Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this episode, Brooke Ward, LMFT shares the challenges she and her husband experienced before learning they were in a mixed neurotype marriage. When Brooke was diagnosed with ADHD she began to do some individual work to better understand her neurotype, however she soon realized that her husband might also benefit from better understanding his neurology. That process led him to discovering that he is AuDHD and has Sensory Processing Disorder. Brooke shares her lived experiences and the ways in which trauma and unknown neurodiversity impacted her marriage. She shares about some of the major misunderstandings that occurred and what led her to believe that the root cause may be neurological differences. In this episode we discuss lots of important issues including: Co-dependency. Feeling alone and like you are being taking advantage of. Being a creature of habit. Lack of communication or being angry and emotional. Feeling abandoned when your partner is focused on their deep interest. Sensory issues with an infant. Changes to routine after having a child. Dysregulation and emotional communication. Creating structure and routines for parenting. Change can be like working with play-doh or titanium. ADHD and impulsivity and instant gratification. Motivation, capacity and the ability to see things differently. Unmasking and changing careers. Understanding sensory sensitivities and the benefits of earbuds and comfortable clothes. Increased ability to repair after conflict. Memory loss after emotional dysregulation. Understanding your partner may not always be able to show up for your emotionally. Abuse is abuse no matter what your neurotype is. Understanding reactions that are not appropriate to the situation. Lack of awareness and education on Autism, ADHD and neurodiversity in universities that are training helping professionals. Stigma, shame, stereotypes create challenges...we need a paradigm shift! Patience, awareness, capacity, motivation, accountability, and shifting your internal views. Letting go of unrealistic expectations and hope of what you thought your relationships would be. Understanding that there will be grief. You can contact Brooke at: www.brookewardlmft.com If you are experiencing domestic violence in your relationship and you live in the United States you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at: 800-799-7233. If you are in the United Kingdom you can call: 0808-2000-247. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

During this episode with Thomas Henley, the "Thoughty Auti" we begin our conversation talking about dating challenges and how to better understand how different neurology may have an impact on your dating relationships. If you are in a relationship and would like to skip the dating discussion it starts at about 12:30 and ends at about 35:25. After we discuss dating, Thomas shares openly and honestly about the following topics: Understanding your different communication styles. The impact of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Using emojis to understand "tone". The way different thoughts are expressed and the impact of being direct. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Being patient and really trying to understand your partner. Both partners may feel like they are not heard, understood or validated. Alexythymia-difficulty noticing and categorizing your emotions. The value of "explaining emotions", not just "expressing" them. Difficulty regulating emotions. Understanding that it may take your autistic partner a few hours, days or longer to know what they are feeling. Cognitive empathy and the challenge with being able to give the response the other person needs. If you're invested in your relationship, assume good intentions. Saying exactly what you are thinking and feeling with no subtext. Being patient, rather then making snap judgements. Forgetting that your brains are different in the midst of conflict. Understanding intimacy and sensory profiles. The challenges of having lots of indirect communication with physical and sexual intimacy. Feeling safe to communicate your intimacy needs. Mental health challenges can impact intimacy. The nuances of dating and on-line apps. How the "Pick-Up Artists" are impacting dating. Trying to make dating into something logical and scripted. Not everyone has the social battery to go out in public, or start conversations with strangers when on dates. You can e-mail Thomas Henley at: hi@thomashenley.co.uk and follow him on social media, listen to his podcast, or YouTube videos here. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you want to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

During this solo episode, Mona addresses a topic that may be creating some misunderstanding, disconnection and challenges in your Neurodiverse Love relationship. Some people say that if we don't have expectations, then we can never be disappointed. However, how many of us can really say that we have no expectations in our relationships? Maybe, instead of having no expectations, we can think about whether or not we have clearly and concisely communicated our expectations? What might happen if you and your partner talked about the expectations you have of each other and then listened to each other to truly "understand" what each of you want, need and prefer in the areas where your expectations seem to be repeatedly dismissed or not met? When we have expectations of our partner and have not communicated them with compassion and love, in a clear and concise manner, we may feel like our expectations are too high, but maybe they're not. During this episode, Mona explores the expectations we may have in the following areas: Communication-how often and for how long do you want to talk each day? What does the tone of your communication really mean? Is eye contact really that important? How do you each define a "timely response"? Physical and Sexual Intimacy-how often do you each want to be touched and what types of touch feel good? How important is eye contact when being intimate? What sensory sensitivities or differences need to be explored? Emotional-what do you each expect when you’re upset? How important is alone time to process emotions? What is the best way to move from dysregulation to balance and a regulated nervous system? ————————————————If you want more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for Neurodiverse Couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Lilo and Bill share their journey through over 30 years of marriage, navigating communication challenges after Bill's autism diagnosis. They reveal how asking the right questions can foster understanding and highlight the importance of accepting different perspectives. With humor and honesty, they discuss the struggle between belonging and authenticity, the impact of individual needs on relationships, and how failures can strengthen love. Their insights encourage embracing uniqueness while deepening connection, making the discussion relatable for all neurotypes.

Sarah Swenson, a licensed mental health counselor and international coach, shares her expertise on navigating neurodiverse relationships. She emphasizes the critical need for partners to feel validated and heard while respecting each other's differences. Sarah discusses common challenges like communication barriers and emotional dysregulation, offering strategies to improve connection. The conversation highlights the importance of tailored therapy, understanding what can be changed, and knowing when to show grace in relationships. Practical insights and resources are also shared for couples seeking to strengthen their bond.

Welcome to Season 6 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. Three years ago, Mona and Olga started this podcast to share their lived experiences in the neurodiverse relationships that they had that had ended. After exploring the ins and outs of the many relationships they have had with neurodivergent men, they share some of the lessons they have learned and ways in which they have grown. They also discuss the importance of respect, compassion and love for yourself and your partner, and how each can make a difference in how we live our lives, become our most authentic selves, and create emotional safety in our relationships. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you would like to buy a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING pre-recorded sessions for only ⁠⁠$98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Sarah Bergenfield shares a little about the path she and her daughter traveled to discover they are both autistic, and how as a therapist she is helping other neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples as they move forward on their own unique journeys. Sarah is a Certified Level 3, Internal Family Systems (IFS) Practitioner. She provides information on the value of understanding the “parts” that may have been created as an undiagnosed autistic person. She also shares critically important information about Polyvagal Theory and why it's important to understand what happens when you are in a dysregulated or regulated state, as you are scanning for cues of "safety" or "danger". Sarah also talks about autism being a perceptual disorder and how this impacts the level of input coming in. Sarah also addresses the importance of understanding your "sensory profile" and how gathering that information can help partners understand which senses are "over" or "under" responsive and how to address each. Sarah also explains how autistic individuals process from the "bottom up' and others process from the "top down". Understanding the way in which you and your partner process the world, can help you both find the "hot spots" in your relationship and work on addressing them with compassion and grace. Lastly, Sarah talks about how important it is to shift the narratives we have around autism and neurodiversity. She shares a little bit about how she and her husband shifted their narrative around sex. After she began to understand her own sensory profile, then some of the challenges they had experienced began to make more sense. Since there are so many physical aspects of sex (ie: skin, touch, sound, smell, breath, etc.) it can be overwhelming, and when the autistic partner is not engaging in the way their partner may expect, it can feel like rejection to the non-autistic partner. Sarah also provides ideas about how each partner can discuss their sensory needs in a way that increases intimacy. Sarah ends the episode by discussing the way she has described being autistic... "it's like being a bird flying in a garden and then flying into a window"...more specifically she asks "how can you prepare for a hazard you don't even see?" If you would like to contact Sarah you can reach her at sarah@thecuriousheart.com or on her website at: www.thecuriousheart.com _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by ⁠⁠⁠Clicking here⁠⁠⁠⁠. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode with Kerry McLeish, you will learn about the 5 types of exhaustion and rest that may be impacting your neurodiverse relationship. You will also understand how to move from exhaustion to a more rested life and learn some ways to create a more healthy rhythm between rest and work. In addition, you will learn that you can be drained, full or have different capacity depending on what is happening in your life and your relationship. Lastly, stress and exhaustion often go together, so creating a "rest toolbox" that you can turn to whenever you need it is SO important. The 5 types of exhaustion and rest that are discussed with Kerry are: physical mental emotional social spiritual You can reach Kerry at www.restforlife.org or through www.lovingdifference.net _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by ⁠⁠Clicking here⁠⁠⁠. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Dr. Veronica Anderson is a medical doctor and an intuitive who is helping people throughout the world better understand themselves, their partners and other important people in their lives. During this episode, she shares a little about her professional journey and her neurodiverse family. In addition, Dr. Veronica provides information on the impact of the 3 parts of the mind: cognitive, affective and conative. Understanding the conative piece (how we take action when we are free to be who we are) can be a game changer in life and in our relationships. Dr. Veronica also shares information about the 3 I's that impact our life and our relationships: Instinct (how you take action and how you do things); Imprinting (the first 7 years of your life are "imprinted" on to you and this attracts you to a particular type of person); Intuition (understanding your energy and spiritual DNA). Dr. Veronica also talks about the Kolbe Assessment and how it helps us understand more about ourselves and the 4 types of people that may be in our lives professionally and personally, and how understanding more about the strengths (and potential challenges) of communicating and working with each type can impact your life. The 4 types include: Fact-finder; Follow-through; Quick Start; and Implementer. Dr. Veronica also talks about the work she does around "Human Design" and the importance of understanding the 5 types of Human Design. She shares information about how each type has an important and valuable place in the world and how they may impact the way in which you show up in relationships and in your life, so that you can live with purpose and in a way that is alignment with your energy. Dr. Veronica also shares the results of Mona's Kolbe Assessment and Human Design and each described Mona perfectly! Understanding how your brain is wired and learning who you are, so you can BE IT is critical! In addition, a lot of the information shared during this episode can help partners understand themselves and each other. If you are interested in learning more about the Kolbe Assessment and Human Design, and would like to work with Dr. Veronica you can reach her at: www.drveronica.com _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠click here⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by ⁠Clicking here⁠⁠. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode with guest co-host Dr. Bronwyn Wilson, we talk about what it looks like to find the "Goldilocks Zone"...the "just right" for neurodiverse couples and what might be preventing couples from finding the path towards thriving in their relationship, including: The importance of both partners accepting the autism diagnosis, or self identification. Denial can lead to relationship breakdown. Both partners need to be committed to change and recognize the positives in the relationship. What it looks like when one partner is the "social secretary". The importance of "accepting" help. Creating a more regimented relationship and a new normal. Why positive comments are sometimes seen as critical. Intent-vs-impact. Catastrophizing and anger rumination. Looping thoughts and repetitive behaviors. Trauma responses can impact your communication styles. Bullying and abusive behaviors. Deserved justice or "an eye for an eye". Depression can impact negativity. The "Surviving Zone" includes living separate lives, not dealing with problems, loss of pleasure, depression, and saying yes and doing no. Neurodiverse relationships may look different and that is okay! A formula to thrive in a neurodiverse relationship: 1) Both partners be willing to accept and learn about the diagnosis or self-identification; 2) Be willing to gain knowledge of neurodiversity and understand each other's differences; 3) Have a constructive mindset; 4) Understand that "typical" counseling will never suffice; 5) Be motivated to learn about, nurture and support each others individual needs. During this episode we talk about abusive behavior and if you are in an abusive relationship and need help, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline in your country. In the United States the hotline number is: 800-799-7233 I want to thank Dr. Bronwyn Wilson for sharing her research, lived experience and knowledge on the Neurodiverse Love podcast. Her research has helped many people better understand themselves, their partners and their relationships. I am hopeful that the results of her many years of work will lay the foundation for many more researchers to work with autistic individuals, allistic/neurotypical individuals and neurodiverse couples around the world who are looking for ways to thrive in their relationships. When we know better, we can do better! As we work together, we can increase understanding of the needs, strengths and challenges that all neurotypes may have and this can lead to more acceptance, compassion and grace for the way we each want to live our best, most authentic lives! If you want to contact Bron, or order a copy of her book (Have They Gone Nuts? The Survival Guide to Social Interaction in Neurodiverse (Autistic-Neurotypical) Relationships), or pre-order her second book, please check out her website at: www.bronwilson.com. You can also buy her e-book on Amazon. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by Clicking here⁠. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!