Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________________________________ During this solo episode, Mona shares some information that might be helpful for neurodiverse couples to think about before they begin traveling together: sensory overload alone time needed the importance of routine small talk and socializing with strangers planning out everything being flexible trying new adventures sitting or flying for long periods of time food preferences structured mealtimes having a sense of humor

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Enoch is back for "Part 2" of our conversation together so that he can share a few more of the word pictures he developed. Each of these were created to provide more depth about what he experienced in his neurodiverse marriage and what he has heard others describe about their relationship. The word pictures discussed are: CPU's single threaded vs multi-threaded-this word picture addresses executive functioning and the effect it can have on "time awareness"; the ability to handle multiple realities at the same time (theory of mind); the importance of a "hypervisor" to conduct the different streams; and process sensory inputs (non-verbal communication). The 5 A's: acknowledge treasures; anticipate needs; accommodate; appreciate; and adore. Monochrome vs Color (emotional fluency differences and the ability to perceive and react in real time and not through a cognitive algorithmic analysis)-when one partner experiences things through contract and the other through nuance and intensity. When partners show and/or talk about their feelings in different ways (verbal and/or non-verbal). The Funny Car-is usually found on a drag race strip and excels at what it does. When the car is purchased and it is taken off the track it has trouble managing traffic, braking, and turning sharp corners. Enoch ends the episode with some important questions for the non-autistic/NT partner to consider: 1) Where on the "spectrum" does the NT find themselves between a partner and a caregiver? 2) What are reasonable expectations that an NT may have? 3) Are there enough positives to sustain a relationship that may be lacking in some types of reciprocity and partnership? To learn more about Enoch and the resources he has collected on neurodiverse relationships and neurodiversity, you can check out his website at: www.Ifgodwhy/ND or email him at: ifgodwhy@gmail.com

If you are interested in attending the mixed neurotype support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate, called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" the cost is only $25 per session. We meet monthly on the first Wednesday of the month and we offer 2 groups. One meets at 12:30pm EST and the other meets at 6:30pm EST. You can ⁠⁠click here⁠⁠ to register for the upcoming group. In addition, check out Mona's website at: www.neurodiverselove.com if you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards for ONLY $11, or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook for ONLY $12.97 Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ______________________________________________________ During this episode, Orion Kelly-That Autistic Guy on YouTube shares insights into what makes his neurodiverse relationship work and how he feels about being a husband, father and a member of "The Lost Generation". Orion also shares how he uses his skills as a content creator to help others and highlights his commitment to making sure his autistic son has a better life then he has had. Some of the other topics addressed on this episode are: What it feels like to be considered bad or broken, ostracized or bullied. Your purpose is your gift and what you're good at and the importance of finding your skills and then giving them away. Why dating and relationships can be hard for some neurodivergent people. How his communication style impacted his dating life. Finding a partner who understands you and can accept you. Being seen as funny, rather then offensive. Self loathing, self-hatred, and a lack of worth when you know you're different. You can't tell a PC to be a Mac! Not being able to accept compliments, because words don't matter, actions do. Understanding that your autistic partner has a neurodevelopmental disability. Understanding what your partner's emotional intimacy needs are. The importance of individual therapy and applying what you learn. Trying to fix things, rather then listening to understand. Looking at the other person's perspective. Differences in brains can be a supportive thing in a romantic relationship. Understanding your autistic partner's type of honesty. Knowing what makes your partner feel loved and understanding their wants and needs. Autistic people can be very sensitive to any type of rejection or criticism. Depersonalization is the key! Frontloading conversations can help with understanding and connection. Seeing differences as reality, rather then misconstruing them as rude, abrasive or inappropriate. To learn more about Orion Kelly you can visit his website at: www.orionkelly.com.au or check out his YouTube Channel at: That Autistic Guy, or listen to his podcast: My Friend Autism. I would also highly recommend his book: Autism Feels: An Earthlings Guide.

If you are interested in attending the mixed neurotype support group I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton, the cost is only $25 per session. We meet monthly on the first Wednesday of the month and we offer 2 groups. One meets at 12:30pm EST and the other at 6:30pm EST. You can ⁠click here⁠ to register for the upcoming group. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ________________________________________________________ During this episode, Enoch shares the way he describes the experiences he had and the feelings and emotions he experienced in his 21 year neurodiverse marriage. He shares the word pictures he has created to help others understand some of the ways he felt before his marriage ended in divorce. The word pictures described are: 1) The Onion of Loneliness-there are 3 dimensions/layers to this word picture. They include the loneliness with your partner because you have very different needs; the loneliness when friends and family don't believe you or understand what you are experiencing; and the loneliness when you feel hopeless that things can't or won't ever change. 2) Cup-vs-Barrel/Pond-vs-Stream-each partner has differing needs and different thresholds for feeling satiated in regards to the quality and quantity of connection. Each partner also has different ways in which time is navigated. 3) Wedding Day as a Finish Line-vs-Starting Line. One partner may feel that the wedding day was the end goal and the other may feel it was the beginning of a new adventure with lots of opportunities for connection ahead. In addition, one partner may seek stability and routine in the marriage, while the other is looking to grow and have lots of new experiences together. 4) The Egg of Marriage addresses masking and how others may see a very different version of the neurodivergent partner, as they only see the shell of the egg, not what is inside. In addition, each partner may have very different executive function skills and this may impact the appearance of the egg yolk which can't be seen by people outside the relationship. You can contact Enoch at ifgodwhy@gmail.com or check out his blog and resources at: www.ifgodwhy.com/ND In addition, for a less glitchy version of this episode you can visit: https://www.icloud.com/iclouddrive/0cb5GjFCrOJqfd1-7DT-4VPWw#ND_exp_-_word_pictures_1_podcast_with_Mona_Kay_20240105t

During this solo episode Mona talks about the importance of letting go of "inappropriate" hope, letting go of the fear of change, taking time to grieve the losses in your relationship and life, letting go of and healing guilt and shame, and moving forward in 2024 to transform into the person you want to be. If you are the non-autistic/neurotypical partner and would like to join Sarah Swenson, LMFT and I for our upcoming 4 week workshop "I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together" you can click here to register. The investment is only $297 and all participants will get 3 bonuses: The digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) The digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) Free access to the 27 presentations from the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference ($97 value) Also, if you are interested in attending the mixed neurotype support group I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton, the cost is only $25 per session. We meet monthly on the first Wednesday of the month and we offer 2 groups. One meets at 12:30pm EST and the other at 6:30pm EST. The January groups are almost full, but you can click here to register for the February group. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

You can buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook" at: www.neurodiverselove.com. On the Neurodiverse Love website you can also subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ________________________________________________________ Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers is a certified sex therapist and supervisor and also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). She is the author of two books and also teaches graduate courses in human sexuality. Dr. Tina also leads the Northwest Institute on Intimacy (https://www.nwioi.com) where she trains therapists, physicians, and educators on sexual health. During this episode, we talk about the history of sexual shame and how to heal it. We also discuss other topics that many neurodiverse couples may be dealing with related to physical and sexual intimacy. Those topics include: Being relationally and sexually healthy. The history and definition of sexual shame. How does sexuality look for diverse populations? Only 18 states require medically accurate sex education. The impact of silencing and shaming someone for being sexually curious. Understanding your internal critic and internalized judgment and the source of sexual dysfunction. Ways to heal from sexual shame. What was the misinformation you may have received about sex?◦ How can we be comfortable in our own skin related to physical and sexual intimacy? When something that is pleasurable to you doesn’t seem common. Understanding consent, support and how you maintain both. Experiencing pleasure in the way that works for each of you. Feeling othered doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Bring your less reactive self to the conversation about what you like. Find people who share your interests. Partners can mirror back to each other the things that are most important. Is there a bridge to each other around areas of significant difference? Exploring the possibility of opening up your relationship regarding getting your needs made in different ways. How misunderstandings regarding needs can create struggles with physical and sexual intimacy. Lack of knowledge and feeling you don’t deserve something better can cause you to give up. Sex may have been routine and may not include a lot of communication. High desire person may not be getting the heart connection and pleasure they want. Penetrative sex is not the only type of sex. Research has shown that many queer couples are having better sex. Can you and your partner create a menu of what you each like? Mojoupgrade.com has a quiz regarding sexual interests and preferences. When one partner wants to engage in watching pornography and the other partner is confused. Understanding the role of pornography and why it’s in your partner’s life. Understand why your partner may feel betrayed. Porn does not give you intimacy. Gain an understanding of when your partner started looking at porn, what was the purpose, what does it help with, what does it get in the way of, and how can you build a sexual health plan together. Pinklabel.tv; Erikalust.com (suggested sites for ethical porn) Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (https://weknowship.org/) Any act of loving is an act of risk. Your partner may disappoint you and/or break your trust. Have reasonable expectations and determine how each of you want to manage the bumps in the road of your relationship. Are you both willing to work to become a better version of yourself on the other side of your challenges? You can contact Dr. Tina at: www.TinaSchermersellers.com or you can follow her or the Northwest Institute on Instagram: @Drtinashameless or @Nwinstituteonintimacy

You can buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook" at: www.neurodiverselove.com. On the Neurodiverse Love website you can also subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ________________________________________________________ During this episode with author, Ryan A. Bush we talk about Ryan's search for understanding his own differences and how that journey led him to create a life path that is more aligned with his strengths. In addition, we address the following topics; The principles of "Psychitecture", which is a focus on self-improvement on a deeper level. Depression and anxiety and possible ways to address each. Communication, emotional, executive function and sensory differences in a neurodiverse relationship, when one partner is autistic and the other is ADHD. When your partner may be obsessive with their work or interests and doesn't always prioritize their romantic relationship. The importance of being respectful and having self-control. Theory of well-being and neurodiversity. Modifying your own mental habits through a systematic approach. Change your beliefs to change your moods. Doing things that scare you and take you out of your comfort zone. Focus on your top personal strengths. Understanding your communication battery. Remember to be playful and prioritize fun and friendship. Stoicism and virtue. The rare advantage of different neurotypes. You can learn more about Ryan or pre-order his new book "Become Who You Are" at: www.designingthemind.com You can also pre-order the ebook for only $1.99 right now at: https://designingthemind.org/becoming

You can buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook" at: www.neurodiverselove.com. On the Neurodiverse Love website you can also subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ________________________________________________________ On this episode, Jackie Schuld, a Registered Expressive Arts Therapist and mental health counselor, shares her expertise and lived experiences as a late diagnosed Autistic ADHD human. She provides valuable information on the 6 categories that she helps neurodivergent individuals understand and accept as they move forward to create their most authentic life. Other topics addressed include: Understanding your autistic (or AuDHD) characteristics and getting clarity about what you accept and what you may want to work on or change. Making sense of things after diagnosis or self identification. Art can help move the emotions through you and help you tap into the subconscious and look at what needs to be processed. You may need to focus on and process your grief before moving forward. Know that it's okay to have feelings and they are happening for a reason. The importance of getting to a place of understanding yourself in 6 categories: Mental/Thinking; Emotional, Sensory, Body, Social and Passions. Passions are used to regulate your nervous system. Don't take it personal when your autistic partner wants to be alone. Emotionally may have higher highs and lower lows and experience intense emotions more frequently. Autistics may have enhanced senses and this can be physically and mentally exhausting. Understand what each partner needs to regulate their nervous system. Learn how to take care of your brain. Know your social quota. May have challenges having conversations when there are a lot of sensory issues to deal with. Increase self-awareness and understand yourself so you can take a break before you've reached your limit. One thought can lead to a hundred other thoughts (constellation or multilayered thinking). Understanding interoception and proprioception Being aware of the needs of your body and being able to sense when you're hungry, thirsty or need to use the bathroom. Food sensitivities and understanding the mind/gut connection. The challenges of being misdiagnosed. Looking at how you've been treated and how you've treated others. You can learn more about the services Jackie offers and her writings on her website: www.jackieschuld.com Jackie's book "Life as a Late-Identified Autistic" will be published in January 2024.

During this episode with author, licensed therapist and coach, Eva Mendes, we talk about how our neurodiverse relationships can serve as a mirror to opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth. We also discuss many other important topics including: Understanding and working on your own issues. Nature, nurture, family of origin and personality traits. Aligned values and life goals. Keeping score isn't healthy. Let things go so they don't build up. Monitor negative talk about yourself and your partner. Remembering why you chose your partner and the importance of reconnecting. Do positive self-talk and create a gratitude list about your partner. Work on understanding recurring patterns so you can change them. Have "micro-dialogues". Understanding each other's "conversation battery". Things to consider before you start dating or get serious. Be the type of partner you want to attract. Increase your self-esteem. The importance of mutual respect, conflict resolution skills, and meeting their friends and learning about their community. Being open and willing to get help when needed. Being flexible and fluid. Is it emotionally safe to talk about the things that are important to each of you. Be true to yourself. Be willing to grow. Value yourself. If you would like to contact Eva you can reach her at: https://www.eva-mendes.com/ Eva's books are: Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors. Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism. Voices from Across the Spectrum Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples (will be published in Spring, 2024) _______________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Beginning on 1/23/24, Mona Kay and Sarah Swenson are offering a 4 week interactive workshop for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners titled "I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together". The cost is ONLY $297 and there are limited spaces available. If you are interested in joining us, please click here. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Mona and Olga are back to talk about how challenging it can be to be our authentic selves in any relationship. They also share some of the challenges they have experienced with past and current relationships. Some of the other topics discussed include: Not understanding ourselves, our partners, or their lived experiences. Our perception can change our reality. Apologizing can be so hard. The value of asking "how can I help or support you?" Being respectful, kind and compassionate. Concrete, black and white thinking. The importance of listening to "understand" your partner and if you don't understand be curious and ask questions. Be open to changing your perspective and your mind. How definitive decisions can result in no path back. Maybe it's not personal. Coming from a place of fear, because of past trauma. How can you trust each other? How addictions can be used to help when you don't feel like you fit in. Alcohol may be used to be more present and serve as a social lubricant. Focus more on fun. ___________________________________________________ To listen to more episodes of the podcast with Mona and Olga check out Season 1 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!