Married to the Iceman-Communication and Perspective Differences: Understanding and Accepting What Is-Lilo and Bill
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Aug 22, 2023
Lilo and Bill share their journey through over 30 years of marriage, navigating communication challenges after Bill's autism diagnosis. They reveal how asking the right questions can foster understanding and highlight the importance of accepting different perspectives. With humor and honesty, they discuss the struggle between belonging and authenticity, the impact of individual needs on relationships, and how failures can strengthen love. Their insights encourage embracing uniqueness while deepening connection, making the discussion relatable for all neurotypes.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Meeting and Early Relationship Quirks
Lilo and Bill met through a personal ad, long before the internet.
Their early relationship was marked by Bill's unusual habits, like giving exactly two back pats when hugging.
question_answer ANECDOTE
The Movie Preview That Changed Everything
Lilo saw a movie preview that mirrored her relationship struggles, leading her to research neurodiversity.
This led to Bill's autism diagnosis, which explained many of their challenges.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Rephrasing Requests
Rephrase requests to neurodiverse partners using "will" instead of "want."
Provide specific time limits and parameters for tasks.
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Atomic Habits by James Clear provides a practical and scientifically-backed guide to forming good habits and breaking bad ones. The book introduces the Four Laws of Behavior Change: make it obvious, make it attractive, make it easy, and make it satisfying. It also emphasizes the importance of small, incremental changes (atomic habits) that compound over time to produce significant results. Clear discusses techniques such as habit stacking, optimizing the environment to support desired habits, and focusing on continuous improvement rather than goal fixation. The book is filled with actionable strategies, real-life examples, and stories from various fields, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their habits and achieve personal growth[2][4][5].
Dear John
Joan Le Mesurier
Dear John is a heartfelt memoir by Joan Le Mesurier, reflecting on her life with John Le Mesurier, the beloved star of Dad's Army. The book includes personal letters and anecdotes about his career in film and television, as well as their personal life and friendships. It provides a touching and nostalgic look at John's character, highlighting his kindness, charm, and integrity.
Lilo and Bill offer so many valuable insights and lessons based on the learned experiences they have had before and after Bill was diagnosed as an autist. They have been together for over 30 years, and Bill received his autism diagnosis after more then 20 years of marriage (and lots of challenges they didn't understand).
During this episode, Bill and Lilo share openly and honestly about how they have struggled and persevered in love. Bill spent 24 years in the military and Lilo is an artist, hairdresser, and home-schooled all of her children. They have moved 14 times and through all of the ups and downs of life they have discovered the unique strengths, challenges and differences that have helped them grow and learn about each other in ways they never expected. This episode is filled with lots of laughs and insights that will be helpful for all neurotypes.
The topics we address include:
Communication challenges and ways to address them
Asking your partner if they "will" do something, instead of if they "want" to do something
Marriage is a contest of generosities.
Being unorthodox and eccentric.
Understanding how you each "recharge" differently.
Mr. Spock as a spirit animal?
When one partner wants a "mute" button for the other.
Having a "neurostat' for sensory input.
When strengths may also create challenges.
Struggles and failure can make us stronger.
Love is the glue that helps us advance civilization
Being a learning organism.
Give up on what's supposed to be a "normal" marriage/relationship and accepting what is.
Being a life dog, navigator, personal assistant.
Stop expecting an apple to be a pear.
Everyone is a swiss cheese person and you need to fill your own holes.
Texts and emails remove "tone".
Time limits when discussing emotional issues.
Rituals and routine.
When holidays and presents don't have the same value or importance.
Is it black and white thinking or both non-linear and linear?
Patience is critical.
Understanding different perspectives regarding loneliness and time alone.
If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/allistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or click here to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
Also, if you would like to buy a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11. Click here to buy your deck today.
Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING pre-recorded sessions for only $98.
Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!
Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay 
