Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

Happy New Year to all our listeners!  This episode provides a lot of food for thought and great information that can help you make improvements in yourself and in turn, in your neurodiverse relationship During this episode, we talk about how  important it is for us to communicate and maintain our boundaries for our mental, emotional and spiritual health.  We also discuss how understanding and implementing the "Four Agreements", by Don Miguel Ruiz can help improve life in a neurodiverse relationship.   The Four Agreements are: 1) Be Impeccable With Your Word 2) Don't Take Anything  Personally 3) Don't Make Assumptions 4) Do Your Best We also talk briefly about the Fifth Agreement, which is: Be Skeptical, but Learn to Listen ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You may also want to follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining one of our "Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups", please DM us on Instagram or send us an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community.  Please subscribe to the podcast.  If you liked this episode, please leave us a rating and write a review. Thanks!

In this episode, Manecia interviews Mona as she shares about some of the experiences she had when she did not know she was in a neurodiverse marriage. She and her ex loved each other very much, but that was not enough to get them to a place of understanding, which was what was greatly needed in their marriage.  Not knowing you are in a neurodiverse relationship can lead to SO much confusion and loneliness, which can then turn into repeated anger and fights, that never seem to get resolved.  Mona talks about what led her to move forward on a separation and the last straw that led her to move forward on divorcing a man she still loved, but no longer trusted.  Throughout the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Mona has shared so much about her 32 year journey. In this episode, she shares some of the most significant positive experiences that kept her marriage going as long as it did.  She also shares some of the most challenging experiences that led to the end of her marriage.  Mona also talks about the path she has taken to get from the lowest point in her life, to a place of healing, exponential growth and thriving in a life that is filled with joy, peace, balance and fun.   ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like more information on Neurodiverse Relationships, please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups, please send us a DM on Instagram or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.  Please follow and rate this podcast and share the podcast with others who may be interested in hearing more about neurodiverse love relationships.  Thanks!

Psychotherapist and Professor Alina Kislenko is redesigning therapeutic models for neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples.  She is committed to training other therapists so that ableism and oppressive views of neurodiversity became a thing of the past.  Alina shared how her "PI" model of "Parts Inclusion" can create new words and ways of communicating emotions in neurodiverse relationships.  In addition, her and her neurodivergent husband (who is also a therapist) are both ADHD and autistic and they work together regularly to reassess their strengths and challenges. Alina talks about the importance of having regular "State of the Union" meetings (a concept developed by Dr. John Gottman) with your partner to prevent divisive fights that can create ongoing challenges.  She also talks about how her husband and her talk about "planning their divorce" so that they are aware of what norms and traits they may need to address as individuals and as a couple to ensure that they continue to thrive individually and in their relationship. Alina also offers very important advice on the determining factor to whether a neurodiverse relationship can thrive...specifically, whether "both partners are willing to do the work the other needs within the timeframe the other partner needs it done".  Each partner has an opportunity to determine which of their partners traits are not going away or changing and if they can (and will) accept that trait.   Alina also talks about how many neurodiverse relationships that include two neurodivergent partners may be very similar to LGBTQ+ relationships, because both partners may be more flexible and understanding of the norms that are critical to each partner. This is another "don't miss" episode where we talk about things we have never talked about on this podcast.  Alina offered so many nuggets of gold and we will be having her back on the podcast with her husband in early 2022. If you would like to reach Alina or the other therapists at the Centre, you can check out their website at: www.ADHDInterrupted.com. You can also join Alina's Facebook group at ADHD Interrupted. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out the resources available on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to join one of the Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups you can send us a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or send us an e-mail at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.  Please subscribe or follow our podcast and share this episode (or others) with friends or family that might be interested in this issue.

We learned SO much during this episode with Carole Jean Whittington who is "The Social Autie' on social media.  Carole Jean received an ADHD diagnosis in early adulthood, but wasn't diagnosed as autistic until she was 39. Her "neurodistinct" journey has led her to help so many other late diagnosed autistic adults go from burnout to balance.  Carole Jean's honesty and vulnerability provided us with so many lessons on how to be better romantic partners in a neurodiverse relationship, as well as how to create space for understanding and grace when we really don't understand ourselves or our partners, but want to.  Carole Jean is a gift to the neurodiverse/neurodistinct community and it was such a pleasure learning from her and learning a little bit about the challenges she has experienced and grown and healed from, and the many strengths she has in her current relationship with her partner Josh:-) For more information on Carole Jean and the amazing work she is doing to help other late diagnosed adults thrive, please check her out on Instagram @socialautie and check out her podcast "Mind Your Autistic Brain". ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about neurodiverse relationships please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join our Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups please send us a DM on Instagram or an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.  Please follow or subscribe to our podcast, and share the podcast with others you know who may need to hear our message.  

Joe is a therapist and Mike is an engineer and in many ways they might be considered opposites.  However, during this episode they share how during their almost 30 years together, they have learned how to navigate their differences and focus on each others strengths.  When they started getting serious in their relationship Joe moved into Mike's house and Joe shares some of the challenges that presented during the first few years of living together. They now have a great arrangement where they each have living space on different floors of their home and they spend time together watching tv and sharing meals.   After watching the movie Adam, where the main character has Asperger's, Joe recognized his husband in almost everything Adam did.  He then approached Mike with this new found information and the rest is history.  Joe and Mike also share how learning that they were a neurodiverse couple literally cut their arguments and disagreements by 50%.  They began to understand each other and see things through the "neurodiverse lens".  As we have often said on previous podcasts "Once you know better, you can choose to do better".  Joe and Mike share how their lived experience shows what it looks like to turn that saying into action. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ For more information on neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in attending our free "Neurodiverse Love" Peer Support Groups send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or a DM on Instagram. If you would like to share your "Neurodiverse Love" journey on the podcast please feel free to reach out. Thanks for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community.   Please share this podcast with others who might benefit from hearing it.

Mona and Manecia had such a wonderful time talking to Michelle and Andrew learning about their "Neurodiverse Love" journey.  After they met on a dating app, they were friends for a year before they started dating.  Michelle shared that she almost broke up with Andrew twice and she shares why.  Fortunately, while reading a book chapter about "Autistic Echos" Michelle recognized many of the things she didn't understand about Andrew and approached him with compassion and kindness to discuss what she had read.   During this episode Michelle and Andrew share some of the strategies they have been using to learn and grow together as a neurodiverse couple. Life isn't always a bed of roses, however they share with such honesty how they work together to find new ways to understand each other and ways in which they can support each others strengths and value their individual differences.  If you want to learn more about Michelle and Andrew's  neurodiverse journey you can follow them on TIkTok  @michelleandandrew In addition, you can also check out their website at: www.bellamimalifestyles.com ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to join any of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups, please email us at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com, or send us a DM on Instagram. If you are interested in getting additional resources about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: neurodiverslove.com You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love Please subscribe to the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast wherever you listened to this episode and share this episode with others that might find it helpful. Thank you for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community! .   

During this episode, Mona and Manecia talk openly and honestly about some of the unintentional hurt and pain that they have both caused in their relationships, as well as what their partners may have done in past or present relationships.  When you don't know you are in neurodiverse relationship, or you know, but don't have the skills and tools needed to navigate the challenges and differences between the two different neurotypes, lots of arguments, disagreements, meltdowns and shutdowns can lead to unintentional hurt, pain and trauma.  None of these create harmony and peace in any relationship, however in a neurodiverse relationship, having the same fight over and over again, without learning any new skills to navigate this path, can create so much unintentional trauma for both partners.  Finding resources and/or a counselor, or coach ,who has expertise in translating both partners  experiences through a neurodiverse lens, can help change "barely surviving" to "thriving".  However it is also important to remember that the journey to "thriving", is often filled with lots of patience, compassion and a desire to understand yourself and your partner! If you are interested in learning more about "Neurodiverse Love" relationships, check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com If you would like to join one of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups, please send us an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to be a guest on the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast, please send us an email or a DM on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast or follow us, so that you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. Thanks for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" journey.

In this engaging discussion, Dr. Kim Bolling, a couples therapist with expertise in neurodiverse counseling, shares her transition from software engineering to therapy. She explores the Internal Family Systems framework, helping couples understand their emotional 'parts' to enhance communication and resolve conflicts. Listeners learn about the importance of explicit communication, coping mechanisms like masking in relationships, and practical tools to foster empathy and intimacy. With a focus on self-awareness and emotional validation, Dr. Bolling provides valuable insights for nurturing neurodiverse love.

A transformative journey unfolds as Alina navigates her 24-year marriage after her husband's recent ASD diagnosis. She shares how understanding neurodiversity has clarified longstanding communication barriers, leading to forgiveness and healthier dialogue. The couple's experience highlights the challenges and joys of raising five sons, emphasizing teamwork and structure. Alina's reflections reveal the profound impact of empathy and patience in cultivating a thriving partnership amid the complexities of neurodiversity.

We are issuing a "trigger warning" for this episode, as we are talking about food addictions and other addictions that some of our listeners may be dealing with and may be very sensitive about.   During this episode, Mona and Manecia talk with an anonymous guest who has been dealing with food addiction issues and has recently realized that she was using food to fill voids in her life and her neurodiverse relationship.  Mona and Manecia also share how they have used food as their "drug of choice", as it brings instant gratification and helped increase dopamine, serotonin and endorphins, the "happy hormones".  Understanding why we  become addicted to food and other substances (or activities like sex, porn, shopping, exercise, gambling) can help us all lead a healthier life, however facing those issues that have led us to the addiction can be a challenge. For those dealing with a food addiction, Mona recommended the book "Bright Line Eating" by Susan Peirce Thompson, Ph.D. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about Neurodiverse Love Relationships please check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com If you would like to join one of our free Neurodiverse Love peer support groups you can e-mail us at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or you can DM us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to be a guest on the podcast, please feel free to e-mail us or send us a DM. Thank you for listening to this episode and we hope you  follow us or subscribe and that you will share this podcast with others who may be interested in this topic. Thank you for joining us on the Neurodiverse Love journey.