have highest on your values, where you have the greatest epistemological pursuit, and honor that and stick to your core competence and then do something in your life that fulfills what's core competent and you will excel and do something great with your life. So I have had, I've been blessed to study all of the great classics, both Eastern and Western mysticism, from the Vedanta to Buddhist teachings to all the Greek philosophers. I've slayed all the Nobel Prize winners, anybody who has had any global influence that's done anything amazing I've devoured, and one thing that I'm certain about, that the originators of the various disciplines of life are the people I've learned the most from, the people who gave themselves permission to be an unborrowed visionary, and not somebody that's borrowing and copying, but somebody who is actually an originator. See, I've said since I was about 20, I create original ideas that serve humanity. I create original ideas that serve humanity.
23:38
I also said I learned something from Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein said I'm not a man of my family or my community or my city or my state or even my nation. I'm a citizen of the world. So I've since I was 18 years old I want to be a citizen of the world. Pictet has said that.
23:54
Socrates said that I could go down the list of people that understood that they didn't want to be localized, they wanted to be non-locally entangled with the universe. So I live on a ship called the world. It goes to every country around the world. I've said since I was 20 to 21 years old the universe is my playground, the world is my home. Every country is a room in the house, every city is a platform to share my heart and soul. My life is dedicated to love and wisdom and doing whatever I can to expand awareness and potential and the involvement of human consciousness, which has already evolved. It's just us waking up to it and do whatever I can to do that, and I do that seven days a week because I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing.
24:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Like what is the idea of true originality.
24:37 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Well, you distill and then you integrate into oneness the information, you link it to what you value most. Aristotle had a thing he called the telos, which is the study of which is teleology was the study of meaning and purpose. When I was 23 years old, I realized I asked the question what is it that makes a difference between people that walk their talk and limp their life, people that do what they say and not? And I was fascinated by what the distinction is, and I found that people who set goals and objectives true objectives, not fantasies that are aligned and congruent with what they truly value most, what their life demonstrates is truly most important to them, they increase the probability of original thinking, and original thinking comes when you're willing to pursue challenges that inspire you. The moment you pursue challenges that inspire you, and the greatest challenge to inspire you, are the ones that serve the greatest number of people, the problems that serve the greatest number of people. You know it's interesting. Elon Musk is a good example of this. He finds what's the biggest problems on the planet and he goes and finds a way of solving them.
25:50
I have a girlfriend that I dated for a while. My wife passed away and she was at Harvard and Oxford and Cornell. She went to four major universities. A very bright lady and she went to the professor at Harvard Her name is Trish Went to the professor at Harvard and this is a time when there was still a little bit of discrepancy between males and females right, it's starting to get a little bit more even but at the time it was still polarized. And she said I want to be able to create a massive business. And he said well, if you do, you need to find the biggest challenge that the society is facing and find a more efficient solution. She said, okay.
26:35
So she went back to her country, which was South Africa, and she saw that the energy crisis was the biggest one, because ESCOM in South Africa was constantly rationing energy and had a bit of corruption and it wasn't really serving the people to the fullest. So she says I'm going to find a solution to the energy crisis. When she did, she concluded that nuclear was probably the most efficient probably the most efficient. So she, as an individual, raised the funds and borrowed the money to build a private nuclear power plant. Now no one can say that she's the only one that I know in the world that's pulled that off. Most of these are governments that do so. She ended up building a nuclear power plant, selling it back to the government and doing quite well. Now her husband at the time disowned her and divorced her because he didn't want to have the debt, because this is billions.
27:28
So she took on the risk to solve the problems at the time. When she solved that, she said what's the next issue in the country? Transportation. People are walking everywhere. They can't afford transportation. So she decided to build commuter trains.
27:45
But the other thing was unemployment and uneducation. So what she did is she did an aerial view of South Africa. She looked at all the problems where the most poverty was, where jobs were needed and these kind of things. She looked at where the rail was and she rerouted rails into the areas that had the most poverty. She set up educational systems to educate them for engineering and hired these people to build trains and commuter trains and put thousands of people to work and created a computer train manufacturing system in three major locations to transform the education, the economics, job opportunities which reduce crime issues and solve the problem.
28:29
So people who care about humanity, that are dedicated to finding major problems, the greater the problem they get, the more fulfillment they get in life and the more ingenious and original creative thinking comes out of them to solve it. But if you don't have a big enough problem that inspires you to solve, don't expect genius to emerge. It's there in all of us, but we sometimes want to live in our amygdala, avoiding pain and seeking pleasure and avoiding challenge and seeking ease, that we don't go after. The challenges that inspire us, that make a difference, and those are the ones that wake up the genius and creativity of original thinking.
29:09 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Before we go any further, I do want to mention if you're just overwhelmed with this unbelievable conversation we're having, please know that he has been so gracious to offer a number of free masterclasses and I'm going to put those links in the listen notes of this podcast episode of HIListically Speaking so that you can pick what look. I would say, download them all, because we're talking about the law of attraction. We're talking about how to increase and deserve that level of finally getting what you want in your life. All of these free gifts, the power of your full advantage and potential. The list goes on and on.
29:42
I'm not going to run down them all. You're going to, just you're going to go to the list of notes, you're going to see what's up, what is there for you, and take your time. You know I say it all the time on this podcast Every guest I have is like a masterclass, and here you are offering additional master classes in addition to this conversation. So let me just say thank you so much, so grateful, for everything that you are sharing. It is just a wealth of information, from your own experiences and your own growth to how you are serving others in this world from that original, authentic self that you present here today.
30:22 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
so thank you for that uh, thank you for having give me the opportunity to share with people, because without the people, what good am I?
30:31 - Hilary Russo (Host)
absolutely. We need each other in this world, right? So your book, the ascent the essentials of emotional intelligence, is your latest book. Where are you hoping this book will go that perhaps other books haven't, from somebody who has released what close to 50 books, if not more?
30:48 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Yeah, I've written about 300, but there's about 50 that are paperbacks. Okay, the mission of this book was to give some practical tools on how to stabilize the emotional vicissitudes, the impulsive and instinctual seeking and avoidings that distract us from being present, and how to awaken the four brains executive center, the medial prefrontal cortex, which, according to Scientific American in the October edition of 2022, was called the seat of the self. It's a neural correlate for the seat of the self. It's not our self, but it's the neural correlate. And when we allow that to occur, when we live by priority, that blood glucose and oxygen goes into that forebrain, activates that area. That area has nerve fibers down into the amygdala, nucleus, acumens and palladium, and it uses glutamate and GABA to neutralize the impulses and instincts and dampens the volatility that distract us into the imposter syndrome, so we can be our magnificent self.
31:58
So that's why, if we don't fill our day with high priority actions that inspire us, that integrate us, our day is designed to fill up with low priority distractions that don't to create chaos in our life, to get us guided back to what is authentic. All the symptoms are trying to get us back to authenticity and a lot of people think there's something wrong with them, but actually they're misinterpreting what this feedback is offering them. Their body and mind is doing what it's designed to do to get them back to authenticity. And when you actually go back and prioritize your life, dedicate to what's highest in priority, delegate what's lowest in priority and delegate to those people that would be inspired to do what you want to delegate, so you give job opportunities and help the economy and help people fulfill their lives. You liberate yourself from the distractions of impulses and instincts and the imposter syndrome. That's what the book's for.
32:50 - Hilary Russo (Host)
And is this a book that is relatively easy to read for those who might be approaching this kind of mindset, maybe taking a deep dive and making some changes in their own lives? Is this the first book that they should look at, or are there other books?
33:07 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
There's many books. Everybody when you go to the bookstore you find the one that resonates at that time and 10 weeks later you got another one. I have many books that you could go through and scan and see which ones resonate with you. But I believe that because I have an editor to help me with it, because he would, you know, bring it to where it's. I don't understand that. Clarify it, kind of thing. I think between us we've tried to make the book as understandable as we can.
33:34
But at the same time I learned many years ago I've been teaching speed learning programs and how to wake up. You know photographic memories and genius and all kinds of stuff in people for many years now. And what people do is they have a conscious self and an unconscious self, right the explicit and implicit, and most people read verbally, not visually, and they're used to phonemes and they're used to you know what they say and only reading and learning as fast as they can speak and as a result of it, anytime they go beyond that speech speed, which is two to 300 words for most people. They go. I didn't get it, but what I've learned is that it's all there in your visual system. Your thalamus filters out certain information, but it's still there. And then when you need it and the information is needed and it helps you fulfill a purpose, it comes from the unconscious up to the conscious level. So I teach people to just take in the information and don't question whether you got it, just take it in, look at it, see it, because then all of a sudden, when you're in a conversation and somebody asks you a question, where that information is needed out, it will come, but you won't need it, you won't even hear it, didn't even know, you knew it until that moment. When you do, then you realize that we're so we limit ourselves to our conscious awareness, which is a small portion of what we are capable of taking in, and then we don't honor the other part of our life that knows. And so I'm a firm believer just delivering the information and letting people trust what they learn, to trust both sides of themselves and to embrace it, because we have a capacity to learn way farther than even most people ever imagined. I mean, I'm absolutely certain I read 11,000 pages in one day and absorbed it, and people start asking questions on it and they go.
35:33
I don't think I didn't know how you could do that and I said because I didn't question it. I stopped questioning what I learned and believing that it's only what I got consciously. And then, when you asked me the question, whatever was unconscious was there for me. So a lot of people don't realize that they have a genius. There's no uniqueness. Everyone has a genius and it can be awakened and I've been working on that. The first statement that I ever got from Paul Bragg is because I told him I didn't know how to read. I didn't read until I was 18. I didn't know. I was learned and disabled and I was told I would never be able to read. He told me say every single day, say to yourself I'm a genius and I apply my wisdom.
36:17 - Hilary Russo (Host)
So I did.
36:19 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
I didn't know what that even meant. I asked my mom. When I saw my mom, I said what the heck is a genius? She says people like Albert Einstein and Da Vinci. I said well then, get me everything you can about those guys.
36:28
I later learned that a genius is one who listens to their inner voice and follows their inner vision and obeys and lets the voice and vision on the inside be louder than all opinions on the outside, and then they master the path of their life. They're on their dharmic path, not their karmic wheel, and they liberate themselves from the bondage of all the infatuations, resentments, all the exaggerations of pride and shame that stop them from being authentic when they exaggerate and minimize other people through judgment. So we have a genius inside and it's spontaneously ready to come out, but we don't give it permission to come out because we're too preoccupied with what others think and how we're positioned. And there was two Nobel Prize winners that got their Nobel Prize in 2016 on the place in grid cells and in January February of 2020.
37:23
Fantastic article on that in the Scientific American showing how we socially put ourselves in pecking orders and hierarchies in society because we disown parts and if we went and we go and take the most powerful people on the planet and go find what do I admire in them, what do I dislike in them, and own them all, we reposition ourselves and we awaken the same playing field that they're playing on and I've proven that in thousands of cases. We have people that have now Grammy award-winning, people that we're just barely seeing, and we got people that are doing amazing things economically, because there's nothing missing in us and fulfillment is the realization. There's nothing missing, never was missing, but we were too busy, preoccupied with being too proud or too humble to admit what we see in others, inside us. And when we finally embrace our hero and villain in all parts of ourselves and not try to get rid of half of ourselves, we finally awaken that magnificent genius that's sitting there dormant, ready to emerge spontaneously into inspired action of creativity and origination. The second we be authentic.
38:30 - Hilary Russo (Host)
It so comes back to balance Everything you're saying, like the yin, the yang. It's so balanced and I think you're opening my mind to think of things more than just like work-life balance, and I think you're opening my mind to think of things more than just like work-life balance, and it's so much more. And what you just said about the inner voice because truly this is the loudest voice in the room is our own right. And how are we speaking to ourselves? What is that inner bully doing? That's stepping up on the playground constantly. It's truly embodying the beauty that exists within each and every one of us. The genius remark you said. I would love for you to reiterate that statement, that conversation you had with your mom, because, if anything, that is something that should be up on everyone's wall, your mirror, that thing you see every day, a reminder to yourself of what follows those words. I am. I am a genius. And you said something else. Could you share that Cause? That was brilliant.
39:29 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Well, that that that came from Paul Bragg. He gave it to me when I was 17. Well, I just turned 18. At the time he said cause? I told him I didn't know how to read, how am I going to be a teacher? I wanted to travel the world and teach. And he said and I thought that's what I saw in my dream. And he says just say to yourself every single day. I'm a genius and I apply my wisdom. Said every single day, until the cells of your body tingle with it, and so with the world. I didn't know how to read at the time. I learned how to read after I started saying that every day.
40:01 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Well, I'm sure there was an inner dialogue you were having where the words on paper didn't matter as much as the words that you were telling yourself.
40:08 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Well, the thing is, as many times many people have this internal dialogue, self-depreciation, but they don't realize that they're addicted to praise is the source of it. The addicted to fantasy is the source of it. There's a thing called a moral licensing effect and I hope everybody looks that up. And when everybody's done it without knowing it, most people have gone out and they've worked out. They went to the gym, they worked out, they really did a workout and they kind of got their abs looking good and they got their butt looking good and then all of a sudden they go. Well, I gave myself permission, I can eat more chocolate, I can eat more food and I can drink some more wine tonight. That's the licensing effect. The moment you do something you're proud of, you give yourself permission to do something you're ashamed of. Now that same truth.
40:54
This is a homeostatic mechanism. I've been studying interceptive homeostatic mechanisms in biological systems for decades and what is interesting is the second you go above equilibrium, like the temperature goes up, you create sweating to bring it back, and the second you go below and it's cold, you create shivering to bring it back. We have a built-in homeostatic interceptive feedback inside our consciousness and anytime we get a neurochemistry that's imbalanced. The pre and post-synaptic brain will automatically rebalance it and attempt to balance it. And so we create for every memory an anti-memory and we create it and we'll dissociate. If it's a traumatic memory, we'll dissociate and create a fantasy, and if it's a fantasy thing, we'll create a paranoia to get a balance, to keep the homeostasis balanced. So the second we're beating ourselves up. Most people go, oh, get rid of that, get rid of that, get rid of that. And they can't get rid of it as long as they're building themselves up with fantasies. And so the second they compare themselves to others and put people on pedestals and go, oh, I want to be like that and set up a fantasy. And then they say only these positive things about themselves. They automatically have to self-depreciate to counterbalance it. So a balanced orientation you don't have that polarity, You've integrated the polarity.
42:08
So I don't try to be positive all the time, or nice all the time, or peaceful all the time. I'm a human being and I have a set of values. When I live by my highest values, I'm most objective and neutral. When I'm living by lower values, I become more volatile. That's why anybody that does something that's really high priority during the day, they're resilient and adaptable. Because they're neutral, because they don't feel the loss of things they infatuate with, they don't feel the gain of things. They resent the moment they balance themselves and bring themselves up and live by priority, they're more neutral. But if not, they're more polarized. When they get polarized and they end up fearing the loss of the things they infatuate with and fearing the gain of that, they're now distracted.
42:48
So I basically learned many years ago to ask questions. That rebalanced it and I realized that the second I got addicted to praise, criticism hurt, and the second I puffed myself up. I attract challenge, criticism, distractions.
43:06
There's a thing called depurposing and repurposing. The second, you get proud and think you're successful. You depurpose, you give yourself permission to do low priority things and the purpose of that is to get you back into authenticity because you're puffed up and then, if you go down, you go okay, now I overate. So now the next morning I'm now going to get up and jog. I haven't been jogging for weeks, but now I overate, I'm going jogging.
43:28
So you give yourself to repurpose, so you have a built-in homeostatic mechanism to guide you to authenticity. But you're constantly being taught what isn't so, as Dirac said, about how you're supposed to be one-sided. Get rid of half of yourself, Be nice, don't mean, be kind, don't be cruel, be positive, don't be negative. And so you're set up like I got to get rid of half of myself and the whole personal development journey out. There is misleading people into thinking they have to get rid of themselves to love themselves, and the truth is integrating and embracing both sides of yourself is what liberates you and makes you realize the magnificence of who you are and the contributions you're making.
44:07 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Now you don't build yourself up.
44:08 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
You don't build yourself up. You don't beat yourself up. People come up to me, and sometimes in interview, and they say, dr Demartini, how did you become successful? And I go I'm not successful. And they go what it says?
44:22
I have no desire for success because my addiction to success is the very thing that creates the fear of failure. I'm a man on a mission and I see success and failure as feedback mechanisms to help me stay focused and authentic. And if I get successful, I'm proud and I do low priority things to get me back down and if I feel like I'm a failure, I go back to high priority things to get me back up. When I'm in the center, I don't even think of success or failure. I think of my mission.
44:48
And that is always a perfect blend between myself and other people, because if I'm thinking of success, I think about myself and I forgot my people, and if I think of a failure, I'm thinking about myself, I forgot my people. But when I'm in perfect balance, I'm thinking of perfect balance, reflective awareness of the people, humanity and myself. As Schopenhauer says, we become our true self to the degree that we make everyone else ourself. It's all us out there, and when we get there, we don't think of success or fair. We think of we're working as a team on the planet. And when we get there, we don't think of success or failure, we think of we're working as a team on the planet period.
45:20 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Thank you so much for that. Thank you for the reminder moment of just a new piece of information for folks to ingest and think about and process and think how they can be both sides and find that center. Find that center Really, it's not even being both sides, it's becoming right. I have some work to do myself, so I really appreciate you and all that you're sharing and just becoming and being, and what I would love to do with you in this moment. I know we have a few seconds left. If you hang with me for just a few seconds, I would love to do a quick game with you and throw out some words that you've shared during this episode and see what the first word is that comes back. A little word association. I love to do with my guests. Do you have a moment?
46:22 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Sure.
46:23 - Hilary Russo (Host)
All right, great. So I'm just going to just go with. The first word that comes to mind is wisdom. Just one word, come back.
46:32 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
In my case, it's what I feel is my mission.
46:36 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Mission Okay, and love Same thing Okay, and love Same thing Okay. Venous Same thing World.
46:50 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Destined.
46:52 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Emotions.
46:55 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Feedback systems to the truth of love.
46:58 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Authenticity. Being feedback systems to the truth of love, authenticity being becoming feedback systems to being you're good, I'm going to leave it with this last word, because it is my word of the year and I want to know what your word for balance would be.
47:21 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Equanimity of both mind and body.
47:26 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I want to sit with that one for a moment and I appreciate everything you're sharing, your personal story, your wisdom, your wit and everything you're putting out there into the world while you, while you sail along on the world and I hope at some point I am at a port where you are speaking in person, cause I, I would just really love to be in your personal, your space to really feel that energy, because this is, this is, I'm feeling it right here across the airwaves, that energy, because this is, this is I'm feeling it right here across the airwaves. But I have a feeling it's even more, it's even greater in to be in person with you, where are you next?
48:09 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
What's what's on? Where's the ship sailing? Next I go from here. I'm here for till tomorrow. Then I go to La Habla, Brazil, and then I'm off to Rio de Janeiro the carnival starts there, so I'm passing through there and then I quickly run over to Chennai and Mumbai to do three presentations at a Change makers conference Thousands of people will be there and then I run back down to Cape Town to do some filming and also presentations there. And then we sail up to Maputo, Mozambique, and then I quickly run to London to do presentations there.
48:46
And then I get back on a French island and my girlfriend's meeting me in the Seychelles Islands and the Maldives for a little romance Lovely. And then off to India, then Lovely, and then off to India then. And then we go to Sri Lanka and off to Indonesia and Malaysia and Cambodia and Vietnam and those areas. So we circumnavigate the planet and I get off and on, if I have to do live speaking, otherwise I do presentations. But tomorrow I'm in Japan and the next two days I'll be in Australia from the ship here. So I say the universe is my playground, the world is home.
49:22 - Hilary Russo (Host)
On that note, would you have anything you would like to close and share with listeners of the HIListically Speaking podcast?
49:32 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Yeah, can I share a story? I know I go a couple of seconds over, but I think this is.
49:38
Doctor, it is your time and I graciously accept your stories 34 years ago almost 35, I was speaking in San Francisco and I was doing a seven-day program on self-mastery and leadership and one of the ladies there asked if I could, at lunch, go over to the hospital there and meet with a particular patient. And I said, if you get me a bagel to eat on the way there and back because I have to start, I only got an hour. If you can get me there and back in an hour and give me a bagel or something to eat, I'll be glad to. We went over there and there was a. We went into this hospital room and there was a guy that was kind of leaning up in the bed and was sort of half asleep and a motion covered with sores and he was dying of AIDS. And he was didn't look like he had much farther to go. His immune deficiency is pretty collapsed.
50:38
And I sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed his hands. He didn't know who I was and I just looked at him and I said to him please repeat with me what I say no matter what I've done or not done, I'm worthy of love. No matter what I've done or not done, I'm worthy of love. No matter what I've done or not done, I'm worthy of love. And I made him say that and at first he just said the words and about five repetitions he started to cry Because he had accumulated and stored a whole lot of judgments on himself and when we judge ourselves and condemn ourselves, our immune system responds. And so I made him say that until he cried, until he literally leaned over and fell literally onto me. I'm twisted on the bed holding him now on to me. I'm twisted on the bed holding him. Now. There was a nurse there, there was another lady I don't know who, she was administration lady and there was a lady that asked me to come. We're all in tears, we're all just in a moment of grace and authenticity. When you have a tear of gratitude, you have a gamma wave in the brain, you get a moment of authenticity. It's a confirmation. In that moment. He did that and he looked up at me and he said I've never in my life ever felt that or believed or ever said that Thank you. And I said Thank you and we hugged each other and I left, went back to do my prose presentation and didn't know anything about it for a few weeks and finally I got a letter from the lady who asked me to come and a picture. Somehow the man changed his perceptions and rallied.
52:43
I really don't know the limitations of our ability to heal. I've seen things that would be considered less than probable but all I know is that this man rallied. They thought he was going to die. Didn't die Now, I don't know. Maybe he later. I'm sure somewhere down the line he did, but he didn't die in that recent weeks for sure.
53:10
So I wrote a book called Count your Blessings the Healing Power of Gratitude and Love.
53:14
I still believe that that's still one of the great healers on the planet.
53:17
When we're graced by seeing the hidden order of life and we really, truly realize that there's nothing but love, all else was illusion and we've stopped judging ourselves for just a moment and get a glimpse of our real self, that the power of our physiology to normalize and to homeostasis are stored, subconsciously stored imbalances, epigenetic lock-ins, you might say are freed.
53:45
So I just want to end on a story that, in case you've ever judged yourself, just know that no matter what you've done or not done, you're worthy of love and the only reason you're judging yourself is because you're comparing yourself to somebody else's value system Because the decisions you made was based on what you believed at that time were more advantage and disadvantage to you and yours. But if you try to compare it to somebody else, you'll think you're making mistakes, just like if you try to expect others to live in your values. You think they're making mistakes. But maybe there's no mistakes after a while and maybe it's wise to look back a different way and ask how is whatever I've experienced and whatever I've done, how is it helping me fulfill my mission in life? And don't stop until you get a tear of gratitude for whatever you've done or not done. And that is definitely liberating and empowering for any human being, regardless of the situation. It can help relationships, it can help healing, it can help your body, it can help your business.
54:43 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Gratitude and love is still one of the great healers on the planet. I am so in a place of gratitude right now. So thank you, and I can only imagine that those who are tuning in are going to feel that as well. Thank you for leaving those words with people to sit with and think about and remember that we're all geniuses and we're all the gift. Thank you, dr Demartini. Appreciate it.
55:09 - Dr. John Demartini (Guest)
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
55:12 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I know we have covered a lot of territory during this conversation, but the beauty is you have so many possibilities to connect with Dr Demartini and learn from him yourself, and I'm going to help you with that. I've shared a number of links in the notes of this podcast episode to his free webinars and, of course, to his latest book, essentials of Emotional Intelligence. And once you've had some time to process this, once you've had some time to listen to the show this week, I'm going to suggest that you come back and do it again, because when you give things a listen more than once, you'd be surprised what you unpack the second or the third time or even the fourth. Then, once you have a little time to sit there with it, go ahead and leave a rating or review, or just let me know what you think about this episode, this show on HIListically Speaking and how it has been serving and supporting you, because that's really what this show is about.
56:14
HIListically Speaking is edited by 2MarketMedia with music by Lipone Redding and, of course, listened to by you time and time again. So thank you so much for taking time to tune in and remember this, and you know this is my word of the year. This year. Life is about balance, and you heard Dr Demartini talk about it himself, and you, my, are already the perfect genius in your own right, so embrace that and always remember to be kind to your mind. I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week.