Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

You can buy the downloadable digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards (ONLY $11) or the Workbook (ONLY $12.97) at www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to purchase the "Strategies & Tools for Increasing Healthy & Respectful Communication" workshop with Greg Fuqua, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW. Ph.D. click here. The recording and the workshop workbook are available for ONLY $97. In addition, you will receive a discount code to purchase the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook for ONLY $1 for each __________________________________________________ During this episode, AANE Certified Neurodiverse Couples Counselor and Coach, Jill Kearns shares some of the lessons she learned and her lived experience in her neurodiverse marriage of almost 40 years. Other topics addressed include: Emotional neglect Cassandra Syndrome When trust is broken Living parallel lives Feeling alone and unsafe and pushed out by the tribe The importance of the book "The Body Keeps the Score" The impact of significant trauma Alexythymia The pain of choosing to either stay or leave is real Masking in public, but different behind closed doors Flooded with stress hormones Not being able to emotionally regulate Using alcohol to dull the pain Memory and attention problems, chronic irritability and sleep problems 18 months of chronic physical problems Chronic interpersonal trauma Healing through self-awareness, mindfulness, meditation, self-care, positive relationships, and EMDR Apologies and forgiveness Neurodiverse Couple Trauma Cycle There is hope! Lack of understanding is mostly a disaster, while knowledge can be the key to success. If you would like to contact Jill you can check out her website at: www.neurodiversecouplescounselling.com.au or email her at: jill.e.kearns@gmail.com For more information on the Neurodiverse Couples Trauma Cycle check out: https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/trauma-cycle

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then⁠ click here⁠ to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship". The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed. The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each! _______________________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona and Greg talk about their lived experiences co-parenting with a partner who has a different neurotype. They share some of the lessons they both learned, things they now understand and would have done differently, as well as the strengths in their co-parenting relationships. In addition, they address many other topics including: Having shame around parenting because it can reveal some of our issues around neurodivergence.  ND mind needs time to recover and the parenting demands may make it seem like they don’t have space to recover. Being great in emergency and crisis situations.  Hyperfocus can be very helpful. Needing to engage in activities and having a role during an event. When only one parent goes to most school activities, birthday parties and other events that involve other kids. Identify your stylistic differences, preferences, strengths and roles as parents. Sensory overload and not knowing your sensory profile can create lots of challenges. Parents may experience emotional overload or overwhelm because they don't understand each other's neurological differences. One parent may be the safe person for the children to go to. May feel like you have an angry and unavailable partner. Try not to identify your partner by their most vulnerable and difficult moments. The importance of recognizing relational trauma and neurodivergence legacy. Understanding that our neurodivergent traits may be passed down to our children. Take time to talk to your child about how you may not have been able to meet their needs.  How alexithymia may impact the parent-child dynamic. Not being able to tolerate highly emotional situations like screaming or intense crying. Kids may feel like they have to  “walk on eggshells” with a parent. Understanding how screaming or shutting down can impact your children. Understanding an ND partner may not engage in certain parenting responsibilities because they don’t want to get it wrong. One parent may experience shame around what they feel they can’t do as a parent. Your passions or special interests may be places where you can bond and connect with your kids. Kids attune to each parent and seek “attachment” Be a student to your kid and learn from them and understand their needs and personality. The way your family thrives may be SO different from other families...and that’s okay. Understand that the maintenance of your relationship with your college age or adult child may change. The need for mutuality and reciprocity. Being clear about what the adult child needs from their parent. When you feel something positive about your child tell them. Connect with your adult child on a regular basis and consider adding a reminder to your calendar to reach out to them. If you would like to learn more about the support groups and other resources Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to contact Greg, you can check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can click here Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ During this episode of the podcast, Mona has an opportunity to talk with Tristan and Renee who recently learned that they are a mixed neurotype couple. Tristan identifies as having some traits of what used to be identified as Asperger's and Renee identifies as ADHD. Throughout this conversation, both Tristan and Renee share the struggles and growth they have experienced individually, as a couple and as a neurodiverse family with two young children. Other topics addressed include: Their different perspectives on their relationship when they first met. When one partner is clear about the path for the relationship, but hasn't communicated it to the other person: ie: if you're pursuing someone, it's only for marriage. Codependency and trying to solve other people's problems. Not understanding when you have poor boundaries. Supression of emotions and being hypervigilant. When you have neurodivergent traits, but would not be diagnosed based on the current criteria. Anger is a sign of fear. We all deserve to do the things we love and live a life with peace, freedom and a lasting, healthy relationship. Communicate what you need and how your brain and emotions work. When your faith helps keep you together. Agape love can be a transforming force. Do we actually change or just begin to see things differently? How are you supporting each other as you each become more of your authentic selves? The pain needs to pay off somehow and it might be used to help others who are having similar challenges. What does it look like to love the future version of your partner? The value of learning and using the Imago Process by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt LaKelly Your partner may feel like they have the solution to every problem. Choosing to be more assertive. When people are emotional they may say things they don't mean! In other cultures they accept people being in crisis and believe they can work through it and get to the other side. You can crash and burn, but it's not the final destination. Sometimes we need our partner to do more then just listen and respond appropriately...we need empathy. The interplay between the masculine and feminine. To contact Tristan and Renee you can go to: www.purposeadvisory.com.au or send an email to: tristan@purposeadvisory.com.au

Rachelle Jones, a Grief Recovery Specialist, shares her insights from her neurodiverse marriage and family. She discusses the evidenced-based Grief Recovery Model, which aids in understanding and processing grief. Rachelle emphasizes the importance of grace, compassion, and self-awareness in relationships. Listeners learn to recognize their emotional triggers and navigate the complexities of grief in mixed neurotype partnerships. With practical tools, she guides others through their healing journeys while advocating for ongoing emotional health.

In this engaging discussion, Greg Fuqua, a licensed mental health counselor with 33 years of experience in a neurodiverse marriage, shares invaluable insights into relationships where one partner is autistic and the other has ADHD. They explore challenges like communication styles and emotional capacities, emphasizing the need for rituals and structures to enhance understanding. Personal anecdotes highlight how partners can act as 'bridges' for each other, fostering healthier dynamics. Tune in for practical strategies to strengthen these unique relationships.

Greg Fuqua, a licensed mental health counselor and autism clinical specialist, joins to illuminate the dynamics of mixed neurotype relationships. They discuss creating positive feelings through understanding each partner’s history and emotional needs. The importance of reciprocity and maintenance in relationships is emphasized, along with strategies for small gestures that nurture connection. They also touch on the significance of adapting love languages and preparing for effective communication, fostering deeper bonds and appreciation.

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Welcome to Season 7 of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. During this episode and many more throughout the season, Greg Fuqua, LMHC is co-hosting the podcast with Mona Kay. This episode is focused on the different needs each partner may have related to socializing and family time. The topics addressed include:◦ Connection with people when it's within your partners capacity. ◦ Bowing out of planned events and experiencing questioning and disappointment from family members when they don't understand.◦ Experiencing anxiety when asking for your needs to be met.◦ When you aren’t “out” to everyone in your family about being neurodivergent.◦ Having a specific role at family events can be very important to help get connection to self.◦ The importance of downtime and a transition period.◦ Understanding what each partner needs during socializing.◦ Social differences are not deficits.◦ Plan and prepare beforehand, so you know what is coming and what the expectations are.◦ Having an exit plan and having support around that is important.◦ Needing a way for self-soothing, alone time and recovery.◦ Running late because you may not understand each others needs.◦ Taking separate cars to an event can be helpful.◦ Reducing anxiety by planning and preparing together, then debrief after the event to learn what you can each do better in the future.◦ Including both "open" and "down" time into the socializing event can be helpful. May also want to schedule in time for your partners special interest.◦ Remember that everyone wants to be seen, known, valued and understood.◦ Past relational trauma may impact decision making around socializing and date nights.◦ Family time with kids can also be challenging because the “expectations” may never stop.◦ Be aware of sensory overload or overstimulation.◦ Understanding that change of plans may be difficult and lead to anger or irritability.◦ Develop habits and rituals around communication.◦ Make sure your autistic partner has time for recovery.◦ Understand your capacity and how much you can socialize based on the stress you have experienced that day.If you would like to contact Greg Fuqua, please check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________________________________ During this solo episode, Mona shares some information that might be helpful for neurodiverse couples to think about before they begin traveling together: sensory overload alone time needed the importance of routine small talk and socializing with strangers planning out everything being flexible trying new adventures sitting or flying for long periods of time food preferences structured mealtimes having a sense of humor

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Enoch is back for "Part 2" of our conversation together so that he can share a few more of the word pictures he developed. Each of these were created to provide more depth about what he experienced in his neurodiverse marriage and what he has heard others describe about their relationship. The word pictures discussed are: CPU's single threaded vs multi-threaded-this word picture addresses executive functioning and the effect it can have on "time awareness"; the ability to handle multiple realities at the same time (theory of mind); the importance of a "hypervisor" to conduct the different streams; and process sensory inputs (non-verbal communication). The 5 A's: acknowledge treasures; anticipate needs; accommodate; appreciate; and adore. Monochrome vs Color (emotional fluency differences and the ability to perceive and react in real time and not through a cognitive algorithmic analysis)-when one partner experiences things through contract and the other through nuance and intensity. When partners show and/or talk about their feelings in different ways (verbal and/or non-verbal). The Funny Car-is usually found on a drag race strip and excels at what it does. When the car is purchased and it is taken off the track it has trouble managing traffic, braking, and turning sharp corners. Enoch ends the episode with some important questions for the non-autistic/NT partner to consider: 1) Where on the "spectrum" does the NT find themselves between a partner and a caregiver? 2) What are reasonable expectations that an NT may have? 3) Are there enough positives to sustain a relationship that may be lacking in some types of reciprocity and partnership? To learn more about Enoch and the resources he has collected on neurodiverse relationships and neurodiversity, you can check out his website at: www.Ifgodwhy/ND or email him at: ifgodwhy@gmail.com

If you are interested in attending the mixed neurotype support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate, called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" the cost is only $25 per session. We meet monthly on the first Wednesday of the month and we offer 2 groups. One meets at 12:30pm EST and the other meets at 6:30pm EST. You can ⁠⁠click here⁠⁠ to register for the upcoming group. In addition, check out Mona's website at: www.neurodiverselove.com if you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards for ONLY $11, or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook for ONLY $12.97 Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ______________________________________________________ During this episode, Orion Kelly-That Autistic Guy on YouTube shares insights into what makes his neurodiverse relationship work and how he feels about being a husband, father and a member of "The Lost Generation". Orion also shares how he uses his skills as a content creator to help others and highlights his commitment to making sure his autistic son has a better life then he has had. Some of the other topics addressed on this episode are: What it feels like to be considered bad or broken, ostracized or bullied. Your purpose is your gift and what you're good at and the importance of finding your skills and then giving them away. Why dating and relationships can be hard for some neurodivergent people. How his communication style impacted his dating life. Finding a partner who understands you and can accept you. Being seen as funny, rather then offensive. Self loathing, self-hatred, and a lack of worth when you know you're different. You can't tell a PC to be a Mac! Not being able to accept compliments, because words don't matter, actions do. Understanding that your autistic partner has a neurodevelopmental disability. Understanding what your partner's emotional intimacy needs are. The importance of individual therapy and applying what you learn. Trying to fix things, rather then listening to understand. Looking at the other person's perspective. Differences in brains can be a supportive thing in a romantic relationship. Understanding your autistic partner's type of honesty. Knowing what makes your partner feel loved and understanding their wants and needs. Autistic people can be very sensitive to any type of rejection or criticism. Depersonalization is the key! Frontloading conversations can help with understanding and connection. Seeing differences as reality, rather then misconstruing them as rude, abrasive or inappropriate. To learn more about Orion Kelly you can visit his website at: www.orionkelly.com.au or check out his YouTube Channel at: That Autistic Guy, or listen to his podcast: My Friend Autism. I would also highly recommend his book: Autism Feels: An Earthlings Guide.