Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this episode Dr. Claire Bates and Dr. Monique Huysamen share some of what they learned from autistic adults about their needs and desires regarding love, sex and intimate relationships. Some of the topics discussed include: Information about the project participants and the study purpose. Understanding consent. Lack of support regarding information on physical and sexual intimacy. Awareness of sensory needs and sensitivities. Sensory joy. You don't have to share a bed or a house with your intimate partner. The challenges of neuronormative ways of flirting and dating. Indirect and ambiguous ways of connecting. Having frank conversations about needs and desires. Dating services for neurodivergent adults (www.SafeSoulmates.org in the UK) Understanding boundaries. Having a safe space that is autistic led and informed to talk about these issues. Having time to prepare to discuss sex and physical intimacy with mental health and healthcare providers. The impact of alexythymia. May need more time to discuss needs and boundaries. Toolkits available on physical and sexual intimacy. Policy work being done in the UK on these topics. If you would like to learn more about the "Supporting Autistic Adults Intimate Lives" project and the resources that Monique talked about you can go to: www.autlives.com If you would like to contact Claire her e-mail is: claire.bates@choicesupport.org.uk or you can learn more about her work at: www.supportedloving.com.uk _______________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Lida Far is a Gottman Sex Therapist who is licensed in 7 states and does coaching throughout the world. During this episode, Lida talks about the pre-marital counseling and coaching she does to help partners thrive in their relationships. Each partner completes the online Gottman Relationship Assessment and then Lida serves as a guide to help each partner increase self-awareness and learn more about how their relationship with the person they love can be healthy and supportive. While some of this episode is focused on the issues couples can address prior to getting married, many of the topics discussed can apply to couples who are dating, living together or even those who have been together for many years. There is lots of important information discussed on many critical topics including: The Gottman Relationship Assessment addresses many areas of an intimate relationship including: communication, intimacy, conflict resolution, friendship and trust. Self awareness and understanding your wants and needs is critical. Understanding communication patterns, social battery and when hobbies may be taking up too much time. We all have unique strengths and value that can be celebrated. Create an emotional safe space that is judgment free. The importance of having "uncomfortable conversations". Track your thoughts and feelings in writing. Learn how to be your authentic self. Dysregulation can lead to feeling dismissed. Understanding our roles and what we "don't" want. Expressing thoughts, feelings and needs. Recognize and validate each other. Realizing your part of the same team. Social battery and sensory differences can impact the wedding and other family events. What is each partner's limits? Plan for intentional breaks. Have "cues" to communicate needs. Understand food preferences. May need to do things in a non-traditional way. Have empathy and flexibility with each other. Understand and respect processing and thinking differences. When we change the narrative regarding what is "actually" going on. Hook-up culture. Boundaries and consent. Physical and sexual intimacy and the impact of sensory sensitivities or differences. Desire discrepancy. Be attuned to what makes you comfortable. If you would like to work with Lida you can call her at 571-315-6471 or check out her website at: www.crystalcounselingandcoaching.com/ _____________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

In this episode with coach and trauma informed therapist Maya, we talk about how plant medicine helped heal some of Maya's past trauma and how she has used it to help neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals better understand themselves and other's in their life. In addition, she shares how plants can help heal our wounds in a way that other healing modalities may not have been able to and talks about how her plant medicine journey helped her be a better partner in her relationship with an autistic man. PLEASE NOTE: This episode is for educational purposes only and the information shared during this episode is one person's personal and professional experience. Plant Medicine is not legal in many countries, so this information is provided as an educational resource only. Maya also addresses some other topics including: Plant medicine focuses on energy. Our issues are in our tissues. Empathogens pluck out the weeds from the roots and plant new seeds. Plants can take us deep into our feelings without re-traumatizing us. We can see things from a different perspective. The importance of addressing unmet needs and core wounds. Relationships give us an opportunity to see our "growing edges". To be the best partner we need to face and heal our past relationship traumas. We can learn to uncouple unmet needs from anger. Understanding "taking space" as sacred can be helpful. Self acceptance. Learning how to love deeply and unconditionally. The importance of asking ourselves "Have I lived fully, loved fully and learned to let go?" Life is the ceremony and the plants test us. We know an experience is complete when we can say "yes" and "thank you". When a relationships ends we have an opportunity to look at how it has served us. As we change a lot of things can fall away. If you would like to contact Maya you can e-mail her at: maya@inrightrelationship.com If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Chris Forrest shares how her and her husband have successfully navigated through various challenges in their relationship and marriage as two neurodivergent partners (ADHD and Autism). Chris shares some of the lessons they have learned together and some of the strategies they use that have helped their relationship thrive. The topics discussed include: Structure your life so it works with your brain. The power of curiosity when communicating with your partner. Being more direct. Learning how to understand each others needs. Understanding that you each think differently and being very open can help with keeping calm. Be more solution focused. Taking a pause to see what else can be considered when their are misunderstandings. See your partner as your teammate. Black and white thinking and communication. Importance of clear and concise communication. Discussing how some behaviors may be negatively impacting your relationship and working on the best way to to make changes or modifications. The importance of practicing patience. Understanding how lots of change may impact your partner. Creating structure to meet each other's needs. May also want to structure conversations with an agenda so both partners understand the boundaries regarding the conversation. Scheduling the things that are most important including household chores and time for intimacy. Everything doesn't have to be spontaneous. Discussing expectations and assumptions that may not be helpful or accurate. You can choose connection or conflict. The value of using a joint calendar. Setting multiple alarms as reminders can be very helpful. Sometimes sleeping in separate bedrooms may be helpful. Work on positive connection. How Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) may be impacting you or your partner. Have each other's best intentions at heart. The value and importance of making each other laugh and being playful. Work on understanding each other and practice gratefulness and show appreciation for your partner You can reach Chris at: info@plannerexe.com. If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

TRIGGER WARNING: DURING THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE AND SUICIDE. If any of these issues may be triggering to you then you may want to refrain from listening to this episode, or skip the parts that may be triggering. Many of us have grown up trying to fit in, be liked, or not understanding the difference between our "intent" and our "impact. In this episode, Dennis Wyrzkowski shares how his trauma, autism diagnosis and focus on love have shaped the person he is today. Dennis spent many years as a monk and is now engaged to be married, while his life journey has been filled with many traumatic and challenging experiences, his healing journey and growth mindset will be an inspiration to all of you. In addition to sharing some of his lived experiences and some of the lessons he has learned, Dennis also shares the attributes of love and how each of these may be impacting your life and your relationship. Some of the topics discussed include: Voids in awareness of the world around. Difficulty in recognizing social cues. Love yourself just as you are! Questioning everything and being shamed for that. Being fearless to be yourself. The importance of accountability and responsibility. Religion can be used to weaponize. The opposite of love is indifference. Attributes of love: patience; empathy; don't be jealous, boastful, proud, arrogant or egotistical; don't be rude or offensive; be assertive and respectful; don't be self-seeking or judgmental or irritable; don't not rejoice in what is wrong; it bears and endures all things; has hope that things can get better. H.A.L.T.-don't make decisions or do things when you are "Hungry", "Angry", "Lonely" or "Tired". Consider the opportunities for growth, healing and learning in your relationship and your life. Love is the universal language and when you give it and receive it then it can be very healing. Run towards the truth. We all deserve to be loved, cherished and admired. You can follow Dennis on Instagram @dennisthemonk or email him at: dennis@favreaulousfactory.com If you are experiencing any type of abuse, please contact the local hotline in your country. In the United States you can call: 1-800-799-7233. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please contact the local hotline in your country. In the United States you can call or text 988. —————————————————If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Jodi Carlton, a therapist specializing in neurodiversity and autistic relationships, shares insights about the complexities faced by mixed neurotype couples. She discusses how respect and understanding are crucial in navigating challenges, particularly the impact of codependency and communication breakdowns. Jodi reflects on the breaking points in her own marriage, emphasizing the importance of personal growth and making critical decisions. Additionally, she introduces a new support group designed to foster community and help individuals explore their neurodiverse experiences.

During this episode with Giji Dennard, we address a topic that many of us may not have thought about. Giji shares how we may not have known that our father (or primary caregiver) was neurodivergent and when we look back at our childhood through a neurological lens, we gain more understanding, and can begin to heal wounds that may have impacted our most important relationships. We also address the following topics; Residual daddy issues. We choose our partners by familiarity or void. Understanding why your father may have had difficulty coping with crowds, or had challenges with social interaction and/or family events. Looking at the ways your father showed affection, shared emotions or facial expressions through a different lens. When you grow up thinking your father is being apathetic, is not interested in you, or is showing disdain...but this isn't true. What imprints may have been made on your life? We absorb what our environment displays. The impact on our relationships of how our fathers related to our mothers. The journey to heal begins with awareness of triggers. The value of changing our perspective on our interpretations and internalization of various misunderstood issues. Are you carrying pain, hurt and trauma that needs to be healed? We may pick partners to help us heal our father wounds, but sometimes that may make things worse. The 3 steps to healing father wounds: 1) Recognize; 2) Repent and Release; 3) Know That You Can Be Loved and Valued. The goal is to get back to "Wholeness". Your past doesn't have to define who you are. To contact Giji check out her website at: https://www.wellfedresources.com/meet-giji ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

To celebrate the 3 year anniversary of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook is now available for only $12.97. To buy your workbook today, click here. The workbook includes 104 questions that you and your partner can discuss to learn more about what each of you wants and needs to thrive in your relationship and to live your most authentic life. During this episode with Dr. Suzanne Lachmann, you and your partner will learn more about why many of the conflicts in your relationship are not getting resolved the way you would like. When repair and making amends seems to get more difficult over time, understanding the concepts and strategies Dr. Suzanne shares can be a game changer. The topics discussed include: Softening your perspective. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. Understanding flexibility can be scary. Being literal vs general. Words and promises have different meanings. Being clear and concise...words matter. Can you stop taking things personally? Creating less tension and more understanding. Moving from sacrifice to compromise. When intentions are different than impact. Trusting your partners intentions are genuine. Understanding how you each define different words. Working on trusting each other. Anger vs emphasis. Urgency may not be anger. Language may not hold as much meaning to one of you. Saying the right things, but not acting on them. How often are you disappointed? Different ways of understanding language, the world and yourself. Both partners need to work on compromising. There is no black and white in relationships. Recognizing how different your partner thinks can create more positive communication. Getting triggered and looking for your partner to make up for pain from the past. Emotional short-circuits. You can reach Dr. Suzanne through her website at: www.drsuzannel.com or connect with her on LinkedIn or Instagram @drsuzannel ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

This episode is being published on the third anniversary of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. It it has been an honor and a pleasure to release weekly episodes of the podcast for the last 3 years. If this podcast has helped you better understand yourself, your partner, or someone else in your life, I hope you will take a few minutes to send Mona an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com and share some of your story. During this episode, Mona has a fantastic conversation with Dan, the first man she dated during her separation. When Mona and Dan met in February, 2016, Mona didn't know she was in a neurodiverse marriage and Dan didn't know he was autistic. Mona's discussion with Dan provides a glimpse into the way we can choose to better understand ourselves, our past and present partners, our children, and the other important people in our lives. Our differences can create division or connection, and that is a choice we make daily in every relationship we have. Some of the topics discussed include: Discovering your neurodiversity through your child's diagnosis. Gaining understanding of your struggles. Costs associated with getting needs met. Letting go of emotional attachment. Understanding why there were difficulties in relationships. Having partners that want to change you. Giving the space to not judge yourself. People want to be validated and feel heard. Coping mechanisms. Letting go of your desire to please others and seek acceptance. Learning how to set clear boundaries. Triggering each other. There are times for doing, reflection, and rest. Everything has a season. A sense of social justice. Delusions of grandeur. Give yourself grace. We are always trying to find homeostasis and how gongs can help with that. Do you want to be right or happy? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Although Ryan Mayer received his ADHD diagnosis in high school, he didn't find his most authentic life until he became a certified ADHD. During this episode, Ryan shares the impact ADHD had on his career, his marriage and family and how he has turned his lived experiences into impactful messages on social media and a coaching career that is helping other's live their best life. During this episode, we have an great discussion about the hallmark traits of ADHD: impulsivity, distractibility, and hyperactivity. We also address: Feeling both relief and regret. Understanding that the "shininess" will wear off. The importance of getting accommodations at school and work. Advocate for your needs. Getting fired and crashing and burning. Having healthy outlets to get dopamine hits Managing dopamine hits from our smartphones. Understanding and managing addictive or risky behaviors. Being proactive if you know you are easily distracted. Prioritizing tasks. Masking vs being your most authentic self. Remembering your partner isn't a mind reader. Lack of communication and understanding leads to higher divorce rates. When you say "yes", you also say "no". Being full present and make moments matter. Understanding the 5 Love Languages and how to speak your partners love language. You can follow Ryan on IG @adhd_coach_ryanmayer, on FB @Ryan Mayer ADHD Coaching, or on TikTok @ADHD_coach_ryan. You can also check out his website @ www.ryanmayercoaching.com to enroll in Ryan's 10 day text based course "How to Find Work that WORKS for Your ADHD" and you can get a 30% discount by using the code NDLOVE30 . ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com