Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

You can buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook" at: www.neurodiverselove.com. On the Neurodiverse Love website you can also subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ________________________________________________________ On this episode, Jackie Schuld, a Registered Expressive Arts Therapist and mental health counselor, shares her expertise and lived experiences as a late diagnosed Autistic ADHD human. She provides valuable information on the 6 categories that she helps neurodivergent individuals understand and accept as they move forward to create their most authentic life. Other topics addressed include: Understanding your autistic (or AuDHD) characteristics and getting clarity about what you accept and what you may want to work on or change. Making sense of things after diagnosis or self identification. Art can help move the emotions through you and help you tap into the subconscious and look at what needs to be processed. You may need to focus on and process your grief before moving forward. Know that it's okay to have feelings and they are happening for a reason. The importance of getting to a place of understanding yourself in 6 categories: Mental/Thinking; Emotional, Sensory, Body, Social and Passions. Passions are used to regulate your nervous system. Don't take it personal when your autistic partner wants to be alone. Emotionally may have higher highs and lower lows and experience intense emotions more frequently. Autistics may have enhanced senses and this can be physically and mentally exhausting. Understand what each partner needs to regulate their nervous system. Learn how to take care of your brain. Know your social quota. May have challenges having conversations when there are a lot of sensory issues to deal with. Increase self-awareness and understand yourself so you can take a break before you've reached your limit. One thought can lead to a hundred other thoughts (constellation or multilayered thinking). Understanding interoception and proprioception Being aware of the needs of your body and being able to sense when you're hungry, thirsty or need to use the bathroom. Food sensitivities and understanding the mind/gut connection. The challenges of being misdiagnosed. Looking at how you've been treated and how you've treated others. You can learn more about the services Jackie offers and her writings on her website: www.jackieschuld.com Jackie's book "Life as a Late-Identified Autistic" will be published in January 2024.

During this episode with author, licensed therapist and coach, Eva Mendes, we talk about how our neurodiverse relationships can serve as a mirror to opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth. We also discuss many other important topics including: Understanding and working on your own issues. Nature, nurture, family of origin and personality traits. Aligned values and life goals. Keeping score isn't healthy. Let things go so they don't build up. Monitor negative talk about yourself and your partner. Remembering why you chose your partner and the importance of reconnecting. Do positive self-talk and create a gratitude list about your partner. Work on understanding recurring patterns so you can change them. Have "micro-dialogues". Understanding each other's "conversation battery". Things to consider before you start dating or get serious. Be the type of partner you want to attract. Increase your self-esteem. The importance of mutual respect, conflict resolution skills, and meeting their friends and learning about their community. Being open and willing to get help when needed. Being flexible and fluid. Is it emotionally safe to talk about the things that are important to each of you. Be true to yourself. Be willing to grow. Value yourself. If you would like to contact Eva you can reach her at: https://www.eva-mendes.com/ Eva's books are: Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors. Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism. Voices from Across the Spectrum Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples (will be published in Spring, 2024) _______________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Beginning on 1/23/24, Mona Kay and Sarah Swenson are offering a 4 week interactive workshop for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners titled "I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together". The cost is ONLY $297 and there are limited spaces available. If you are interested in joining us, please click here. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Mona and Olga are back to talk about how challenging it can be to be our authentic selves in any relationship. They also share some of the challenges they have experienced with past and current relationships. Some of the other topics discussed include: Not understanding ourselves, our partners, or their lived experiences. Our perception can change our reality. Apologizing can be so hard. The value of asking "how can I help or support you?" Being respectful, kind and compassionate. Concrete, black and white thinking. The importance of listening to "understand" your partner and if you don't understand be curious and ask questions. Be open to changing your perspective and your mind. How definitive decisions can result in no path back. Maybe it's not personal. Coming from a place of fear, because of past trauma. How can you trust each other? How addictions can be used to help when you don't feel like you fit in. Alcohol may be used to be more present and serve as a social lubricant. Focus more on fun. ___________________________________________________ To listen to more episodes of the podcast with Mona and Olga check out Season 1 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode Dr. Claire Bates and Dr. Monique Huysamen share some of what they learned from autistic adults about their needs and desires regarding love, sex and intimate relationships. Some of the topics discussed include: Information about the project participants and the study purpose. Understanding consent. Lack of support regarding information on physical and sexual intimacy. Awareness of sensory needs and sensitivities. Sensory joy. You don't have to share a bed or a house with your intimate partner. The challenges of neuronormative ways of flirting and dating. Indirect and ambiguous ways of connecting. Having frank conversations about needs and desires. Dating services for neurodivergent adults (www.SafeSoulmates.org in the UK) Understanding boundaries. Having a safe space that is autistic led and informed to talk about these issues. Having time to prepare to discuss sex and physical intimacy with mental health and healthcare providers. The impact of alexythymia. May need more time to discuss needs and boundaries. Toolkits available on physical and sexual intimacy. Policy work being done in the UK on these topics. If you would like to learn more about the "Supporting Autistic Adults Intimate Lives" project and the resources that Monique talked about you can go to: www.autlives.com If you would like to contact Claire her e-mail is: claire.bates@choicesupport.org.uk or you can learn more about her work at: www.supportedloving.com.uk _______________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Lida Far is a Gottman Sex Therapist who is licensed in 7 states and does coaching throughout the world. During this episode, Lida talks about the pre-marital counseling and coaching she does to help partners thrive in their relationships. Each partner completes the online Gottman Relationship Assessment and then Lida serves as a guide to help each partner increase self-awareness and learn more about how their relationship with the person they love can be healthy and supportive. While some of this episode is focused on the issues couples can address prior to getting married, many of the topics discussed can apply to couples who are dating, living together or even those who have been together for many years. There is lots of important information discussed on many critical topics including: The Gottman Relationship Assessment addresses many areas of an intimate relationship including: communication, intimacy, conflict resolution, friendship and trust. Self awareness and understanding your wants and needs is critical. Understanding communication patterns, social battery and when hobbies may be taking up too much time. We all have unique strengths and value that can be celebrated. Create an emotional safe space that is judgment free. The importance of having "uncomfortable conversations". Track your thoughts and feelings in writing. Learn how to be your authentic self. Dysregulation can lead to feeling dismissed. Understanding our roles and what we "don't" want. Expressing thoughts, feelings and needs. Recognize and validate each other. Realizing your part of the same team. Social battery and sensory differences can impact the wedding and other family events. What is each partner's limits? Plan for intentional breaks. Have "cues" to communicate needs. Understand food preferences. May need to do things in a non-traditional way. Have empathy and flexibility with each other. Understand and respect processing and thinking differences. When we change the narrative regarding what is "actually" going on. Hook-up culture. Boundaries and consent. Physical and sexual intimacy and the impact of sensory sensitivities or differences. Desire discrepancy. Be attuned to what makes you comfortable. If you would like to work with Lida you can call her at 571-315-6471 or check out her website at: www.crystalcounselingandcoaching.com/ _____________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

In this episode with coach and trauma informed therapist Maya, we talk about how plant medicine helped heal some of Maya's past trauma and how she has used it to help neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals better understand themselves and other's in their life. In addition, she shares how plants can help heal our wounds in a way that other healing modalities may not have been able to and talks about how her plant medicine journey helped her be a better partner in her relationship with an autistic man. PLEASE NOTE: This episode is for educational purposes only and the information shared during this episode is one person's personal and professional experience. Plant Medicine is not legal in many countries, so this information is provided as an educational resource only. Maya also addresses some other topics including: Plant medicine focuses on energy. Our issues are in our tissues. Empathogens pluck out the weeds from the roots and plant new seeds. Plants can take us deep into our feelings without re-traumatizing us. We can see things from a different perspective. The importance of addressing unmet needs and core wounds. Relationships give us an opportunity to see our "growing edges". To be the best partner we need to face and heal our past relationship traumas. We can learn to uncouple unmet needs from anger. Understanding "taking space" as sacred can be helpful. Self acceptance. Learning how to love deeply and unconditionally. The importance of asking ourselves "Have I lived fully, loved fully and learned to let go?" Life is the ceremony and the plants test us. We know an experience is complete when we can say "yes" and "thank you". When a relationships ends we have an opportunity to look at how it has served us. As we change a lot of things can fall away. If you would like to contact Maya you can e-mail her at: maya@inrightrelationship.com If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Chris Forrest shares how her and her husband have successfully navigated through various challenges in their relationship and marriage as two neurodivergent partners (ADHD and Autism). Chris shares some of the lessons they have learned together and some of the strategies they use that have helped their relationship thrive. The topics discussed include: Structure your life so it works with your brain. The power of curiosity when communicating with your partner. Being more direct. Learning how to understand each others needs. Understanding that you each think differently and being very open can help with keeping calm. Be more solution focused. Taking a pause to see what else can be considered when their are misunderstandings. See your partner as your teammate. Black and white thinking and communication. Importance of clear and concise communication. Discussing how some behaviors may be negatively impacting your relationship and working on the best way to to make changes or modifications. The importance of practicing patience. Understanding how lots of change may impact your partner. Creating structure to meet each other's needs. May also want to structure conversations with an agenda so both partners understand the boundaries regarding the conversation. Scheduling the things that are most important including household chores and time for intimacy. Everything doesn't have to be spontaneous. Discussing expectations and assumptions that may not be helpful or accurate. You can choose connection or conflict. The value of using a joint calendar. Setting multiple alarms as reminders can be very helpful. Sometimes sleeping in separate bedrooms may be helpful. Work on positive connection. How Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) may be impacting you or your partner. Have each other's best intentions at heart. The value and importance of making each other laugh and being playful. Work on understanding each other and practice gratefulness and show appreciation for your partner You can reach Chris at: info@plannerexe.com. If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

TRIGGER WARNING: DURING THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE AND SUICIDE. If any of these issues may be triggering to you then you may want to refrain from listening to this episode, or skip the parts that may be triggering. Many of us have grown up trying to fit in, be liked, or not understanding the difference between our "intent" and our "impact. In this episode, Dennis Wyrzkowski shares how his trauma, autism diagnosis and focus on love have shaped the person he is today. Dennis spent many years as a monk and is now engaged to be married, while his life journey has been filled with many traumatic and challenging experiences, his healing journey and growth mindset will be an inspiration to all of you. In addition to sharing some of his lived experiences and some of the lessons he has learned, Dennis also shares the attributes of love and how each of these may be impacting your life and your relationship. Some of the topics discussed include: Voids in awareness of the world around. Difficulty in recognizing social cues. Love yourself just as you are! Questioning everything and being shamed for that. Being fearless to be yourself. The importance of accountability and responsibility. Religion can be used to weaponize. The opposite of love is indifference. Attributes of love: patience; empathy; don't be jealous, boastful, proud, arrogant or egotistical; don't be rude or offensive; be assertive and respectful; don't be self-seeking or judgmental or irritable; don't not rejoice in what is wrong; it bears and endures all things; has hope that things can get better. H.A.L.T.-don't make decisions or do things when you are "Hungry", "Angry", "Lonely" or "Tired". Consider the opportunities for growth, healing and learning in your relationship and your life. Love is the universal language and when you give it and receive it then it can be very healing. Run towards the truth. We all deserve to be loved, cherished and admired. You can follow Dennis on Instagram @dennisthemonk or email him at: dennis@favreaulousfactory.com If you are experiencing any type of abuse, please contact the local hotline in your country. In the United States you can call: 1-800-799-7233. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please contact the local hotline in your country. In the United States you can call or text 988. —————————————————If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Jodi Carlton, a therapist specializing in neurodiversity and autistic relationships, shares insights about the complexities faced by mixed neurotype couples. She discusses how respect and understanding are crucial in navigating challenges, particularly the impact of codependency and communication breakdowns. Jodi reflects on the breaking points in her own marriage, emphasizing the importance of personal growth and making critical decisions. Additionally, she introduces a new support group designed to foster community and help individuals explore their neurodiverse experiences.

During this episode with Giji Dennard, we address a topic that many of us may not have thought about. Giji shares how we may not have known that our father (or primary caregiver) was neurodivergent and when we look back at our childhood through a neurological lens, we gain more understanding, and can begin to heal wounds that may have impacted our most important relationships. We also address the following topics; Residual daddy issues. We choose our partners by familiarity or void. Understanding why your father may have had difficulty coping with crowds, or had challenges with social interaction and/or family events. Looking at the ways your father showed affection, shared emotions or facial expressions through a different lens. When you grow up thinking your father is being apathetic, is not interested in you, or is showing disdain...but this isn't true. What imprints may have been made on your life? We absorb what our environment displays. The impact on our relationships of how our fathers related to our mothers. The journey to heal begins with awareness of triggers. The value of changing our perspective on our interpretations and internalization of various misunderstood issues. Are you carrying pain, hurt and trauma that needs to be healed? We may pick partners to help us heal our father wounds, but sometimes that may make things worse. The 3 steps to healing father wounds: 1) Recognize; 2) Repent and Release; 3) Know That You Can Be Loved and Valued. The goal is to get back to "Wholeness". Your past doesn't have to define who you are. To contact Giji check out her website at: https://www.wellfedresources.com/meet-giji ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!